This has been a good week and seems that now I am up and out everyday, the days just fly by, which I like. So Six Flags was fun and quite nerve-wracking. Rollercoasters are so not my thing, but the goal was to get on them and fit in the seats and I'm happy to say that I fit in every single one, no problems. Most of the rides were ok, but one, Goliath, gave me nightmares and I will never get on that thing again. EVER. Besides that traumatic experience, it was a great day, I even had some funnel cake and ice cream. Yum.

I am about 6 weeks away from my two year surgery anniversary and I've been thinking a lot about what I was doing this same time last year. I didn't really end my year out strong, but I definitely want to end this year on a strong note. I'm not a believer in "weight loss" windows so I do not believe mine will just magically shut closed for all eternity on the 30th of August. I still have about 30 lbs I want to lose by the end of the year. I haven't been eating the greatest, but I still continue to shrink and get smaller even though the scale doesn't always reflect it. I was floored when I purchased size 18 pants at Lane Bryant. I had picked up a size 20 and size 18 figuring I'd try on the 18's to see how close I was to wearing them. I had no idea they'd fit perfectly. I guess those size 16's are not too far off. Mind-boggling. I remember last year I struggled quite a bit with "the new Tia". It was difficult to wrap my head around this strange and different person that I was becoming, especially since internally, I felt the same. The past 6-9 months, however, I've really started to come into my own, accepting the woman I am becoming, if not outright embracing her. I'm not perfect and there is a lot of growth for me to experience, but I am confident I am heading in the right direction. Getting away from my business partner was and is a huge part of that. I keep hearing rumblings about how she's having such a hard time, and so-and-so thinks she's close to a breakdown, etc., etc., but I can't do nothing about that! I refuse to get involved. I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel some empathy for her, I can't help it, it's my nature, but I realize that there is no middle ground with this woman and it's best for me, to not be anywhere near her for the rest of my life. I am more than content and happy to do so.

On to more pleasant things, I am planning my triumphant return to my alma mater in September, gonna go see my team hopefully win a freakin' football game for a change. That would be nice. It's going to be a solo expedition this time around, was gonna go with my best friend, but he just got back from Europe and wants to conserve his remaining vacation days, plus he's not much of a football fan. I was contemplating taking my nephew, but I think I will go by myself, it was afford me the opportunity to take the leisurely walks around campus that I really enjoy and to go at my own pace. I will, of course, have my camera with me and as the campus is quite stunning, I can easily lose myself in photographic excursions. That same weekend, I hope to take a mentor of mine out to lunch or dinner, I'm a little worried about it though. I was somewhat of a basket case in college and I'm worried that she thinks I'm that same person, I would hope not, but you never know. I plan to get in touch with her a couple of weeks before I leave. Besides those football and seeing my mentor, I really, really want to buy lots and lots of alma mater related gear - t-shirts, sweatshirts, pullovers, all the stuff I have coveted, but have been unable to buy because I could never fit any of it. The last time I went there I was kindly directed to the Big & Tall section of like 4 or 5 ugly garments. Nope, not this time around, not ever again. I know I will have to restrain myself because I will want to go completely overboard, but I'm just going to set a budget and pray that I can stick to it. That's the plan anyway.

This weekend will be pretty mellow. No big plans, just gonna finish a book I've been reading and love, Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides, and then do some cleaning the rest of the day. Tomorrow, gonna go play some tennis, woo-hoo! In August, I am going to go ahead and join the local Tennis Center and start heading over there after work everyday, I want to join a fall/winter team and need to get in shape for it and God knows I need the practice.

Alrighty then, off I go....

Maybe he was right....

Y'know....now that I've lost around 18 freakin' pounds of water weight (252 lbs this AM) in like a week and a half, I took a good hard look at myself this morning. Maybe I am playing mental games with myself again, but sometimes I get a good look at myself and don't think I need to lose that much more weight. I looked at myself this morning right out of the shower and I've noticed two things, one, I do not have a lot of muscle tone and (2) I have a helluva lot of excess skin. I mean, A LOT, more than I realized. I wish I could weigh my excess skin to know how much it is so that I'd know if I needed to lose more weight or not. My legs are the biggest problem. Today I stood in one leg of some pre-surgery shorts and could easy walk around the house like I was wearing a skirt. Not too long ago, maybe a couple of months, I could still get in the one pant leg, but it was a little difficult walking because it was snug. I had some serious thunder thighs, if I were a braver person, I'd show you a picture of them, but I ain't so you'll have to just imagine the horror. Today, they are horrible for a totally different reason. When I stand and put my leg on a stool, there is a like a curtain of skin and fat hanging down, it looks like you could just lop it all off and it'd weight 25 lbs or something. Because there is still a good bit of fat on both my legs and some on my whole body, it compels me to want to lose more weight. My weight loss window allegedly close a couple of months ago, but we'll see about that. Maybe Dr. Marchesini was right, maybe 250 lbs is right for me given that I have sooooo much excess skin. I dunno, it's so confusing. I'm sticking to my relatively new plan of just hitting the 300 lbs loss mark at 216.6 lbs, roughly 35 lbs away. I think that will put me in size 16 jeans, I doubt I'll change too much on top unless my boobs get flatter. I know I will see 199, but it will probably have to wait til post plastics. My goal is to reach 216.6 by the end of the year, truthfully, I'd like to see it by mid-Autumn, if not earlier, depending on how this month goes. Truthfully at this point, I just want to be out of the !@#$-ing 250's! Enough already! In fact, I want to be out of the !@#$-ing 250's and blow right past the 240's into the 230's. The 250's seem way too close to 300 for my liking. 239 would make me so happy! In due time, Tia, in due time.

So tonight should be interesting, just got off the phone with my business partner and she sounds like she's on the brink of having a meltdown. Sigh. Luckily it has nothing to do with me so I'm in the clear on that regard. Whew. BUT I know I'll have to do some soothing. Ugh. I wish she wouldn't look at everything as a freakin' personal affront. Good gried, y'know, sometimes people just disagree with you because they just think differently, not because they hate you... ***rolling eyes ****

After I ranted about not really wanting to run the 10K on the 4th, I got my cool race packet. Kinda makes me want to run it, but only a little bit. I'm thinking I just might turn it in which reserves me a spot next year. I'm just not in the mood or shape to run this year and frankly, I'd rather play tennis as we all know it's my latest obsession. I just got a kick-ass deal on 100+ used, but in great condition, tennis balls and a wire ball hopper. This way I can more easily practice on my own without having to chase balls every 2 minutes. Right now, I have around 18 tennis balls which means I can only practice 18 serves in a row or 18 forehands because then I have to walk to the other side of the court, collect the 18 balls and do it again. Now, all that changes. The best part is that it only cost me $40! I got a great deal, makes me happy!

Well, time to go drink a protein shake, watch a little TV and wait for BP to call...good times.

Twinkle, Twinkle

It's amazing what a little (ok, a lot) of protein can do. Weight this morning, 257.6 lbs, down around 13 lbs in a week. Geez. I've been getting in 250+ grams of protein for the past 6 days and will maintain that level for the month. My pipe dream is to be in the mid-230's by the end of the month, but that might be too ambitious. My suspicion is that my normal protein level is around 180-200 once I lose the rest of this water weight. My problem is that I was letting it go sub 125 or so, or at least that's what I am thinking. When I was home in Texas, I maybe was eating protein 2-3 times a day instead of my usual 5-7 times a day. It wasn't until my last couple of days there that that changed.

Went to practice tennis this afternoon when I should have been running or something. Ugh. I am sooo not looking forward to the 10K I gotta do in a month. Not at all. I'd rather not be bothered, but I made a commitment and will do it. Running is DEFINITELY not for me, part of the reason why I think that is because I do believe I am still too heavy, that, or too awkward. My excess skin between my thighs is just too much in the way. I'm thinking/considering picking up another activity, something in a different arena, maybe a martial art or something. I haven't decided yet.

I'm on cloud nine right now, my grand-niece just sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" to me on the phone....the kid couldn't be cuter.

What?!?

94° Blazing hot again, but honestly, it feels good to be hot instead of constantly cold. I went out at lunch and practiced my serve. Gosh, it is hard. I totally suck at it, it's such an unnatural motion for me. Oh well, just gotta keep practicing. I got drenched in sweat again, feels good.

On a related note, I called the Tennis Club where I take my lessons and asked them about memberships. This particular place is a little unique because the Tennis Club membership is an add-on to the Social/Fitness Club/Pool membership. Anyway, I almost fell out my chair when the lady told me how much it was... $3500 initiation fee + $110 per month. WTF?!? That's craziness! Ain't no way I'm paying that much money for no tennis. If I didn't have to pay the $3500, I might consider it because they do have an awesome Fitness Center and it's less than 5 minutes from my house, but c'mon! The $110 includes USTA & ALTA team fees, but does not include ball machine rentals which I really want to use 2-4 times a week! Uh, no. My other option is good old Public Parks Tennis Center. It costs $325 per year, no initiation fee, it also includes USTA & ALTA team fees and FREE use of the ball machine! The facilities aren't as posh and there aren't as many tennis courts, but I don't think it's a big deal. Guess which one I'm probably going with?

Anyway, it seems the added exercise and heat are having an effect on my weight, it's down to around 260 or so, that's almost 10 lbs in under a week. I wish it were moving faster, but am happy it's moving at all! I'm hoping by the end of the month, I will be at a new all-time low. I'm also keeping an eye on my carbs, I haven't broken free of cheese or low-carb tortillas since the carb cravings are so high, as soon as I can maintain steady blood sugar and the carb monster is calmed, I will phase them out.

H-O-T

Holy Smokes, 'twas hot outside...and being on a blazing tennis court made the heat worse. Tennis was AWESOME, of course. I'm doing so much better now, in fact, my instructor thinks I should join the Tennis club and have greater access to courts, etc. Awesome. Post-tennis, I was in much pain...I should have kept myself busy instead of trying to take a nap...it seemed like everything aches and I'm totally pooped out. There were only 4 students out there today so I did about 50% more running around than I usually do, I sweated through my bra & t-shirt, it's rare than I get to do that, but it did feel good to feel somewhat active, and dare I say athletic.

Next week (Father's Day), we have off and then we start Level 2 the following week. I got a t-shirt after class that has the Tennis Club's name on it...it's a large. :)

Voila!

So I've gone back to my old design, I kinda missed it and I think it better fits my weather and mood. Anyway, I've started like 15 posts over the last week, but haven't actually posted anything. Seems like there is always something popping up to distract me and I'm easily distract-able. I had a doctor's appointment Monday to get labs done, it's been awhile and I'm still trying to figure out why I tend to retain so much water. Monday morning, I weighed in at 270 or so, today it's down to 263. It's frustrating because the day I got back from Texas I weighed in at 253 and that was at night and I'm always 5-6 lbs heavier during the day than when I weigh post-poop in the AM. I have no idea what my true weight is, I'm guessing somewhere in the mid 240's because I first weighed 250-ish way back in early April.

