10/12

Holy sh!t. So I had bought this shirt about two months ago and mistakenly grabbed a size smaller than what I wanted. I grabbed a 10/12 instead of a 14/16. This was before I stopped the bad habit of buying clothes without trying them on. Anyway, when I got home and tried it on, it was skin tight, it's one of those tapered, fitted shirts that I love to wear with jeans or khakis. The fabric is a little stretchy and so it has a good bit of give, but it was just too tight. Fast forward to this morning. I see the shirt and am like "what the hell?!" and I tried it on and it freakin' fits perfectly! I'm totally tripping. A size 10/12, can you believe that? And to make things even more interesting...I'm about to wear a size 16 pair of khakis tomorrow! So let's see, I can wear a 10/12 top, a size 14 skirt and 16 in pants. That's amazing to me.

Tennis last night was totally awesome. It was freakin' freezing, but it was awesome. Half the people didn't show because it was 45-ish ° and very windy, but after 15-20 mins of running around, I had to shed a couple of the layers I was wearing. The only thing that froze were my fingers. The mobility thing is finally working out, I'm staying alert, keeping my racket in front of me, following the ball and keeping on my toes. One problem I still have is sometimes my mind just wanders off in la-la land when I'm watching the other team and so instead of thinking of what I should be doing in preparation for their return, I sometimes just slightly space out, marveling at the fact I got the darn ball over the net. That's my ADD acting up.

I'm going shopping after work today. I have got to pick up a coat, some thermals, sweaters, gloves, thick socks and some kind of scarf or something. I ain't about to freeze and it's only going to get worse.

Unexpected

There is very little that I can recall -- whether consciously or not -- about growing up morbidly obese. It's not that not too much happened, but mostly I choose not to dwell on those memories, instead, opting to try to live in the now. There is one instance, however that I won't forget. I had just gotten on the school bus on the way to middle school and there weren't any seats left and immediately I felt an overwhelming of mixture of embarrassment, shame and dread which only doubled in intensity when I quickly realized that none of the boys dared to give up their seats for me and so, I, the fat girl, had to stand up the entire trip to school. Talk about soul-crunching. I was never the girl that boys held the door open for, or offered their chair to or any of that. Chivalry was not something I was familiar with. Fast forward to this afternoon and I get on the bus to go back to suburbia and I'm instantly transported back to my 14 year old self and again I see that every seat is taken. I look from the front of the bus to the back - half filled with men - and after a few seconds start taking off my back pack in order to steady myself for the ride when a nice man kindly offers his seat to me. I tell ya, I nearly burst into tears and I'm sooooo not the bursting into tears type. I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it now. Of all the wonderful and amazing and beautiful things that have happened to and for me the past two years, I might have to say that this ranks at the top. The only other time I have felt this way was when I was headed toward the finish line at the end of my first 10K. So, maybe I'm overreacting, this is the south so chivalry is allegedly abundant but oh my gosh, I have to tell you, my heart was filled, absolutely filled, when the man gave up his seat to me. Sometimes I still operate in fat girl (a.k.a. invisible girl) mode where I just assume that the way I've been treated before is the way I will be treated now, but apparently that may not be the case, needless to say that it is both a sad and a happy thing.

I don't know y'all, it was such an unexpected thing, I didn't expect to have that boost of awesomeness in my life today, but I'll gladly take it.

Looking & feeling good!

First, congrats to Kim on celebrating her 3 year surgiversary! Woo-hoo! Kim, you are my role model and you kicketh much ass! Love ya girl!

Second, allow me a moment of vanity.... sometimes I just have to celebrate stuff like this because I hardly ever, EVER felt this way pre-surgery, but, y'all, I totally looked cute today! I had a cute outfit on, my hair didn't rebel against me and most importantly, I felt fantastic. Not having to deal with BP and her madness is doing wonders for me. See:This is me at my contract gig. I am wearing a blouse I bought on sale from Lane Bryant, it's a freakin' 14/16 AND it's a little baggy round the midsection! The pants I was wearing were 18's. Boggles the mind.... If I had enough sense I would have taken a full body photo. I also had the hair going right for a change, awesomeness! It was just a great day overall.

