You must do the thing you think you can not do.

I'm totally low on protein for the day, the day just got away from, but I totally rocked the box in another regard. I work on the 8th floor of my office building and I totally walked up 4 flights of stairs with my 20+ lb backpack on AFTER walking a brisk 15 minutes from the bus stop to the building. My goal is to do away with elevators at work. I think in a couple of weeks, I can walk up the entire way. Totally awesome!

I'm in a totally "totally" mood right now, I have no idea why, but I feel good so I will use "totally" and probably "awesome" a lot for the rest of the day! Y'know what else was totally awesome? My lunch. I had vegetables with my lunch. Green beans with butter and garlic, a little salt and pepper. Yum! Awesomeness abounds!

Y'know what else was awesome? I apparently overpaid a bill awhile ago and today I got a $350 reimbursement check in the mail.

One more totally awesome thing. Found while reading about Michael Phelps and his coach's philosophy about his training: "successful people make a habit of doing things that unsuccessful people don't like to do." I love that. I thought about it all night and all day. That really motivates me in all kinds of ways!

Day 1

Today was a pretty darn good day. First and foremost, food log:

M1: Protein shake
M2: Bowl of chili
M3: Protein bar
M4: Chicken leg
M5: Chicken leg
M6: Turkey, corned beef, salami rolls
M7: Protein shake
M8: Chicken leg

Protein in the vicinity of around 200g, a little higher than I'd like, but I was starving when I got home from work. 180-200 may just have to be my range. Too little protein and I get sluggish and start retaining water, too much and I risk kidney issues so I just have to watch it. Carbs were under 50 for sure. Gonna try to work in some veggies of some kind tomorrow, maybe some green beans. Also of note, no cheese, no wheat besides what could have been in my protein bar.

For exercise, I had my two 15 min brisk walks to and from the bus to my job and then I rode my stationary bike for 35 minutes and worked up a good sweat. I was pedaling my butt off!

Water-wise, I'll end the day around a gallon and I've taken all my vitamins except for my last dose of Calcium.

Alrighty then, right on track!

This has been a good week and seems that now I am up and out everyday, the days just fly by, which I like. So Six Flags was fun and quite nerve-wracking. Rollercoasters are so not my thing, but the goal was to get on them and fit in the seats and I'm happy to say that I fit in every single one, no problems. Most of the rides were ok, but one, Goliath, gave me nightmares and I will never get on that thing again. EVER. Besides that traumatic experience, it was a great day, I even had some funnel cake and ice cream. Yum.

I am about 6 weeks away from my two year surgery anniversary and I've been thinking a lot about what I was doing this same time last year. I didn't really end my year out strong, but I definitely want to end this year on a strong note. I'm not a believer in "weight loss" windows so I do not believe mine will just magically shut closed for all eternity on the 30th of August. I still have about 30 lbs I want to lose by the end of the year. I haven't been eating the greatest, but I still continue to shrink and get smaller even though the scale doesn't always reflect it. I was floored when I purchased size 18 pants at Lane Bryant. I had picked up a size 20 and size 18 figuring I'd try on the 18's to see how close I was to wearing them. I had no idea they'd fit perfectly. I guess those size 16's are not too far off. Mind-boggling. I remember last year I struggled quite a bit with "the new Tia". It was difficult to wrap my head around this strange and different person that I was becoming, especially since internally, I felt the same. The past 6-9 months, however, I've really started to come into my own, accepting the woman I am becoming, if not outright embracing her. I'm not perfect and there is a lot of growth for me to experience, but I am confident I am heading in the right direction. Getting away from my business partner was and is a huge part of that. I keep hearing rumblings about how she's having such a hard time, and so-and-so thinks she's close to a breakdown, etc., etc., but I can't do nothing about that! I refuse to get involved. I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel some empathy for her, I can't help it, it's my nature, but I realize that there is no middle ground with this woman and it's best for me, to not be anywhere near her for the rest of my life. I am more than content and happy to do so.

