Hmmmmmm.....

So it's been about two weeks since I've been eating really well and getting more exercise and strangely enough, I've been hovering very, very close to 249 lbs the entire time, at best I've been fluctuating between the same roughly pound and a half. Now, I've been averaging 130-150g of protein throughout this whole time, drinking my water and exercising at least 1/2 an hour a day. I'm retaining a good bit of water as I can always tell when I do and I can especially feel it in my extremities. Now the question is, what to do now...

I wanted to lose 25 lbs this month, but not sure that is going to happen if I stay the current course. I know what the problem is and I know how to fix it, but I am kinda tempted to keep my protein as is to see if things resolve themselves... or ... I can say screw it, up my protein and just do what I gotta do til the end of the year to get the weight off and just make sure I get in more than enough water (which ain't easy).... I'm more interested in being done than being "right" so, up my protein it is. I will start today and by mid-week next week I should know where I stand.

I had an unanticipated late night last night, I had to be up at midnight because the network folks were going to test the data center's UPS. So if a catastrophe happened and everything went down, I had to be around to get the frantic phone call so that I could panic and try to get things back up and/or start calling all kinds of other folks to help things get back up and running. Luckily, nothing happened and I was knocked out by 1:15 AM. Fun stuff.

This weekend I'm gonna finalize my exercise plans, probably a mix of tennis lessons and the gym, but I'm still torn about whether to use the gym at work or one closer to home. I'm fixin' to head out to a couple of different places in my neighborhood, including the Y and then make my decision. The gym at work is the most convenient, but I'd have to go after work which means I'd have to take the transit home kinda stinky...I have a phobia about using gym showers, totally icks me out...

Whoa...

Weight this morning: 245.6 lbs! Nope, that's not a typo, somehow I dropped 4 lbs overnight (total loss of 271.0 lbs) and I totally feel it though. This morning I was feeling really not myself, a little woozy, a little off center. By the time I stepped into the shower, I got that feeling that if I didn't get out of there immeditely and sit down, I'd pass out. I immediately hopped out the shower, drank my protein shake and ate a sandwich and only felt marginally better by the time I walked out the door 1/2 an hour later. I've had that feeling once before, almost a year ago when I almost passed out after a support group meeting. TMI Time: Aunt Flo is visiting and let's just say she brought A LOT of baggage. This is the 2nd time she's visited since I started taking the Dostinex for my prolactinoma. Ugh. I checked my blood pressure a few times today and it's averaging 85/64 range. A little low especially given my reduction in blood pressure meds. Anyway, I feel okay right now and won't panic or anything. I suspect my episode this morning is directly due to all this or due to the loss in water weight. The water weight may have artificially inflated my blood pressure and now that most of it's gone, my blood pressure is finally reading true. I do NOT care. I see 245.6 on the scale and I'm claiming it!!! I've eaten a couple more times this morning and feel much better, but my BP is still low, the last reading was 76/59. My next doctor's appointment is on the 30th so fingers crossed that this will be the end of BP meds for me.

I am exhausted though, I couldn't really sleep last night. Anyway, so I'm at Dr. Marchesini's goal. Holy crap. I haven't had the time to really sit and reflect or maybe I don't really feel like I need to. I'm not done yet. There are a few more pounds yet to be lost. I will be sending Dr. M a heartfelt email sometime this week, but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes I am amazed at the women that I've become, not because of anything I did, but because I don't look or feel like the old me and I think I'm okay with that. For a spell there, I was really struggling with not being the "Tia" I had become accustomed to and it caused me a good deal of anxiety and stress, many times without me recognizing it. I knew this was going to be the thing that I would struggle the most with. I think I've made some strides. I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary and although at this point, I haven't lost all the weight I've wanted, but I think I've had the journey I've needed to have, I hope I've learned at least some of the things I needed to learn, especially for the long term.

On a lighter note, one thing that kinda sucks (but doesn't) about losing almost 25 lbs of water weight in under two weeks, I now have nothing to wear. The shorts I bought at the end of April are too big. I now look pitiful in my 2X t-shirts -- I don't know why I still wear them or why I bought one as recently as a three weeks ago. I'm planning my trip in early September so I think I can hold out til then for the most part. At worst I may have to buy a couple pairs of shorts and maybe 2-3 shirts. That shouldn't break the bank!

GOOOOAAALLLLLLL!!!!

Dr. Marchesini's goal, that is! Yeah, baby, yeah! 250 is the number Dr. M. told me I'd lose to and that I'd be a success. I have officially met and exceeded that goal! This morning, I hit an all-time low, 249.6 lbs! Yea! That's a loss of 2.4 lbs since yesterday, 20.4 lbs in 12 days (mostly water) and a grand total of 267 lbs loss. Woo-hoo! I feel like I've broken through a barrier. It seems like I've been on the brink since early April when I got down to 251.2 lbs, but then I went home on vacation, came back and was sick for like 2+ weeks, then my dad had his accident & surgery and I wasn't eating like I should, etc, etc. and I gained like 20+ lbs of freakin' water. Once I got my mind right and back on track -- getting my protein in -- the water weight really started to drop. I mean, 20.4 lbs in 12 days is craziness and to think I had been lugging that around. It's a little scary too to think that my body is that sensitive to protein deficiencies and it wasn't like I was getting no protein in, I was probably in the 70-100g range, which isn't great, but not horrible, but it wasn't enough. I think for me, I maybe absorb more like 35-40% of the protein I eat versus the 50% or so that is often mentioned in Duodenal Switch circles. I have a short common channel (65 cm) and I think a good bit of my small bowel bypassed (over 45%) so I most likely tend toward needing much more protein than the average DSer. I easily get in over 100g before noon. That will be my life, I just have to accept it and let me tell you, it's a heckuva lot easier to accept choking down protein shakes everyday for the rest of my life than living a much shorter life being 500 lbs.

I sort of indirectly mentioned it yesterday, but I am officially changing my goal weight to 216.6 lb as far as pre-plastics are concerned. I want to lose as much fat as I can PLUS I want to add some muscle so I figure I can do that much more safely in the 210's than sub 200. I'm just worried that losing down to 199, I would be losing fat AND muscle which would not be good since my muscle tone sucks right now anyway. I'd rather be fit, strong and healthy at 216 than weak, skinny and sickly at 199.

