Life Happens....

First, congrats to Tiffany on her engagement! I am thrilled to tears for her! She rocks!

Second, yes, I am still alive. Seems I am liking the living my life thing. I have been happily busy with stuff, from work to family and everything in between. Been playing a lot of tennis lately which has been fun. I actually joined a team (gasp) and our season starts in a couple of weeks so we've been practicing. It feels good to say I play a sport. Who would've thunk it!

Yesterday I bought a size medium unisex t-shirt. How freakin' crazy is that? It is a little snug, but that may just be me being self conscious about it. Incredible. I also bought some size XL unisex athletic pants. Boggles the mind. I'm having to retire my 2XL's which had been baggy, but comfortable, now they are a little too baggy. I'm consistently in 12/14's on top and 16's on the bottom. I can see those 16's slowly transitioning into 14's at some point.

Weight has been steady in the 230's although I think I may tone down the carbs and such and may try to trim down a bit. I've been getting a little frustrated playing tennis when I can't move as fast as I want to. It's funny how tennis is the only thing that makes me want to lose more weight even though I'm pretty content where I am. My motivation is to be a good tennis player and if it means dropping pounds, so be it. I don't have a set weight in mind, I just want to feel agile and lighter on my feet. Not surprisingly, I feel better when I eat better.

My ex-business partner has gone into full on crazy mode. She'd been emailing me regularly since I left and I finally had enough so I basically had to, quite bluntly, shut her down. She did not like it and sent me a crazy email, but I am ignoring her. I can't out manipulate her so my best bet is to ignore at all costs. I next expect her to start trying to get to me through other people, it's just a matter of time. I almost pity her, she's a sad, sad woman. Oh, and get this! She had the nerve to tell me that to truly have nothing to do with her (which I stated emphatically, numerous times) that I should return to her all my shares in the company! Uh....no.

Anyway, besides her, life is pretty awesome. The DS has been a blessing and I just continue to try to find my way through the world.

Wow

I love my DS. So, as we all know, since Thanksgiving my eating had been crazy, not enough protein, FAR too many carbs, too much sugar, etc., etc. While it was fun, one thing I did notice was how fatigue and sort of listless I was feeling. I still had maybe 100g of protein, still took my supplements and played tennis 1-2 times a week, but I didn't feel like my normal self. I hadn't been weighing daily like I usually did and so the weight started to creep up. Here's the funny thing about my weight gain, it's all water, I never gain fat, in fact over the course of the last 8 weeks, while the scale went up, my clothes fit the same. My lowest weight ever was 231.2 lbs. This past Monday, I topped the scale at 266.0 lbs. That's a weight gain of roughly 35 lbs. Crazy, huh?! This morning, after eating like a good DS-er all week, my weight dropped down to 238.2 lbs. That's a loss of almost 28 lbs in like 5 days. I know you don't gain 35 lbs of fat in 5 weeks and if you never gained it, you can't lose 28 lbs of it in 5 days. I seem to be one of those people who can gain water weight very rapidly. Tuesday-Friday, I peed it all off, seriously, I was going to the bathroom to tinkle, like 10-12 times a day. I had actually anticipated not getting back to where I was til the end of the month, but it seems like I can maybe get there sooner which would be awesome. The DS rocks the box, it's a possibility that after all the water weight is gone, I might have actually dropped a few pounds of fat!

I've been working hard at getting my business started. I've been spending a lot of time talking with future clients, industry experts and contacts, something I didn't do hardly any of when I worked with my old business partner. She was more than happy to relegate me to the sidelines and I was more than content to sit there. At 500+ lbs it's hard to portray confidence. Now that I am close to normal, I don't have much of that anxiety and fear. I do have a ways to go though, but I am aware of it and am working on it. Anyway, I had been in preliminary discussion with a new potential business partner, we've been talking high level and trying to meet regularly to work a few things out. I've had a good 9 years of working at small startups so I know what it's like, he really hasn't and although we're good friends, I don't think I will be business partners with him. Part of it is, he's always late. Always. Now, maybe I'm anal, maybe it's the fact that I grew up with a dad who was in the army and has never been late in his life, maybe it's genetics, I don't know, but I hate tardiness. Hate it - however, I'm not a Nazi about it. I know sometimes, stuff happens, that's life, but for chrissakes, give me a call, let me know you're running late. It's so disrespectful and I don't think he gets that his chronic tardiness is basically saying "my time is more important that yours, Tia" and that just grates on my nerves. I don't think he's intentionally thinking that, but it is what it is.

This is also brings up issues of dependability. I don't truly feel like he's all that dependable. I know he's smart and hard working and persistent, but I don't know that I can trust him to be on time for a meeting with a client, or get things done when we need them to. He's far too laissez-faire for me. I just don't think it'll work out. That is what my gut is telling me and I need to listen to it, even if it means temporarily damaging our friendship. Doing a business together would do infinitely more damage and frankly, I'm not into babysitting right now. I'm not interested in wondering how late he's going to be, wondering if he did what he said he was going to do, etc. Not in the mood right now. Thankfully, nothing has been signed, it's all just talk, so I'll be wrapping it up with him soon.

Today, it's time to run some errands! Woo-hoo! Gonna go for a walk and/or hit some tennis balls, I have a group lesson on Sunday and want to be prepared. Then it's off to the grocery store for my weekly food shopping and I have to get an emergency stash of protein powder since my order from Vitalady won't be here til Friday. After that, it's a little house cleaning, then a few hours of business development stuff, maybe a little database design, then I'm off to a birthday dinner & party for a friend.

Have a good one, y'all!

#600... and it's a doozy!

Believe it or not, this is my 600th post, 600 posts in like 2 1/2 years. Wow. That's a lot of blabbing on my part! Well, it's that time of year and so I have been thinking long and hard about resolutions for 2009. This time around, it's not so much about accomplishing a lot of little things, but I want to focus on making good strides toward living a normal healthy lifestyle where my weight and my surgery and my body issues aren't so present in my day to day life.