If I weren't retaining so much water right now, I'd probably be 95% happy with my weight loss to be totally honest. Losing 265+ lbs is no small feat, so I feel like a success in that regard, but with water weight and feeling it in my legs and abdomen, it makes me feel fat, which is something I do not want to feel. I know it's a protein problem and it's a difficult one to manage. Subconsciously I haven't accepted the fact that I do need to drink 2-3 protein shakes a day, I just can't get by on food alone. Sucks, but I just have to accept it, which is a difficult, I can be hard-headed at times. The goal is still sub-200 lbs. I've become a bit comfortable lately and have lost a bit of the fire I had, that happens when you're close to 2 years out. I know my DS still works, my poop tells me so, so it's just a matter of getting the fire back again and making better decisions. I have this little placard on the wall in my office that reads "CHOOSE BETTER - 199.0". I've been ignoring it lately, but need to drill it in my brain. I'm drinking my three 50+ gram shakes a day and eating three small meals averaging around 250+ grams of protein a day. I'm also making my way through a gallon of water and trying to keep my carbs below 50.

At my Dr.'s appointment, she agreed with me and reduced my BP meds and I feel so much better. No more lightheadedness when I stand up. When they checked it was 100/60 which is around what I had gotten when I checked myself a couple weeks ago, the lowest was 92/54. I'm hoping to be off the meds completely at some point this year. It's the one thing that I'm a little bit disappointed in because I hear about so many people getting of their blood pressure medication soon after surgery, for me, such was not the case, but I know it'll happen in due time.

I have two pairs of size 16 Medium pants that I acquired from a clothes exchange after one of my support group meetings. I can barely get them on but can not zip nor button them. What a freakin' trip. It just boggles the mind that I will soon be wearing a size 16! Craziness. It doesn't even seem real. The crazy part is that my thunder thighs actually fit in the pants, they were tight, but they fit. I wonder how they'll fit after I get rid of the water weight, hopefully by the end of the month.

Today, I have the last lesson of my tennis clinic, but do not fear, the second clinic, I believe, starts immediately afterwards. It's supposed to be 96° today. I'm loving it since I'm usually freezing.

Jules asked about a typical food day for me before surgery and I'm assuming a typical day before I ever thought about surgery and here it goes. I was a big eater and I loved to eat. Okay, typical day...one of my favorite things for breakfast were bacon, egg and cheese burritos. I would fry up 4 slices of thick sliced bacon and put it aside, then I would scramble 3 eggs in the bacon grease and put that aside, I would then heat up two large flour tortillas in any residual bacon grease or additional butter and then assemble two burritos each with 2 slices of bacon, 1/2 of the scrambled eggs and 2 slices of cheese. For lunch, I might have a super-sized fast food meal, like a double quarter pounder with cheese - super-sized or some similar variation. For dinner, I loved pasta and rice and lots of it so it was usually some variation of that. Sometimes, I would just repeat breakfast. Of course there were snacks, I may have a candy bar or two throughout the day, chips, cookies from the vending machine, etc. I have long given up soft drinks with sugar so that wasn't something I gained weight on.

What really did me in was what I would do on the weekends. Weekends for me were times where I spend them on the coach in a carb-induced coma. After work on Fridays, I would go to the grocery store and buy a varying array of crap, a couple of dozen Krispy Kremes, a pie, two 1/2 gallon of ice cream or something like that. I would then spend Friday night to Sunday night on my couch watching TV, this was especially the case during lonelier times. I can still remember, quite vividly, what the carb-fog felt like, almost like semi-consciousness, being awake, but not. I definitely know why I got fat, not a mystery at all. The problem was exacerbated by my chronic anemia which I was not vigilant about keeping in check. I frankly did not have the energy to do anything besides what I needed to do. Those two things were near deadly for me, but still in the first 7 years I had been in Atlanta, I gained maybe 50-60 lbs to around 450 or so. It wasn't until I started by business that the weight piled on big time. When I started at a startup company, with two years, I gained to like 485, but by the time I started my own company I had gotten down to maybe 440 or so and that was in March 2005, by the time I had my DS in Aug 2006, I had gained almost 80 lbs from spending almost every waking hour at my computer grazing and snacking all day long. Horrible. That got me to over 500+ lbs. The scary thing is that without my DS, I'm afraid to even think what kind of condition I would be in. God only knows. I never thought I was near death when I weighed 500 lbs, but I saw myself as being on the brink of being homebound, unable to do for myself. I could easily be a 600+ lb diabetic by now, instead I'm sitting here in a size large t-shirt and a pair of size 18 shorts anxiously awaiting the time for me to run out the door for my tennis lesson!

I'm so, so very grateful I was able to have my surgery. I know I am an extremely atypical weight loss surgery patient. Not too many of us get that big, in fact I'm currently just 10-20 lbs below where most people seem to start off! I just went another giant pile of clothes yesterday to take to Goodwill and was reminded of just how big I was, I won't sit here and say I had forgotten how big, but it's becoming less and less familiar to me. It's only when I am confronted with remnants of my old self (pictures, clothes, etc.) that I am reminded just how far I've come. Just 60-70 more lbs and I'll be done!

On the supplements front, I'd recently ordered some Upcal-D. I love this stuff and it's much less expensive than going through 4-5 bottles of the Twinlab chewables a month. I drop a scoop in my protein shakes and or sugar-free drink and I'm good to go! The only problem is that it seems to not have the amount of elemental calcium it is purported to have. Sucks! I can go back to the Chewables, but maybe I'll just rotate the two.

Anyway, enough rambling for now for me, once I get started, it's hard to stop...especially when I haven't posted in awhile.

Double Fault

I'm happy to report that I did look quite cute Thursday night...but I ended not going to the thing. A good friend of mine who had planned to go, but who had to stay home that night because his wife was out of town and had to watch his daughter, had a small gathering of friends for a Lost Party. So we have large anxiety-filled social gathering where I may not know anyone on one hand or a small gathering at a good friend's house on the other hand...needless to say, I opted for the smaller gathering and I'm glad I did. It was so much fun and I felt so at ease and so normal. I didn't feel like the big blob in the room and I have a new wow to report. Y'know how normal people sit on the floor cross-legged and are able to perform this smooth, swift motion of standing stand up? I totally did that! It was awesome, I actually surprised myself AND when I got home, first thing I did was sit on the floor cross-legged and got up again just in case I was imagining it! I love my DS! Anywho, that was one of the best episodes of television I've ever seen, by the way. That dang show is gonna give me a complex...