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there. I will be calling mine today. He is doing so much better, he's back to driving and getting out on his own and he's back to cracking jokes about mom so I know he's almost back to normal. I'm hoping to get down there sometime in late Summer, but I do have a trip to my alma mater in early September so we'll see. The trip back to my alma mater is important because I have to go thank my mentor and tell her what a positive influence she's been to me, the football game, etc. is secondary to that.

No tennis clinic today, that starts next week so I am going to go practice my serve and backhands, then it's off to BP's house to setup for a couple of new employees we have starting on Monday.

Month 20

A blur. My lowest weight for the month was 251.2 lbs, it went downhill from there. I started my Dostinex and ever since then I've been retaining water like a freaking sponge. I'm also retaining water because for a good 2-3 weeks I hadn't been eating as much protein as I should have, especially over my trip and the two weeks I have been battling this annoying cold & allergies. I still have some residual sniffling and a cough that is sloooowwly resolving. My sense ofsmell and sense of taste are also slowly returning which has made it incredibly difficult to try to get the nutrition in that I need PLUS it's been easier to get in crappy food instead of good protein. So, for my sanity's sake, I am putting down 251.2 for the month which isn't remarkable, but here's what is. Remember that new scale I got the measures body fat, skeletal mass, etc. Well, a day like today is exactly why I got it. Early January, I had, on average, 130 lbs of body fat, as of today, that's down to 110-111 lbs, pretty awesome! This gives me much comfort when I step and the scale and it !@#$-ing reads 268.8 lbs! Yes, my friends, 268.8 lbs! That's almost 20 lbs of water and most since I got back. I'm really panicking too much because I know it's water weight and I know what I have to do to lose it. Sigh. My clothes still fit fine, but I certainly feel and see it in my legs and feet. If I have learned anything over the last 20 months is to stick to the plan and everything falls into place. I've been so out of whack this month that I know when things get back to normal and I know I can trust my DS to get me to where I want to go.

This month I also did some shopping! I bought two dresses which is something remarkable for me, I am so very excited to wear them and I will get my first opportunity this weekend. I spent a couple of hours on the phone with my sister, S, as she guided me through the wonderful world of shoes. If you thought my sense of fashion when it comes to clothes was lacking, my notions of cute shoes is downright abysmal. Most of the comes from the fact that I have large feet, well, I had prohibitively large feet pre-surgery, around a size 13, now I wear a size 11.5 wide. This barely puts me in the range of cute shoes. What's funny is that I just realized this a couple of weeks ago when I was going through a pile of shoes my mom had set aside for me and much to my surprise, a lot of the 11's (what can I say, we're tall women) were barely too small. What a shock! Long story, short, she walked me through a couple of shoe stores online and I feel fairly confident in the 3-4 pairs of shoes I bought, one of them even has 2 1/2" heels! Awesome!

I didn't play as much tennis as I would have liked because I did go out of town and it's been raining more than usual lately, but I have been enjoying myself when I do go out and I absolutely love my tennis lessons. The running hasn't been happening because I do not like it but I do have to get serious again because the 10K is in only a couple of months and I would like to be able to run 1-2 miles at a time without stopping. I swear, once that race is over, no more running for me. By then I should be starting on a tennis team and can occupy my time with that. I mentioned before that tennis is huge in Atlanta so there are like three major tennis leagues, from what I can gleam, USTA, ALTA and T2. BP and her husband are in all three and probably play tennis 4-5 times a week and that's seriously running around the court, competition. I'd like to work up to that so that tennis will be my primary source of exercise OR I might take up something else. I really want to get into some kind of martial arts, I think, maybe kick-boxing or something. I don't know, we'll see.

I do still think a lot about goal weight. I was flipping channels last night when I caught the tail end of Celebrity Fit Club. I guess it's a show where celebrity's compete to lose the most weight or something, but I happened to see the weigh in of one celebrity (I forget her name, starts with a T) and one of the judges gave her a big congratulations because she had finally reached a normal BMI. Then on the flipside, this past weekend, I saw a show on Discovery Health about a 627 lb woman who had a RNY and one of the things she said was that she had no expectations of ever being a size 10 which caught my attention and at another point her doctor said that for people like her, getting to "normal" wasn't the goal, that for her she would always be obese, but by losing 200-400 lbs would be such a great benefit. Things like that make me go back and forth on the whole goal weight issue. Despite all the gyrations I often go through, I am sticking to 199 as my goal, the one thing I am changing about goal is when I would like to get there. Instead of trying to reach that by my 2 year anniversary (which at this rate ain't happenin' -- possible, but not likely), I am giving myself til the end of the year. That's 8 months to lose 50 or so lbs. This will give me the opportunity to develop long-term, sustainable, healthy habits which is very, very, very important to me. I want to get to goal, but I want the tools in place to stay there. I don't want to be spending much time still trying to figure things out.

In May, I am cutting back on the cheese and low carb breads. I need to give my innards a rest. I need to give my whole system a rest, being sick for almost two weeks is not fun. I'm also getting rid of my glasses and getting contacts AND will be doing something with my hair, I'm not sure what, but I suspect it will be much shorter in length. I'm mildly excited about that.

Anywho,

Gracias

Gosh. Your comments from my "dress" post the other day definitely lifted my spirits and I feel so much better today. I really, really appreciate the love, y'all have no idea how much! I'm one of those types that gets lost in the numbers and have often given more meaning to things like weight or size moreso than how I feel and look. It hit me last night that I, Tia, actually bought two dresses without being under duress. I wasn't kidding when I said I hadn't worn a dress in 15-20 years. For so long I felt like a giant asexual blob. It was a rare, rare moment when I've felt dainty or girly or even pretty. Now I've been known to have a good hair day here and there, but to feel womanly, with curves and feel attractive, I can't even remember the last time and do I dare admit to having NEVER felt that way? I have my first opportunity to wear one of my dresses in a social setting next weekend for a birthday celebration at an Atlanta club. It should be fun!

Thank God for Zyrtec because it is the only drug that seems to be working. I almost feel normal now, no more runny nose, I still have some chest congestion and some lingering pressure in my ears. My biggest problem now is that my sense of smell and my sense of taste are still out of whack. I can only really taste and smell things if they have a really strong flavor or odor. I'm still trying to nurse as many hot beverages as I can and my appetite returned with a vengeance yesterday which is good because I have really bad edema from poor protein nutrition, not only from the week I've been sick, but from when I was in Texas as well. Not good, so I'm working on getting in over 200 grams or more a day (mostly from protein shakes). I should be back to normal by the end of the weekend.

