30 June 2006

Bummer

I'm not in the best of moods right now. Funny how everything can be going your way then one little thing messes it all up. I was talking to my business partner & friend today and I say to her "So you comin' to Brazil with me or not." She started giving me excuses, albeit valid ones about how she may not be able to go after all. Ugh. I can't help but be disappointed. Actually, I'll a little surprised at how disappointed at am. I was really excited that she said she would go with me and it just really elevated my spirits. I'm not one to ask for a lot of help and I usually resign myself to doing things on my own and to not really have high expectations of other people.

It's a good and a bad thing. It's good because I am pretty independent and I'm not inclined to let other people decide what I will and won't do. The bad part of it is that it's nearly impossible for me to really trust people and let them in. I'm guilty of having it in the back of my mind that people will fail me. It's a flaw of mine that I hate. But, I will say this. I am very forgiving and usually get over disappoints fairly easily. I don't tend to hold grudges so at least my disappointment is typically shortlived.

I feel like I'm really quick to be supportive for the people around me, but I don't get that it's reciprocated. I can't lie, I feel a little hurt and a little sad because it would have been really, really nice to have someone go with me, but if it can't happen then it can't happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about going and after having thought about it for awhile I think that maybe this is an opportunity for me to try to give back. My initial thoughts are to soldier through the surgery and discharge then during my last week there, offer my time and support to other people who might be travelling alone. I think it will be a good thing and again, maybe all this is happening for a reason. I will never assume that there isn't something in all of this that I need to learn.

What about my family? Well, I will just say this. Some of them just can not make it, others well, they're good at being supportive as long as it doesn't require them to do anything. I'll leave it at that.

I'm putting all of this is God's hands and just praying for him to give me the words and show me the steps and I'll be alright. I still haven't told all my friends so maybe one of them may go.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Kim said...

Hey T-

You can do it alone if you need to. It would be great to have someone there because it is tough being alone. I did most of my hospital stuff all by myself. Granted, I was not in a foreign country, but I had childcare issues and hubby had to work.

There will be many in Brazil to visit with from America and lots of folks have gone alone. You are strong and you can do it. Durval will help you also. If you are alone, do NOT be afraid to ask for help down there.

The Dr. M yahoo site has a lot of great information and great folks on it. Make sure you join and get all the tips.

July 20th is our next support group meeting. Please come.

July 1, 2006 at 10:54 AM  

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