Anyway, I had a great day yesterday. I've been mulling over redecorating my bedroom and bathroom and I had gotten a couple of things last weekend, but yesterday I went shopping again and got pretty much everything I needed except for paint and window curtains. Those two things I will probably need to let simmer in my brain a little and maybe spend a little time looking at design magazines. My walls are not white, but a neutral light, light tannish with more yellow tones than brown. I don't like them anymore, I want to keep them neutral -- well, at least most of them -- but I want warmer, browner tones. I am planning on painting an accent wall, I've always wanted a chocolate brown wall, but that not actually work with the color scheme. I'm going with warmer reds, golds, browns, tans, etc. I really like my choices so far and tomorrow I will start working on it. I would be doing that now, but I'm stuck at my computer processing reams of pricing updates for work. YAWN.

I also went grocery shopping and got plenty of good food to eat, I am all about the clean eating and I mean super clean, not even cheese or Dreamfield's pasta or low carb tortillas or bread. Nope, it's all out the door!

Today, I had my tennis lesson and it was so much FUN. The last lesson, I missed, they learned how to serve so I totally sucked at it, it's an almost unnatural motion and the ball tossing part is tricky. It'll take some time before I can toss the ball in the air consistently in the same trajectory. I worked up a good sweat too and even found myself running around and hitting some balls that I never thought I'd be fleet-footed enough to get. Awesomeness. This particular tennis clinic ends next week, then a phase II beginner's class starts for another 5 or so weeks. Our instructors said we are not really ready for the weekly drill sessions they have so I'll take their words for it, but hopefully near the end of phase II, I can pick up a weekly drill session and maybe by the fall I'll be able to join a team. Now that I know the people in my class a little more, the social aspect of it is emerging and making it that much more enjoyable. My dormant competitive nature is waking making me more compelled to sneak in an extra practice session here and there. I hate sucking and it feels so good to hit the ball right and not have it sail over the fence or nearly take someone's eye out two courts over. What?!? Me?....never...:)

Hot!

Went to my tennis lesson today. We learned backhand volley's and backhand strokes. It was way fun! I feel like I am learning much faster than with my other instructor. The people in my class are cool as well. It was only around 75° outside, but it felt like it's 90° We played on clay courts so maybe that has something to do with it. We also did quite a bit of running around. We have next Sunday off BUT we will have a two hour session the following Sunday, kinda worried about that, but I'm sure we'll have a water break or two. Good stuff! Have I told you lately how much I enjoy tennis? I don't feel like I'm exercising when I play, granted, I'm in the learning stages so it's lots of instruction and drills, but I'm never constantly checking the time to find out if it's time to quit, every little thing I learn about or improve upon just makes me want to do it more and I'm fairly confident that someday I can get decent at it. When I run, my mind is always on something else, when I play tennis, it's only on playing tennis. As soon as my beginner clinic is over, I am moving to the 2nd level and will supplement that class with a weekly drill class.

Went out last night and got home relatively early, around 2 AM. It was okay, not what I expected, but it was good to go out. Weight this morning continues to drop, weighed in at 260.6, that's down over 10 lbs in 3 days....gotta love water weight! I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing, it seems to be working. I do feel better as well. It's still 10+ lbs from my lowest, but it took me over 3 weeks to get into this predicament, so it'll take some time to get back to normal.

BP is not too pleased with me. She's not mad, but I can tell something is bothering her, she's been playing a few passive aggressive games, been flippant, etc. I only 1/2 care. I think the problem is that when I was 500+ lbs, she could always count on me having no life, not leaving my house and spending my free time at the computer doing work or lending a sympathetic ear to all her issues. Not so much now. I hardly work on the weekends anymore and frankly our business is at the point where the long, tedious days are behind us. I'm not sure what her deal is, like I mentioned before I do think she is having some issues with her own weight gain and I do feel some sympathy because God knows I know how difficult life can be when you feel you are too heavy, I suspect deep down she doesn't like the fact that I am more active, that I do have some semblance of a social life. I don't exactly have the social life I ultimately want, but it is greatly improved and I'm not going to be or feel "stuck" anymore. It seems like I wasn't the only one comfortable with my past life. Not that I think I'm the center of the universe or anything, but it's always interesting for me to see how my weight loss affects other people.

Gag

Here's a tip...when you see protein bars in the bargain bin for 59¢, know that they are there for a reason. Do not ever think they might taste okay, because they DO NOT. Blech! So, it's freakin' beautiful here in Atlanta so I went out and ran and then hit some tennis balls on the hand ball courts for 1/2 an hour. Afterwards, I feeling a little lightheaded so I ventured off to the nearby GNC because I had to pick up some probiotics and wanted to pick up some Isopure Zero Carb RTD's because I gotta push the protein pretty hard the next couple of days. Anyway, right by the counter in a cute little basket are these protein bars for 59¢ so I figure, what the hell, I buy a couple and scarf one down so I won't pass out. Big mistake. Let me ask you a question, your mouth isn't supposed to TINGLE and feel NUMB when you eat a protein bar, is it? Christ Almighty, never again!

TMI-time. I spent a good portion of my night last night pooping foamy poop. Good times. And of course when I get on the scale this morning it reads, 271.0 lbs. WTF?!? I ain't panicking just yet, I want to get in 4-5 days of high protein, low carbs before I start freakin' out. I have to say though, the nice weather works wonders for my mood and overall mental health! During the day, I am no longer freezing! Woo-hoo!