Tomorrow and Saturday I have to attend a trade show. Boring. The only good thing is that they have a couple of auctions where based on the sales your company did the previous year, you get "Trade Show Dollars" and can get some cool stuff. I'm hoping to walk away with at least something worthwhile. I expect there will be a few employees from my previous company, that should be interesting...I can't recall if I went last year or not, I think I did, but I'm not sure I ran into anyone or else it might have actually stuck in my brain. Oh well. Interesting note. BP, our company CEO is not going. Why? She says she's got too much work to do. Reality is that she feels embarrassed by all the weight she has gained. How do I know this? Because she makes comments about how "fat" she's gotten about 5 times a day and I know how much appearance means to her. Honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about that. I certainly have sucked it up many a time and gone places I sure as hell didn't want to go because of my size, but I completely understand her feelings and I respect the fact that every individual's struggle with their self-image is their uniquely their own. It doesn't matter to me what she does either way I just think it's interesting. I suspect she keeps complaining about her weight to me because she believes if anyone would understand, I would. Intellectually, I understand it, emotionally, I haven't worked it all out yet.

I got the hollow leg thing going on today. I've been eating since I got up this morning, too bad I can't any taste any of it...I'm sure some of it is pretty damn good.

Month 18

Thank God that month is over, I am happy to see March start and feel like I can start fresh. February had so many ups and down on the DS level and in life in general. My starting weight for the month was 264.0 lbs, the very next day, I weighed in at 265.6 and I've been up and down the same couple of pounds all month, finally ending up a little over at 264.4 lbs which I am fine with given the tumultuous nature of my life the past 3 weeks. According to DS lore, my weight loss window has closed, of course I believe that to be patently false, so the next 6 months present a challenge for me. I am anticipating having a final diagnosis and begin treatment for my hyperprolactinemia in 1-2 weeks. This will hopefully get my hormones in order and start the long process of reducing the tumor. This will also allow me to start losing weight like I have in the past. My goal is a measly 60-70 lbs away, absolutely doable in the next 6 months.

Post-MRI, I feel like a weight has been lifted, it goes to show you the kind of machinations that go on in my head. I actually feel better now that it's over, no small part due to the fact that I actually got a good, restful sleep last night. It was one of the nights where I don't even remember falling asleep and the time between when I pulled the covers up and woke up this morning felt like 10 minutes, instead of the 8.5 hours that it was. This morning I feel refreshed, for a change.

Food and water has been mediocre. I have been getting in my protein, for the most part, but have incorporated cheese, Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat Bread and Dreamfield's pasta into my day to day. All low carb items, but notorious problem-causers for me. I also probably had one or two too many pieces of birthday cake and probably went out to eat and had one or two too many non-DS friendly foods, it was my birthday, afterall, and what a change it was to actually celebrate multiple times with friends and acquaintances! I'm reining all that in for this month as I am really anxious to see what I can do on the scale this month. Addressing the tumor issue should allow me to trust my body and trust that the DS still works well for me.

My hand still hurts from yesterday and there is a visible 1/3 inch scratch from where the technician/nurse was trying to find my vein. When I look at it, it's nowhere near my vein which makes me wonder what the hell she was looking at. Anyway, today is supposed to be sunny and somewhat warm which means I'm fixin' to head out the door in about 15 minutes! Gonna run some errands and later go to the park and play some tennis. I'm supposed to go see either Juno or Vantage Point this afternoon, but haven't decided which. I'm on a Lost kick, so Vantage Point it will probably be.

Deformed?!?

I went to pick up my test orders for my MRI tomorrow. I am anxious about it, I can't help but to be a little neurotic. I haven't been sleeping well all week, it's not that I'm scared, just ... anxious to done already. The doc attached a copy of my X-Ray results:

Lateral View of the Sella Turcica 2/12/2008:

History: Patient with history of absent menstruation.

Findings: The lateral view ofthe skull shows a deformed appearance of the sella turcica, which would suggest a space-occupying lesion in the pituitary fossa. Dedicated pituitary MRI examination is recommended.

Impression: Deformed appearance of the sella turcica, which would suggest a space-occupying lesion in the pituitary fossa. Dedicated pituitary MRI examination is recommended.

Sounds freakin' serious, don't it? Dang! Well, I just be glad when it's over. Hopefully, I'll have the results early next week.

Can I name it?

I told myself I'd wait til 1:00 PM today to call my doctor's office, but ended up calling them at around 9:30. I gave the nurse my info and about an hour and a half later I got a call back from a different doctor (Dr. B). Apparently, my doc (Dr. A) is out of the office today (dangit), but he gave me the low down of what my X-Ray says so far. Apparently, there is an abnormality in/around/by/of the sella turcica and the radiologist has recommended an MRI. The sella turcica is the area of the skull where the pituitary gland is. Dr. B asked why Dr. A had me get the X-Ray in the first place and I told him about my elevated prolactin levels and I gave him the number. He said that it looks like I have a pituitary tumor and he said that odds are, Dr. A will either refer me to an Endocrinologist (yes, I can deal with that) or a Neurosurgeon (uh...no). He also said such things respond well to medication (woo-hoo!). Okay, this is basically what I expected, except that I didn't think I needed to get an MRI which just makes this whole debacle sound a helluva lot more serious, especially when you hear "neurosurgeon" come out of somebody's mouth. Not to mention the fact that I have this fear of not fitting into an MRI although it'll be only of my head.

All of a sudden, I'm not quite so impatient. LOL! Anyway, I'm just going to calmly wait to talk to Dr. A. tomorrow and hear what he recommends I do and grill the heck out of him. I think I will give my tumor (if that is indeed the final DX) a name...I gotta think of something good. If people can name their hernias, I can name my tumor! In the meantime, life goes on. I'm starving and it's time for food....

Waiting...

So my patience has been tested all day. No word from the doctor, although I did schedule a follow-up visit with my Gastroenterologist while I called in a refill for my Protonix. BP also left on a two week vacation to France. For me, it's a mixed bag. I definitely have opportunities to go "heads down" and get more things done, but during those few hours of the day when we're both awake, she tends to email, IM and Skype a lot which drives me nuts. Today I wanted to throttle her as she was freaking out over every little non-issue all day long. I was happy to hear she got on her plane in one piece and from what I understand she won't get to her final destination in the countryside til sometime Saturday afternoon (long story).

