Heart Matters

We had our first match of the USTA Summer season yesterday. Imagine running around for an hour and a half around a blazing hot concrete slab. It was rough. I mean, it was only 85 or so degrees, but tennis hardcourts radiate heat like a mother! I try not to drink sports drinks as they tend to have too much sugar, but I think I drank 3 by the time I was done. I couldn't help it, it was either that or pass out. My partner and I won, 6-0, 6-1 but the match took longer than normal. Afterwards the rest of my teammates and I went down to Marietta Square for some much needed grub. All in all, a very good day.

I'm starting to think that the extra protein shake might not be enough. We'll see. When I check a few sites, they all have me burning anywhere from 500-800 calories each time I play tennis. Yikes! One measly protein shake ain't gonna make up for that. I've been trying to eat 4 meals instead of 3 and I think I may need to find some good grazing food. I really like Pork Rinds, but they aren't too cool to have at work... or maybe that's just my perception, this is the south after all. I guess I will stop by the grocery store after work and pick up some sunflower seeds at least.

I tried a new marinade with my baked chicken last night and it's not too bad. I have noticed that the powder-based marinades - the ones I need to mix up myself - have much more robust flavors than jar based ones. Good stuff. I happily ate a couple of thighs for lunch today and am looking forward to have one as soon as I get home.

So, Thursday I have an appointment for an echocardiogram. My doc wants to make absolutely sure that my water retention issues are not heart related. Gosh, I remember the last time I had one of those, it had to be around 2002-2003, I honestly can't remember. I must've weighed maybe 450 lbs or so. Wow. I keenly remember the technician/nurse/doctor/whatever having to press really hard to get good images of my heart because I had so many layers of fat on my chest. It was painful and embarrassing. This time it should be different. Unless s/he's trying to get images through my boobs, s/he shouldn't have any issues. The only heart concern I have - and this may be a nonissue - is my relatively low heart rate, at rest it is consistently in the 40-50 beats per minute range. I remember back in 2007 when I went in to have my upper GI and they had me on a heart rate monitor and the alarm would go off every minute or so because my heart rate would fall below 40 bpm. My blood pressure is normal so I think it all just means I'm healthy. I eat fairly well and exercise a lot so I should be okay. We'll certainly see.

Tweaking

I went to the doc in late May and have finally gotten my labs back. All in all, not too horrible. Seems I'm lapsing into anemia again even though I have been consistently taking two Poly-Iron capsules every day, they each have 150mg of elemental iron. I'm on the hunt for a chewable iron that I can add to my arsenal and will probably split up my Poly-Iron into two doses instead of one. This is definitely one of the reasons I've been feeling a little sluggish lately.

The most distressing lab result is my albumin, 3.7. Although it's in the normal range, it's the lowest ever for me and I'm not too happy about it. I'd been doing well doing my 2-3 protein shakes a day and thought that that was my maintenance level. Well, what I didn't factor into my plans was the increase in physical activity and how much I'd need to adjust for it. Right now, I am playing tennis 4-5 times a week and I don't see that changing, if anything, I may be playing more. So the plan right now is to add yet another protein shake a day. Yep, 4 protein shakes a day. The first one before I walk out the door in the morning, another around 10:30 AM, the third around 3-4PM and the last sometime around 9-10 PM. I then usually have 3 meals. I've been doing this for about a week and it seems to work. I feel a lot better, so we'll see how it goes. The weird thing is that my total protein is 7.4 which is well within normal, so I'm not sure what that means.

Speaking of tennis, have I told you lately how much I love it! I freakin' love it. Yesterday, I went to Friday morning drills for an hour and a half. Now, typically they have three courts which are usually divided based on skill level and I consider myself a beginner. Well, that morning there wasn't enough people to warrant 3 courts so everyone was on two. As soon as I noticed, I was nearly petrified. I mean, I've been swimming happily in the kiddie pool, now I felt like I was being tossed in the deep end. It was incredibly intimidating, but I jumped right in and within 15-20 mins, I definitely felt like I could hang. It was the most awesome feeling I've had in a while. The pace was much quicker, the players were so much better, but I was right there in it! I played my butt off and of course, made mistakes but I wasn't categorically worse. It was sooooo cool. The best part, the absolute best part was when a couple of people came up to me afterward and said I had great hand/eye coordination and asked if I ever wanted to go out and hit to give them a call. That has never happened to me before. It felt awesome. It was just so cool. I feel so much more motivated to improve my game. A big test for me comes later this summer when there is a big tennis tournament. I'm going to go out of my comfort zone and find a partner and enter in. I don't know how well I will fare, but I think it'll be good to test myself. I'm excited.

#600... and it's a doozy!

Believe it or not, this is my 600th post, 600 posts in like 2 1/2 years. Wow. That's a lot of blabbing on my part! Well, it's that time of year and so I have been thinking long and hard about resolutions for 2009. This time around, it's not so much about accomplishing a lot of little things, but I want to focus on making good strides toward living a normal healthy lifestyle where my weight and my surgery and my body issues aren't so present in my day to day life.

I've been back and forth with myself over the last several months about whether or not I am happy where I am weight-wise, whether getting down below 200 is feasible or not, whether hitting a certain number is all that important to me. I think what I have learned from all that is I still have issues with the fear of success. It is by far, the hardest thing for me to overcome, it sucks because I really want to be able to say that I'm done losing weight, but I guess, subconsciously, I am afraid of what that really means. I don't know. This hurdle, by far, is the most important one for me to overcome in 2009.

Having said that, after a very crazy holiday season filled with lots of holiday food of all kinds, it's time to get back on track. I continue to slowly shrink in size (which honestly boggles the mind considering how I've been eating lately) so I know my DS still works. I am going to focus on exercise. I haven't pushed myself lately and I think it's time. I've been playing a fair amount of tennis, but with the sketchy weather lately, it hasn't been consistent. I will be signing up for a gym in January, like the rest of America and will start the exercise portion of the Body for LIFE program. I've done BFL before with good results and I will continue to do tennis 2-3 times a week, mostly Sunday afternoon and Monday evenings.