Sniffle, sniffle, cough, cough

Mother Nature is trying to kill me. I'm convinced. It was bad enough that I had a wicked cold, then my allergies started to kick my butt as well. It's been a sneezing-coughing-sniffling-itchy-eyes-nose-lips fest over here. None of that, however could dampen my love for my kick-ass tennis clinic. I LOVE it, it's so awesome! Not only could I completely keep up with everything, I was one of the better tennis players. Mind you, we're all beginners, but I definitely was NOT the suckiest one! I'm all ready for next week's lesson and I wanted to sign up for weekly drills but our instructor said we should get through the beginner's clinic before we sign up for the drills as they cover a lot more than what we've learned so far.

Anyway, afterwards I went to Kohls and picked up a couple of athletic shorts to wear. I'm not going to worry about looking cute just yet. I think they will hold me over for awhile.

About the allergies, I never had them up until last year and I wonder if it is post-surgery related. I mean, I feel like scratching my eyes out. Both my nose and my lips are tingly, very annoying. I still have a very runny nose and a nagging cough (my abs hurt from all the hacking). I have to resort to taking Benadryl otherwise I might have to jab forks in my eyes to stop the itching. The bad thing is that Benadryl = sleepy time for Tia. Oh well, who doesn't love a good nap?

Sick

Around 5 o'clock yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up not going to Support Group meeting. I had the chills, was still pretty exhausted and felt crappy overall. Kim called me around 5:30 or so as the gang was planning to meet out for dinner before Support Group, but I just couldn't do it. I think I went to sleep around 6 PM and got up maybe once or twice for vitamins and/or broth, then I was out cold by 9 PM and I woke up this morning around 7:30 AM. I don't feel too horrible at the moment although I do have a sore throat and I'm trying really hard not to cough. My sinuses are pretty clear, although a little runny. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that by Sunday afternoon I will be well enough for tennis.

I took my first dose of Dostinex last night. I wanted to wait til I got back from my trip just in case it caused any side effects that I didn't want to deal with away from home. I take one pill once a week at night on an empty stomach. Doing so allegedly helps mitigate potential negative side effects (nausea, abdominal pain, headaches, etc.) I have a slight headache, but I had one yesterday so go figure.

Today is supposed to be another beautiful day in Atlanta, I think the high will approach 77°. I'm going to try to get out and get some sun, maybe take a walk or something, get some fresh air. I still need to go get groceries...and go to the bank... I may also go ahead and try to get some tennis clothes while I am out. We'll see.

I don't have the slightest idea what I weigh, I haven't gotten on the scale since before I left and honestly, I don't care at the moment. I'll weigh tomorrow.

GA

Getting on an plane, was again, a non-issue, it just blows my mind. I fit fine, no problems whatsoever. My back did start hurting after an hour or so, but that was it. I felt completely normal. Craziness. Cool, but crazy. Well, I obviously made it home in one piece! What a trip...I actually didn't want to come back to GA. It wasn't that I was having non-stop fun, it was just nice to relax and spend time with the family, especially Mom & Dad. As they get older these types of trips become more and more emotional for me. I know they aren't going to be around forever and it's sobering to have to sometimes talk about things (wills, life insurance, etc.) that you don't really want to have to deal with. Ugh. BUT, they are in decent health, are still able to get around and do their normal routines and they both have things that they enjoy doing and are still able to do so I am thankful for that. Besides that, the trip was cool, I didn't eat as well as I would have liked, but I made sure I got my protein in. I have a weakness for my mother's cooking and good, real Mexican food. I didn't drink enough water, but am working on a liter bottle of it right now.

When I was waiting for my dad to pick me up on the curb at the airport, he didn't recognize me. This baffles me to no end, I mean I was just back home in late September, I've maybe lost like 45 lbs since then, I can't believe I changed that much. What was really funny is that he wasn't the only one who didn't recognize me. Several family friends shook my hand without knowing it was me. It wasn't until I spoke that they realized who they were talking to. Talk about messing with my mind. Anyway, my mom, my aunt and I went shopping and I actually bought two dresses that I really like. This is monumental because I can't even remember the last time I willingly bought a dress. I will have to put them on and take some pictures. I actually have an occassion to wear one of them, some friends and I are hitting the town in a couple of weeks to celebrate one friend's birthday. I am hoping to also be done with my glasses by then as well. I'm convinced they are a male-deterrent which ain't good.

Typically, when I leave Atlanta, then go to a very dry climate and then return to my normal humid climate, within 24 hours, I always develop a sinus problem. I'm doing all I can to fend off a full-blown sinus infection because I start my group tennis clinic this Sunday, I don't want to miss it. Can I just say, I'm totally nervous about it? I won't chicken out, but I'm worried about my clothes...I think I will go out Saturday and at least find some cute shorts and t-shirts to wear. I can't go full-blown tennis gear, but I want to look decent. It's a beginner's class so maybe I'm worried for no good reason. I'm hoping the class is full of newbies like me who have the wrong clothes, shoes and rackets.

Tonight is support group meeting and I'm actually contemplating whether or not to go. I'm freakin' exhausted (I never get enough sleep when I travel) and this sinus crap isn't helping any, but I'll probably end up going. The guest speaker is a clinical psychologist, we are going to be discussing post-op issues -- relationship issues, cross addictions, self image, etc. Should be good.

I have to go grocery shopping as I no food, except for the 6 packs of Earl Campbell sausage I brought back from Texas. I couldn't help myself, I love the stuff and they are perfect for all the grilling I plan to do this spring/summer. Tiffany inspires me to be more social and active so that's what I'm going to do!

Awesomeness!