On to more pleasant things, I am planning my triumphant return to my alma mater in September, gonna go see my team hopefully win a freakin' football game for a change. That would be nice. It's going to be a solo expedition this time around, was gonna go with my best friend, but he just got back from Europe and wants to conserve his remaining vacation days, plus he's not much of a football fan. I was contemplating taking my nephew, but I think I will go by myself, it was afford me the opportunity to take the leisurely walks around campus that I really enjoy and to go at my own pace. I will, of course, have my camera with me and as the campus is quite stunning, I can easily lose myself in photographic excursions. That same weekend, I hope to take a mentor of mine out to lunch or dinner, I'm a little worried about it though. I was somewhat of a basket case in college and I'm worried that she thinks I'm that same person, I would hope not, but you never know. I plan to get in touch with her a couple of weeks before I leave. Besides those football and seeing my mentor, I really, really want to buy lots and lots of alma mater related gear - t-shirts, sweatshirts, pullovers, all the stuff I have coveted, but have been unable to buy because I could never fit any of it. The last time I went there I was kindly directed to the Big & Tall section of like 4 or 5 ugly garments. Nope, not this time around, not ever again. I know I will have to restrain myself because I will want to go completely overboard, but I'm just going to set a budget and pray that I can stick to it. That's the plan anyway.

This weekend will be pretty mellow. No big plans, just gonna finish a book I've been reading and love, Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides, and then do some cleaning the rest of the day. Tomorrow, gonna go play some tennis, woo-hoo! In August, I am going to go ahead and join the local Tennis Center and start heading over there after work everyday, I want to join a fall/winter team and need to get in shape for it and God knows I need the practice.

Alrighty then, off I go....

Looking & feeling good!

First, congrats to Kim on celebrating her 3 year surgiversary! Woo-hoo! Kim, you are my role model and you kicketh much ass! Love ya girl!

Second, allow me a moment of vanity.... sometimes I just have to celebrate stuff like this because I hardly ever, EVER felt this way pre-surgery, but, y'all, I totally looked cute today! I had a cute outfit on, my hair didn't rebel against me and most importantly, I felt fantastic. Not having to deal with BP and her madness is doing wonders for me. See:This is me at my contract gig. I am wearing a blouse I bought on sale from Lane Bryant, it's a freakin' 14/16 AND it's a little baggy round the midsection! The pants I was wearing were 18's. Boggles the mind.... If I had enough sense I would have taken a full body photo. I also had the hair going right for a change, awesomeness! It was just a great day overall.

Tomorrow, I am ditching work (they knew ahead of time) and heading to Six Flags with some folks from my Duodenal Switch Support Group! I am both scared and excited! I'm looking forward to scratching this off my list of "stuff I want to do when I lose the weight" and what makes this especially cool is that I'll be there with my fellow WLS folk. I can't think of a better group to do this with. I know they will be having many, if not all, of the same feelings I will having tomorrow. I can't wait!

Happy?

I know I've been incognito as of late, but it's for a good reason. The long and short of it is that I decided to walk away from my business and specifically my business partner. I probably don't have to go into all the reasons why, if you've read my blog in the last 2+ years, you'll understand why. I really and truly credit my DS for this decision. It has given me so much more confidence in myself and it's been a gradual thing, slowly growing over the last 18 months or so in such a way that I've remained true myself, but have found the courage to really start making real changes in order to attain the kind of life that I want. The past two months I had a growing sense of displeasure with my company and working with my business partner. All the things, throughout the past three years that bothered me started to come back in mind, how I never got my own computer computer while BP was on her 3rd, how she talked down to me and made me question myself, how she is taking home close to twice as much as me, how she made me feel guilty about any good thing in my life, on and on and on.

For a long time, I looked at the situation as something I just had to endure, almost like I had a new set of dues to pay or that there was some important lesson I was supposed to learn so I had to figure out a way to get through it. In many ways it was an emotionally abusive relationship that I could not see my way clear out of. It wasn't until I approached my sister about joining the staff that things started to become clearer. She, being new and coming into it with fresh eyes and ears, was astounded at the kind of person BP was and one day she asked me a question that I will never forget and I believe it was divine intervention that she asked me: Are you happy? I couldn't answer that question, well, not true. I could answer the question, but I was wracking my brain trying to come up with something about working with BP that made me sincerely happy. Not one thing came to mind. She then asked: Do you honestly see a point in the future when things will be better? Not pie in the sky dreams and ambitions, but do you see your working relationship with BP getting better? The answer was no and that was pretty much it. I knew what I had to do. After a few hours of venting 3 years of pent up frustrations and resentment, I made the decision that I was going to call it quits and within 2 days, I packed up my stuff and left my letter of resignation on BP's dining room table. Within 15 minutes she had left me a vitriolic voicemail accusing me of playing games, threatening me with legal action and my personal favorite, claiming I couldn't leave because of "all that she had done for me" and that I owned her. To say I was incredulous is an understatement. The first few days afterwards, I was somewhat of a wreck which was why I decided to run the Peachtree Road Race, I knew if I could do it and do better than I had previously done, it would make me feel so much better, not to mention the fact that I could put all the drama aside and just focus on not keeling over at the side of the road and actually just finishing the race.