Hopefully tomorrow I will hear some news, I am so, so anxious to hear word either way. After doing even more research today I came across Vitex which is a herb remedy for prolactinemia and something I might start taking if the doc, for some reason doesn't want to put me on Parlodel or Dostinex. If I don't hear anything by 1 or 2 PM, I will be a-callin'.

Onward...

Next steps...

Ok. I go to the GYN's office this morning to pick my orders for the tests I need to take. I then go to a different location, give the receptionist my paperwork, wait for my name to be called and surrender 4 vials of blood. I then have to yet another location for my X-rays. They basically just take two X-rays of my noggin, lateral view and I'm on my way home. Overall, pretty painless and I am hoping that at least the X-ray results will be available to my doctor today and I will hear from them soon.

I spent another good 2 hours late last night doing more research and I'm almost certain it's a prolactinoma. There seems to be three different causes for hyperprolactinaemia (1) reaction to certain medications none of which I am taking, (2) related to a thyroid condition - my tests are normal or (3) a tumor/cyst on the pituitary gland. At this point, I feel like all I need is a doggone prescription and I'm good to go. The most frustrating realization about this whole prolactinoma thing is that if I indeed have one, then it's reason #1 as to why I haven't been losing weight as well as I should have for like the past 4-6 months. I've read plenty of message board posts about people gaining weight because of hyperprolactinaemia and I think for me my DS was basically fighting tooth and nail with the prolactinoma as far as whether I'd lose weight or not. Seems like the DS was winning, but barely. It would be pie in the sky, la-la-land for me to hope to start taking Cabergoline and voila, I lose 20 lbs overnight. All I really want is for my old DS ability to lose weight to return. That's all I want. I don't have a problem doing the work, eating right and exercising, what's been completely maddening is doing the work and seeing very little results AND thinking I am doing something wrong OR thinking my DS is broken or my window is closed. Ugh.

It's weird because I'm hopeful that this is what has been causing my problems and therefore a solution exists, but frustrated with myself for not seeing a GYN earlier. If I had done so in August, it's possible I could be down another 30-60 lbs. I had been averaging over 17+ lbs loss per month up until then and then it fell to like 8 lbs or less. Frustrating. Oh well, no need to get all riled up for nothing. I just want my kick-ass DS weight-loss ability back, that's all. I feel 100 times more confident that my goal is attainable, before yesterday, I was honestly mostly doubtful, but didn't want to completely give up.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Hollow Leg Syndrome

I started Week 4 of my Couch to 5K and it was the toughest so far. I wasn't sure I'd make it! I walked for 5 mins, ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins, ran for 5 mins, walked for 3.5 mins, then ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins and then ran for 5 mins. Those last two runs were bloody murder, I honestly thought I'd have to walk it...BUT, holy crap, I ran for 5 minutes straight...TWICE!!! Omigod, I've never done that before and although it was tough, I did it. Awesomeness abounds. I also walked over to the tennis courts and hit some balls for 1/2 an hour, I think I got a decent forehand! I'm no longer lobbing them all over the place which is a good thing...chasing balls is not fun.

This is day 2 on the Provera and I don't really feel any different. A few of the side effects are moodiness and weight gain...whoopee. It's only a 5 day course (assuming the labs come back okay) so I won't stress too much about it.

I'm 1/2 way through a container of Maximum Protein powder I got at GNC. The stuff is delicious but gives me unbelievable gas....sucks. I had avoided chocolate flavored protein mixes for awhile, but I may make an effort to find a new one that doesn't give me explosive gas.

Weight is staying between 264 and 265...not too happy about that, but am not freaking out. With the increased exercise, I'm not surprised. Yesterday, I was STARVING and ate well over 3500 calories, not sure why I get so hungry sometimes, but I could not stop eating or rather, as soon as I finished eating, I was hungry again. Today is the opposite, I've only eaten 2-3 times today. I doubt I'll hit 3000 calories today.

Month 17 ... and other stuff

Well, I've had an interesting couple of days. That might be the understatement of the year. First, the whole situation with our Employee #2 seems to be resolves. Long story, he reacted poorly due to some tragic news he had just received and completely over-reacted in the midst of him trying to deal with the bad news. He apologized to Employee #1 as well as to me. I accepted his apology but stressed the need to try to step away and give himself a minute to calm down. I also communicated to the entire staff, in no uncertain terms, that I better not hear or read or catch wind of any more unprofessional behavior. I think for now, that is sufficient. Thank God it's Friday, I truly need a break.

On to more important things. This was an interesting month in my DS life and one that I can easily say I enjoyed, moreso than the last couple. This month was all about exercise and discovering the joy of tennis. The month started off with my Couch to 5K training and I was and still am amazed at my ability to run. It boggles the mind. When I first started walking at the end of 2006, I mentioned the fact that I hated getting lapped my little old ladies, well not anymore. Yesterday was the first time that I actually ran past people walking. It was such a thrill! Typically, there aren't a whole lot of people out there braving the cold and wind so the opportunity to lap folks has been infrequent, that's definitely part of the reason, but to actually pass someone after spending my whole having people pass me by is just incredible! As running gets more and more difficult, I also see improvements in myself, when I first could barely run for 60 straight seconds, I can now run 3 minutes without bursting a lung. I know if I keep at it, I'll be able to reach my goal of running a 5K.

Then there was tennis. I love tennis. I'm flabbergasted at how much I like it. I have very little interest in it pre-surgery. I think maybe it's because of the physicality involved and the opportunity it affords me to move around in space like I don't recall ever doing. I sweat more in one hour of tennis practice than training for the 5K. Also, I don't like sucking at things, especially things I've committed myself to doing. Yesterday I spent an hour practicing my forehand and had to force myself to pack up my stuff and go back home, I could have stayed out there for hours, but there was work to be done. I know I am a good year or so away from being a decent tennis player and I know there's a long road of suckitude and mediocrity ahead, but I know that I'll get there with hard work and lots and lots of practice.

Weight-wise, although I hadn't lost the 15 lbs I was hoping for, I did lose 7 lbs total, but lost roughly 12 lbs of body fat and gained roughly 5 lbs of muscle. I can definitely be happy with that. I do feel stronger, especially in my legs and thighs. which I love. My current weight is a steady 264.0 lbs, down from 516.6 lbs for a total loss of 252.6 lbs in 17 months.