My nutritional requirements haven't changed. Still need to get in at least 2 protein shakes a day, preferably three. Still need to take my supplements, still need to greatly limit the carbs and dairy in my diet. On this front, the only thing I need to improve is to maintain consistency and to basically expand my horizons a little bit and be a little more adventurous with my food. Eating the same things over and over again is convenient, but makes it easy to get off track when boredom sets in. I have to learn that not all veggies are evil. :)

Long story short, yes, the ultimate goal is to see onederland. I don't know when, I'm not putting a timetable on it, but that's the goal. I hope to get pretty damn close within the first 12 weeks.

I made great strides in 2008 in being more social, the biggest thing toward that end was leaving my business and returning to the corporate world. Awesome. It was like I was missing from the world and rediscovered life. I've had a great time just going to work, going out to lunch, going to functions after work, basically just being engaged with other people without all the BS and craziness. I really, really missed that when I was working my my business partner. It's also been awesome to get up every day and look like and feel like an adult. I know that's a weird statement, but I've really enjoyed buying and wearing work clothes, mind you, we have somewhat of a casual work environment where many of my coworkers are t-shirts and tennis shoes type of folks, which is perfectly acceptable, but I don't want to be one of them. I was a card-carrying member when I was 500+ lbs, but not anymore. I like wearing good clothes to work, having my hair look cute, wearing an actual coat with a scarf, all of that. It just makes me feel good and makes me feel like I've made big strides in leaving some of the old Tia behind that needed being left behind. The one thing I wanted to do in 2008 that I haven't done yet is date. I really want to start dating but haven't the slightest idea of how to get that going. One thing I did notice is that I am oblivious to signals that guys send off. I saw this one guy in the cafeteria at work and we had a little moment, a little spark and I just walked away... it didn't occur to me til later that duh, there was something there. Sigh, I need like a dating coach or something.... The old biological clock is ticking and it's not like I want to get married tomorrow, I just want to be going down that road.

All of this is important because in 2009, I will be focusing on my new business venture which I am very excited about. I've been working on it for like two months now and it's materializing into something that I really feel will be successful for me and most importantly, I get to drive. I get to set the tone. I get to be leader and that excites me the most. I've been able to network and talk to potential clients and have felt incredibly confident in myself and I finally know what it's like to not have to be so worried about how fat I am. It's awesome. These are people who haven't the faintest clue that I was ever so morbidly obese and it's such a trip to actually be normal. Y'know sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and still see a fat girl and then other times, especially when I can see my reflection up against people whom I consider to be normal, I am still shocked that I'm fairly normal, at least normal enough to not stand out from the crowd -- except for being almost 6' tall, but I'm used to that!

Going back to BFL issue, it's a 12 week program and in that time, my goal is to work the program as best as I can. In those twelve weeks, I want to lose 25 lbs of body fat. I don't know if that is going to translate to 25 lbs lost on the scale because with this program, it does increase muscle and strength. I think the best measure of success will be a combination of fat lost, weight lost and inches lost. I will take my % body fat on Day 1 and will keep a weekly tally. I will do the same with measurements, but will make that a monthly thing and weight loss will be a daily thing. The BFL program has it's own progress sheets so I will be keep those up.

I feel good about the start of the year, it isn't a big huge goal, just something to get the year started off right. I do have much smaller ambitions, like reading more books. Since I've been taking public transportation to work for the last 6 months, I have read a ton of books, some of them from my list from last year, others that have caught my eye and some are recommendations from friends. I have a stack of 7-8 books that I've purchased in the last couple of weeks that are already on my reading list and I look forward to picking up some more. First up is "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini, I love "The Kite Runner" so am looking forward to finishing this one.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bunch of Real Woman Dollars from Lane Bryant so I decided to go shopping (yet again) and surprise, surprise, I am thisclose to being too small for that store. All the tops are really too big, the sweaters are okay because I usually wear some type of shirt under them so they fit fine. I am suffering from loose waist/bagging bottom syndrome in my Right Fit size 2 jeans so I bought a couple of pairs of size 1's which fit better although they are a little snug in the thigh. Ah, my thighs, my perennial problem area. Hopefully, the work I do in BFL will help. I don't plan to have any kind of plastic surgery in 2009, but will probably start seriously looking into it. I need a lot of work done and will just have to determine what are my wants and what can I live with.

Okay, so I have to tell you about Christmas. I spent Christmas at my friend L's house. I initially thought it was going to be a large group of similarly stranded folks gathering to partake of some holiday cheer, turns out it was largely her family and several neighbors, not too many other single folk. Anyway, it was great overall, food was awesome and I enjoyed myself for the most part. Here's the thing, this is a friend I had known in college and especially during our freshman year, we were very close. To be honest, she was also the pretty one and I was your typical "fat sidekick". That was the role I served, she wasn't much a friend in retrospect, it was really all about her and all the drama in her life. That was the case for the first couple of years of school, but it calmed down the last two years and I sort of went on my way. After graduation we ended up in the same city, but we didn't really live close to each so we didn't hang out much, but when we did, same old story. Anyway this one time, we were volunteering with our local alumni club which was sponsoring a fundraising event, a black tie affair. We were tasked to welcome the guests and give them name-tags or something, I really don't remember. Anyway at the beginning of the night, we were sitting at a table with 3 or 4 other friends (all women) when her boyfriend at the time shows up. She gets all giggly and proceeds to introduce him, one by one, to everyone at the table - except me. I was so hurt. The funny thing is that if I truly thought it was an accident, it wouldn't have bothered me so much and I probably would have just introduced myself and forgotten about it, but in my heart, I knew it was intentional. I was already feeling self-conscious because I had to wear my standard black skirt, white shirt (the only "dressy" outfit I had) and of course, I was the biggest person there. I already felt crappy from the get-go and then she goes and does that. After that night, I avoided her and maybe saw her once or twice in the following weeks, but honestly hadn't talked to her in like 8 or 9 years.

So Christmas dinner, 2008. I will be the first to admit that sometimes people change and I had largely forgiven her and frankly moved on. This is her first time seeing me in years, so obviously, I've lost a lot of weight and she seems genuinely happy about it. Everything seems fine, I get introduced to her whole family, they are perfectly nice people, all is good. Then her neighbors get there. Her out of town family members don't know these people, neither do I. L proceeds to introduce her neighbors, one by one, to everyone there - except for me. It registered in my brain, but I was like "ok, whatever" and I make sure to introduce myself and move on.

