Setting the Tone

I've been doing a lot more reading on OH lately, trying to find to confirm a few things I have come to fully accept on my own in the past month. First, this morning I weighed in at 253.0 lbs, down 2.8 lbs from yesterday, 11.4 lbs for the month and down 263.6 lbs total. Assuming I end the month, month 19, exactly where I am right now, that's the most weight I've lost since September. What was so special about this month? I think I found a good sense of what my nutritional balance. I really feel like I have found a way to manage my nutritional goals with my desire to eat a wider variety of foods, some that I would normally not consider "good" during a weight loss phase. For example, in the past I was convinced that cheese was a big no-no, and frankly I do have to watch my cheese intake, but it's not that I can't have cheese, I can't have large quantities of it, I shouldn't eat it without eating another protein with it, and "real" cheese is 10 times better than processed cheese food. Where I would put cheese on everything, probably easily eating 8-10 oz of it in a day if I let myself, I now spread out 2-3 oz of real cheese (Muenster, swiss, provolone, Monterrey Jack, Cheddar, etc.) over the course of the day. It satisfies my need and desire for cheese, but doesn't clog me up too bad. I've also been able to manage low carb bread and tortillas really well. Instead of 5-6 servings in a day, I now maybe have 2, usually a slice of toast with my breakfast and a slice mid-day for an open-faced sandwich.

What's happening is that I'm consistently, day in and day out, eating meals that I can see myself eating once I'm done losing weight. A big goal here is to find a way to eat that'll last a lifetime. I don't feel like I'm dieting, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything anymore. I don't really see my "diet" changing all that much when I reach goal. There are really delicious, more nutritionally sound lower carb versions of anything I think I'd might want post-goal. Looking at my food logs, I am averaging somewhere between 50-80 carbs a day which is surprisingly fine. For awhile there, I was pretty convinced I'd have to consistently stay sub-40 in order to lose weight, but that hasn't been the case, in fact, I discovered something else surprising. If I am within 90% or greater of my protein goal for the day by the time I am at my last meal, as long as I have protein at that last meal of the day, I can have a high carb side like potatoes or rice OR even a small dessert and it have no effect on my weight loss and it will NOT derail me. Now, I do not do this two days in a row, but I've done it 6 or 7 times this month. The amazing thing is it doesn't trigger the carb-crazies where I feel like I need to eat every sugar-laden food within a 10 mile radius. It's funny because I used to read about DS-ers on OH who would do something similar and would continue to lose regularly. I didn't buy it at the time, but now I think I understand it. I don't look to have a higher carb serving at the end of the day, but if I am out to dinner or at a celebration, I know I can eat a little bit of rice or potatoes and not stress about it. It's kind of cool because a lot of stress of maintaining a good level of nutrition has dissipated. I feel much more comfortable about it and feel like when I hit goal, it won't be like hitting a brick wall. Yes, I'm impatient and yes, I want to be at goal already, but I don't know how well I would handle a situation where I would need to drastically change my eating when a weight loss number is reached. There are a few folks on OH who brag about eating all manner of candy, cookies, pastas, rice, etc. in order to slow or stop their weight loss. Sounds awesome at first. The fat girl in me is saying "hell yeah!" -- eat 1/2 a dozen Krispy Kremes in order to MAINTAIN my weight! Woo-hoo! But long term that has got to suck. Sure there are enzymes and such to be taken, but I personally don't think that situation would be good for me, I don't think I could handle that very well. I know me and I just don't think that would be a position I want to be in.

In my mind, the day after I reach goal won't be too much different than the day before, as I hope for it to be 5 years afterwards. Remember, my goal is 199. That still puts me at like a 27.9 BMI, smack dab in the overweight category. I'd still need to lose 25 more lbs to get a "normal" BMI. Plastic surgery should address most of that. I just want a sustainable healthy way of eating, and everyday I learn a little more and more about what that means for me. I'm so over "dieting", I don't ever want to have to do that crap again. The DS has done and will do the bulk of the work for me, but I still have to do my part.

Anywho, I only have 36.4 more lbs to lose til I reach the 300-lb loss mark. Craziness. I'm 3 lbs away from Dr. M's goal for me, plastic surgery time, according to him...uh...no. My flab has quite a bit of fat within it so, when that changes, I'm guessing in another 60 lbs, I should be okay with looking into it, honestly, probably not for another year.

This fall, I am going to my alma mater for a football game. I haven't been back since 2005 and hadn't seen many of my college friends since then. I'm really looking forward to it, although I'm pretty sure a particular person is going to be there that I am not sure I want to see, yes, we're talking about Guy. I would really, REALLY, like some closure with him. I ain't gon lie, I wanna see him, rather, I want him to see me. For all I know, he could be married by now, actually that would be perfect because then the door would certainly be closed!

Oh well, I'm hungry, time for food!