29 July 2006


Since I got my surgery date, I filled with the possibilities of possibilities. I can't help but wonder what the other side will feel/be/sound/taste like, y'know? I'm so ready for this it is just a matter of doing the things I need to do in order to make it happen, and believe you me, there is tons to do.

A year from now, my life will be completely different, hopefully "good" different. I'm sure there will plenty of things and situations that I can't even fathom right now, but the best thing I can do is just be level headed and pray to God to give me the words and show me the steps. In a year, I will be putting the finishing touches for my mini-vacation to see my college football team take the field for the first game of their championship season. I'll be making flight arrangements and not worrying about whether I can fit in the seats. I'll already have my game ticket in hand knowing that I won't have to incovenience my fellow gamewatchers with my size. I will be excited about walking around campus all day, visiting a half dozen tailgate sites and not feeling like I have to stay close to the stadium because I might get too tired. I'll have no problem jumping up and down when my team scores and hugging random people because we won the game. Most importantly, I will be spending an unholy amount of money on college gear, everything from t-shirts, to jerseys to hats, sweatshirts, to shorts and everything in between because I CAN FIT IT. Finally! I can show my college pride with impunity like I have always wanted to.

In a year and a couple of months, I'll be heading home to Texas for a family reunion and will see all my family members and their reactions to me. I'll be able to run around with my nieces and nephews, take them to the park, chase them around the backyard with water guns. I'll be able to share clothes with my sisters and try on some of my mothers 50 million pairs of shoes. I will actually be in some of the family pictures happily instead of the one or two I allow myself to be in. I won't hide behind the camera.

I'm not expecting miracles, but I do want to be much healthier, have more energy (#1 on my list) and be filled with opportunity. I just want my chance, if I had to sum it up into the one big thing I want out of this surgery, I want my chance.


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