Lord..

It might be apropos to say that the catalyst for all this was a rude comment or an especially embarassing situation, but that's not the case. The truth of the matter is I have been fighting obesity my whole life, trying everything from grapefruit diets to Atkins to flat out starvation. I'm not a stupid person, I know I am fat, but how long am I suppose to fight a losing battle before I make the decision to freakin' do something about it and so I have.

I didn't reach this epiphany yesterday. It's been something I made up my mind I wanted to do for months, but like most morbidly obese people (and most Americans for that matter) I have shitty insurance and so my surgery -- Biliopancreatice Diversion w/ Duodenal Switch -- is not covered so I am faced with a huge financial obstacle. To tell you the truth, I could have overcome this sooner but there is a great lingering fear I have. It has nothing to do with the actual surgery or any potential complications, but it has a lot to do with the aftermath, what my life will be like, will I be the same person at my core, will my friends still be my friends, will my family still be the same and on and on.

I've been up and down on the whole issue and I am definitely trying to work my way through it all. I know life won't be the same, that is the point after all, but I don't want what I know of myself to be completely different, I want it to be better, but not unrecognizable. The turning point to actual making the commitment was a obesity surgery support meeting I went to Wednesday night. I had been to one before but had not really connected with anyone, this time I did however. I met two people in particular, one who was celebrating 11 months and another who had her surgery just 11 days prior! Both are amazing women. I had an opportunity to see the "after-life" from two different perspectives and it just really renewed my spirit and it was then that I decided that I met these women for a reason, God/the universe is trying to tell me something and I need to listen and stop thinking about it and start making moves!

I had been adamant about having a particular doctor (Dr. Smith) perform the surgery, but for me to have it in the here would cost me upwards of $35-$40,000. Instead, I've decided on Dr. Marchesini in Brazil. Including travel costs, I'd only be out around $15,000. That is a helluva lot more doable. I'll be contacting the good doctor via email today and will start scrounging the money together immediately. Because of work obligations, the earliest I will be able to have the surgery is in September which probably works out okay because that will leave ample time for me to do what I need to do before hand, make flight arrangements, have all my pre-op testing done and arrange all my post-op aftercare.

I'm really excited and scared at the same time, but ultimately I truly feel this is the best thing for me.