I finally found a beginner's tennis clinic close to my house, it starts April 20th, the Sunday after I get back from Texas. It sounds perfect, one hour group lessons, every Sunday for 5 weeks for only $65 AND I get a t-shirt. It covers all the basics, everything I need to know to be well on my way to being a decent tennis player. Coolness. The lessons are at a very cool tennis center and I will be able to attend a separate weekly drills class for like $10 for an hour and 1/2 of drills. Sweet. The only downside is that I don't have any proper tennis clothes so that will be something I need to rectify. All I do know is that I ain't wearing those short little tennis skirts and dresses. I'm sooooo not there yet, don't know if I ever will be. My thighs are thunderous! Anyway, I hope to learn a lot and meet some cool people!

Mothercrapper!!!

I had a mid-week tennis lesson yesterday and typically I leave them somewhat fatigued, but on a high, usually feeling like I made some progress. Yesterday was different. My teacher introduced another level of complexity which completely threw everything out of whack and once again, I was lobbing ball over the fence. God, I hate that. Not getting the balls in court is bad enough, but when they're sailing 45° over the fence, that ain't good. Sigh. She had me work on what she is calling split stance and staying on my toes so that I work on moving to where the ball will land so that I can hit it within my natural stroke. Totally screwed me up and it's frustrating enough for me to lose a little sleep over it. So yeah, I will be hitting the tennis court this afternoon for sure!

My appointment with the endocrinologist is exactly one week from today. THANK GOD. I've been waiting for this for a month! Still working on a list of every possible question I want to ask. Dr. R. is going to get an earful, I hope he's ready, I will be.

Have I mentioned lately that I have nothing to wear? No? Ok. I have NOTHING to wear. I have 3 pairs of jeans and two good shirts. That's it. I'm compiling more clothes to take to Goodwill and it includes almost everything I've worn all winter. I'm trying to talk my sister into flying to meet me back home so that she can go shopping with me. We are only 1-2 sizes away from each other and she has such great style I'm hoping some of it would rub off on me!

Weight this morning, 255.8 lbs. Haven't made much progress within the last week, but no worries. I'm just happy to have made some progress this month at all.

This weekend is going to be spent at my desk. It's the end of the quarter and that means I'll be spending most of it working, running reports, updating pricing and product info, etc. I'll also be finalizing the photos for BP and her family. I want to get them all done and printed before I go home in about a week and a half.

I'm not sure what my problem is lately, but I have been spending more money on food than I usually do. I mean I'm buying all kinds of protein, my freezer is filled with all manner of beef, chicken, seafood and pork. I don't know why I keep buying the stuff, it's not like I go through a lot of it, it just keeps calling my name or something. I bought a corned beef which I am going to cook tomorrow. I had some on St. Patty's Day and wanted more. I also bought more shrimp, I love to cook it with butter, Adobo and some garlic. YUM. I guess this is a good thing, much better than the food aversion I had last year, that sucked.

Anyway, speaking of food, time to go get some!

Stupid Tornado.....

So we had some crazy weather Friday night through Saturday in Atlanta! Friday night, a tornado actually touched down in downtown Atlanta, passing over the CNN Center, the Georgia Dome and Philips Arena which are all within a block or so of each other. Luckily there were no serious injuries, but from what little I could see from news footage, the damage was fairly severe. Then it started all up again Saturday. Early in the morning some strong storms passed through around 6:00 AM in my area and woke me up, but they weren't strong enough to get me out of bed. Saturday afternoon, different story. I was on Skype with my business partner talking about a problem employee. She has a TV on in her office, I don't. She makes a remark about impending storms so I check out the weather online and see a very ominous looking line of storms heading our way. This is just before noon. Long story, short. I spent the next two hours running between the living room so that I could watch how close the TORNADOES were to me and cowering in the bathtub with a giant pillow over my head on the phone with BP trying not to cry. Looking at the images on the TV screen, it looked like certain death was headed my way. I was really, really scared. BP lives right in the middle of the two major lines of storms/tornadoes so all she got was a little heavy rain. I got strong winds, heavy rain and hail. Truly frightening. Y'know it's never a good thing when you hear the freakin' tornado sirens go off in your neighborhood. Some areas got hit really hard and Thank God it completely passed me.

Onto more happy things... the applications for the 2008 Peachtree Road Race came out today and I'm so excited! I've been waiting for this for weeks! What they do is they put the application in the Sunday edition of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution every year which begins the mad dash to yours in because they only accept the first 45,000 apps and choose another 10,000 from the remaining ones. Yes, it is a BIG deal. I was up early this morning and got two papers, one for me and one for a friend in Alabama. I ain't trying to play around so I already filled mine out and put them in the mail. It's less than four months away so I really gotta buckle down with my training. It's going to be awesome!!!

Got a tennis lesson today and that's pretty much it. Weight this morning is 258.2 lbs. Ugh. Still battling the Big C and making little progress. I may need to cut down on cheese as that seems to be a binder, I can't cut calcium, that's not an option. Anyway, time to go eat and maybe get a little work done before I head out!

Tennis Follies

Tiffany's comment in reference to her fear of balls coming near her face from my post yesterday gave me a chuckle. It's funny because there is one situation in tennis that causes me to freeze in my steps and flat out panic and it's when the ball is coming over the fence toward me in a tall arch and it looks like it's heading straight for my face.

I don't know what it is but it's like everything is moving in slow motion and my brain and my feet completely disagree as to what to do. My body is saying "here comes the ball, hit it!", but my brain is like "oh my God, it's coming at me! Run! No, duck! No, run! No, duck!" So anyway, my tutor and I are on one side of the court and another player is on the other side and we're taking turns hitting the ball back and forth and we're in a good rhythm and I'm feeling pretty good, most of my shots are returnable, but then he lobs the ball back at me and everything slows down -- it's like a movie -- and I hear my instructor, who's to the right of me say "Watch it!". Now, by that she means "Tia, it's closer to you than to me, you go ahead and hit it", however ... my brain hears "Watch it!" and translates it to "stand there like an idiot and watch the ball come at me." Long story, short I stood there like an idiot and caught the ball mere inches before it hit me in the face. I look at my instructor and we both start laughing... Good times. LOL! Yeah, well, it was funny to me. I guess you had to be there.