Tomorrow, I am ditching work (they knew ahead of time) and heading to Six Flags with some folks from my Duodenal Switch Support Group! I am both scared and excited! I'm looking forward to scratching this off my list of "stuff I want to do when I lose the weight" and what makes this especially cool is that I'll be there with my fellow WLS folk. I can't think of a better group to do this with. I know they will be having many, if not all, of the same feelings I will having tomorrow. I can't wait!

One step after the next...

I know I don't look it, but I'm prety ecstatic in this photo:

After all the back and forth, I decided to go ahead and run the Peachtree Road Race 10K yesterday and I'm so glad I did. The emotional ups and down from the previous couple of days were taking their toll and this was just thing that could allow me to push all that crap out of my head and focus on a very difficult physical challenge. In short, it was just one of those things I needed to do and I'm so very glad I did. I don't like to brag, but I totally kicked ass! That's a completely relative statement, but goshdarnit, I rocked! My previous 10K, I ran in 2 hours and 30 minutes and came in an unremarkable next to last. This time, I shaved about 45 minutes off my time and finished in about an hour and 45 minutes AND I was NOT last, not by any stretch of the imagination! How awesome is that?! I felt really good this race, I had my iPod and pretty much jammed the whole way through. The race itself was amazing, it's hard to describe the thrill of running (walking) with 55,000 other folks not to mention the thousands of folks who lined up and down the streets, cheering for you. It was invigorating and I will most likely do this particular race again, it was a complete 180° than the first one I did. Post-race I was a little whoozy and having to walk like another 1/2 mile between picking up t-shirts and getting to the Marta station was almost too much, but I made it home in one piece! Woo-hoo!

Y'know the big thing I had to do, well, I did it, it was not easy and frankly one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but it was something I most definitely needed to do. I certainly don't regret it and a residual effect of doing it has opened some other folks' eyes as well. I can't really go into it right now, maybe at some other time. It was a good thing and although it isn't completely resolved right now, it will be shortly.

Whoa...

Weight this morning: 245.6 lbs! Nope, that's not a typo, somehow I dropped 4 lbs overnight (total loss of 271.0 lbs) and I totally feel it though. This morning I was feeling really not myself, a little woozy, a little off center. By the time I stepped into the shower, I got that feeling that if I didn't get out of there immeditely and sit down, I'd pass out. I immediately hopped out the shower, drank my protein shake and ate a sandwich and only felt marginally better by the time I walked out the door 1/2 an hour later. I've had that feeling once before, almost a year ago when I almost passed out after a support group meeting. TMI Time: Aunt Flo is visiting and let's just say she brought A LOT of baggage. This is the 2nd time she's visited since I started taking the Dostinex for my prolactinoma. Ugh. I checked my blood pressure a few times today and it's averaging 85/64 range. A little low especially given my reduction in blood pressure meds. Anyway, I feel okay right now and won't panic or anything. I suspect my episode this morning is directly due to all this or due to the loss in water weight. The water weight may have artificially inflated my blood pressure and now that most of it's gone, my blood pressure is finally reading true. I do NOT care. I see 245.6 on the scale and I'm claiming it!!! I've eaten a couple more times this morning and feel much better, but my BP is still low, the last reading was 76/59. My next doctor's appointment is on the 30th so fingers crossed that this will be the end of BP meds for me.

I am exhausted though, I couldn't really sleep last night. Anyway, so I'm at Dr. Marchesini's goal. Holy crap. I haven't had the time to really sit and reflect or maybe I don't really feel like I need to. I'm not done yet. There are a few more pounds yet to be lost. I will be sending Dr. M a heartfelt email sometime this week, but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes I am amazed at the women that I've become, not because of anything I did, but because I don't look or feel like the old me and I think I'm okay with that. For a spell there, I was really struggling with not being the "Tia" I had become accustomed to and it caused me a good deal of anxiety and stress, many times without me recognizing it. I knew this was going to be the thing that I would struggle the most with. I think I've made some strides. I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary and although at this point, I haven't lost all the weight I've wanted, but I think I've had the journey I've needed to have, I hope I've learned at least some of the things I needed to learn, especially for the long term.