I've been back and forth with myself over the last several months about whether or not I am happy where I am weight-wise, whether getting down below 200 is feasible or not, whether hitting a certain number is all that important to me. I think what I have learned from all that is I still have issues with the fear of success. It is by far, the hardest thing for me to overcome, it sucks because I really want to be able to say that I'm done losing weight, but I guess, subconsciously, I am afraid of what that really means. I don't know. This hurdle, by far, is the most important one for me to overcome in 2009.

Having said that, after a very crazy holiday season filled with lots of holiday food of all kinds, it's time to get back on track. I continue to slowly shrink in size (which honestly boggles the mind considering how I've been eating lately) so I know my DS still works. I am going to focus on exercise. I haven't pushed myself lately and I think it's time. I've been playing a fair amount of tennis, but with the sketchy weather lately, it hasn't been consistent. I will be signing up for a gym in January, like the rest of America and will start the exercise portion of the Body for LIFE program. I've done BFL before with good results and I will continue to do tennis 2-3 times a week, mostly Sunday afternoon and Monday evenings.

My nutritional requirements haven't changed. Still need to get in at least 2 protein shakes a day, preferably three. Still need to take my supplements, still need to greatly limit the carbs and dairy in my diet. On this front, the only thing I need to improve is to maintain consistency and to basically expand my horizons a little bit and be a little more adventurous with my food. Eating the same things over and over again is convenient, but makes it easy to get off track when boredom sets in. I have to learn that not all veggies are evil. :)

Long story short, yes, the ultimate goal is to see onederland. I don't know when, I'm not putting a timetable on it, but that's the goal. I hope to get pretty damn close within the first 12 weeks.

I made great strides in 2008 in being more social, the biggest thing toward that end was leaving my business and returning to the corporate world. Awesome. It was like I was missing from the world and rediscovered life. I've had a great time just going to work, going out to lunch, going to functions after work, basically just being engaged with other people without all the BS and craziness. I really, really missed that when I was working my my business partner. It's also been awesome to get up every day and look like and feel like an adult. I know that's a weird statement, but I've really enjoyed buying and wearing work clothes, mind you, we have somewhat of a casual work environment where many of my coworkers are t-shirts and tennis shoes type of folks, which is perfectly acceptable, but I don't want to be one of them. I was a card-carrying member when I was 500+ lbs, but not anymore. I like wearing good clothes to work, having my hair look cute, wearing an actual coat with a scarf, all of that. It just makes me feel good and makes me feel like I've made big strides in leaving some of the old Tia behind that needed being left behind. The one thing I wanted to do in 2008 that I haven't done yet is date. I really want to start dating but haven't the slightest idea of how to get that going. One thing I did notice is that I am oblivious to signals that guys send off. I saw this one guy in the cafeteria at work and we had a little moment, a little spark and I just walked away... it didn't occur to me til later that duh, there was something there. Sigh, I need like a dating coach or something.... The old biological clock is ticking and it's not like I want to get married tomorrow, I just want to be going down that road.

All of this is important because in 2009, I will be focusing on my new business venture which I am very excited about. I've been working on it for like two months now and it's materializing into something that I really feel will be successful for me and most importantly, I get to drive. I get to set the tone. I get to be leader and that excites me the most. I've been able to network and talk to potential clients and have felt incredibly confident in myself and I finally know what it's like to not have to be so worried about how fat I am. It's awesome. These are people who haven't the faintest clue that I was ever so morbidly obese and it's such a trip to actually be normal. Y'know sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and still see a fat girl and then other times, especially when I can see my reflection up against people whom I consider to be normal, I am still shocked that I'm fairly normal, at least normal enough to not stand out from the crowd -- except for being almost 6' tall, but I'm used to that!

Going back to BFL issue, it's a 12 week program and in that time, my goal is to work the program as best as I can. In those twelve weeks, I want to lose 25 lbs of body fat. I don't know if that is going to translate to 25 lbs lost on the scale because with this program, it does increase muscle and strength. I think the best measure of success will be a combination of fat lost, weight lost and inches lost. I will take my % body fat on Day 1 and will keep a weekly tally. I will do the same with measurements, but will make that a monthly thing and weight loss will be a daily thing. The BFL program has it's own progress sheets so I will be keep those up.

I feel good about the start of the year, it isn't a big huge goal, just something to get the year started off right. I do have much smaller ambitions, like reading more books. Since I've been taking public transportation to work for the last 6 months, I have read a ton of books, some of them from my list from last year, others that have caught my eye and some are recommendations from friends. I have a stack of 7-8 books that I've purchased in the last couple of weeks that are already on my reading list and I look forward to picking up some more. First up is "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini, I love "The Kite Runner" so am looking forward to finishing this one.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bunch of Real Woman Dollars from Lane Bryant so I decided to go shopping (yet again) and surprise, surprise, I am thisclose to being too small for that store. All the tops are really too big, the sweaters are okay because I usually wear some type of shirt under them so they fit fine. I am suffering from loose waist/bagging bottom syndrome in my Right Fit size 2 jeans so I bought a couple of pairs of size 1's which fit better although they are a little snug in the thigh. Ah, my thighs, my perennial problem area. Hopefully, the work I do in BFL will help. I don't plan to have any kind of plastic surgery in 2009, but will probably start seriously looking into it. I need a lot of work done and will just have to determine what are my wants and what can I live with.

Okay, so I have to tell you about Christmas. I spent Christmas at my friend L's house. I initially thought it was going to be a large group of similarly stranded folks gathering to partake of some holiday cheer, turns out it was largely her family and several neighbors, not too many other single folk. Anyway, it was great overall, food was awesome and I enjoyed myself for the most part. Here's the thing, this is a friend I had known in college and especially during our freshman year, we were very close. To be honest, she was also the pretty one and I was your typical "fat sidekick". That was the role I served, she wasn't much a friend in retrospect, it was really all about her and all the drama in her life. That was the case for the first couple of years of school, but it calmed down the last two years and I sort of went on my way. After graduation we ended up in the same city, but we didn't really live close to each so we didn't hang out much, but when we did, same old story. Anyway this one time, we were volunteering with our local alumni club which was sponsoring a fundraising event, a black tie affair. We were tasked to welcome the guests and give them name-tags or something, I really don't remember. Anyway at the beginning of the night, we were sitting at a table with 3 or 4 other friends (all women) when her boyfriend at the time shows up. She gets all giggly and proceeds to introduce him, one by one, to everyone at the table - except me. I was so hurt. The funny thing is that if I truly thought it was an accident, it wouldn't have bothered me so much and I probably would have just introduced myself and forgotten about it, but in my heart, I knew it was intentional. I was already feeling self-conscious because I had to wear my standard black skirt, white shirt (the only "dressy" outfit I had) and of course, I was the biggest person there. I already felt crappy from the get-go and then she goes and does that. After that night, I avoided her and maybe saw her once or twice in the following weeks, but honestly hadn't talked to her in like 8 or 9 years.