I also got an interesting phone call from one of the shareholders who happens to be BP's sister imploring me that I couldn't leave, that she (along with maybe a couple other shareholders) had talked earlier that day and were planning on coming down to Atlanta to either (1) talk BP into taking a break and allowing more level-headed and normal people to take the reins and/or (2) put the chic on some Prozac or something. I told her that the same old crap wasn't going to work for me at all. I should note that this is the same person who convinced me to come back the last time. She said to give her a chance to come in town and talk to BP about this whole situation and that drastic changes needed to be made in order to save the company. She also expressed that I was the backbone of the company, there wouldn't be a company without me, etc., etc., blah blah blah and pleaded with me to provide minimal support to the staff through July and attend a meeting at the end of the month when she gets in town at which point she'll confront BP about all that is wrong. I reluctantly agreed. I did feel a little bad about ditching them with no technical support so I didn't have a problem playing that role while they tried to find someone else. During the past few days however, I've admittedly been back and forth about leaving and going. I was smart enough to start a contract position this past Monday that I really like. It's much more money, in a much friendlier and professional environment and I don't have to work all day and night. I get to dress up (“business casual” casual) and work with people that are intelligent, articulate, friendly and just plain cool. I get to drink limitless cups of gourmet coffee with Splenda from the break room and buy stir fry or Cuban sandwiches from the cafeteria. I have a name badge. I like it a lot.

What I see now is that the only way I could go back is if BP wasn't there. It would have to be a "me or her" kind of thing and unless BP kicks the bucket, it's just not going to work. There is nothing that can be said by her or any of the shareholders that will change my mind. I realized this just last night after yet again, going back and forth about what I wanted to do. I finally realized that I was kidding myself if I ever thought it could ever work out, even if she was on high doses of some kind of mood-stabilizing drug. It just could not work and frankly, I just don't want to do it anymore. I just don't. The damage is done, that part of my life is just about over, there is more in the world and in this life for me to do. It took me a week, but I am finally at peace about it, in fact, I found myself nearly giddy and absolutely beaming. When I first made the decision, I didn't feel that way, but now I do. This is what "I'm so done" feels like. I will still meet with the shareholders at the end of the month, but instead of letting them know what it will take to bring me back, I will say my final cya's. As of August 1, 2008, I will be done with that chapter of my life with already a good headstart on the next. I'm absolutely excited about it. I don't know where I will be in a year from now, it's good enough for me to know that I will not be in the same depressing and toxic situation ever again.

So, that's probably the last of that you'll hear from me about that subject unless something interesting happens between now and the end of the month. Anyway, I ordered a DVD of my Peachtree Road Race photos. They totally crack me up, by the way. I never see action shots of myself and to see that I'm not much bigger than some of the folks I'm "running" with is just amazing!

One step after the next...

I know I don't look it, but I'm prety ecstatic in this photo:

After all the back and forth, I decided to go ahead and run the Peachtree Road Race 10K yesterday and I'm so glad I did. The emotional ups and down from the previous couple of days were taking their toll and this was just thing that could allow me to push all that crap out of my head and focus on a very difficult physical challenge. In short, it was just one of those things I needed to do and I'm so very glad I did. I don't like to brag, but I totally kicked ass! That's a completely relative statement, but goshdarnit, I rocked! My previous 10K, I ran in 2 hours and 30 minutes and came in an unremarkable next to last. This time, I shaved about 45 minutes off my time and finished in about an hour and 45 minutes AND I was NOT last, not by any stretch of the imagination! How awesome is that?! I felt really good this race, I had my iPod and pretty much jammed the whole way through. The race itself was amazing, it's hard to describe the thrill of running (walking) with 55,000 other folks not to mention the thousands of folks who lined up and down the streets, cheering for you. It was invigorating and I will most likely do this particular race again, it was a complete 180° than the first one I did. Post-race I was a little whoozy and having to walk like another 1/2 mile between picking up t-shirts and getting to the Marta station was almost too much, but I made it home in one piece! Woo-hoo!

Y'know the big thing I had to do, well, I did it, it was not easy and frankly one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but it was something I most definitely needed to do. I certainly don't regret it and a residual effect of doing it has opened some other folks' eyes as well. I can't really go into it right now, maybe at some other time. It was a good thing and although it isn't completely resolved right now, it will be shortly.

Moving on...