On a lighter note, one thing that kinda sucks (but doesn't) about losing almost 25 lbs of water weight in under two weeks, I now have nothing to wear. The shorts I bought at the end of April are too big. I now look pitiful in my 2X t-shirts -- I don't know why I still wear them or why I bought one as recently as a three weeks ago. I'm planning my trip in early September so I think I can hold out til then for the most part. At worst I may have to buy a couple pairs of shorts and maybe 2-3 shirts. That shouldn't break the bank!

Oops...

Raise your hand if you forgot Daylight Saving Time... Yeah, me too.

I feel a little unsettled. How did I completely forget DST? Not even a clue, usually I overhear something on the news or a friend or my parents will remind me or mention it in conversation. It sucks because I got up what I thought was 6:30 AM in order to get a few things done early as I have a busy day today, but turns out, it was a full hour later. Dangit. So I had to rearrange some things and my day will probably run longer than I had planned. Oh well.

How about some Sunday morning irony? After years and years of constipation due to my iron supplements, I was rejoicing in discovering an iron supplement that didn't clog me up only to discover the Calcium supplements are taking it's place in that realm. Sigh. Now I either have to take stool softeners or greatly increase my magnesium. One of these days I will find the right balance.

Weight this morning was an even 258.0 lbs. This was after I stayed at 259.2 for a day, then went up to 260.0 yesterday. The poop gods smiled upon me this morning. Ugh, I hate constipation, it's such an annoyance. Anyway, total loss so far is ... 258.6 lbs! Wait. Holy crap, I just realized I've lost 1/2 my body weight! Woo-hoo!!! I'm doing a happy jig!!!

I love my DS!!!!

Whoa

Yesterday afternoon, just before we hit the lazy part of the day, I helped a friend organize a couple of closets and helped move several storage boxes from the 2nd floor down to the basement. I think I made 5 or 6 trips and wasn't winded at all, my friend was. This morning, I definitely felt a little tightness in my back. Also my right wrist hurts a little bit. Lately, since I've got bony elbows now, I'm constantly hitting a nerve somewhere in my elbow because when I'm working every now and then a weird sensation runs down my arm from my elbow to my fingers. Very annoying, I may need to revisit my desk & chair heights, they haven't changed at all since surgery and they probably should.

I always worry when I have more carbs than usual what the effect will be on my innards, so far today, just lots of gas, again, I am anticipating some mediocre weight loss days ahead as the cheese finds it's way to the promised land, not to mention the potatoes and crepes and mousse.

I had this weird moment this weekend when I was standing in front of a large mirror after I had taken a shower. The lighting was different than my bathroom and it was like I was looking at myself for the first time in a long time. I spent a good 2-3 minutes looking over my body and just had a fleeting moment or two where I actually thought "who is this?" It wasn't a bad thing, it was just a moment of whoa, for lack of a better term. I was standing to the size, my arms were up, my chest in, shoulders forward and I was struck by the contour of my arms, back, etc. It was like I was seeing myself in another person's body. It's amazing how your body changes when you don't stop to see the whole picture. What I have noticed lately is that I can feel my rib bones on my back. My jaw line is more prominent, my hips are bonier. On the flipside, where most of my body is flabby, the back of my thighs still have thick layers of fat, really the only parts of my body that do. Honestly, it looks a little deformed, but although it doesn't look like it, I know my thighs continue to shrink. I remember when I first tried on the jeans I am currently wearing. I bought them a size smaller knowing that I'd get to wear that size sooner or later. I remember them being so tight, I could barely sit down comfortably and didn't even dare trying to cross my legs. Now, I only have a few more weeks to wear them as they are already too big, but you know how I like to wear things past the time I should get rid of them.