So Christmas dinner, 2008. I will be the first to admit that sometimes people change and I had largely forgiven her and frankly moved on. This is her first time seeing me in years, so obviously, I've lost a lot of weight and she seems genuinely happy about it. Everything seems fine, I get introduced to her whole family, they are perfectly nice people, all is good. Then her neighbors get there. Her out of town family members don't know these people, neither do I. L proceeds to introduce her neighbors, one by one, to everyone there - except for me. It registered in my brain, but I was like "ok, whatever" and I make sure to introduce myself and move on.

After all that, we eat, after dinner, we play a few games - Taboo and Catchphrase, good times. So we're all chilling talking and stuff and the conversation turns to how good the food was. L starts talking about which person made what -- so and so made the banana pudding, she made the spaghetti, her dad cooked almost all the desserts, etc. She runs down almost the entire menu and mind you, I'm sitting almost directly in front of her, maybe 3 feet away and she doesn't mention anything I brought. Mind you, I brought the freakin' Christmas ham and baked mac & cheese, both big hits! I just looked at her. I was done. It's like what Maya Angelou said "when people show you who they are, believe them!" I saw all I needed to see and within an hour or so, I was in my car, making my way home. I won't be socializing with her anymore. It's not that I'm mad, honestly, I'm really not, I feel more relieved, like I dodged a bullet, because what I do remember most about our "friendship" in college was that I was a very, very good friend to her and she wasn't much of one to me. She was exhausting and kinda shallow and trifling. Nope, don't need that crap. When I hugged her goodnight, it was more of a good-bye. I'm sure I'll come across her now that I'm more out and about and I'll be sure to be perfectly amicable, but outside of that, not gonna go there!

Well, I've babbled enough. I need to start blogging more consistently, I tend to keep all my thoughts in reserve and then it's like an avalanche! Good grief!

Good stuff.

Had a good weekend, got a ton of sleep Friday night, something like 10 hours, I must have been tired. All my football teams won so I am happy about that. Went to tennis practice today although I had decided I'd rather just be a vegetable and not go, but at the last minute, I went. It's funny, I still find myself trying to talk myself out of going places and doing things, at least now I can talk myself back into going and doing. I had fun and slowly, but surely, I can see some real progress. I've been working on my mobility -- making sure to stay on my toes, knees bent, racket out in front of me, eyes up. There are so many things to keep track of that it is only with practice that it'll come together. I will probably pick up a Thursday night drills class. It's for 2 hours (yes, quite the workout) and I think if I do that and do two one hour sessions a week with a ball machine, that'll be plenty of exercise for me. I've also thought about my evening commutes. If I leave 1/2 hour earlier, I can walk the 1.5 miles to the main bus terminal which is 3-4 stops before my usual one and that'll give me a bit more exercise without costing me any more time. I will definitely think about it. It'll only suck if I am lugging a bunch of stuff which is not that often or if the weather sucks, but then I can just go to the nearest stop and call it a day.

I have been having crazy abdominal issues and I'm not sure why. My diet hasn't changed much, but I've had alternating D and then C. It's weird. The only thing I can think of is maybe it's due to the fact that I had stopped taking probiotics and have been trying to mitigate the constipation with a combination of magnesium oxide, stool softeners and Milk of Magnesia. I haven't had any low carb tortillas or any low carb bread which maybe be causing my constipation. If nothing else, it was a good source of fiber BUT it caused a good bit of gas. My stomach is constantly noisy, lots of rumbling going on and it's not all hunger based. Hmmm, I dunno, I'm just going to try to keep my eating real clean this week to see if things settle down.

I think I have found my next pet project and I'm fairly excited about it. It'll take some time to spec out and more time to build, but I think it'll be cool. In the meantime, I am going to implement a smaller proof of concept idea which shouldn't take me long to do. It's a little application that I built some time ago that has been helpful to me that I think others might find helpful as well. As much as I love the relatively easy corporate life, I eventually want to get back to running my own thing and this time I want to do it right.

Alrighty then, time to go do laundry and make my lunches for the week! Being prepared makes life during the week so much easier, sometimes it's pain to spend the time on the weekend doing it, but it's paying off. I'm looking forward to reporting a good loss for October which just confirms for me that the DS window doesn't necessarily always close after 18 months. With a little effort, you can lose more weight and get closer to your goal.

Run, Tia, run!

So I saw my photos from the US 10K Classic and they crack me up! I don't know why they do, but they do...I guess I still don't see myself like that completely. It's weird.

Apparently, while I thought I wasn't losing weight and not dropping any sizes, I apparently did and it's funny because it seems like it happened overnight. My large size t-shirts are on the verge of being a little too loose, my old XL's are now nightshirts and look silly if I even dare wear them in public. My size 18 pants are getting baggy and the 16's are thisclose to being perfect. The only thing I am struggling with is with the excess skin on my thighs, especially between my thighs, they are giving me a weird gait, I can't walk like how I want to because I have so much flab interference.

The impossible has happened. I want to run a better 10K, the running bug has bit. I'm slightly annoyed because I tell myself that I do not like running, but here's the thing, I can run further and much easier than I thought. I like that. A friend is going to run the ING half marathon next year, now I know I ain't doing that, but my goal is to actually run, not walk, a 5K at some point and then run, not walk, a 10K. When I can do the 5K successfully, then I will commit to doing the half marathon, even if I walk 1/2 of it. The big thing is that I need to drop more weight which is what I am focusing on hard core the rest of the year, probably the next 6 months.