There have been so many positives in my life since I had my DS that it is impossible to keep count. This past week I truly became cognizant of one in particular, that of inner strength. I made a really "tough" decision this past week that I am going to execute this week. It's one that has been tugging at me for over a year and because of a myriad of things, I couldn't see the truth in a particular situation that I now do. It's not because I'm skinnier that I see it, it's because I've grown emotionally and have developed a stronger sense of self that I can now see myself and my life in a much more positive light and so must make some difficult decisions and do some things that I honestly would not have done had I not had my surgery. Life is funny and life is hard, but life is also filled with so much potential to be happy, but it sometimes requires going through some crap to get there. I won't be able to talk much about it until it's all said and done, but I will say that I am done with the crap and it's now time to move on to better things. I am reminded of that scene in Shawshank Redemption when Tim Robbin's character has to literally crawl through 1/2 a mile of shit to come clean on the other side, that's how I feel right now. I'm crawling through my last hundred yards and when I can see the sky and feel the cool breeze on the other side, I'll know that my life will instantly be better.

It's exciting stuff, y'all, exciting and scary at the same time. If I haven't said it lately, I love my DS!

Progress...

The past few days I have been working from our main business office training our new employee. I'm glad to have someone to dump a lot of the production support work off of, but training can be a pain in the butt. Anyway, I made sure I packed enough food each day to make sure I had enough protein and ended up drinking more protein shakes than I would normally like. I'm almost through the 5 lb container I purchased less than 2 weeks ago and am going to order a couple more, but am going to get different flavors, kind of tired of banana. Luckily, I am home today so I can eat normally.

Got on the scale this morning and was surprised to see 244.6 lbs, that's another pound down, for a total loss of 272.0 lbs. So I guess the weight-loss is sticking. I'm amazed. Just 28 more lbs to go til I reach my final goal of 216.6 lbs. So, I'm at 102.0% EWL for Dr. Marchesini's goal and 90.7% EWL for my personal goal. Not too shabby. I know someone who had surgery close to the same time I did who weighed over 100 lbs less than me and I currently weigh less than they do. Normally, I try not to compare weight loss track records with anyone but this person was somewhat of an annoying know it all, so I can't help but feel a tiny bit of joy that I was able to catch up. On a related note, I'm only around 20-25 lbs heavier than my sister, S. Wow!

Ok, I'm hungry now, time to go eat!

Twinkle, Twinkle

It's amazing what a little (ok, a lot) of protein can do. Weight this morning, 257.6 lbs, down around 13 lbs in a week. Geez. I've been getting in 250+ grams of protein for the past 6 days and will maintain that level for the month. My pipe dream is to be in the mid-230's by the end of the month, but that might be too ambitious. My suspicion is that my normal protein level is around 180-200 once I lose the rest of this water weight. My problem is that I was letting it go sub 125 or so, or at least that's what I am thinking. When I was home in Texas, I maybe was eating protein 2-3 times a day instead of my usual 5-7 times a day. It wasn't until my last couple of days there that that changed.

Went to practice tennis this afternoon when I should have been running or something. Ugh. I am sooo not looking forward to the 10K I gotta do in a month. Not at all. I'd rather not be bothered, but I made a commitment and will do it. Running is DEFINITELY not for me, part of the reason why I think that is because I do believe I am still too heavy, that, or too awkward. My excess skin between my thighs is just too much in the way. I'm thinking/considering picking up another activity, something in a different arena, maybe a martial art or something. I haven't decided yet.

I'm on cloud nine right now, my grand-niece just sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" to me on the phone....the kid couldn't be cuter.

Strike a Pose!

I'm feeling the love y'all, thanks for feeling my pain! I took Zyrtec yesterday and it seems to be working wonders. The fog has lifted some, most of the cough is gone and a good bit of the sinus pressure as well. Only my left ear is clogged and I actually got a 1/2 way decent amount of sleep last night. All things considered, not too bad.

'Member those dresses I mentioned a few days ago, here are a couple of pictures of me (taken with my camera phone) in one of them:



Side view:



I almost don't identify with the person in these photos. It trips me out! Is that really me? Do I really look like that? My boobies are showing, what the hell?!? LOL! I will tell you though, these photos give me so much hope that "normal" is within my grasp! I can't honestly remember the last time I wore an actual dress. I've worn plenty of skirts w/ blouses, but an actual one-piece dress, I have no idea. Honestly, it's probably in the 15-20 year range...I wouldn't be surprised.

This also makes me question my ideas about goal weight and BMI. I'm such a poor judge of how the scale and physical reality mesh. I don't know for sure if I look like a 250 lb woman or not. I don't think I do. How much more weight should I lose? I would like to see onederland, hell, I'd like to be 10-20 lbs in onderland, but do I need to be to feel good about myself and wear clothes and shoes I want to wear. If I can wear a size 14 pants and weigh 200 lbs, would I be okay with that? I think I just might. I don't know we'll see,

GA

Getting on an plane, was again, a non-issue, it just blows my mind. I fit fine, no problems whatsoever. My back did start hurting after an hour or so, but that was it. I felt completely normal. Craziness. Cool, but crazy. Well, I obviously made it home in one piece! What a trip...I actually didn't want to come back to GA. It wasn't that I was having non-stop fun, it was just nice to relax and spend time with the family, especially Mom & Dad. As they get older these types of trips become more and more emotional for me. I know they aren't going to be around forever and it's sobering to have to sometimes talk about things (wills, life insurance, etc.) that you don't really want to have to deal with. Ugh. BUT, they are in decent health, are still able to get around and do their normal routines and they both have things that they enjoy doing and are still able to do so I am thankful for that. Besides that, the trip was cool, I didn't eat as well as I would have liked, but I made sure I got my protein in. I have a weakness for my mother's cooking and good, real Mexican food. I didn't drink enough water, but am working on a liter bottle of it right now.

When I was waiting for my dad to pick me up on the curb at the airport, he didn't recognize me. This baffles me to no end, I mean I was just back home in late September, I've maybe lost like 45 lbs since then, I can't believe I changed that much. What was really funny is that he wasn't the only one who didn't recognize me. Several family friends shook my hand without knowing it was me. It wasn't until I spoke that they realized who they were talking to. Talk about messing with my mind. Anyway, my mom, my aunt and I went shopping and I actually bought two dresses that I really like. This is monumental because I can't even remember the last time I willingly bought a dress. I will have to put them on and take some pictures. I actually have an occassion to wear one of them, some friends and I are hitting the town in a couple of weeks to celebrate one friend's birthday. I am hoping to also be done with my glasses by then as well. I'm convinced they are a male-deterrent which ain't good.

Typically, when I leave Atlanta, then go to a very dry climate and then return to my normal humid climate, within 24 hours, I always develop a sinus problem. I'm doing all I can to fend off a full-blown sinus infection because I start my group tennis clinic this Sunday, I don't want to miss it. Can I just say, I'm totally nervous about it? I won't chicken out, but I'm worried about my clothes...I think I will go out Saturday and at least find some cute shorts and t-shirts to wear. I can't go full-blown tennis gear, but I want to look decent. It's a beginner's class so maybe I'm worried for no good reason. I'm hoping the class is full of newbies like me who have the wrong clothes, shoes and rackets.

Tonight is support group meeting and I'm actually contemplating whether or not to go. I'm freakin' exhausted (I never get enough sleep when I travel) and this sinus crap isn't helping any, but I'll probably end up going. The guest speaker is a clinical psychologist, we are going to be discussing post-op issues -- relationship issues, cross addictions, self image, etc. Should be good.

I have to go grocery shopping as I no food, except for the 6 packs of Earl Campbell sausage I brought back from Texas. I couldn't help myself, I love the stuff and they are perfect for all the grilling I plan to do this spring/summer. Tiffany inspires me to be more social and active so that's what I'm going to do!

On second thought...

...I will be calling my doctor on Monday about the blood pressure meds. The last day or so I've been getting that dizzy sensation when I get up from a seated position or when like I am picking things up off the floor and stand straight. The room starts spinning a little bit and I hear that faint buzzing noise, yeah, that can't be good. It happened a couple of times in the past couple of days, but I chocked it up to not having eaten recently, but I just had the feeling a few minutes ago and I just ate and I had a protein shake an hour before that!

I'm so excited, almost to the point of tears, I'm going to the Mary J. Blige concert this week! I love me some Mary J. Her music is a major part of the soundtrack of my life! No More Drama changed my life:



Every ounce of emotion you see in that performance is 100% real and honest and true. Don't believe me?

When my sister, Monica, passed away in 2006, my sister S. and I took on the responsibility of handling all of her affairs and moving out her stuff from her apartment. Monica was a HUGE Mary fan and her music was what we listened to the entire time, especially, Be Without You. I know many people hate Mary, they say she's not a sophisticated singer, that she's a little too rough around the edges. Whatever. Mary's all heart and soul and that's what I love about her. This woman has been through the shit and back again and finally emerged clean and the kick ass part of it is that she pulled herself out of it. I dig that about her!

500!