After all that, we eat, after dinner, we play a few games - Taboo and Catchphrase, good times. So we're all chilling talking and stuff and the conversation turns to how good the food was. L starts talking about which person made what -- so and so made the banana pudding, she made the spaghetti, her dad cooked almost all the desserts, etc. She runs down almost the entire menu and mind you, I'm sitting almost directly in front of her, maybe 3 feet away and she doesn't mention anything I brought. Mind you, I brought the freakin' Christmas ham and baked mac & cheese, both big hits! I just looked at her. I was done. It's like what Maya Angelou said "when people show you who they are, believe them!" I saw all I needed to see and within an hour or so, I was in my car, making my way home. I won't be socializing with her anymore. It's not that I'm mad, honestly, I'm really not, I feel more relieved, like I dodged a bullet, because what I do remember most about our "friendship" in college was that I was a very, very good friend to her and she wasn't much of one to me. She was exhausting and kinda shallow and trifling. Nope, don't need that crap. When I hugged her goodnight, it was more of a good-bye. I'm sure I'll come across her now that I'm more out and about and I'll be sure to be perfectly amicable, but outside of that, not gonna go there!

Well, I've babbled enough. I need to start blogging more consistently, I tend to keep all my thoughts in reserve and then it's like an avalanche! Good grief!

Fe

Time to call my PCP to get my iron checked, been feeling a little unusually run down for some reason. It seems like quite a few DSers are struggling with this lately, I guess it's my turn.

FYI: Calcium Supplements

Review your Calcium Citrate package labeling:

1000 mg Calcium Citrate - WRONG! Contains only 21% elemental calcium or just 210 mg of the calcium DSers need.

1000mg Calcium from Calcium Citrate - GOOD

1000 mg Calcium (as Calcium Citrate) - GOOD

1000 mg Calcium (from Calcium Citrate) - GOOD

Found here: Calcium Citrate vs. Calcium Bicarbonate

Progress is good

So I guess I'm in one of those moods where I am going over what I am eating and trying to improve or rather trying to identify some areas of concern, address them and look at some possible solutions. One of my biggest struggles is with my sweet tooth, I think it's genetic, because my mom is the same way. I've mitigated it mostly by a combination of opting for sugar substitutes and outright abstinence, but I don't feel like I am being as successful as I can. I would love to be one of the people where moderation works well for them, but I just ain't it. Usually it 100% or 0%. The biggest sugar hurdle I conquered some time ago was with sugary beverages - sodas, drinks, etc. I just don't do them anymore, it's almost habit now, but what makes it such an easy habit is that it is really easy to find alternatives for full sugar drinks. Such is not the case for everything.

My biggest cravings usually have to deal with pastries and baked goods. It seems like I can be fine for days on end, but then I get hit with intense cravings for something sweet & buttery or something rich & chocolatey. It's like an overwhelming urge that is hard to just ignore and let pass, especially this time of year. I'm really worried about becoming complacent and letting the next few months slip away, I've done that the past two years, I don't want to do that now. I am doing really well right now because I've settled into a routine, the problem areas seem to pop up over the weekends where my time isn't as structured. I'll have to think about that some more and come up with something. I've made it a point to get out and go run or play tennis on the weekends to make sure that even if I do eat crappy, I can burn a good chunk of it off.

With Halloween coming up and freakin' candy everywhere, I think I've found a solution that will really help me in those moments where I feel like I want to swallow bite-size chocolate bars by the handful. I was at the grocery store today and saw South Beach Living Dark Chocolate Covered Soynuts Snack Pack Delights. I picked them up and have since tried them out. I dig 'em. They're chocolately and candy-like. So awesome. I am going to keep them at work because that is where the temptations are so if I just can't resist, I have a backup plan.

I've been almost completely gluten free for almost two weeks. I haven't had any low carb tortillas or bread, nor any low carb pasta. Cheese is still in my diet, but in much lower quantities. Lately it's mostly been in Alfredo sauce, one of my favorite dishes at the moment is to make chicken thighs, slice them up, cook them in some butter, onions, garlic powder, salt & pepper. Then I'll have my five containers for lunch for the week and then I'll put 1/2 a can of french style green beans in each one. Then I'll add around 1-2 tablespoons of Alfredo sauce and 1/5 of the chicken. At work, I'll nuke it all, stir and enjoy. Yum! I like eating real food for lunch at work and this makes it easy to knock out lunch for the week and it's damn delicious. The only other cheese I'll have is a slice for my lettuce wrap for breakfast. I don't have time to cook in the morning so I usually just have a shake before I leave and I actually pack my breakfast. Lately it's been lettuce wraps, a variety of 3-4 lunch meats, a slice of cheese, some pickle slices and a dab of mustard tucked in a romaine lettuce leaf. Not your typical breakfast food fair, but works for me.

I'm back down to 2 protein shakes a day with no signs of edema, so that's good, although I do sometimes get hollow leg syndrome and feel like there is not enough food in the world. It's weird because I usually have to wait at least an hour or more between feedings, but sometimes it feels like I could eat again after 15 minutes. I feel like that way now. Part of that is because I went running today and nearly ran 1/2 a mile non-stop, then did the same for two 1/4 mile intervals. I've never done that before so I was sweating big time by the time I finished. By the time I got home (after the grocery store) I was feeling seriously depleted, even a couple of hours afterwards, so I've been eating & drinking water like crazy.

Had a late lunch with some friends, so that was fun and then came home and took a nap. It's laundry time right now so I'm chilling and getting mentally prepared for the week. It might be a doozy. I have to pick up a few technical skills over the next few weeks so I'll have to keep my ADD in check. Tennis drills tomorrow night and I plan to be more prepared than last time. My energy stores tend to bonk around an hour so I gotta find something that I can digest mid-drills that'll prevent me from being sluggish.

I just tried on a size 14 skirt...and it fit. :)

Listening to my body

A few days ago I added a night time dose of iron to supplement my morning dose and boy what a difference. I thought my sluggishness was due to the crazy hours I've been keeping, but not so much. I feel so much better, I'm even not as cold as I usually am. It's funny how while I'm working hard to make sure one thing is on point (protein), another thing (iron) needed my attention. Such is the DS life, vigilance is required for life.

A good thing about the crazy hours I keep is that I now have a solid exercise plan. Tomorrow I am joining the gym at my job. I can put in my 8 hours, go to the gym and still catch the first bus home. It just works out almost perfectly and the price is right, a mere $30/month and no initial fee. They have the usual weights & machines, plus a spa & sauna and personal trainer services. I also get a fitness assessment and have the opportunity to set goals, etc. My goal is to gain some muscle and lose some fat and end up around 216 by the end of the year. The more and more I read, the more and more I realize that building muscle and improving overall strength and conditioning is important for long term health. Like I've said before, being healthy is more important to me than a number on the scale. I know I will hit my weight loss goals, but I want to be healthy and full of vigor and vitality when I get there. I don't want to be 180 lbs and be sickly. No way.

I seem to be more flabby lately, it's weird, maybe I am noticing it more. As I continue to lose fat, it feels more and more like I am swimming in a sack of skin. Lovely visual, I know, but that's the best description I can give. I don't hate it or any thing, but it's kinda getting in the way. What trips me out the most if my back. I can see my shoulder blades, my ribs, my vertebrae. More and more of the "fat" Tia is disappearing, even my pear shape is diminishing slowly. Craziness. I wore a pair of jeans today that I bought in early July that I will be giving away, I shouldn't really wear them, they're too big now...in truth, so are the pair of khakis I fixin' to wear tomorrow! I'm gonna try to go out this weekend and pick a couple of things up. God help me.

It'll soon be time to start shopping for cold weather clothes. I think I've done good so far with my work clothes, I don't do dressy too much, mostly nice jeans, khakis with fitted shirts or a cute blouse with nice sandals/flats or loafers. I'm thinking I need to look at sweaters and stuff now and maybe more substantial loafers or nice boots. I don't know. I'm thinking of going back to Texas so my sister can help me, everything makes much more sense when she is around.

Hmmmmmm.....

So it's been about two weeks since I've been eating really well and getting more exercise and strangely enough, I've been hovering very, very close to 249 lbs the entire time, at best I've been fluctuating between the same roughly pound and a half. Now, I've been averaging 130-150g of protein throughout this whole time, drinking my water and exercising at least 1/2 an hour a day. I'm retaining a good bit of water as I can always tell when I do and I can especially feel it in my extremities. Now the question is, what to do now...

I wanted to lose 25 lbs this month, but not sure that is going to happen if I stay the current course. I know what the problem is and I know how to fix it, but I am kinda tempted to keep my protein as is to see if things resolve themselves... or ... I can say screw it, up my protein and just do what I gotta do til the end of the year to get the weight off and just make sure I get in more than enough water (which ain't easy).... I'm more interested in being done than being "right" so, up my protein it is. I will start today and by mid-week next week I should know where I stand.

I had an unanticipated late night last night, I had to be up at midnight because the network folks were going to test the data center's UPS. So if a catastrophe happened and everything went down, I had to be around to get the frantic phone call so that I could panic and try to get things back up and/or start calling all kinds of other folks to help things get back up and running. Luckily, nothing happened and I was knocked out by 1:15 AM. Fun stuff.

This weekend I'm gonna finalize my exercise plans, probably a mix of tennis lessons and the gym, but I'm still torn about whether to use the gym at work or one closer to home. I'm fixin' to head out to a couple of different places in my neighborhood, including the Y and then make my decision. The gym at work is the most convenient, but I'd have to go after work which means I'd have to take the transit home kinda stinky...I have a phobia about using gym showers, totally icks me out...

Whoa...

Weight this morning: 245.6 lbs! Nope, that's not a typo, somehow I dropped 4 lbs overnight (total loss of 271.0 lbs) and I totally feel it though. This morning I was feeling really not myself, a little woozy, a little off center. By the time I stepped into the shower, I got that feeling that if I didn't get out of there immeditely and sit down, I'd pass out. I immediately hopped out the shower, drank my protein shake and ate a sandwich and only felt marginally better by the time I walked out the door 1/2 an hour later. I've had that feeling once before, almost a year ago when I almost passed out after a support group meeting. TMI Time: Aunt Flo is visiting and let's just say she brought A LOT of baggage. This is the 2nd time she's visited since I started taking the Dostinex for my prolactinoma. Ugh. I checked my blood pressure a few times today and it's averaging 85/64 range. A little low especially given my reduction in blood pressure meds. Anyway, I feel okay right now and won't panic or anything. I suspect my episode this morning is directly due to all this or due to the loss in water weight. The water weight may have artificially inflated my blood pressure and now that most of it's gone, my blood pressure is finally reading true. I do NOT care. I see 245.6 on the scale and I'm claiming it!!! I've eaten a couple more times this morning and feel much better, but my BP is still low, the last reading was 76/59. My next doctor's appointment is on the 30th so fingers crossed that this will be the end of BP meds for me.

I am exhausted though, I couldn't really sleep last night. Anyway, so I'm at Dr. Marchesini's goal. Holy crap. I haven't had the time to really sit and reflect or maybe I don't really feel like I need to. I'm not done yet. There are a few more pounds yet to be lost. I will be sending Dr. M a heartfelt email sometime this week, but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes I am amazed at the women that I've become, not because of anything I did, but because I don't look or feel like the old me and I think I'm okay with that. For a spell there, I was really struggling with not being the "Tia" I had become accustomed to and it caused me a good deal of anxiety and stress, many times without me recognizing it. I knew this was going to be the thing that I would struggle the most with. I think I've made some strides. I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary and although at this point, I haven't lost all the weight I've wanted, but I think I've had the journey I've needed to have, I hope I've learned at least some of the things I needed to learn, especially for the long term.

On a lighter note, one thing that kinda sucks (but doesn't) about losing almost 25 lbs of water weight in under two weeks, I now have nothing to wear. The shorts I bought at the end of April are too big. I now look pitiful in my 2X t-shirts -- I don't know why I still wear them or why I bought one as recently as a three weeks ago. I'm planning my trip in early September so I think I can hold out til then for the most part. At worst I may have to buy a couple pairs of shorts and maybe 2-3 shirts. That shouldn't break the bank!

GOOOOAAALLLLLLL!!!!