Anyway, weight this morning, 256.8 lbs, down 0.4 lbs. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm shocked I'm losing weight like this. My only hope is that it continues like this for the next six months, but in reality it's probably makeup loss for the past couple of mediocre months. I don't care, I'll take it!

Half the woman I used to be...

Despite a few glitches, I had a good day yesterday. DST didn't mess me up til this morning. Sucks. Anyway, I had a really great tennis lesson yesterday. There was three of us, the expert/instructor, a player who has been playing for 18 months or so and me. I like lessons more than just practicing by myself, definitely more fun and more tiring. Things are finally coming together a little bit, my footwork, ball tracking and form are improving although ball control is still all over the place BUT much better, I only hit one ball over the fence. I'm happy about that. In the very beginning, I probably hit about 1/3 over the fence and it's such a pain to go fetch them afterwards. I thought for sure I'd be sore this morning, but I feel fine.

I had a great dinner last night pork tenderloin, roasted potatoes with a mushroom sauce and a salad, no dessert. Yum. I ate my share of pork and only a couple of pieces of potato and I even ate some of the portabello mushrooms, crazy, I know. Weight this morning was 257.2 lbs. Amazing. Down another 0.8 lbs, for a grand total loss of 259.4 lbs. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I've lost more weight than what I weigh. I'm only 7.2 lbs away from Dr. Marchesini's goal for me, 40.6 lbs from losing a total of 300 lbs. That is really, really exciting for me. After that, it's just like 16.8 more lbs to Onderland!

Speaking of the good doctor, I just found out he is coming to the states in June and I am seriously considering going to see him. A good friend of mine lives in Philly so I might try to arrange something with him as well. I've never been to DC so it might be cool to see our nation's capital and do the touristy thing while I am there. We'll see.

Adjustments

So my tennis lesson got canceled yesterday as my teacher got sick. That bummed me out way more than I need to admit. Anyway, I decided to be a slouch and take a nap. I honestly thought I'd sleep for 1/2 an hour, get up and go run some errands, but I ended up napping for almost 3 hours, I guess the stress of the week caught up with me and I was out cold. I think I just needed the few hours to decompress. I feel better today and am actually on my way out the door. Gonna run and then hit some tennis balls. I'm at the point now where I feel fairly confident I can run 5 full minutes without bursting a lung.

I did some quick measurements this morning and my waist is an amazing 38.5 inches. That is unbelievable! I had a 62-64 inch waist pre-surgery. My hips are an amazing 50.5 inches. I couldn't even accurately measure them pre-op as my tape measure was about a foot or more too short, but I made an attempt in October of '06 and have 70 inches logged. That's a 20-inch decrease. Wow. I also lost 2+ inches off my neck and 3 inches off my forearms. Craziness. I was just thinking the other day that I am certainly past the point where I feel like I'm the same size as I was pre-surgery and am at the point where I know full well that I am smaller, much smaller, but I don't realize how small (as if) I really am. I looked at some pictures of myself from August during my trip to Savannah and was surprised to recognize that I am smaller than that, that I looked "big" to myself in those pictures. Recently my face seems to have changed quite a bit. My eyes seem to take up 1/2 my face, I never realized they were so big. My cheekbones, I have my mother's cheekbones, in fact, my whole life people have said that I look just like my dad, now they say I look like my mom, I heard that a lot at my family Christmas party.

I really want to find some women's jeans that will fit me well. I've been opting for men's jeans since they come in lengths that support my nearly 6' tall frame. Several months ago I did go to Lane Bryant and tried on some Right Fit jeans and I think I was a 5 at the time. I'm probably a 3 by now accordingly to their website. Problem is, do I really want to spend $40 on a pair of jeans that I'll only be able to wear for a few weeks? Uh, no, especially when I can get 4-5 pairs of jeans at the evil empire (Walmart) for the same price.

I've been thinking about transitioning to weekly weigh ins. I think it might be time ... or not. I don't know, I keep going back and forth on this. Tiffany posted a link to an article about how weighing daily helps keep people in check. I truly believe it as I know that panic starts to set in when/if things get a little out of control. Maybe my indecision is based in not being ready and maybe I just need to accept that and maybe look at it as something to do once I cross over into onederland. I'm about 80% EWL for my goal of 199 and around 73% for the second goal of 175.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday! Yea! I'm excited about it but I know that once it's over, the six month long football drought begins, makes me want to cry, but with the weather warming up in the next several weeks, the plan is to be actually playing more sports than I'm watching them on TV.

Month 17 ... and other stuff

Well, I've had an interesting couple of days. That might be the understatement of the year. First, the whole situation with our Employee #2 seems to be resolves. Long story, he reacted poorly due to some tragic news he had just received and completely over-reacted in the midst of him trying to deal with the bad news. He apologized to Employee #1 as well as to me. I accepted his apology but stressed the need to try to step away and give himself a minute to calm down. I also communicated to the entire staff, in no uncertain terms, that I better not hear or read or catch wind of any more unprofessional behavior. I think for now, that is sufficient. Thank God it's Friday, I truly need a break.

On to more important things. This was an interesting month in my DS life and one that I can easily say I enjoyed, moreso than the last couple. This month was all about exercise and discovering the joy of tennis. The month started off with my Couch to 5K training and I was and still am amazed at my ability to run. It boggles the mind. When I first started walking at the end of 2006, I mentioned the fact that I hated getting lapped my little old ladies, well not anymore. Yesterday was the first time that I actually ran past people walking. It was such a thrill! Typically, there aren't a whole lot of people out there braving the cold and wind so the opportunity to lap folks has been infrequent, that's definitely part of the reason, but to actually pass someone after spending my whole having people pass me by is just incredible! As running gets more and more difficult, I also see improvements in myself, when I first could barely run for 60 straight seconds, I can now run 3 minutes without bursting a lung. I know if I keep at it, I'll be able to reach my goal of running a 5K.