It's amazing what a few hours of sleep can do for a person. Yesterday I went back to bed and slept from 7:30 AM to around 10:15 AM, and honestly, was felt pretty good throughout the rest of the day until around 10:00 PM when I went to bed and slept like a rock thru til 7:00 AM this morning and I feel great right now. It's like night and day how I feel right now versus how I felt the last couple of days. Maybe my body just gave up and gave in.

This is my blog's 500th post! I started way back in June 2006 when I finally and wholeheartedly committed to starting the process of getting my DS. What a journey it has been! It's definitely a reality check to go back and read about how excited I was when I lost that first 100 lbs or first 200 lbs. Good times. Then there's last summer which was a trial and a half with my first trip home post-surgery, discovery the ulcer and the food-aversion nightmare. Thank God I'm verbose, it's great to go back to read what I've been babbling about for almost two years.

Today was one of those "eat everything in sight" days and I have. Weight is fluctuating between the same few lbs but I expect a drop in a few days. That seems to be the pattern as of late. A little more than 36 hours til my appointment, gonna do a little more research tonight and finish compiling my list of questions. I don't want to be an ignorant patient.

Good Stuff

I like to pass along good stuff so here we go:

1. Diet Root Beer. God help me, I love this stuff. I'm probably drinking too much of it, but it's such a treat. I'd rather have this than some kind of cookie. I love it ice cold poured over ice. YUM. It's caffeine-free too so instead of dessert, I'll have a big glass of chilled root beer.

2. Grill Mates® Mesquite Marinade. This stuff is amazing, I've been making it for a few weeks now and can't get enough marinated baked chicken. As long as I watch my bake time (375° for 45-50 mins), the chicken is perfect, moist, juicy and goes down easy, MUCH easier than when I did it the old way. I think has a large part to play in my weight loss this month as I've eaten A LOT of chicken instead of sausage and other processed foods.

3. Good Sense Roasted & Salted Soynuts. I first tried soy nuts like a year ago and when I saw them in the store, I figured, why not? They are a great snack, especially when I find myself wanting to mindlessly munch. Per serving: 140 calories, 7g fat, 10g carbs, 5g fiber and 10g of protein.

Yeah, baby, yeah!!!

Big congratulations to Tiffany over at Change is Good, she's in ONDERLAND!!! WOO-HOO!!!! Save a seat for me, girl, I'll be there soon enough!!!!

Par-tay!

The dinner and party Friday night were great. We went to the same place where we had our Christmas party. I had the scallops again (YUM!) and nursed a couple of Diet Cokes while everyone else drank away. Needless to say, I was the designated driver. Turns out the Diet Cokes were a bad idea. I couldn't sleep that night, too wired. It was rough getting up yesterday morning, but I had lots to do. Yesterday was BP's surprise birthday party and I'm exhausted. The plan was for her sister to take her out to get their hair and nails done, then arrive back at her house around 7:00 PM for the big surprise. I was to arrive around 4:00 PM to leisurely help BP's husband and daughter set up for the party, decorate, cook, whatever. Instead I got a frantic call from BP's husband around 3:00 PM telling me to get over there as fast as I could and then I spent the next 4+ hours running around like a crazy person cleaning, decorating, running out to pick up the cake, ice and other last minute stuff. I then spent the whole party playing photographer and making sure that I took good pictures. The best part was that her other daughter flew in from California and surprised her. She was shocked! She cried and cried. It was great, I'm glad she had a good party. Alls I gotta do now is process the photos and get them back to her in a book or something.

I got a couple of interesting comments at the party. One lady flat out didn't recognize me at first, took a couple of seconds and she was like "Omigod!". It was funny. The other one came from a lady I hadn't seen in probably two years, she said "You look different. What's different about you?" At first I was taken aback, but I just said that I lost a lot of weight. She's English so I don't know if in English culture it's poor manners to talk about people's weight or not. Anyway, no big deal. The food at the party was great, there was shrimp and ham and chicken and green beans and more ham and more shrimp and potato chips. I only ate the chips during the decorating frenzy because they were the only things out and I was STARVING. I did try a green olive, but couldn't muster a second.

Oh yeah, Happy Easter, y'all! I'm exhausted, it's late morning and I'm barely getting started. Weight this morning, 255.2 lbs! Woo-hoo! Down 9.2 lbs for the month and 261.4 lbs overall. Just a few short lbs away from Dr. M's goal for me.

To answer Ann's question about tracking food, yes, I track my food. I did it for years way back when I was a hard-core low carber and I did it for the first full year post-op, and now I still do it although, not every single thing every single day, but what usually happens is I track about 3/4 of my food each day so that I can see if for the last 2-3 meals of the day, I need to focus on protein/calories or not. I no longer trust my non-tracking guesstimates anymore because more often than not, my guesstimates come in way low on protein and way high on carbs.

Hollow Leg

What I ate today:

M1: 2 eggs scrambled with 3 slices of American cheese on a Low Carb tortilla
M2: 2 Mesquite baked chicken legs
M3: 2 slices of cotto salami, 2 oz deli turkey, 1 slice of cheese on Double Fiber wheat bread w/ mustard
M4: 6-7 oz homemade chili
M5: Grilled cheese sandwich on DFW bread
M6: 1 Mesquite backed chicken leg

It's just almost 8 PM and I'm STILL hungry. I know this is the classic indicator of not consistently eating enough -- either that or I have a hollow leg ... Sigh...time to incorporate a shake or two in my routine. I know that's also a lot of cheese, but I am trying to finish up what I have so that it can be done and over with. I have a helluva time moderating my cheese intake, so it's either all or nothing and at this point, it should probably be nothing ESPECIALLY with the constipation I am having with taking so much calcium.

I went shopping at Ross today. I have quite a few social activities over the next 3 days and am way past tired of wearing the same few things over and over. I was mildly successful in that I found a nice blouse, but that's it. I tried on a 14/16 blouse and it fit (yea!) but was too short (bummer). At least I know I can get into 14/16's. Pretty awesome. I tried on two pairs of pants, one a size 18 (fit) and a size 20 (also fit). I just looked weird in them, I think it may be the cut of them, boot cuts that are snug in the thighs, but flare out past the knees. Maybe it's a mental thing, I don't know, but my hips are so much wider than I would like. It sucks. For now, pants-wise, I will stick with what I have until I can trim down some more in my hips. Thanks to Tiffany, I'm set for a good while. The back of my thighs look gnarly too.

I took a good, long hard look at myself in front of a well lit mirror today. Gosh, I look so different than where I started. Sometimes it just sneaks up on me when I least expect it to. I've sort of transitioned into being fairly comfortable in my own body although I do, at times, feel like I'm not as "small" as I am. I remember when I would compare myself to pre-op photos in order to see the big difference, now I could look at photos of myself 6-8 months ago and see a significant change. Craziness...

Today I did something that completely shocked the hell out of me...I jumped up and down on one leg! I inadvertently jammed my left foot in the corner of my kitchen cabinet hard enough that I actually jumped up and down a few hops. It stopped hurting for a few seconds while I realized what I just did. Pretty cool, huh?

Today is also BP's birthday, the big 5-0! Not too much going on tonight, but we're throwing a surprise party Saturday night. Tomorrow is support group meeting and Friday night is our company's 3-year anniversary so we're throwing a company party. Good times.

Half the woman I used to be...

Despite a few glitches, I had a good day yesterday. DST didn't mess me up til this morning. Sucks. Anyway, I had a really great tennis lesson yesterday. There was three of us, the expert/instructor, a player who has been playing for 18 months or so and me. I like lessons more than just practicing by myself, definitely more fun and more tiring. Things are finally coming together a little bit, my footwork, ball tracking and form are improving although ball control is still all over the place BUT much better, I only hit one ball over the fence. I'm happy about that. In the very beginning, I probably hit about 1/3 over the fence and it's such a pain to go fetch them afterwards. I thought for sure I'd be sore this morning, but I feel fine.

I had a great dinner last night pork tenderloin, roasted potatoes with a mushroom sauce and a salad, no dessert. Yum. I ate my share of pork and only a couple of pieces of potato and I even ate some of the portabello mushrooms, crazy, I know. Weight this morning was 257.2 lbs. Amazing. Down another 0.8 lbs, for a grand total loss of 259.4 lbs. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I've lost more weight than what I weigh. I'm only 7.2 lbs away from Dr. Marchesini's goal for me, 40.6 lbs from losing a total of 300 lbs. That is really, really exciting for me. After that, it's just like 16.8 more lbs to Onderland!

Speaking of the good doctor, I just found out he is coming to the states in June and I am seriously considering going to see him. A good friend of mine lives in Philly so I might try to arrange something with him as well. I've never been to DC so it might be cool to see our nation's capital and do the touristy thing while I am there. We'll see.

The Big 3-4!