Dr. Marchesini's goal, that is! Yeah, baby, yeah! 250 is the number Dr. M. told me I'd lose to and that I'd be a success. I have officially met and exceeded that goal! This morning, I hit an all-time low, 249.6 lbs! Yea! That's a loss of 2.4 lbs since yesterday, 20.4 lbs in 12 days (mostly water) and a grand total of 267 lbs loss. Woo-hoo! I feel like I've broken through a barrier. It seems like I've been on the brink since early April when I got down to 251.2 lbs, but then I went home on vacation, came back and was sick for like 2+ weeks, then my dad had his accident & surgery and I wasn't eating like I should, etc, etc. and I gained like 20+ lbs of freakin' water. Once I got my mind right and back on track -- getting my protein in -- the water weight really started to drop. I mean, 20.4 lbs in 12 days is craziness and to think I had been lugging that around. It's a little scary too to think that my body is that sensitive to protein deficiencies and it wasn't like I was getting no protein in, I was probably in the 70-100g range, which isn't great, but not horrible, but it wasn't enough. I think for me, I maybe absorb more like 35-40% of the protein I eat versus the 50% or so that is often mentioned in Duodenal Switch circles. I have a short common channel (65 cm) and I think a good bit of my small bowel bypassed (over 45%) so I most likely tend toward needing much more protein than the average DSer. I easily get in over 100g before noon. That will be my life, I just have to accept it and let me tell you, it's a heckuva lot easier to accept choking down protein shakes everyday for the rest of my life than living a much shorter life being 500 lbs.

I sort of indirectly mentioned it yesterday, but I am officially changing my goal weight to 216.6 lb as far as pre-plastics are concerned. I want to lose as much fat as I can PLUS I want to add some muscle so I figure I can do that much more safely in the 210's than sub 200. I'm just worried that losing down to 199, I would be losing fat AND muscle which would not be good since my muscle tone sucks right now anyway. I'd rather be fit, strong and healthy at 216 than weak, skinny and sickly at 199.

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there. I will be calling mine today. He is doing so much better, he's back to driving and getting out on his own and he's back to cracking jokes about mom so I know he's almost back to normal. I'm hoping to get down there sometime in late Summer, but I do have a trip to my alma mater in early September so we'll see. The trip back to my alma mater is important because I have to go thank my mentor and tell her what a positive influence she's been to me, the football game, etc. is secondary to that.

No tennis clinic today, that starts next week so I am going to go practice my serve and backhands, then it's off to BP's house to setup for a couple of new employees we have starting on Monday.

Month 20

A blur. My lowest weight for the month was 251.2 lbs, it went downhill from there. I started my Dostinex and ever since then I've been retaining water like a freaking sponge. I'm also retaining water because for a good 2-3 weeks I hadn't been eating as much protein as I should have, especially over my trip and the two weeks I have been battling this annoying cold & allergies. I still have some residual sniffling and a cough that is sloooowwly resolving. My sense ofsmell and sense of taste are also slowly returning which has made it incredibly difficult to try to get the nutrition in that I need PLUS it's been easier to get in crappy food instead of good protein. So, for my sanity's sake, I am putting down 251.2 for the month which isn't remarkable, but here's what is. Remember that new scale I got the measures body fat, skeletal mass, etc. Well, a day like today is exactly why I got it. Early January, I had, on average, 130 lbs of body fat, as of today, that's down to 110-111 lbs, pretty awesome! This gives me much comfort when I step and the scale and it !@#$-ing reads 268.8 lbs! Yes, my friends, 268.8 lbs! That's almost 20 lbs of water and most since I got back. I'm really panicking too much because I know it's water weight and I know what I have to do to lose it. Sigh. My clothes still fit fine, but I certainly feel and see it in my legs and feet. If I have learned anything over the last 20 months is to stick to the plan and everything falls into place. I've been so out of whack this month that I know when things get back to normal and I know I can trust my DS to get me to where I want to go.

This month I also did some shopping! I bought two dresses which is something remarkable for me, I am so very excited to wear them and I will get my first opportunity this weekend. I spent a couple of hours on the phone with my sister, S, as she guided me through the wonderful world of shoes. If you thought my sense of fashion when it comes to clothes was lacking, my notions of cute shoes is downright abysmal. Most of the comes from the fact that I have large feet, well, I had prohibitively large feet pre-surgery, around a size 13, now I wear a size 11.5 wide. This barely puts me in the range of cute shoes. What's funny is that I just realized this a couple of weeks ago when I was going through a pile of shoes my mom had set aside for me and much to my surprise, a lot of the 11's (what can I say, we're tall women) were barely too small. What a shock! Long story, short, she walked me through a couple of shoe stores online and I feel fairly confident in the 3-4 pairs of shoes I bought, one of them even has 2 1/2" heels! Awesome!

I didn't play as much tennis as I would have liked because I did go out of town and it's been raining more than usual lately, but I have been enjoying myself when I do go out and I absolutely love my tennis lessons. The running hasn't been happening because I do not like it but I do have to get serious again because the 10K is in only a couple of months and I would like to be able to run 1-2 miles at a time without stopping. I swear, once that race is over, no more running for me. By then I should be starting on a tennis team and can occupy my time with that. I mentioned before that tennis is huge in Atlanta so there are like three major tennis leagues, from what I can gleam, USTA, ALTA and T2. BP and her husband are in all three and probably play tennis 4-5 times a week and that's seriously running around the court, competition. I'd like to work up to that so that tennis will be my primary source of exercise OR I might take up something else. I really want to get into some kind of martial arts, I think, maybe kick-boxing or something. I don't know, we'll see.

I do still think a lot about goal weight. I was flipping channels last night when I caught the tail end of Celebrity Fit Club. I guess it's a show where celebrity's compete to lose the most weight or something, but I happened to see the weigh in of one celebrity (I forget her name, starts with a T) and one of the judges gave her a big congratulations because she had finally reached a normal BMI. Then on the flipside, this past weekend, I saw a show on Discovery Health about a 627 lb woman who had a RNY and one of the things she said was that she had no expectations of ever being a size 10 which caught my attention and at another point her doctor said that for people like her, getting to "normal" wasn't the goal, that for her she would always be obese, but by losing 200-400 lbs would be such a great benefit. Things like that make me go back and forth on the whole goal weight issue. Despite all the gyrations I often go through, I am sticking to 199 as my goal, the one thing I am changing about goal is when I would like to get there. Instead of trying to reach that by my 2 year anniversary (which at this rate ain't happenin' -- possible, but not likely), I am giving myself til the end of the year. That's 8 months to lose 50 or so lbs. This will give me the opportunity to develop long-term, sustainable, healthy habits which is very, very, very important to me. I want to get to goal, but I want the tools in place to stay there. I don't want to be spending much time still trying to figure things out.