The DS still amazes after all this time and I'm sure it will continue to amaze for a good while.

Month 15

Oh, what a month! Got through the holiday okay and ended the month at 272.0 lbs for a loss of 6.0 lbs for the month and grand total loss of 244.6 lbs. Not bad.

Just 73 lbs til goal!

Two inches

I just measured both my wrists and have lost over TWO INCHES ON EACH SIDE from when I measured November of last year.

Crazy!

Month 14

I wrote quite a bit about Month 14 yesterday so I won't repeat any of my thoughts. Weighed in this morning at exactly what I weighed yesterday... 278.0 lbs. Here are the all the cumulative stats:

Highest weight: 516.6 lbs
Surgery weight: 510.0 lbs
Current weight: 278.0 lbs
Total weight loss: -238.6 lbs!

Highest BMI: 72
Current BMI: 38.8

EWL% (surgeon's goal of 250 lbs): 89.5%
EWL% (personal goal of 199.8): 75.3%
EWL% (pipe dream goal of 175): 69.8%

Feeling pretty good, making good progress, could be better, but oh well. I don't feel any strong feeling of regret, I know I could have been much more compliant, but it's just something I will continue to struggle with AND for the most part overcome. I'm looking ahead to the cold is gone except for some errant coughing here and there, but more than manageable. It was really cold this morning in the Atlanta area, 39 degrees, yikes! Must. get. winter. clothes. Yes, I know...will look into getting a few things this weekend. Ugh.

Anyway, on the supplements front, I've tweaked my regimen a little. I've done away with the Citracal Petites w/ Vitamin D. I thought it would be easier to just swallow two pills 4 times a day. Well, I overestimated my desire to swallow giant pills four times a day. Not gonna happen, so I went back to the old tried and true chewable wafers from TwinLab. They make it so easy to get my Calcium in, I will never stray again. I also added Biotin back in, I am still losing hair and it's getting a bit frightening, I think a lot of it had to do with not enough protein, but I had also stopped taking Biotin some time ago and right now I can't afford to take any chances.

So. Much. Pain....

Weight this morning: 299.2 lbs.

Oh boy. That was rough! I hurt in places I didn't expect (back, shoulders, toes) and of course, in the usual places (legs, feet) BUT not as bad as I thought I would. I actually felt the worse during the first hour after the race. Cramps suck.

It was an experience to say the least and very hard. I met with Kim and her husband at the start and we were off, of course they outpaced me and I just tried not to burn out too quickly. The challenging thing about this course is that the toughest hill is at the beginning which in retrospect is probably a good thing since if it had been near the end, I probably would have died. I was actually pretty good through the first 4 miles or so, but then my hips and left ankle really started to hurt and my pace really slowed down. The last mile and a half, all I did was stare at the ground and focused on putting one foot in front of the other, if there was another hill ahead I didn't want to see it.

I didn't have my iPod with me so I was pretty much left to my own thoughts and I thought a lot about this whole journey of mine over the last 15 months or so when I first contact Dr. Marchesini to pulling together the money to going to Brazil, coming home and working my tool. At around the 2.5 mile mark, I got a little teary-eyed because it was a little overwhelming for me to realize that I was actually doing this and then again when I crested the last !@#$-ing hill and saw that the end was right there. I had the slightest burst of energy and when I reached the finish, I plopped myself down on the ground. I was unsteady and exhausted. My legs and feet started to cramp. I sat there for like 5 minutes, called a few people to let them know I finished and cried some more.

I finally got up and struggled my way toward the food, most of which had been already devoured by the 12,198 people who had finished before me, but I grabbed two apples, two bottles of Gatorade and devoured those in record time. I stumbled my way to get my hat and t-shirt and I was good to go, until I saw the crazy line to catch the shuttle buses back to the start. It looked to be another mile or so I knew I couldn't do it so I found a cool spot under a tree and plopped myself down and finished off a protein bar. When the line was gone, I walked over and caught the shuttle to my car and went to my friend's house. I drank two bottles of water and had two 5 inch pancakes with butter and syrup.

About an hour later I had a couple slices of deli turkey and ham and then the killer fatigue set in. I went to sleep and slept for almost 3 hours. I got up, cleaned up and we went out to eat to celebrate where I had a couple of onion rings, about 6 chicken wings and a Diet Coke. By the time I got home, it was maybe 10PM so I made myself a protein shake and I went to bed. Sleeping was a little restless, I dared not move too much and I feel a little wiped out this morning, but I'm surprised I feel as good as I do. Believe you me, I am in pain, but I seriously feared that I wouldn't be able to get around at all, but thankfully I can, just not very fast or with any grace. I got a pretty good semi-hunched over waddle going on.

A couple of DS specific things:
Water: They had water and/or Gatorade stations every mile and I regretted not carrying a bottle of Gatorade with me. I wore this little backpack thingy that I kept my essentials in and I'm glad I had it, but I wish I had some backup liquid with me. I was surprised at how well the Gatorade worked, I tried to drink 2-3 cups full at the 2- and 4-mile marks, they only had water at the other ones. That sucked.

Poop: They had port-a-potties at the beginning, the 4-mile mark (I think) and the end. I went twice before the race (no poop) and didn't go until I got to my friend's house and I pooped a lot. I felt my stomach rumble quite a bit during the race but I just could poop in a port-a-potty. Totally gross. BTW, I totally believe the idea that exercise helps with constipation.

Food: I talked to Kim early Sunday evening and she mentioned "carbing up" for the race. I had no idea about that so I went out and bought some Gatorade and two plain baked potatoes from Wendy's. I ate one baked potato with some butter, salt & pepper and I mixed some protein powder (46g protein) with the Gatorade and drank that and called it a night. That morning, I had drank another 32 oz Gatorade with 46g of protein and another 26g protein drink before the race. No solid food. I don't know if that was a problem or not. I had planned on eating the other potato in the morning, but didn't.

Supplements: I took all my supplements except for the diuretic. I was just unsure about whether or not it could hasten dehydration so I opted not to take it and I made sure I drank as much fluid as I could. I also tripled my Potassium.

Weight: Morning of the race, I weighed in at 300.6 lbs. I wish I could have weighed after the race to see the difference, especially with how many carbs I had over the previous 18 hours or so and with the water loss. It was funny because after all my sweat had dried, I had all these salt crystals on my neck and face. This morning I weighed in at 299.2 lbs which I am totally happy about considering everything.

Well, the first few hours after the race I swore there was no way in hell that I would ever do that again, but now I am not so sure. I averaged 25 min miles, I would like to do better. I didn't train for too many hills and in the next few months, I will keep that in mind. There is a 5K walk in October that I will probably do, compared to this 10K -- piece of cake!

Today, I may amp up the protein a little bit, maybe sneak in an extra shake. I don't think I need to do much outside of that. Overall, good experience and I'm happy I did it although I am in no hurry to do it again. I am going to start hitting the gym, probably beginning of next week so hopefully the experience of my next 10 or 5K will be better.

Woo-hoo!!! BTW, I am totally framing my race number!

Hardest thing I ever did...

... BUT I did it! Yep, I finished the 10K in about 2 1/2 hours. Out of 12,200 participants, I came in 12,199th. I don't care, I finished and I wasn't last and I totally finished so I'm excited and unbelievably exhausted! Everything hurts and I totally dread the pain that tomorrow will bring.

I'll have a full write up later 'cause I'm going to bed! Woo-hoo!!!

Loooong day...

So my day yesterday was supposed to be pretty mellow, but unfortunately things went downhill mid-afternoon. Two words an IT person never wants to hear: Server down. Sometimes I hate computers. Long story, short I spent most of the day, night and early morning trying to resurrect a server. I finally got to bed around 4:00 AM. Not exactly how I want to spend my weekend and to top it all off, my alma mater got their asses kicked in our home opener. Sigh. So I'm running off 4 hours sleep, I gotta go pick up my race number for the US 10K Classic and I have a ton of work to do to bring back all the services (including the Lab Rat Data page which is currently down). All of this, however, can not diminish my unmitigated joy at seeing 299.6 lbs on the scale this morning!!!! Server-Gods be damned, I'm in Twoterville!!!!

Buh-bye, 300's!!! A-woo-hoo!!!!

Year One

I have so many emotions running through me right now, as you can imagine. What a year! I feel really blessed and thankful and humble. You know me, I could easily blather on for pages, but I'm opting for a more easily digestible list format. :)


Before (more pictures)
Start Weight - 516.6 lbs
Shirts: 6X (men's), 42W/44W/6X (women's)
Pants: 64 (men's), 42W/44W/6X (women's)

Now
Now - 304.0 lbs (-212.6)
Shirts: XL (men's), 18W (women's)
Pants: 46 (men's), 26W (women's)

Loss of body weight: 41.15%
EWL% (surgeon's goal of 250 lbs): 79.75%
EWL% (personal goal of 199.8 lbs): 67.1%

Things I can do now that I couldn’t do before
Walk a mile or two or three or six.
Shop in real stores, not just online.
Cross my legs.
Fit in an airplane seat.
Fit in an airplane seat and not use an extender!
Fit in a booth.
Run.
Jump.
Buy $4 shirts and $10 jeans at Walmart/Target/Ross/etc.
Fit in my friend’s sportcar.
Fit in almost any chair.
Breathe easier.
Walk a flight a stairs without a second thought.
Wear a size XL t-shirt.
Adjust the steering wheel in my car.
Think optimistically about the future.

Unanticipated Things
Talking about poop so much.
Eating as much food as I do (relatively speaking) and still lose weight.
Feeling overwhelmed by clothes shopping.
Increased self-confidence and self-assurance.
Getting an ulcer.
Losing so much hair.
Discovering the color pink.
How much work it is getting in the proper nutrition/water & supplements.
How expensive post-op life is.
Inability to eat chicken with any consistency
Reduced appetite for sweets, increased appetite for savory foods.
The depth of the mind/body disconnect.
Discovering I am a stronger person than I ever thought.

Things I would have done differently
Exercised more.
Been more consistent.
Taken monthly measurements.

Hardest thing for me to learn
Patience.

Best Advice I can give to pre-ops
Be as compliant as you can for as long as you can. You will never regret it.
Assume nothing about the state of your health, get your labs done and verify.
Don’t underestimate the power of dehydration.
Don’t underestimate the power of protein malnutrition.

Gratitude
Thank you God for loving me. Thank you for giving me the words and showing me the steps.
Thank you Dr. Marchesini for saving my life and giving me such hope.
Thank you to my parents for supporting me.
The rest of my family, especially my sisters, S. and T. for being my greatest cheerleaders.
Thank you to my best friend, Scott, for well, being my best friend.
Thank you to my business partner.
Thanks to B. & N. for going to Brazil with me and helping me post-op.
Thank you to Kim for just being an inspiration and for reminding me to raise my expectations and push myself.
Thank you to my local DS Support Group homies AND my Brazilian switch brothers & sisters! You guys rock!
Thanks to all the wonderful, smart, inspiration DS folks out there who are telling their stories and from whom I’ve gained so much knowledge, support and insight: Deluzy, Ezpy, Ann, Sharon, MaryBeth.
Thank you to DuodenalSwitch.com, ObesityHelp.com, Dr. Smith’s, Dr. Marchesini’s and the Duodenal Switch Yahoo Groups for the wealth of information and your vibrant communities.

Goals for Year 2
Eat my protein, drink my water, take my supplements, go to support group, exercise.

That's it, time to dance the jig.

What the..???

I think I mentioned before how when I do venture out to buy clothes, that I am loving the Walmarts, Targets, Ross' and TJMaxx's of the world. Gone are the days of buying $40 jeans and $30 shirts (that I had to buy online) now I can go in and pick up a pair of $10 jeans and a $5 shirt and be more than content. Last week, I went to Walmart to pick up some bras, well, while I was there I also picked up three pairs of jeans. Now, I buy men's jeans because (1) they are cut better for my frame and (2) I am tall and the lengths just work better for me. I bought two pairs of 48 waist pants and a pair of 46 thinking that I could wear the 48's for a few weeks and have the 46's handy for when those 48's get too big. I got home and for shits and giggles, I tried on the 46's and I could get them on, but I could not zipper them up. This was exactly one week ago. Today, again for shits and giggles, I try the 46's on and they freakin' fit! How cool is that?!?

So immediately, I pull out a pair of jeans that Kim gave me months ago. They are a size 24 pair of jean capris. When I first tried them on, I couldn't get them past my hips, but at least once a month, I would pull them out and try them on. Last time I tried, I could pull them all the way up, but was no where near buttoning or zipping them up, well today, today I writing this blog in those jeans and they are fully buttoned and zipped! A little snug in the thighs, but damnit they fit!!! Woo-hoo!!! If I am lucky and they loosen up a bit, I will be wearing them to my support group meeting next week, if not, I will take a picture.

I am so happy I am still losing weight even though the scale is being cruel and not moving too much. I think I need to start thinking about not weighing every single day. That'll be hard to do. I stopped weighing on two different scales and only weigh on one so that's a big step, but giving up my daily weigh-in might be too difficult especially since I think I need the motivation. This morning I weighed in at 309.0 lbs, still 2 lbs over my lowest of 307.0 exactly two weeks ago. I haven't been as compliant as I should be, especially with water and making sure I get a lot of protein in. I've been getting around 160 grams, but not the 200-220 that I was before, plus, I had a Breyer's Low Carb ice cream bar.... okay two bars in the last two days, man they're good because good grief, it's hot as hell here. Luckily, they didn't cause the natural disaster that I thought, just a good bit of gas, but no explosive diarrhea. Starting tomorrow I am going to get back on track big time so that I can close out the month and my year really strong. God only knows where I will end the month at, but as long as it's less than where I started off, I'm happy.

This weekend will be kinda boring, I have to get a lot of work done for my business since I will be in Savannah next weekend where I will be doing zero work, however I gotta run out and go grocery shopping and try to figure out some new stuff to eat.

Running is hard.

Curious thing for me to say, yes? Not anymore because I RAN!!!! A-woo-hoo!!! So we know about the 10K I had planned on walking on Labor Day so I went out this afternoon planning on walking 3 miles and try to do it in under an hour. About 1/4 of a mile in, I thought to myself, y'know, I should try running/jogging. I started to get nervous, can you believe it? I could feel my heart rate increase and I could feel it in my chest. I decided that when I got to the 1/2 mile mark, I would do a slow jog for about 25 yards or so. As soon as I hit the mark, I started to jog and I jogged for about 25-30 yards. When I stopped, I was a grinnin' fool. I walked another 1/3 of a mile to catch my breath and recover from the shock of it all and ran another 30 yards or so! In all, in the 2 mile course, I ran maybe 1/5-1/4 of a mile total. The 2nd mile was tougher than the first, but I did it! I am so freakin' happy, I could dance the jig, but God Almighty I'm pooped!

This is a huge, massive step for me. I can't even tell you the last time I ran because I can't even remember ... middle school maybe? I don't know, but I actually did it! I'm on a total high. Needless to say, no way in hell I could have done that a year ago. I did learn two things though, one, I need better shoes, two, is there such a thing as a sports girdle cuz, yeah, I need one? I thought about Spanx, but is that good for jogging? I have no clue. I seem to be okay, no dizzyness or urgency to poop so that's cool, but I'm wondering if there is something pre and post exercise that I should be doing, like protein shakes or something. I had a bottle of water with me the entire two miles and finished the whole 20 oz during it. I wonder if I need to up my calories/protein if I am going to be doing this consistently.

I stink and I'm gross and sweaty, but today is definitely a highlight. I can't wait to get out there tomorrow. :)

Whoa

Around 10:30 AM it hits me like a giant wave. I gotta go and I gotta go NOW. So very unusual for me. I did the deed, was washing my hands then same feeling but 10 times more urgent. Thank God I was still in the bathroom. I'm not sure what's going on with my innards, but boy oh boy, are they keeping me on my toes.

This morning weighed in at exactly 327.0 lbs which was disappointing but after my mid morning episode, I'm not too worried about it anymore. I haven't been able to get in the calories that I have been getting in the last few days, but I should be okay on protein. As of right now, I am at around 1900 calories, 210 grams of protein (80g from two Isopure Zero Carb drinks), 96g of fat and 48g carbs. I am about to make a batch of my favorite DS-friendly chili and if I have a cup of that, then those numbers will certainly rise. It's been a protein drink heavy day for me since I had to do a bit more running around than I usually do. I also had two Muscle Milks. This won't be a pattern, just one of those days.

I never thought of myself as stubborn, but I am having a hard time convincing myself that I need to really severely limit chicken in my diet. I can eat beef, pork, turkey, sausages, all kinds of stuff and it not give me issues like chicken does and I'm not talking about dry chicken breast. I'm talking juicy dark meat, I can't do it anymore, but damnit, it's freakin delicious. I hate having to give up a food. I gave up cheese for months, then reintroduced it this week and now it's needs to go as well. Sucks. Same thing with wheat based products. I bought a loaf of Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat - has 5grams of fiber per slice. I figured I could have a slice of toast and one slice a cheese a day and be okay. I don't think so...I was eating it early in the AM and then by 2:30ish, major stinky gas. It's just not working out. This is something all DSers go through and I'm no different. For posterity's sake here are the food or food groups I have to stay away from:

1. All dairy except for butter. The biggest offenders are milk & cream. Effect on the system: Diarrhea, severe bloating, malaise and gas. I can't bring myself to exclude butter. Butter goes with everything!
2. Chicken. Effect: Constipation.
3. Gluten based products, doesn't matter if it is whole grain or not. It's all off limits. Effect: Gas and bloating.
4. Sugar. Effect: Gas and bloating.

I almost had to pull over today in my car this morning. First time I noticed that my hips do not touch the car door. I fit in the seat like a normal person! Woo-hoo!!!

Month 10

Oh what a month it has been. As has been well documented here, I have been having a time of it this month, which in retrospect seems to be the direct opposite of month 9 where it seemed I could do no wrong. Month 10 was a struggle on several levels and I don't hesitate to say, one of my more difficult months, mostly for emotional reasons. I would like to think that going through these types of things that I learned something and I think I did. I learned I need to listen to my body more. I learned that crap in, even in small amounts, usually equals "crap" out in seemingly larger amounts. I learned that I need to trust the surgery and trust that it is working even when the scale doesn't show it. I should trust how I feel, how my clothes fit as signs of progress. Most importantly though, I learned I have some truly great friends out there, Kim, Ann and Deluzy, I have to send my heartfelt thanks for really supporting me and keeping me up. You are all amazing women and I am thankful that you are in my life. Y'all rock!!!

I had contemplated doing a whole pipe cleansing routine this weekend, but have decided not to. I have been taking fiber supplements and Colace every night and that seems to have regulated things a little bit and the scale has been moving at a good clip as of late. I started the month at 335.4 lbs. I hit 341.6 lbs on the 20th and as late as the 22nd, I weighed higher than what I started the month. This morning I weighed in at 325.2 lbs for a total loss for the month of 10.2 lbs for a grand total loss of 191.4 lbs. Honey, I will take it! