Fantasy & Reality

Weight this morning: 273.2 lbs, down 0.6 lbs from yesterday, and only 1.2 lbs away from my lowest weight for a total loss of 243.4 lbs. Over the course of around 30 minutes I weighed myself four times, each after visiting the bathroom and my weight went from 274.6 to 274.2 to 273.8 then to 273.2. My body fat percentage started off at 46.9% then finalized at 47.5% which is exactly what it was yesterday. It looks like day-to-day trends might be somewhat useless, but I'm hoping week-to-week or month-to-month will show some positive trends.

I actually took a nap yesterday, something I hadn't done in awhile, at least not during the work week, but it was the day after Christmas so no big deal, I think everyone was a little foggyheaded as well. I read this blog post, The Fantasy of Being Thin, and it certainly got me thinking and in short it's spot on. It characterizes characterized me to a T. I was all about the "just wait til I'm skinny" syndrome. In 2007, I certainly became aware of it although I lacked a clever name or description to attach to it. For me it was the slow developing realization that losing the weight wasn't necessarily making me happier. It's not like losing X lbs translates into a Y increase in total happiness and contentment. Losing 341 lbs will not automagically make my way in life categorically better. All it does is (1) make is easier for me to move (2) increase the odds that I will stick around longer. What I realized was that getting to goal is not about finally being able to be happy in my life, deep down it is about greatly reducing my ability to use my weight as an excuse, as THE excuse for any and everything. Turns out, I needed to rethink "me". Not an easy thing at all and needless to say, quite humbling.

Anywho, yesterday I was watching TLC or the Discovery Channel (can't recall which) and they had a show about Plastic Surgery, Before & After and happened to have several people who have had WLS and were going through the process of basically lopping off all their excess skin and I found myself a tad bit envious of them. Not because they were having surgery, but because they were a helluva lot more flabby than I am. I can't wait to get to the super flabby state where my flab is more skin than skin & fat, especially in my thunder thighs!

I am still having a problem when I sleep on my side and wake up a few hours later with pain in my hip. There's got to be something I can do about it. If I sleep on my left side, my right side with hurt, I then have to sleep on my stomach then transition to sleeping on my right side. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the lack of padding between my legs that's causing the pain, but I can't think of anything I can do, like an exercise or stretching, that will alleviate the pain. I tried using a pillow between my legs, but I move my legs too much and always have to readjust. Oh well, maybe it's just something that will resolve itself over time.