In May, I am cutting back on the cheese and low carb breads. I need to give my innards a rest. I need to give my whole system a rest, being sick for almost two weeks is not fun. I'm also getting rid of my glasses and getting contacts AND will be doing something with my hair, I'm not sure what, but I suspect it will be much shorter in length. I'm mildly excited about that.

Anywho,

Gracias

Gosh. Your comments from my "dress" post the other day definitely lifted my spirits and I feel so much better today. I really, really appreciate the love, y'all have no idea how much! I'm one of those types that gets lost in the numbers and have often given more meaning to things like weight or size moreso than how I feel and look. It hit me last night that I, Tia, actually bought two dresses without being under duress. I wasn't kidding when I said I hadn't worn a dress in 15-20 years. For so long I felt like a giant asexual blob. It was a rare, rare moment when I've felt dainty or girly or even pretty. Now I've been known to have a good hair day here and there, but to feel womanly, with curves and feel attractive, I can't even remember the last time and do I dare admit to having NEVER felt that way? I have my first opportunity to wear one of my dresses in a social setting next weekend for a birthday celebration at an Atlanta club. It should be fun!

Thank God for Zyrtec because it is the only drug that seems to be working. I almost feel normal now, no more runny nose, I still have some chest congestion and some lingering pressure in my ears. My biggest problem now is that my sense of smell and my sense of taste are still out of whack. I can only really taste and smell things if they have a really strong flavor or odor. I'm still trying to nurse as many hot beverages as I can and my appetite returned with a vengeance yesterday which is good because I have really bad edema from poor protein nutrition, not only from the week I've been sick, but from when I was in Texas as well. Not good, so I'm working on getting in over 200 grams or more a day (mostly from protein shakes). I should be back to normal by the end of the weekend.

Tomorrow and Saturday I have to attend a trade show. Boring. The only good thing is that they have a couple of auctions where based on the sales your company did the previous year, you get "Trade Show Dollars" and can get some cool stuff. I'm hoping to walk away with at least something worthwhile. I expect there will be a few employees from my previous company, that should be interesting...I can't recall if I went last year or not, I think I did, but I'm not sure I ran into anyone or else it might have actually stuck in my brain. Oh well. Interesting note. BP, our company CEO is not going. Why? She says she's got too much work to do. Reality is that she feels embarrassed by all the weight she has gained. How do I know this? Because she makes comments about how "fat" she's gotten about 5 times a day and I know how much appearance means to her. Honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about that. I certainly have sucked it up many a time and gone places I sure as hell didn't want to go because of my size, but I completely understand her feelings and I respect the fact that every individual's struggle with their self-image is their uniquely their own. It doesn't matter to me what she does either way I just think it's interesting. I suspect she keeps complaining about her weight to me because she believes if anyone would understand, I would. Intellectually, I understand it, emotionally, I haven't worked it all out yet.

I got the hollow leg thing going on today. I've been eating since I got up this morning, too bad I can't any taste any of it...I'm sure some of it is pretty damn good.

Month 18

Thank God that month is over, I am happy to see March start and feel like I can start fresh. February had so many ups and down on the DS level and in life in general. My starting weight for the month was 264.0 lbs, the very next day, I weighed in at 265.6 and I've been up and down the same couple of pounds all month, finally ending up a little over at 264.4 lbs which I am fine with given the tumultuous nature of my life the past 3 weeks. According to DS lore, my weight loss window has closed, of course I believe that to be patently false, so the next 6 months present a challenge for me. I am anticipating having a final diagnosis and begin treatment for my hyperprolactinemia in 1-2 weeks. This will hopefully get my hormones in order and start the long process of reducing the tumor. This will also allow me to start losing weight like I have in the past. My goal is a measly 60-70 lbs away, absolutely doable in the next 6 months.

Post-MRI, I feel like a weight has been lifted, it goes to show you the kind of machinations that go on in my head. I actually feel better now that it's over, no small part due to the fact that I actually got a good, restful sleep last night. It was one of the nights where I don't even remember falling asleep and the time between when I pulled the covers up and woke up this morning felt like 10 minutes, instead of the 8.5 hours that it was. This morning I feel refreshed, for a change.

Food and water has been mediocre. I have been getting in my protein, for the most part, but have incorporated cheese, Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat Bread and Dreamfield's pasta into my day to day. All low carb items, but notorious problem-causers for me. I also probably had one or two too many pieces of birthday cake and probably went out to eat and had one or two too many non-DS friendly foods, it was my birthday, afterall, and what a change it was to actually celebrate multiple times with friends and acquaintances! I'm reining all that in for this month as I am really anxious to see what I can do on the scale this month. Addressing the tumor issue should allow me to trust my body and trust that the DS still works well for me.

My hand still hurts from yesterday and there is a visible 1/3 inch scratch from where the technician/nurse was trying to find my vein. When I look at it, it's nowhere near my vein which makes me wonder what the hell she was looking at. Anyway, today is supposed to be sunny and somewhat warm which means I'm fixin' to head out the door in about 15 minutes! Gonna run some errands and later go to the park and play some tennis. I'm supposed to go see either Juno or Vantage Point this afternoon, but haven't decided which. I'm on a Lost kick, so Vantage Point it will probably be.

Deformed?!?

I went to pick up my test orders for my MRI tomorrow. I am anxious about it, I can't help but to be a little neurotic. I haven't been sleeping well all week, it's not that I'm scared, just ... anxious to done already. The doc attached a copy of my X-Ray results:

Lateral View of the Sella Turcica 2/12/2008:

History: Patient with history of absent menstruation.

Findings: The lateral view ofthe skull shows a deformed appearance of the sella turcica, which would suggest a space-occupying lesion in the pituitary fossa. Dedicated pituitary MRI examination is recommended.

Impression: Deformed appearance of the sella turcica, which would suggest a space-occupying lesion in the pituitary fossa. Dedicated pituitary MRI examination is recommended.

Sounds freakin' serious, don't it? Dang! Well, I just be glad when it's over. Hopefully, I'll have the results early next week.

Can I name it?