Last night I had my official birthday festivities. We started the night off at a steakhouse restaurant in Roswell called Stoney River. I had driven past there a ton of times and a friend of mine had been raving about it for two years so we finally went. It was great! I went with two friends and I had crab cakes with lemon caper sauce as an appetizer, but I have to ask, what is with crab cakes that are all crab and no cake? I mean, I appreciate seeing nice sized lumps of crab, but I don't understand it if there's no "cake". Yes, I guess it's filler to a certain extent, but I like a little layer of something to hold my crab cakes together. It was nevertheless delicious. For my entree, I ordered a 12 oz prime rib (smallest size), with sauteed green beans and caramelized onion mashed potatoes. Dinner comes served with these small, Munchin-sized dinner rolls with cinnamon butter. Now, I love me some prime rib and the mashed potatoes were wonderful, but the rolls and the cinnamon butter were to die for. They tasted like donuts. Oh my goodness, if I could have eaten a whole basket, I would have. Man, oh man, my mouth is salivating just thinking about them. I'm typically not a big bread-eater, but these rolls were divine! The butter was light (must have been whipped) and had just the right amount of sweetness. Yum!

After dinner we went back to my friend's house and lo and behold, a living room fully decorated and around 10 or so folks exclaiming "Happy Birthday" when I walked in. Very cool. I can't actually remember the last time I have a real birthday party and not just a dinner thing. It was fun! There was some drinking involved. I've said this God only knows how many times, but I'm not much of a drinker, but I was forced to take a shot of tequila. Mind you, this was a somewhat younger crowd and they like to get their drink on. So I took a shot, immediately regretted it and spent the next hour in a daze. Yeah, me and alcohol will never be close friends. That was it for me. The others continued to drink and after lots of hanging out, cracking jokes, more shots/beers/wine/etc. by them we decided to play this game called Apples to Apples. Soooo much fun! I know a lot of people think board/party games are lame, but this game was great. The link fully explains how to play it and we played a good two hours or so. I like it much better than Deal or No Deal. If you're looking for a good game that works with a good crowd, this one is a winner. I had a couple of bites of my birthday cake for good luck and ended up getting to bed around 2 AM. I had a great time. Tonight, I got invited to go out to Karaoke at a friend of a friend's bar. I suspect I got invited to be the designated driver, but that's okay. This group of friends is kinda cool and in the past I would have brushed them off and just stayed home, I think I might actually go. I have to ask myself "why not?" Sure, it's not my first choice of places to hang out, but really, what do I know? I spent a good chunk of my adulthood being too ashamed to venture out so why not just go out and try to have some fun?!?

Good Things

I've decided to indulge in some of the things I really enjoy tomorrow for my birthday. This whole pituitary tumor thing is bumming me out therefore, I am going to make an effort to bring a little joy to my day, maybe it'll snap me out of this funk. So far I have the following:

1. Play tennis.
2. Go clothes shopping at a store other than Wal-mart/Target and pick up something nice.
3. Get my hair done.
4. Take some photographs of myself with my cute hair and cute clothes.
5. Watch Lost with some good friends.
6. Buy myself something I really want...at the moment it's 6 wooden poster-sized frames for the artwork I just purchased recently.

I think that's good. Odds are 50/50 that my mom will actually remember my birthday and call. Nothing to get upset about as I'm the youngest of 12 kids and when you tack on 25+ grandkids and 10 great grands, I'm just happy she remembers my name! LOL! I'm only half kidding, I can't tell you how many times she's called me one of my sister's names. My dad will call though, that's not even a question.

I'm writing Dr. Marchesini an update letter to let him know how I am doing and mostly just to ask him what he thinks my goal weight should be at this point in time. Initially, he said 250-ish and I am just about there. I would, however, like to lose at least another 50-70 more lbs. I'll see what he says.

I'm working on my testimonial for support group meeting tomorrow. I am bringing in three items of clothes, one, a pair of shorts I wore in Brazil (size 64 waist) and my favorite gray shirt (size 5/6X). I haven't worn either in over a year I don't think. The last item of clothing is a pair of size 10 pants that Beth gave me. They are my goal pants. One way or another, I am getting in them! When I look at my old clothes I am just flat out amazed, I can't believe I wore them, especially the shorts because I clearly remember them being tight enough that I didn't need a belt, in fact, the belt was too tight! It's just incredibly wild. I'm going to put them on tomorrow and take a few pics and send to Dr. M. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of it.

I actually had a few phone calls from the doctor's office concerning my upcoming MRI. They asked me a bunch of questions like am I claustrophobic (no) and do I have any metal clips in my body (uhm...no), that kind of thing. My last phone call, they gave me my appointment date, February 29th at 8:30 AM. They are submitting my info for approval but didn't want to wait til they got it before scheduling me. Tomorrow, I just have to pick up the orders and wait til the 29th. Easy as pie. Mmmmm, pie.