Tennis wise, I am attending Monday night drills and have 1/2 hour lessons with my tennis instructor every week. Joining a team is the next big thing, but I want to get better before that happens. That's what I am focusing on the exercise front for now and I think that will keep me busy for awhile.

I haven't weighed this weekend because of the big C, no need to aggravate myself for no reason, as long as I am on track, all will be good.

Just so y'all know I'm not crazy...

Got home around 8:15PM and hopped on the scale, 246.4 lbs.... That's less than this morning. I have my last protein shake to drink before I go to bed tonight, then it's pretty much lather, rinse, repeat here on out...three protein shakes...good grief.

Monday is the US 10K Classic Race which I will most likely run. I say "most likely" because I am on call again this weekend and have to make that top priority. I am working on ways to make it happen though. I went out and bought me a new running shirt and some energy jelly beans, I forgot the name....

I'm just past the one month mark working at the new job and I now think that I can tweak my routine in order to get the best benefit healthwise. My walks to and from the bus stop to my office is quite enjoyable -- except when it rains. Each way is about 10-12 minutes with a couple of semi-steep hills. Way back when I used to do Body-for-Life and one of the things that I really liked about it was it's 20 minute cardio routine. I was surprised at what a good workout it was in that short amount of time. The plan is to do that routine every morning AND on nights when I don't have tennis. I'm gonna try to get to at least two tennis drill classes a week. Anyway, that'll give me roughly an hour's worth of cardio, it'll just be spread out over the course of the day. That might actually be better than all at once.

On the food front, I am going to do 2 protein shakes a day, something like this:

M1: Protein shake before I walk out the door in the AM
M2: Light snack mid-morning
M3: Lunch
M4: Light snack mid- afternoon
M5: Protein shake when I get home from work
M6: Dinner, post workout

Previously I had been drinking 50g protein shakes, but these will be more like 35g each. My goal is to get adequate, but not excess, protein in daily while doing what I can to help mitigate constipation issues. I'm getting in about a gallon of water, no problem.

175-180 is the goal by the end of the year, if not sooner. I'm going to do my best to get there. In some respects I feel like I've wasted a good part of my second year, but on the other hand, I feel like I have had the journey I needed to have, everything happened the way it needed to and now I find myself exactly where I needed to. These last 65-70 lbs aren't going to just fall off easily, I know I will have to put some work into it, but thankfully with the DS, it'll be much easier than if I hadn't had the surgery PLUS I know that once the weight is gone, it's gone. The fluctuations I have had over the past few months have all been water weight, easily lost when I get back on track. It's a false comfort, of course, to know it's not fat that I'm constantly gaining and losing, and it doesn't really do anything for me in the short or long term.

According to Dr. Marchesini, I've surpassed my weight loss goal, to him, I'm at 102% EWL. In order to have a normal BMI and get down to a weight where I can best have plastic surgery, have to weigh 178 lbs given my height of 5'11". This morning I weighed in at 245.2 lbs, that gives me a total loss of 271.4 lbs. I need to lose a total of 338.6 lbs. I therefore have 67.2 more lbs to go. This is truly homestretch time. I'm 80% of the way there. It's like the last 1.2 miles of the Peachtree Road Race where it seemed like the race would never end and much of the energy and vigor I had was spent and the only thing that would get me to the finish would be the will to want to finish and the holding on to the notion that I just need to take it one day at a time. I think my problem has been looking at the goal I want to accomplish as one big giant scary thing. I need to not do that and just break it down in manageable steps. Feeling overwhelmed or feeling like this is an impossible task is a quick and fast way for me to get derailed. I think I've probably spent the last 6 months being off track.

I think now that I am away from the toxic environment of working with my business partner and am in a much more satisfying environment, I can go start focusing on my health and weight loss again. So much of my time and energy was spent on dealing with that nightmare situation that I'm actually surprised at how draining it actually was. It's amazing.

Anyway, football season is just a few weeks away and I CAN NOT WAIT. It's been a long hiatus and I'm anxious to see how well my team will perform this year. Unfortunately, it looks like I may not be going up to my alma mater to see a game after all. Sept 1 is the US 10K Classic and I really want to run in it since I did so poorly last time around, plus it'll help get me a good number for the Peachtree Road Race next year. I will most likely be taking at least 1/2 a day off that day. If I were to leave to my alma mater, I'd be leaving on the 5th and I'd rather not have too many days off or miss to many hours since I'm technically a contractor and I really want to make as much money as I can, I need to pad the nest egg and pay off some bills and just raise my standard of living a tad. I will be going to Texas for Thanksgiving so I'll already be losing 2-3 days there so I just want to be careful about time off. There is a big reunion next summer that I might shoot for, I'll be at goal weight by then and hopefully looking into at least the first phase of plastics. We'll see.

Anyway, time to do some laundry and make my lunches for the week. The better prepared I am with good, nutritious food, the less likely I am to want to stray.

Day 4 - Funny how that is

With the Duodenal Switch, your eating somewhat returns to normal. It's not like you have to eat pureed food for the rest of your life, you can, for the most part, eat like a "normal" person. One thing, I have learned I can't do is drink large quantities of liquid within 15-30 minutes of getting a full stomach. If I do, whatever I just ate & drank is coming right back up. This is not a frequent occurrence, but happens every now and again when I forget that I need to NOT try to chug a glass of water after dinner. Ugh. Talk about horrible. It's just going to be one of those things I will not ever be able to do. I'm totally cool with that, especially if it prevents the fun I had last night. Ugh.

Today, was a good day food-wise. I kept it pretty straightforward, and honestly, take Day 2 and you've basically got what I ate today. My weight is down to 247.8 lbs, down 3 more lbs, and just 67.8 lbs til goal. Still dealing with a good bit of the big C, but things are moving a little bit, but I'm not all cleared out. Yuck, I know, I know, but such is the DS life.

On the exercise front, I didn't do any extra tonight since I'm pretty much sore all over. Training on the bike and really pushing myself is taking it's toll. I need to rest.

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. Where doth the time go? Craziness. Well, I'm at the end of a book that I am desperate to finish so that's it for me today.

Day 3 - No poop

Not a good way to start off the day. I will be patient because I know a big ol'whoosh is bound to come any day now, hopefully sooner than later. Since I've been über diligent with my iron and calcium, constipation is my companion. Boo-hiss. I'm gonna take my stool softeners on a regular basis 'cause as much as I hate constipation, I hate hemorrhoids more.

Weight this morning, 251. Ironically, a few minutes ago I hopped on the scale and weighed 250.8. That never happens!

The day went pretty awesome, except that I forgot to eat the 2nd chicken leg I brought to lunch with me:

M1: Protein shake
M2: Chili
M3: Chicken leg, slice of corned beef, 3 slices of hard salami
M4: Sunflower seeds
M5: Fajitas! sans tortillas. Yum! Shrimp, beef, pulled pork AND beef. I ate nearly all the meat except for some of the chicken. I had a 3-4 corn chips with salsa, two bites of rice and about a tablespoon of cheese (sorry, couldn't help it).
M6: Protein shake

I'm fixin' to hop on my bike in a few minutes and get to peddlin' for at least 1/2 an hour. I just got back from the bookstore where I picked up a few books for my daily commute to work as well as a couple of moleskines...they have soft-cover ones now....so pretty!

Alrighty then!

Day 2

Today was much like yesterday. Got in plenty of water and all my vits. Meals looked like this:

M1: Protein shake
M2: Chili
M3: 3 oz sunflower seeds, shelled
M4: 2 Chicken legs
M5: Tequila lime chicken wings (6)
M6: More wings (3)
M7: Protein shake

Exercise: 20 minutes on the exercise bike, plus 30 minutes of walking.

Somehow I injured my left foot because my arch is killing me. It hurts when I take a step and roll my foot from heel to toe, like a tendon or ligament is pulled or something. It's not broken, but definitely inflamed somehow. I'm trying to take it easy, but that ain't easy, I'm used to moving faster than I currently am. Gonna take some Tylenol and see how it goes. If it's not better by the weekend, doctor-time! Bummer.

I'm battling the water-retention and constipation demons. My weight has jumped up to 254! Grrrrrrrr. That's more than 10 lbs than my lowest. Not happy about that, but it's not completely out of the ordinary whenever I transition from poor/mediocre eating to good eating, especially when I increase the protein. I went back and looked at my protein more closely over the past couple of weeks and it was more in the 100-125 range than the 150's which was what I though. Oh how the mind deceives.... Ugh, I've been trying to keep it over 200 for now to see how it goes. Hopefully by the weekend, it'll be back to normal.

The question is whether I should shoot for a 25-lb loss from 254 or from 243...Hmmmm....

Day 1

Today was a pretty darn good day. First and foremost, food log:

M1: Protein shake
M2: Bowl of chili
M3: Protein bar
M4: Chicken leg
M5: Chicken leg
M6: Turkey, corned beef, salami rolls
M7: Protein shake
M8: Chicken leg

Protein in the vicinity of around 200g, a little higher than I'd like, but I was starving when I got home from work. 180-200 may just have to be my range. Too little protein and I get sluggish and start retaining water, too much and I risk kidney issues so I just have to watch it. Carbs were under 50 for sure. Gonna try to work in some veggies of some kind tomorrow, maybe some green beans. Also of note, no cheese, no wheat besides what could have been in my protein bar.

For exercise, I had my two 15 min brisk walks to and from the bus to my job and then I rode my stationary bike for 35 minutes and worked up a good sweat. I was pedaling my butt off!

Water-wise, I'll end the day around a gallon and I've taken all my vitamins except for my last dose of Calcium.

Alrighty then, right on track!

One step after the next...

I know I don't look it, but I'm prety ecstatic in this photo:

After all the back and forth, I decided to go ahead and run the Peachtree Road Race 10K yesterday and I'm so glad I did. The emotional ups and down from the previous couple of days were taking their toll and this was just thing that could allow me to push all that crap out of my head and focus on a very difficult physical challenge. In short, it was just one of those things I needed to do and I'm so very glad I did. I don't like to brag, but I totally kicked ass! That's a completely relative statement, but goshdarnit, I rocked! My previous 10K, I ran in 2 hours and 30 minutes and came in an unremarkable next to last. This time, I shaved about 45 minutes off my time and finished in about an hour and 45 minutes AND I was NOT last, not by any stretch of the imagination! How awesome is that?! I felt really good this race, I had my iPod and pretty much jammed the whole way through. The race itself was amazing, it's hard to describe the thrill of running (walking) with 55,000 other folks not to mention the thousands of folks who lined up and down the streets, cheering for you. It was invigorating and I will most likely do this particular race again, it was a complete 180° than the first one I did. Post-race I was a little whoozy and having to walk like another 1/2 mile between picking up t-shirts and getting to the Marta station was almost too much, but I made it home in one piece! Woo-hoo!

Y'know the big thing I had to do, well, I did it, it was not easy and frankly one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but it was something I most definitely needed to do. I certainly don't regret it and a residual effect of doing it has opened some other folks' eyes as well. I can't really go into it right now, maybe at some other time. It was a good thing and although it isn't completely resolved right now, it will be shortly.

H-O-T

Holy Smokes, 'twas hot outside...and being on a blazing tennis court made the heat worse. Tennis was AWESOME, of course. I'm doing so much better now, in fact, my instructor thinks I should join the Tennis club and have greater access to courts, etc. Awesome. Post-tennis, I was in much pain...I should have kept myself busy instead of trying to take a nap...it seemed like everything aches and I'm totally pooped out. There were only 4 students out there today so I did about 50% more running around than I usually do, I sweated through my bra & t-shirt, it's rare than I get to do that, but it did feel good to feel somewhat active, and dare I say athletic.

Next week (Father's Day), we have off and then we start Level 2 the following week. I got a t-shirt after class that has the Tennis Club's name on it...it's a large. :)

Double Fault

I'm happy to report that I did look quite cute Thursday night...but I ended not going to the thing. A good friend of mine who had planned to go, but who had to stay home that night because his wife was out of town and had to watch his daughter, had a small gathering of friends for a Lost Party. So we have large anxiety-filled social gathering where I may not know anyone on one hand or a small gathering at a good friend's house on the other hand...needless to say, I opted for the smaller gathering and I'm glad I did. It was so much fun and I felt so at ease and so normal. I didn't feel like the big blob in the room and I have a new wow to report. Y'know how normal people sit on the floor cross-legged and are able to perform this smooth, swift motion of standing stand up? I totally did that! It was awesome, I actually surprised myself AND when I got home, first thing I did was sit on the floor cross-legged and got up again just in case I was imagining it! I love my DS! Anywho, that was one of the best episodes of television I've ever seen, by the way. That dang show is gonna give me a complex...

Anyway, I had a great day yesterday. I've been mulling over redecorating my bedroom and bathroom and I had gotten a couple of things last weekend, but yesterday I went shopping again and got pretty much everything I needed except for paint and window curtains. Those two things I will probably need to let simmer in my brain a little and maybe spend a little time looking at design magazines. My walls are not white, but a neutral light, light tannish with more yellow tones than brown. I don't like them anymore, I want to keep them neutral -- well, at least most of them -- but I want warmer, browner tones. I am planning on painting an accent wall, I've always wanted a chocolate brown wall, but that not actually work with the color scheme. I'm going with warmer reds, golds, browns, tans, etc. I really like my choices so far and tomorrow I will start working on it. I would be doing that now, but I'm stuck at my computer processing reams of pricing updates for work. YAWN.

I also went grocery shopping and got plenty of good food to eat, I am all about the clean eating and I mean super clean, not even cheese or Dreamfield's pasta or low carb tortillas or bread. Nope, it's all out the door!

Today, I had my tennis lesson and it was so much FUN. The last lesson, I missed, they learned how to serve so I totally sucked at it, it's an almost unnatural motion and the ball tossing part is tricky. It'll take some time before I can toss the ball in the air consistently in the same trajectory. I worked up a good sweat too and even found myself running around and hitting some balls that I never thought I'd be fleet-footed enough to get. Awesomeness. This particular tennis clinic ends next week, then a phase II beginner's class starts for another 5 or so weeks. Our instructors said we are not really ready for the weekly drill sessions they have so I'll take their words for it, but hopefully near the end of phase II, I can pick up a weekly drill session and maybe by the fall I'll be able to join a team. Now that I know the people in my class a little more, the social aspect of it is emerging and making it that much more enjoyable. My dormant competitive nature is waking making me more compelled to sneak in an extra practice session here and there. I hate sucking and it feels so good to hit the ball right and not have it sail over the fence or nearly take someone's eye out two courts over. What?!? Me?....never...:)

Hollow Leg Syndrome

I started Week 4 of my Couch to 5K and it was the toughest so far. I wasn't sure I'd make it! I walked for 5 mins, ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins, ran for 5 mins, walked for 3.5 mins, then ran for 3 mins, walked for 1.5 mins and then ran for 5 mins. Those last two runs were bloody murder, I honestly thought I'd have to walk it...BUT, holy crap, I ran for 5 minutes straight...TWICE!!! Omigod, I've never done that before and although it was tough, I did it. Awesomeness abounds. I also walked over to the tennis courts and hit some balls for 1/2 an hour, I think I got a decent forehand! I'm no longer lobbing them all over the place which is a good thing...chasing balls is not fun.

This is day 2 on the Provera and I don't really feel any different. A few of the side effects are moodiness and weight gain...whoopee. It's only a 5 day course (assuming the labs come back okay) so I won't stress too much about it.

I'm 1/2 way through a container of Maximum Protein powder I got at GNC. The stuff is delicious but gives me unbelievable gas....sucks. I had avoided chocolate flavored protein mixes for awhile, but I may make an effort to find a new one that doesn't give me explosive gas.

Weight is staying between 264 and 265...not too happy about that, but am not freaking out. With the increased exercise, I'm not surprised. Yesterday, I was STARVING and ate well over 3500 calories, not sure why I get so hungry sometimes, but I could not stop eating or rather, as soon as I finished eating, I was hungry again. Today is the opposite, I've only eaten 2-3 times today. I doubt I'll hit 3000 calories today.

Month 17 ... and other stuff

Well, I've had an interesting couple of days. That might be the understatement of the year. First, the whole situation with our Employee #2 seems to be resolves. Long story, he reacted poorly due to some tragic news he had just received and completely over-reacted in the midst of him trying to deal with the bad news. He apologized to Employee #1 as well as to me. I accepted his apology but stressed the need to try to step away and give himself a minute to calm down. I also communicated to the entire staff, in no uncertain terms, that I better not hear or read or catch wind of any more unprofessional behavior. I think for now, that is sufficient. Thank God it's Friday, I truly need a break.

On to more important things. This was an interesting month in my DS life and one that I can easily say I enjoyed, moreso than the last couple. This month was all about exercise and discovering the joy of tennis. The month started off with my Couch to 5K training and I was and still am amazed at my ability to run. It boggles the mind. When I first started walking at the end of 2006, I mentioned the fact that I hated getting lapped my little old ladies, well not anymore. Yesterday was the first time that I actually ran past people walking. It was such a thrill! Typically, there aren't a whole lot of people out there braving the cold and wind so the opportunity to lap folks has been infrequent, that's definitely part of the reason, but to actually pass someone after spending my whole having people pass me by is just incredible! As running gets more and more difficult, I also see improvements in myself, when I first could barely run for 60 straight seconds, I can now run 3 minutes without bursting a lung. I know if I keep at it, I'll be able to reach my goal of running a 5K.

Then there was tennis. I love tennis. I'm flabbergasted at how much I like it. I have very little interest in it pre-surgery. I think maybe it's because of the physicality involved and the opportunity it affords me to move around in space like I don't recall ever doing. I sweat more in one hour of tennis practice than training for the 5K. Also, I don't like sucking at things, especially things I've committed myself to doing. Yesterday I spent an hour practicing my forehand and had to force myself to pack up my stuff and go back home, I could have stayed out there for hours, but there was work to be done. I know I am a good year or so away from being a decent tennis player and I know there's a long road of suckitude and mediocrity ahead, but I know that I'll get there with hard work and lots and lots of practice.

Weight-wise, although I hadn't lost the 15 lbs I was hoping for, I did lose 7 lbs total, but lost roughly 12 lbs of body fat and gained roughly 5 lbs of muscle. I can definitely be happy with that. I do feel stronger, especially in my legs and thighs. which I love. My current weight is a steady 264.0 lbs, down from 516.6 lbs for a total loss of 252.6 lbs in 17 months.

I do find myself more and more anxious to be done with all the weight loss already. As I am never content nor comfortable with my nutrition/supplementation, I am always looking for the problem areas and one seems to pop up every now and again and that is the issue of not eating enough. For me, consuming more than say, 1800 calories, requires effort. I can easily get that amount of food in through the course of the day without thinking about it. Problem is that 1800 calories is nowhere near enough for me. I need to be getting upwards of 2500+ calories a day, probably well over 3000 with the amount of exercise I do. It's still a foreign concept to me and one that I haven't fully embraced -- that of eating more to lose. We've been down this road at least 5 or 6 times over the last 17 months and still I have to step back and remind myself that I need to freakin' eat.

These last several months have been rough though. I haven't lost the weight I have wanted to lose and part of me thinks it might be related to the Protonix I am taking. I have read some anecdotal evidence that PPI's can cause weight gain and my weight loss slow down seems to have started soon after I got on the Protonix at the beginning of August. Since August 1st, I have only lost about 44 lbs, 44 in 6 months. That is way below my average of around 14-17 lbs per month. My other worry is that maybe my estrogen levels are low. Low estrogen has been associated with weight gain, as has been the direct opposite. Maybe I'm reaching here, but I just want to know that there aren't any factors working against me. I know I am getting smaller as I can wear things now that I couldn't merely a month ago, it's just that the scale continues to frustrate the heck out of me. I miss those days when on average I would lose 0.2 - 0.8 lbs a day, hell, even if it went up, it was temporary and it would eventually go right back down. If nothing else, I covet consistency. Anyway, on Monday, I have the dreaded GYN appointment. I am sooooo not looking forward to it, but it must be done. Hopefully all will be well.

It's all the things I can't implicitly control that give me grief, so many other factors to consider like the exercise and increase in muscle I mentioned earlier. Sometimes I wish things could be more formulaic. Do X, get Y. That would be sublime, but such is not the case, at least not in any simple sense. Maybe the solution (goal weight) is a far more complex equation and maybe I don't have all the knowledge, skills and discipline to figure all out just yet...YET. What's interesting though, you would think that I'd find myself more and more content with a more "lenient" goal weight, but truthfully, it makes me want to see that normal BMI more and more. I guess this is a long-winded way for me to say I'm impatient, damnit! LOL.

Tomorrow morning I have a tennis lesson, then I am going to try to get a little shopping done. The rest of the day will be relaxing. Sunday is all about the Super Bowl. For the record, I am rooting for the Giants, gotta root for the underdog, right?

I need more tennis balls...

After my run today, I went to this park closer to my house than the current one I use. This is the same park I mentioned a few weeks ago, that more of a true park than where I walk

So I am repeating Week 3 of my Couch to 5K, a very good decision. I got through the run okay today and indeed it was easier than the previous times so I am fairly confident that I will be able to wrap up this week okay and transition to the next week without killing myself. I'm actually a little surprised because tennis really kicked my butt on Saturday and I'm still a little sore. I was all prepared to give up midway through training, but I managed to get through it. I'm happy about that.

Last night, I looked up some information on this other park by my house and lo and behold, they have tennis courts! Color me happy! So after my run, I drove by and checked out the courts. There are actually four courts and there was no one else around to be found. This park is pretty huge and they have a couple baseball fields, a soccer field, handball courts, basketball courts, all kind of stuff. The tennis courts look to be in good shape and it looks like I can have them all to myself (bwaaahaha) so that means lots of drills and practice for me. I really, really want to be good at this, I'm not sure why, but I really do. I just feel like being good at tennis is something within my reach for a change. Anyway, I'm formulating a practice regimen for the near and long term. I have another formal lesson tomorrow night, so I am going to ask, but from the kinds of things I've read online, I should be working on footwork, ball control, follow through, everything. My footwork sucks, I have zero ball control and I can't even focus on follow through 'cause half the time I miss the ball completely! What I do know is that it'll take discipline and dedication and I want to prove to myself that I can do it, especially the discipline aspect of it. My life has not been defined by discipline and I'd like to be able to say that I can do what it takes to be good at this sport. Getting to goal weight-wise is part of this as well.

Speaking of weight, I'm staying off the scale after I went up like 3 lbs on Sunday, I know it's water weight and has to do with muscle repair after tennis and running. My lower back muscles are swollen, they feel 50% bigger, it's kinda weird actually. Anyway, I will wait til the 30th for the final tally for the month.

Game, set, match!

I am a happy, sore girl. Today I went out to see my business partner and her husband play their tennis matches. Despite the cold, it was fun and I got to observe actual play and ask a ton of questions. They both lost (their team kinda sucks) but at least they both went to 3 sets. Enough about them though, I'm surprised that I like it more than I thought I would. I was certainly excited about being out there and moving around and testing the limits of my physical and meager athletic abilities, but I was a little unsure of how much I would enjoy the game of it. I think what I like about it is that it is interactive and requires a good amount of skill. My choices of exercises in the past have all been solo endeavors (running) or easy (walking). Tennis means I have to take lessons (hopefully twice a week), do some practice on my own and hopefully join a team (translation: socializing). I like the idea of me playing a sport, something not on the radar two years ago. Tennis is also more strenuous than just walking or running...mind you we must remember where I am in the whole running thing - beginner - I can't run more than 3 minutes at a time right now so even with my training for the 5K, once I knock out my 1/2 hour, I'm not all that tired. Famous last words, right? Well, after my tennis lesson yesterday, I was soaked in sweat and exhausted! It felt good to actually feel like I worked up a sweat. Anyway, long story short, I have to make sure that I don't burn myself out with running and tennis, I'm all hyper about tennis right now, but I just need to calm down and pace myself... I'm not going to be winning the city championships tomorrow. I'm thinking I'll alternate tennis & running on alternate days. That should work.

