Figured it out

I know now what's bugging about the progress photos I put together. I don't know who the girl on the left is. I absolutely do not connect that as being me. I just don't and that's a little disconcerting for a couple of reasons. The obvious one is, shit, how did I let myself get that big and two, I never saw myself as that big and therefore couldn't fathom looking like that. It's such a trip, but I am comfort myself in knowing that I'll never get that big again. NEVER. Today I weight 444 lbs. That's not a great thing to admit, embarassing even, but I tell you what. I won't be weighing that for long and when I say goodbye to 440 and hello to 439, I can tell you I won't be 440 ever again. Those steps and those realizations are the most important things to me. I used to be caught in wanting to fast forward 18 months from now when I'm hopefully through losing what I need to lose, but the journey is turning out to be an relevatory one, something I didn't think I'd relish. My best friend, food (especially sweet stuff), has found itself in a whole different capacity post-op so I am discovering that the DS did change me in more ways than one. The biggest change is that I am more aware of my feelings and am allowing them to just be instead of trying to numb them out. Forces me to figure out what is really going on.

Yes, indeed people, this is an interesting journey for me.