Yes, I'm still alive

Life is crazy nowadays. Things at my full-time gig are getting a little weird. I'm contracting at the moment, but it looks like they will be offering all us contractors full time positions. I'm not sure I want to go that route, there are still quite a few things up in the air. Oh well, we'll see.

Tomorrow is support group, but also a meeting of a very popular web-based entrepreneurial group that I have been looking forward to. It only occurred to me Monday that they fall on the same day. Sigh. Looks like I will be missing support group meeting because I have been looking forward to getting involved with this other group for over a month. Given that I eventually want to start my own business again, I feel like I need to do the ground work, kinda start from scratch and completely get rid of all the bad ju-ju from my previous experience and start anew. Speaking of, my old business partner is trippin'. From what I hear, she's in full on crazy mode, driving everyone around her nuts. I feel a tiny bit bad but ultimately it ain't my problem. She still feels the need to email me about stuff and I ignore her, you'd think after 5 months she'd catch the drift. She must be dense or determined, one of the two.

I'm really enjoying the clothes I bought a few weeks ago and I'm especially enjoying the new wool trench-style coat I bought. If ever there was a style of coat that was made for me, this is it. I gotta say, I look awfully cute in it. Tomorrow, I will be sure to take a picture. This is so significant for me because for years and years I didn't have a coat or jacket because (1) I was always too big to find anything that looked remotely fashionable (2) the idea of wearing a bulky coat when I was already 500+ lbs wasn't exactly appealing to me. I didn't hardly want to look bigger than I already was and (3) frankly, I had a lot of insulation (read fat) and wasn't in dire need of one. When I wear my new coat and I'm walking in the morning on my way to work, I feel like a normal person and it's so cool. One weird thing though, is that my self-perception is starting to get a little flaky. It is often the case lately that I feel downright fat. After I got to work and took my coat off and went to the ladies room to wash my hands, I examined myself in the full length mirror and flat out just thought I looked fat. I don't know what it is. I'm wearing smaller clothes. I fit in any normal seat, no longer spilling out, I don't get it. The same weekend I went to Lane Bryant, I had also picked up several shirts from Old Navy, size XL. I was dumbfounded that I was able to do that and if not for the excessive flab on my stomach, I could fit a Large. I was psyched about that, but I guess maybe the problem is that I am still a pronounced pear, maybe even more so. I am a solid 12/14 on top, but a 16 on bottom and my hips look wider than they used to. Ugh, my mind is messing with me.

I'm wrapping up my 27th month and I still surprise myself sometimes. Last night I was sitting on my bed when I drew up my knees to my chest and completely wrapped my arms underneath my thighs and with each arm I could touch the opposite arms' elbow. It was like I was giving myself a hug with my arms wrapped around my legs. I amazed myself. Stuff like that catches me off guard and forces me remember that yeah, Tia, you did lose a lot of weight. I often feel like that on the tennis court when I chase down balls I never thought I could. I knew the mind games would be a trip, but I guess I figured I would be past most of it by this far out.

Anyway, I am off to Texas next week, gonna spend the holiday with my parents & the rest of the crew back home. It should be fun. I am helping my mom cook Thanksgiving dinner and so I promptly bought a box of Dreamfield's macaroni to take with me so that I can make some baked mac & cheese. I couldn't find the stuff back home the last time I looked. I'm also going to make my green beans and probably a dessert of some kind. I'm really looking forward to spending time with ma & pa. The last time I was there it was such a stressful time, I'm hoping to just relax and chill out and eat lots of Mexican food. I tell ya, this time of year is cursed! I'm supposed to be trying to reach goal, but there is freakin' holiday food EVERYWHERE!