The plan is to keep up with practice & drills for the next 4-5 months and hopefully by summer I can join a team. One thing I gotta do is manage my 5K training with tennis better. I was supposed to run today, but absolutely could not, I could barely walk. I am going to run tomorrow and am repeating week 3. I basically knew that as soon as I finished Day 1 of Week 3 as Week 4 is all about 5 minute runs and I'm not near being able to run 5 straight minutes, maybe once, but definitely not within 20 minutes! I'm going to have to work towards it, no doubt.

Yeah, well, my muscles still ache so it's a hot shower and bedtime for me!

13.2

Dr.'s appointment on Monday went well although I really need to stop getting nervous/anxious at those darn things because my blood pressure is always higher there. 120/68. Long story, short, I'm still on the bp meds, that's okay, I told her about the readings I took and she said that when I start having symptoms of low blood pressure to give her a ring and they'll check me again. She's very happy with my weight loss and anticipates that I'll be off the meds in 6 months. Good enough for me, I just don't want to get off of them, only to have to get back on again, so if it takes a little while longer, no problemo! I also got my blood drawn and almost had to choke the lab technician. She was having trouble finding a vein and was poking and digging around. Lucky for her it was MLK Jr. Day!

I actually got the results back from my labs this morning. All is well, especially my iron. My hemoglobin is up to 13.2. That's higher than it was pre-surgery! Serum Ferritin is 151 and Serum Iron is 57. My Total Serum Protein is 7.8 and my Albumin is 4.5, both higher than all my previous post-op labs. Yea!

I started Week 3 of my running program yesterday and Holy Mother!!! Not easy. Running for 3 straight minutes is harder than I thought, but I did it! I was certainly breathing heavy during the last 3 minutes, BUT (1) I finished every run (2) I did NOT need to stop and (3) afterwards, I was spent, but again, not overly exhausted. I've started eating a tad more carbs so I think that is helping some. I bought a loaf of Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat Bread and have been having a slice every morning. Luckily it's not giving me any gas issues. I had to run in the freezing rain and that was NOT something I want to do often. I had to go because I couldn't run Monday as I had my appointment and I didn't want to push it off another day because of the weather so I went and got soaked to the bone. It took me a good hour to warm back up.

I weighed in this morning at 264.0 lbs. Cool! That is down 2.4 lbs over the last couple of days. Yea! Last night I went to see Cloverfield with a friend. It was a trip! I liked it, it won't be winning any Oscars, but it was a fun movie experience. I holy-crap'd and ohmigod my way through the last 2/3 of the movie. Tonight something a little less apocalyptic...I have a dinner meeting with the planning committee for our local Walk From Obesity and I'm excited to be a part of it. I've never planned anything like this before so it should be interesting. I don't remember when the actual Walk is, but I believe it is 5K. Good stuff.

Smooth Move

I've been thinking a lot about running lately, sometimes I can't believe I'm actually running, well, jogging, if you will. They say the first few weeks are the hardest and I certainly hope that is the case, but I do know that at some point, before my first race of the year on the 22nd of March, I'm going to have to train for hills as I seriously doubt that the race is going to be level. Atlanta is very, very hilly so it's looking like I have a two week gap from when I complete the Couch to 5K program and the actual race. Assuming I don't have to repeat any weeks during the initial training, I should be able to incorporate hill training during that two week gap.

I finished up Week 2 yesterday, which wasn't bad, I didn't feel like I was going to die and I wasn't as tired at the end although I did sweat more this time around, that may have been because I was covered in a lot of layers. It snowed all day yesterday, it started late morning and continued til early evening. I ran earlier than normal, around 10:30 AM because I did not want to run on slick surfaces nor did I want to get soaked if the temp rose a few degrees and the snow turned to icy rain. All in all, I did pretty well. Tomorrow I start Week 3 which is now two repetitions of 90 sec walk/90 sec run/3 min walk/3 min run. Sounds downright scary if you ask me, but I think I can get through it, the only thing that gives me pause is getting through that last 3 min run. Yikes. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday I got a new office chair. This is significant because the old one was too big. Imagine that. It was a sweet chair though, one of those incredibly expensive, yet impossibly comfortable Aeron chairs I bought for $200 when the company I worked for went under and started selling off all it's office furniture. I got the largest size which was barely big enough and it lasted a good 6-7 years. At one point, I actually plopped down in it and the seat broke so I kind of rigged it up and it's been that way for like 3-4 years. Lately, it's been causing me a good bit of back and arm pain and despite my best efforts, I just couldn't make it comfortable so to retirement it goes. I can't really even give it away or anything because it's broken and I guess I could contact Herman Miller about a replacement seat or repair, but odds are the repair (not to mention shipping) costs would probably be greater than what I paid for the darn thing. The new one I just ordered works great, a few other folks in my company are using it and love it so I had the opportunity to test it out beforehand. Good stuff.

Last night I gave in and had a cup of senna tea because the constipation was getting really out of control, I felt somewhat miserable most of the day. It's funny how "senna tea" sounds a lot like "sanity", anyway, lots and lots of poop this morning. Thank God! I feel so, so much better. I'm down to 267.4 lbs, for a loss of 3.6 lbs for the month and 249.2 lbs overall. Not the whoosh I expected, but I think I know why. 'Member how I got that new scale, well, thank goodness I bother to weigh every day and record my stats. Since the beginning of the month, my weight has gone from 271.0 to 267.4 lbs, BMI from 38.3 to 37.9, body fat % from 48.3% to 46.1% (a loss of 7.6 lbs) and skeletal/muscle mass went from 63.4 lbs to 65.8! Pretty awesome! The only wonky number is my % of body water went from 28.3% to 29.3%. All in all, I lost over 7 1/2 lbs of fat and gained 2.4 lbs of muscle! Cool beans! Progress! I love it!