I told myself I'd wait til 1:00 PM today to call my doctor's office, but ended up calling them at around 9:30. I gave the nurse my info and about an hour and a half later I got a call back from a different doctor (Dr. B). Apparently, my doc (Dr. A) is out of the office today (dangit), but he gave me the low down of what my X-Ray says so far. Apparently, there is an abnormality in/around/by/of the sella turcica and the radiologist has recommended an MRI. The sella turcica is the area of the skull where the pituitary gland is. Dr. B asked why Dr. A had me get the X-Ray in the first place and I told him about my elevated prolactin levels and I gave him the number. He said that it looks like I have a pituitary tumor and he said that odds are, Dr. A will either refer me to an Endocrinologist (yes, I can deal with that) or a Neurosurgeon (uh...no). He also said such things respond well to medication (woo-hoo!). Okay, this is basically what I expected, except that I didn't think I needed to get an MRI which just makes this whole debacle sound a helluva lot more serious, especially when you hear "neurosurgeon" come out of somebody's mouth. Not to mention the fact that I have this fear of not fitting into an MRI although it'll be only of my head.

All of a sudden, I'm not quite so impatient. LOL! Anyway, I'm just going to calmly wait to talk to Dr. A. tomorrow and hear what he recommends I do and grill the heck out of him. I think I will give my tumor (if that is indeed the final DX) a name...I gotta think of something good. If people can name their hernias, I can name my tumor! In the meantime, life goes on. I'm starving and it's time for food....

Waiting...

So my patience has been tested all day. No word from the doctor, although I did schedule a follow-up visit with my Gastroenterologist while I called in a refill for my Protonix. BP also left on a two week vacation to France. For me, it's a mixed bag. I definitely have opportunities to go "heads down" and get more things done, but during those few hours of the day when we're both awake, she tends to email, IM and Skype a lot which drives me nuts. Today I wanted to throttle her as she was freaking out over every little non-issue all day long. I was happy to hear she got on her plane in one piece and from what I understand she won't get to her final destination in the countryside til sometime Saturday afternoon (long story).

Hopefully tomorrow I will hear some news, I am so, so anxious to hear word either way. After doing even more research today I came across Vitex which is a herb remedy for prolactinemia and something I might start taking if the doc, for some reason doesn't want to put me on Parlodel or Dostinex. If I don't hear anything by 1 or 2 PM, I will be a-callin'.

Onward...

Next steps...

Ok. I go to the GYN's office this morning to pick my orders for the tests I need to take. I then go to a different location, give the receptionist my paperwork, wait for my name to be called and surrender 4 vials of blood. I then have to yet another location for my X-rays. They basically just take two X-rays of my noggin, lateral view and I'm on my way home. Overall, pretty painless and I am hoping that at least the X-ray results will be available to my doctor today and I will hear from them soon.

I spent another good 2 hours late last night doing more research and I'm almost certain it's a prolactinoma. There seems to be three different causes for hyperprolactinaemia (1) reaction to certain medications none of which I am taking, (2) related to a thyroid condition - my tests are normal or (3) a tumor/cyst on the pituitary gland. At this point, I feel like all I need is a doggone prescription and I'm good to go. The most frustrating realization about this whole prolactinoma thing is that if I indeed have one, then it's reason #1 as to why I haven't been losing weight as well as I should have for like the past 4-6 months. I've read plenty of message board posts about people gaining weight because of hyperprolactinaemia and I think for me my DS was basically fighting tooth and nail with the prolactinoma as far as whether I'd lose weight or not. Seems like the DS was winning, but barely. It would be pie in the sky, la-la-land for me to hope to start taking Cabergoline and voila, I lose 20 lbs overnight. All I really want is for my old DS ability to lose weight to return. That's all I want. I don't have a problem doing the work, eating right and exercising, what's been completely maddening is doing the work and seeing very little results AND thinking I am doing something wrong OR thinking my DS is broken or my window is closed. Ugh.

It's weird because I'm hopeful that this is what has been causing my problems and therefore a solution exists, but frustrated with myself for not seeing a GYN earlier. If I had done so in August, it's possible I could be down another 30-60 lbs. I had been averaging over 17+ lbs loss per month up until then and then it fell to like 8 lbs or less. Frustrating. Oh well, no need to get all riled up for nothing. I just want my kick-ass DS weight-loss ability back, that's all. I feel 100 times more confident that my goal is attainable, before yesterday, I was honestly mostly doubtful, but didn't want to completely give up.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Hollow Leg Syndrome

I started Week 4 of my Couch to 5K and it was the toughest so far. I wasn't sure I'd make it! I walked for 5 mins, ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins, ran for 5 mins, walked for 3.5 mins, then ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins and then ran for 5 mins. Those last two runs were bloody murder, I honestly thought I'd have to walk it...BUT, holy crap, I ran for 5 minutes straight...TWICE!!! Omigod, I've never done that before and although it was tough, I did it. Awesomeness abounds. I also walked over to the tennis courts and hit some balls for 1/2 an hour, I think I got a decent forehand! I'm no longer lobbing them all over the place which is a good thing...chasing balls is not fun.

This is day 2 on the Provera and I don't really feel any different. A few of the side effects are moodiness and weight gain...whoopee. It's only a 5 day course (assuming the labs come back okay) so I won't stress too much about it.

I'm 1/2 way through a container of Maximum Protein powder I got at GNC. The stuff is delicious but gives me unbelievable gas....sucks. I had avoided chocolate flavored protein mixes for awhile, but I may make an effort to find a new one that doesn't give me explosive gas.

Weight is staying between 264 and 265...not too happy about that, but am not freaking out. With the increased exercise, I'm not surprised. Yesterday, I was STARVING and ate well over 3500 calories, not sure why I get so hungry sometimes, but I could not stop eating or rather, as soon as I finished eating, I was hungry again. Today is the opposite, I've only eaten 2-3 times today. I doubt I'll hit 3000 calories today.

Month 17 ... and other stuff

Well, I've had an interesting couple of days. That might be the understatement of the year. First, the whole situation with our Employee #2 seems to be resolves. Long story, he reacted poorly due to some tragic news he had just received and completely over-reacted in the midst of him trying to deal with the bad news. He apologized to Employee #1 as well as to me. I accepted his apology but stressed the need to try to step away and give himself a minute to calm down. I also communicated to the entire staff, in no uncertain terms, that I better not hear or read or catch wind of any more unprofessional behavior. I think for now, that is sufficient. Thank God it's Friday, I truly need a break.