Then there was tennis. I love tennis. I'm flabbergasted at how much I like it. I have very little interest in it pre-surgery. I think maybe it's because of the physicality involved and the opportunity it affords me to move around in space like I don't recall ever doing. I sweat more in one hour of tennis practice than training for the 5K. Also, I don't like sucking at things, especially things I've committed myself to doing. Yesterday I spent an hour practicing my forehand and had to force myself to pack up my stuff and go back home, I could have stayed out there for hours, but there was work to be done. I know I am a good year or so away from being a decent tennis player and I know there's a long road of suckitude and mediocrity ahead, but I know that I'll get there with hard work and lots and lots of practice.

Weight-wise, although I hadn't lost the 15 lbs I was hoping for, I did lose 7 lbs total, but lost roughly 12 lbs of body fat and gained roughly 5 lbs of muscle. I can definitely be happy with that. I do feel stronger, especially in my legs and thighs. which I love. My current weight is a steady 264.0 lbs, down from 516.6 lbs for a total loss of 252.6 lbs in 17 months.

I do find myself more and more anxious to be done with all the weight loss already. As I am never content nor comfortable with my nutrition/supplementation, I am always looking for the problem areas and one seems to pop up every now and again and that is the issue of not eating enough. For me, consuming more than say, 1800 calories, requires effort. I can easily get that amount of food in through the course of the day without thinking about it. Problem is that 1800 calories is nowhere near enough for me. I need to be getting upwards of 2500+ calories a day, probably well over 3000 with the amount of exercise I do. It's still a foreign concept to me and one that I haven't fully embraced -- that of eating more to lose. We've been down this road at least 5 or 6 times over the last 17 months and still I have to step back and remind myself that I need to freakin' eat.

These last several months have been rough though. I haven't lost the weight I have wanted to lose and part of me thinks it might be related to the Protonix I am taking. I have read some anecdotal evidence that PPI's can cause weight gain and my weight loss slow down seems to have started soon after I got on the Protonix at the beginning of August. Since August 1st, I have only lost about 44 lbs, 44 in 6 months. That is way below my average of around 14-17 lbs per month. My other worry is that maybe my estrogen levels are low. Low estrogen has been associated with weight gain, as has been the direct opposite. Maybe I'm reaching here, but I just want to know that there aren't any factors working against me. I know I am getting smaller as I can wear things now that I couldn't merely a month ago, it's just that the scale continues to frustrate the heck out of me. I miss those days when on average I would lose 0.2 - 0.8 lbs a day, hell, even if it went up, it was temporary and it would eventually go right back down. If nothing else, I covet consistency. Anyway, on Monday, I have the dreaded GYN appointment. I am sooooo not looking forward to it, but it must be done. Hopefully all will be well.

It's all the things I can't implicitly control that give me grief, so many other factors to consider like the exercise and increase in muscle I mentioned earlier. Sometimes I wish things could be more formulaic. Do X, get Y. That would be sublime, but such is not the case, at least not in any simple sense. Maybe the solution (goal weight) is a far more complex equation and maybe I don't have all the knowledge, skills and discipline to figure all out just yet...YET. What's interesting though, you would think that I'd find myself more and more content with a more "lenient" goal weight, but truthfully, it makes me want to see that normal BMI more and more. I guess this is a long-winded way for me to say I'm impatient, damnit! LOL.

Tomorrow morning I have a tennis lesson, then I am going to try to get a little shopping done. The rest of the day will be relaxing. Sunday is all about the Super Bowl. For the record, I am rooting for the Giants, gotta root for the underdog, right?

I need more tennis balls...

After my run today, I went to this park closer to my house than the current one I use. This is the same park I mentioned a few weeks ago, that more of a true park than where I walk

So I am repeating Week 3 of my Couch to 5K, a very good decision. I got through the run okay today and indeed it was easier than the previous times so I am fairly confident that I will be able to wrap up this week okay and transition to the next week without killing myself. I'm actually a little surprised because tennis really kicked my butt on Saturday and I'm still a little sore. I was all prepared to give up midway through training, but I managed to get through it. I'm happy about that.

Last night, I looked up some information on this other park by my house and lo and behold, they have tennis courts! Color me happy! So after my run, I drove by and checked out the courts. There are actually four courts and there was no one else around to be found. This park is pretty huge and they have a couple baseball fields, a soccer field, handball courts, basketball courts, all kind of stuff. The tennis courts look to be in good shape and it looks like I can have them all to myself (bwaaahaha) so that means lots of drills and practice for me. I really, really want to be good at this, I'm not sure why, but I really do. I just feel like being good at tennis is something within my reach for a change. Anyway, I'm formulating a practice regimen for the near and long term. I have another formal lesson tomorrow night, so I am going to ask, but from the kinds of things I've read online, I should be working on footwork, ball control, follow through, everything. My footwork sucks, I have zero ball control and I can't even focus on follow through 'cause half the time I miss the ball completely! What I do know is that it'll take discipline and dedication and I want to prove to myself that I can do it, especially the discipline aspect of it. My life has not been defined by discipline and I'd like to be able to say that I can do what it takes to be good at this sport. Getting to goal weight-wise is part of this as well.

Speaking of weight, I'm staying off the scale after I went up like 3 lbs on Sunday, I know it's water weight and has to do with muscle repair after tennis and running. My lower back muscles are swollen, they feel 50% bigger, it's kinda weird actually. Anyway, I will wait til the 30th for the final tally for the month.