Time will tell...

I hope I am doing the right thing. Several weeks ago I had mentioned that I was getting off the diuretics because I didn't think I needed them anymore, well it only took a few days for me to get back on them because I had gained like 5 lbs. Well, I got back off of them on the 5th and have so far gained close to 15 lbs of water weight. Talk about going crazy! I have been trying not to panic because the hope is that things will normalize in a couple of weeks. I decided to get off them because I just think I need them. I lost fine for several months without them and I just don't feel right taking something I don't need, plus I'm concerned about long term use, potassium deficiency, also edema is a good indicator of protein malnutrition and with taking the diuretics, I'd never know if I was protein deficient. I won't lie and say the weight gain has me stressing out, but I think I am doing the right thing healthwise. It is becoming increasingly more important to me to be healthy, not just thinner. I want to get to a point where the only medication I am on is the Protonix, no BP meds, no diuretics, none of that. Just Protonix and my supplements, that's it. I know I am doing the right thing.

The bad thing about it is I am having conflicting emotions about the water weight. At times I feel like "oh, shit I broke my DS", other times I feel like I just gotta keep my head down and keep on, but many times I just feel like "screw it all, I'm going to eat! This time of year sucks anyway!" I don't want to be that person, but it's HARD, especially with so many get-togethers and parties and stuff. Ugh. I am going to keep trying though, I've spent a good amount of time reading people's true success stories and I am inspired to get my butt in gear. My body is telling me start over in 2008 with everyone else, but my mind is telling me otherwise. Everyday is another day to do the right thing -- this is what I keep telling myself.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life, what's important to me, what I want to keep, what I want to get rid of and what I want to change. 2008 is really the last year I will working on a weight loss goal (how awesome is that!!!) and it's becoming more apparent to me that I need to work on other aspects of my life. My best friend has been seeing a therapist for the past 3 years and suggested that is something I might want to look into so I will, I am not going to discount anything, so we'll see.

Anyway, when I was home in late September I brought along with me this gray business suit that my mom had bought me a few years prior for me to wear at my uncle's funeral. It's a nice suit, but it was a size 32 or 34, we bought it at Catherine's in Lafayette, Louisiana. My mom made me put it on and she pinned it in all the right places for the seamstress to hem it and she said she'd have it mailed to me. Well, she finally mailed it to me and I tried it on last night and guess what? Way too big! My mom is so excited about me wearing this suit and I don't have the heart to tell her it doesn't fit. I'm either going to have to get it altered again or just give it up to someone who can really use it. My mom is funny, for some reason she can't wrap her head around the idea that I am still losing weight and that I am still getting smaller, she can't understand why I haven't bought a whole new wardrobe yet, I keep telling her, she doesn't believe me. She can't believe any daughter of hers doesn't want to go shopping! That's me, the anomaly! :) Did I ever mention I have 7 sisters? Two have passed away, one about 12 years ago, another in 2006, but yeah, 7 sisters and I'm the youngest of them all. You can only imagine what that's like growing up!