On to more important things. This was an interesting month in my DS life and one that I can easily say I enjoyed, moreso than the last couple. This month was all about exercise and discovering the joy of tennis. The month started off with my Couch to 5K training and I was and still am amazed at my ability to run. It boggles the mind. When I first started walking at the end of 2006, I mentioned the fact that I hated getting lapped my little old ladies, well not anymore. Yesterday was the first time that I actually ran past people walking. It was such a thrill! Typically, there aren't a whole lot of people out there braving the cold and wind so the opportunity to lap folks has been infrequent, that's definitely part of the reason, but to actually pass someone after spending my whole having people pass me by is just incredible! As running gets more and more difficult, I also see improvements in myself, when I first could barely run for 60 straight seconds, I can now run 3 minutes without bursting a lung. I know if I keep at it, I'll be able to reach my goal of running a 5K.

Then there was tennis. I love tennis. I'm flabbergasted at how much I like it. I have very little interest in it pre-surgery. I think maybe it's because of the physicality involved and the opportunity it affords me to move around in space like I don't recall ever doing. I sweat more in one hour of tennis practice than training for the 5K. Also, I don't like sucking at things, especially things I've committed myself to doing. Yesterday I spent an hour practicing my forehand and had to force myself to pack up my stuff and go back home, I could have stayed out there for hours, but there was work to be done. I know I am a good year or so away from being a decent tennis player and I know there's a long road of suckitude and mediocrity ahead, but I know that I'll get there with hard work and lots and lots of practice.

Weight-wise, although I hadn't lost the 15 lbs I was hoping for, I did lose 7 lbs total, but lost roughly 12 lbs of body fat and gained roughly 5 lbs of muscle. I can definitely be happy with that. I do feel stronger, especially in my legs and thighs. which I love. My current weight is a steady 264.0 lbs, down from 516.6 lbs for a total loss of 252.6 lbs in 17 months.

I do find myself more and more anxious to be done with all the weight loss already. As I am never content nor comfortable with my nutrition/supplementation, I am always looking for the problem areas and one seems to pop up every now and again and that is the issue of not eating enough. For me, consuming more than say, 1800 calories, requires effort. I can easily get that amount of food in through the course of the day without thinking about it. Problem is that 1800 calories is nowhere near enough for me. I need to be getting upwards of 2500+ calories a day, probably well over 3000 with the amount of exercise I do. It's still a foreign concept to me and one that I haven't fully embraced -- that of eating more to lose. We've been down this road at least 5 or 6 times over the last 17 months and still I have to step back and remind myself that I need to freakin' eat.

These last several months have been rough though. I haven't lost the weight I have wanted to lose and part of me thinks it might be related to the Protonix I am taking. I have read some anecdotal evidence that PPI's can cause weight gain and my weight loss slow down seems to have started soon after I got on the Protonix at the beginning of August. Since August 1st, I have only lost about 44 lbs, 44 in 6 months. That is way below my average of around 14-17 lbs per month. My other worry is that maybe my estrogen levels are low. Low estrogen has been associated with weight gain, as has been the direct opposite. Maybe I'm reaching here, but I just want to know that there aren't any factors working against me. I know I am getting smaller as I can wear things now that I couldn't merely a month ago, it's just that the scale continues to frustrate the heck out of me. I miss those days when on average I would lose 0.2 - 0.8 lbs a day, hell, even if it went up, it was temporary and it would eventually go right back down. If nothing else, I covet consistency. Anyway, on Monday, I have the dreaded GYN appointment. I am sooooo not looking forward to it, but it must be done. Hopefully all will be well.

It's all the things I can't implicitly control that give me grief, so many other factors to consider like the exercise and increase in muscle I mentioned earlier. Sometimes I wish things could be more formulaic. Do X, get Y. That would be sublime, but such is not the case, at least not in any simple sense. Maybe the solution (goal weight) is a far more complex equation and maybe I don't have all the knowledge, skills and discipline to figure all out just yet...YET. What's interesting though, you would think that I'd find myself more and more content with a more "lenient" goal weight, but truthfully, it makes me want to see that normal BMI more and more. I guess this is a long-winded way for me to say I'm impatient, damnit! LOL.

Tomorrow morning I have a tennis lesson, then I am going to try to get a little shopping done. The rest of the day will be relaxing. Sunday is all about the Super Bowl. For the record, I am rooting for the Giants, gotta root for the underdog, right?

13.2

Dr.'s appointment on Monday went well although I really need to stop getting nervous/anxious at those darn things because my blood pressure is always higher there. 120/68. Long story, short, I'm still on the bp meds, that's okay, I told her about the readings I took and she said that when I start having symptoms of low blood pressure to give her a ring and they'll check me again. She's very happy with my weight loss and anticipates that I'll be off the meds in 6 months. Good enough for me, I just don't want to get off of them, only to have to get back on again, so if it takes a little while longer, no problemo! I also got my blood drawn and almost had to choke the lab technician. She was having trouble finding a vein and was poking and digging around. Lucky for her it was MLK Jr. Day!

I actually got the results back from my labs this morning. All is well, especially my iron. My hemoglobin is up to 13.2. That's higher than it was pre-surgery! Serum Ferritin is 151 and Serum Iron is 57. My Total Serum Protein is 7.8 and my Albumin is 4.5, both higher than all my previous post-op labs. Yea!

I started Week 3 of my running program yesterday and Holy Mother!!! Not easy. Running for 3 straight minutes is harder than I thought, but I did it! I was certainly breathing heavy during the last 3 minutes, BUT (1) I finished every run (2) I did NOT need to stop and (3) afterwards, I was spent, but again, not overly exhausted. I've started eating a tad more carbs so I think that is helping some. I bought a loaf of Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat Bread and have been having a slice every morning. Luckily it's not giving me any gas issues. I had to run in the freezing rain and that was NOT something I want to do often. I had to go because I couldn't run Monday as I had my appointment and I didn't want to push it off another day because of the weather so I went and got soaked to the bone. It took me a good hour to warm back up.

I weighed in this morning at 264.0 lbs. Cool! That is down 2.4 lbs over the last couple of days. Yea! Last night I went to see Cloverfield with a friend. It was a trip! I liked it, it won't be winning any Oscars, but it was a fun movie experience. I holy-crap'd and ohmigod my way through the last 2/3 of the movie. Tonight something a little less apocalyptic...I have a dinner meeting with the planning committee for our local Walk From Obesity and I'm excited to be a part of it. I've never planned anything like this before so it should be interesting. I don't remember when the actual Walk is, but I believe it is 5K. Good stuff.