I do find myself more and more anxious to be done with all the weight loss already. As I am never content nor comfortable with my nutrition/supplementation, I am always looking for the problem areas and one seems to pop up every now and again and that is the issue of not eating enough. For me, consuming more than say, 1800 calories, requires effort. I can easily get that amount of food in through the course of the day without thinking about it. Problem is that 1800 calories is nowhere near enough for me. I need to be getting upwards of 2500+ calories a day, probably well over 3000 with the amount of exercise I do. It's still a foreign concept to me and one that I haven't fully embraced -- that of eating more to lose. We've been down this road at least 5 or 6 times over the last 17 months and still I have to step back and remind myself that I need to freakin' eat.

These last several months have been rough though. I haven't lost the weight I have wanted to lose and part of me thinks it might be related to the Protonix I am taking. I have read some anecdotal evidence that PPI's can cause weight gain and my weight loss slow down seems to have started soon after I got on the Protonix at the beginning of August. Since August 1st, I have only lost about 44 lbs, 44 in 6 months. That is way below my average of around 14-17 lbs per month. My other worry is that maybe my estrogen levels are low. Low estrogen has been associated with weight gain, as has been the direct opposite. Maybe I'm reaching here, but I just want to know that there aren't any factors working against me. I know I am getting smaller as I can wear things now that I couldn't merely a month ago, it's just that the scale continues to frustrate the heck out of me. I miss those days when on average I would lose 0.2 - 0.8 lbs a day, hell, even if it went up, it was temporary and it would eventually go right back down. If nothing else, I covet consistency. Anyway, on Monday, I have the dreaded GYN appointment. I am sooooo not looking forward to it, but it must be done. Hopefully all will be well.

It's all the things I can't implicitly control that give me grief, so many other factors to consider like the exercise and increase in muscle I mentioned earlier. Sometimes I wish things could be more formulaic. Do X, get Y. That would be sublime, but such is not the case, at least not in any simple sense. Maybe the solution (goal weight) is a far more complex equation and maybe I don't have all the knowledge, skills and discipline to figure all out just yet...YET. What's interesting though, you would think that I'd find myself more and more content with a more "lenient" goal weight, but truthfully, it makes me want to see that normal BMI more and more. I guess this is a long-winded way for me to say I'm impatient, damnit! LOL.

Tomorrow morning I have a tennis lesson, then I am going to try to get a little shopping done. The rest of the day will be relaxing. Sunday is all about the Super Bowl. For the record, I am rooting for the Giants, gotta root for the underdog, right?

13.2

Dr.'s appointment on Monday went well although I really need to stop getting nervous/anxious at those darn things because my blood pressure is always higher there. 120/68. Long story, short, I'm still on the bp meds, that's okay, I told her about the readings I took and she said that when I start having symptoms of low blood pressure to give her a ring and they'll check me again. She's very happy with my weight loss and anticipates that I'll be off the meds in 6 months. Good enough for me, I just don't want to get off of them, only to have to get back on again, so if it takes a little while longer, no problemo! I also got my blood drawn and almost had to choke the lab technician. She was having trouble finding a vein and was poking and digging around. Lucky for her it was MLK Jr. Day!

I actually got the results back from my labs this morning. All is well, especially my iron. My hemoglobin is up to 13.2. That's higher than it was pre-surgery! Serum Ferritin is 151 and Serum Iron is 57. My Total Serum Protein is 7.8 and my Albumin is 4.5, both higher than all my previous post-op labs. Yea!

I started Week 3 of my running program yesterday and Holy Mother!!! Not easy. Running for 3 straight minutes is harder than I thought, but I did it! I was certainly breathing heavy during the last 3 minutes, BUT (1) I finished every run (2) I did NOT need to stop and (3) afterwards, I was spent, but again, not overly exhausted. I've started eating a tad more carbs so I think that is helping some. I bought a loaf of Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat Bread and have been having a slice every morning. Luckily it's not giving me any gas issues. I had to run in the freezing rain and that was NOT something I want to do often. I had to go because I couldn't run Monday as I had my appointment and I didn't want to push it off another day because of the weather so I went and got soaked to the bone. It took me a good hour to warm back up.

I weighed in this morning at 264.0 lbs. Cool! That is down 2.4 lbs over the last couple of days. Yea! Last night I went to see Cloverfield with a friend. It was a trip! I liked it, it won't be winning any Oscars, but it was a fun movie experience. I holy-crap'd and ohmigod my way through the last 2/3 of the movie. Tonight something a little less apocalyptic...I have a dinner meeting with the planning committee for our local Walk From Obesity and I'm excited to be a part of it. I've never planned anything like this before so it should be interesting. I don't remember when the actual Walk is, but I believe it is 5K. Good stuff.

Yeah, baby, yeah!!!

Start Weight: 516.6 lbs
Surgery Weight: 510.0 lbs
Current Weight: 266.4 lbs
Goal Weight: 199.8 lbs

TOTAL LOSS: 250.2 lbs!

Woo-hoo!!!! The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter and brighter. 66.6 lbs to goal.

Yes, I am a happy camper this morning, needless to say!

So, I have an appointment with my PCP this morning so I have to keep this post short. Keep your fingers crossed that she will give me the okay to get off the blood pressure meds for good! I checked it three times this weekend and it ranged from 83/64 to 107/78. I'm also going to get labs done as well.

Post Par-tay!

Oh boy, what a weekend! Friday night was a trip, for sure and I am about 90% recovered from the last 36 hours. I do feel a little odd because yesterday felt like a Sunday and today feels like a weekday, but thank God it's not. I need today to actually take it easy maybe and truly wind down. Well going out Friday night was interesting to say the least, the party started at my friend's house around 8:00 PM. We cooked up some appetizers and they started drinking Tequila shots. By the time we actually hit the road, it was 10:45 or so and they'd had around 4-5 rounds of shots. Off we go to the bar where another friend is the bartender and had promised the birthday girl a free drink or two. So we met up with two more friends and hung out at the bar, played darts and by this time everyone was pretty giddy so being one of two sober people, it was fun being silly, cracking jokes, playing around and not be drunk because when it was time to hop back in the car to go someplace else, no one had to worry about getting from point A to B safely. Anyway, we left that bar and went to this place in Buckhead around 1:30AM. It was a hole, but they had good music and my friends had a few more rounds of drinks and we eventually got out of there at 3:00 AM when I had a brilliant idea... Waffle House! Yea! For those of you not familiar with Waffle House it is "the" place to chow down and sober up post-partying in metro Atlanta. I hadn't been to a Waffle House in years. Besides waffles, they have your typical diner food. Turns out Waffle House was the right move because we were all starving and the food was outstanding ... yes, I know that sounds crazy, but after what like 7 hours of running around, we were all tired and we could have eaten at McDonalds and thought it was the best stuff ever. Anyway, I had a cheese & ham omelet, sausage patties and a couple bites of toast and hash browns. Everyone else had similar things, only one person got an actual waffle. By 4:30AM we were done and piled back into the car and we went to the birthday girl's house and I dropped everyone home and they crashed there. I didn't get home til 5:15AM and was unconscious by 5:30.

All in all a good time, the next day, yesterday,...not so much. Here's the thing. While everyone else was drinking tequila and beer and other stuff, I was drinking Diet Coke and water. The problem with drinking Diet Coke at two in the morning is that by 5:30 AM I was having a hard time falling into deep sleep because of all the caffeine even though I was dead tired so by 12:30 PM, I just got up for good because there was little use in me trying to sleep when I knew I really couldn't. So I got up and immediately took my supplements and drank a protein shake. I also knew I had to go run because it was Day 3 of Week 1 of my Couch to 5K program and I didn't want to push it off to Sunday. So I go to the park to run around 2:30 or so and I tell you, it was my most enjoyable run so far. I didn't have any pain, I wasn't overly tired -- I worked up a sweat, but wasn't exhausted. I felt really good and I actually felt like I could take it up a notch, which I will as week 2 does exactly that. Instead of alternating 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking, it changes to 90 seconds of running/2 mins of rest. I will start that on Monday.

Anyway, so after the park, I go to the grocery store to pick up a few things and I'm home around 4:00 PM and I literally just veg on my couch for an hour because by 5:00 PM, I have to get up and go get ready for a birthday dinner at 7:00. Around 6:30 PM, the caffeine has absolutely worn off and I am exhausted, so exhausted, in fact, I'm not even positive I will be making to the dinner, but I go shower and dress up and make my way over there and once I see what's for dinner, I perk right up! Crabcakes AND Alaskan King Crab legs! Holy Mother! I was in heaven! There was also roasted potatoes (skipped) and sautéed green beans (yum), but I didn't waste space on that stuff, I was all about the crab! Absolutely divine, I gotta tell ya. Yum, yum, yum. Instead of birthday cake, we had creme brulee which I had a bite of, but I am not much of a fan. We wrapped up around 10:15 PM as some folks were headed out and all I could think of was my nice warm bed. By the time I got home, it was 10:45 and I was unconscious by 11:00 PM and woke up this morning around 9 AM.

So that has been my weekend so far. All I feel like doing today is ... nothing. I kinda feel like I want to go back to bed, but I'm not, I don't want to screw up my normal schedule. There are a couple of things I gotta do for work and I have to go get a prescription refilled, but that's about it. I may go ahead and rearrange my home office like I'd been contemplating. I have bought a new table to situate perpendicular with my current table so that I can now have an L-shaped desk which works better with my computer screens and gives me more desk space.

Anyway, I weighed in this morning at 269.8 lbs. Ugh. I know why, I haven't had a big poop since Friday morning, even my run yesterday didn't help much and there's no way I'm reducing the amount of calcium or iron I take, so I guess it's more water and possibly stool softeners for me. Bummer.

There are a couple of football games today, so I think I will head out, go run my 2 or 3 errands and maybe sneak in some work before I retire to the couch. My Cowboys play today so they better not disappoint, I'm hoping they make it to the Super Bowl so that I can throw a party!

Whoa

Yesterday afternoon, just before we hit the lazy part of the day, I helped a friend organize a couple of closets and helped move several storage boxes from the 2nd floor down to the basement. I think I made 5 or 6 trips and wasn't winded at all, my friend was. This morning, I definitely felt a little tightness in my back. Also my right wrist hurts a little bit. Lately, since I've got bony elbows now, I'm constantly hitting a nerve somewhere in my elbow because when I'm working every now and then a weird sensation runs down my arm from my elbow to my fingers. Very annoying, I may need to revisit my desk & chair heights, they haven't changed at all since surgery and they probably should.

I always worry when I have more carbs than usual what the effect will be on my innards, so far today, just lots of gas, again, I am anticipating some mediocre weight loss days ahead as the cheese finds it's way to the promised land, not to mention the potatoes and crepes and mousse.

I had this weird moment this weekend when I was standing in front of a large mirror after I had taken a shower. The lighting was different than my bathroom and it was like I was looking at myself for the first time in a long time. I spent a good 2-3 minutes looking over my body and just had a fleeting moment or two where I actually thought "who is this?" It wasn't a bad thing, it was just a moment of whoa, for lack of a better term. I was standing to the size, my arms were up, my chest in, shoulders forward and I was struck by the contour of my arms, back, etc. It was like I was seeing myself in another person's body. It's amazing how your body changes when you don't stop to see the whole picture. What I have noticed lately is that I can feel my rib bones on my back. My jaw line is more prominent, my hips are bonier. On the flipside, where most of my body is flabby, the back of my thighs still have thick layers of fat, really the only parts of my body that do. Honestly, it looks a little deformed, but although it doesn't look like it, I know my thighs continue to shrink. I remember when I first tried on the jeans I am currently wearing. I bought them a size smaller knowing that I'd get to wear that size sooner or later. I remember them being so tight, I could barely sit down comfortably and didn't even dare trying to cross my legs. Now, I only have a few more weeks to wear them as they are already too big, but you know how I like to wear things past the time I should get rid of them.

The DS still amazes after all this time and I'm sure it will continue to amaze for a good while.

Post-Christmas Thoughts

Not to be all about the food, but I've eaten like a queen the past two days, unbelievable! It started Christmas Eve, we had Alaskan King Crab legs, baby gold potatoes, whole artichokes and a ramekin of melted butter. The crab was absolutely divine, it was incredibly flavorful and tender and those things are huge, each leg was pushing 24 inches long. For dessert that night, we had cupcakes, yeah, that was kinda lame after the awesome dinner. Christmas morning we had crepes, lots and lots of crepes. Not my favorite thing in the world, but pretty good and quite versatile. Christmas dinner we had filet mignon with sauteed mushroom in some kind of sauce/gravy, these huge sea scallops cooked in a white wine sauce, asparagus spears, sweet potato crisps and warm multi-grain bread with lots of butter. Dessert was a duo of dark & white chocolate mousse. There was also an apple tart-like dessert that I didn't try. Very, very good meals, especially the crab. Now I know why it's so expensive.

The past two days, I'm really proud that I didn't engage in any overeating, in fact there was a point Christmas Day that I was feeling a little unsteady because I hadn't had enough protein or water so I made myself a protein drink and snacked on some cheese (I know, I know). There was plenty of food around and it would have been so easy to eat cookies, more crepes, candy, pasta, etc. non-stop, but I didn't have any real strong urges to. I mentioned the cheese earlier and I know I will probably be clogged up for a couple of days, but it was either eat a few slices off the cheese tray or eat Christmas cookies, so I opted for the cheese. It was good, by the way.

TMI time. The morning of Christmas Eve, I weighed in at 276.2 lbs, a little disappointing, but progress was still being made. Since I was away the next morning, I have no idea how much I weighed, but I will tell you, that I must have pooped and pooped and pooped and pooped some more. I don't know what the deal was, but good grief. It's always nerve-wracking when you are away from home and you have to deal with DS issues, luckily I was able to use a little used bathroom and I brought vinegar to pour in the toilet to help mitigate the poop smell. Christmas morning, again, lots and lots of poop. This morning, lots and lots and lots of poop. Ugh. I don't think I ate that much to warrant all the poop. I don't know. Anyway, all that pooping paid off because this morning, I finally weighed in at 273.8 lbs. Yea! I have almost lost all the water weight I gained. Woo-hoo! Since I ate a good bit of cheese yesterday, I know I will probably gain over the next 2-3 days as it makes it's way slowly through my system, but I am hoping that by the 30th, I'll be back to normal.

I didn't get a whole lot of presents this year, but I did get my new scale and I LOVE it so far! It's the Omron Body Composition Monitor with Scale (HBF-500). It came in late afternoon Christmas Eve so I didn't have a chance to use it because I had to head out the door, but I got the chance this morning. It's much, much better than the previous one I used and had to return. It's pretty substantial, the pads that send the electrical pulse are large and I didn't have any problems figuring out how it works. Here are my readings this morning:

Weight: 273.8 lbs
Body Fat %: 47.5
Visceral Fat: 9 (0-9 is normal, 10+ high)
Skeletal Muscle %: 23.9
Resting Metabolism: 2114
BMI: 38.7

The numbers I am most concerned with are weight and body fat percentage, but I will track all of them to see my progress over the next 30 days, at that point I will decide if I need to keep tracking it all or not, but I think tracking BF% is a no-brainer since I seem to be susceptible to having water weight issues. One thing of note, both this scale and the one I returned consistently gave readings 1.4-1.8 lbs lower than my old scale which leads me to a dilemma I currently find myself in. I have three scales right now, two of which are sketchy at best. I think I will just have to get rid of the sketchy ones and keep the new one. I've been weighing on two scales since before I had surgery and I ain't about to start weighing on three! I think I will bring the one that weighs up to 550 lbs to support group meeting and see if anyone has a use for it, the other one I will bring along as well and if neither of them get picked up, off to Goodwill they go!

Today might be a little rough, I got maybe 3 hours of sleep Christmas Eve and around 7 hours last night and I'm seriously contemplating taking a nap right now. Nutrition-wise, I am keeping things simple and will be drinking lots of water. I have one or two more social gatherings to attend in the next several days and then it's back to a normal routine. I hope everyone had a good holiday, I sure did!

BP & BP

Well, a marathon meeting it was. I got to BP's house around 11:30 AM and didn't leave til close to 9:30 PM. The general staff meeting itself was relatively short, maybe an hour, actually it wasn't much of a meeting. I didn't realize BP was planning a sort of mini-Christmas Party so there were a few decorations around and some "party" food. I, like a good DSer, did bring my food, a protein shake, some chicken wings and some pork ribs so I was good to go, or so I thought. BP made these little pizzas that were pretty good, she made cut English muffins in 1/2, then piled each half with about 1/2 - 3/4 cup of a really meaty pasta sauce and a slice each of provolone and mozzarella cheeses. When I first got there, I just had a bowl of the meat sauce because I was starving. A little while later, I had one figuring the carb count was probably only around 10-15 carbs and man, it was delicious. I had one more a few hours later and another bowl of meat sauce a little while after that. Closer to eight o'clock, I had about 4-5 oz of my pork ribs and I also had a couple of SF jello snacks mixed in throughout that time as well. She also had an array of Christmas treats -- cupcakes, candy, etc., but I didn't have any of that although I do have to say that the cupcakes looked tempting, but I could almost taste the "too sweetness" and it kind of made it easier to ignore (not to mention the fact that I want to be good until X-Mas dinner). I've mentioned that I definitely take after my mother and have a wicked sweet tooth, but post-DS even though I do sometimes crave sweet foods, they often disappoint because they just seem about 50% sweeter than what I remember and often are too sweet for me to really enjoy which is good because the less sugar and white stuff in my life, the better. I wish I could say I ate perfectly, but I think when confronted will kinds of options, I'm glad to have made some good, although not perfect decisions. When I plugged everything into Fitday, I still came in sub 50 grams of carbs for the day and that is definitely within limits. I didn't drink a gallon of water yesterday, more like 64 oz which isn't too bad.

The meeting itself was good, we talked about our company top down and I feel really good about our direction. I really feel that this is the year that we truly break out and I'm excited about it. It's 5:00 in the morning and just thinking about it caused me to wake up early. No big deal, it's exciting stuff so I don't mind.

BP also has a blood pressure gadget. She bought it because she was convinced the stress of running a company coupled with the drama of what was transpiring between her husband and his ex-wife and the whole custody nightmare was going to slowly kill her. I took my blood pressure twice last night to see if the diuretics were causing my previous good readings and a couple things of note. One, the regular-sized cuff fit my arm! Woo-hoo! No extra large cuffs for me anymore! Two, the first reading was 104/72 and the second was 102/78. How awesome is that. I'll be conservative and say that I should definitely be off the meds by the end of the first quarter. Gosh, I am so excited about that! Third, my heart rate is back up to around 50-55 bpm. It was around 40-45 a few months ago which made me a little uneasy, but this range makes me much more comfortable.

Overall, a very good day yesterday, the blood pressure readings just thrill me to tears, I can't wait to see my PCP in a couple of weeks. Today is going to be a little busy. I have some work I have to knock out this morning and early afternoon then it's off to have dinner with some friends and then we're going to go see I Am Legend. I won movie tickets at my support group meeting so why not get out there with the rest of humanity during this crazy weekend. I'm hoping we go to this really good seafood place close to the movie theater instead of the Italian restaurant that someone mentioned when we were discussing plans. It's much easier to order from there than from pasta central. I'm looking forward to some well-cooked shrimp and scallops. Yum.

I keep going back to that wonderful conversation I had with my cousin last weekend, I'm starting to realize, more and more, what a great blessing that was. One of the things she told me to do was to stay busy. Fill my life with things I enjoy to do, don't spend a great deal of time alone doing nothing. Such great advice. Metro Atlanta is a great area and although I do have one or two specific passions, a lot of things interest me so why not take advantage. What my cousin did was take a few classes, I think she mentioned flower arranging and something else, I forget what, but they were things she enjoyed in and of themselves, the social aspect of it was secondary. Definitely something else to mull over as I try to make positive changes in life.

Poop and more poop

Good grief, I've been a pooping machine this morning. I think it's the pork ribs clogging me up or the additional iron I am now taking, but it's Poopfest 2007 all over again. Adding the additional iron is doing wonders for me with me not feeling as !@#$-ing cold all the time and I do feel a little more pep. Poop-wise, I pretty consistently have a 18-24 hour turnaround from start to finish. The only exceptions to this are when I eat cheese or wheat products (bread, pasta, etc.), that crap tends to clog me up for at least 2-3 days. Not good. All that pooping definitely showed up on the scale as I weighed in at 278.2 lbs this morning, down an even 2.0 lbs from yesterday and 238.4 lbs overall, but up 6.2 lbs for the month (boo!). I can't wait for my new scale and body fat monitor thingamajig to come in ... like I need more data to obsess over! The UPS tracking number says I should get it on the 24th.

Tonight is support group meeting, yea! I can't wait to go, I love it so much. Unfortunately, I won't be able to say I've lost any weight, but I think getting off the diuretics was the right thing to do so I can say I made a positive decision for my longterm health and now that I am at least getting back to where I was, I am more and more content with my decision. One of the first things for the New Year is an appointment with my PCP to get some labs done as well as to see whether or not I can get off the blood pressure pills. I've been averaging 110/70 the last few times I've taken it and that was several weeks ago. My only fear is that the diuretics may have been contributing to that, but I won't know til I test again, so I will probably just try to get my blood pressure taken tomorrow to see.

Deluzy's post about readership has inspired me to incorporate a reading goal for 2008. A few months ago, I decided I would work my way through Oprah's Book Club as I had already read many of them, but I didn't give myself a timeline to do it. I think I will try to do some of the books at that list, but I need to find some other intellectually stimulating books as well. When I was in Barbados with several of my old college friends, it was so refreshing to be able to engage in intelligent conversations about a variety of things. I don't get that in my day to day and I miss it. I need to keep my mind sharp, so I will be finding books that can get the neurons firing. My initial thoughts are to get through a book a month, but I can read much faster than that, so I may opt for one book every 2 weeks. I do like my television shows so that will definitely cut into reading time, unless of course that writer's strike goes on longer than I expect. By the way, I'm taking book recommendations!

Decaf, Sugar free, Lactose Free

That's the way I like my coffee. I was never much of a coffee drinker until this year and was drinking a lot of it at one point, especially caffeinated coffee. Right now, I am trying to limit myself to one or two cups a day and limit the amount of Splenda and creamer I use. I am using about 1/3 of the creamer I used to use and about 1/2 the Splenda. It's my one indulgence per day, mostly because I'm freezing and it warms my insides nicely. I could probably be consistently happy with one cup a day if I get myself one of those mug warmers or a good travel mug. I bought one travel mug and it's basically useless.

Weight this morning was 280.2 lbs, down 1.2 lbs. Slowly, but surely, just 80.4 lbs to go til goal. I'm still a tad annoyed that I have to lose those 16 lbs all over again, but it is certainly motivation for me to quit screwing around and not a lot of little things slip. One of these days I will post my weight loss spreadsheet and you'll be able to see just how truly obsessive about this I really am. One of things I do do is have a column where I can just jot down quick notes about the previous day so that I won't have to remember everything. There will be stuff like "very little poop" or "too much cheese" or "not enough water" or "too much salt, not enough protein" and when I've eaten poorly there'll be notes like "too many carbs, not enough water" or "ice cream … yum, but bad" or "too many pickles, not enough poop". Oy, sometimes I crack myself up. Anyway, it keeps me honest when I'd rather sometimes delude myself into thinking I'm doing better than I am. I noticed that I started to consistently slip up more in August when I was fretting about hitting my one year anniversary. One days when all is good, I don't leave notes, but in the last 3 1/2 months there are a ton, kinda makes my whining a little unwarranted. Sigh. I don't know how smart it is to look at 2008 as a fresh start, but that's how I am looking at it. I am somewhat proud of myself in that I haven't looked at the entire month of December as a munch-fest, but I do know that there are at least a few more parties and dinners left til the end of the year and I want to enjoy them, the goal is to NOT allow a few hours of excess turn into a few days. The longterm goal, afterall, is to be able sustain a healthy way of eating 90% of the time and to be able to have a "normal" meal every once in awhile and not slip into past pre-surgery behaviors.

In reality, I don't not like how I eat now, what does causes me anxiety about the way I eat is knowing that I still have a lot of weight to lose and therefore stressing about that naturally leads to stressing about what I eat. When I hit goal, I don't anticipate changing my diet a great deal. A big part of that is dealing with the cause and effect of certain foods, I'm a DS-er that needs to limit certain things if I don't want crazy poop and I do NOT want nonstop crazy poop especially since I have so many new social things planned for the year. I don't want to be the new girl with the crazy poop.

Anyway, I have on a size Large t-shirt right now and it's kinda roomy. What a trip! Don't ask me why, but I tried on a pair of size 18 shorts I acquired several weeks ago and I was able to button them -- couldn't breathe very well, but I was able to button them up and walk around, although I didn't dare try sitting down. How cool is that? I don't have any size 18 jeans, but I do have a size 20, I tried those on and couldn't zip them up. The last time I tried them on I couldn't get them past my hips. Crazy. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I am getting smaller even though the scale is playing with my emotions.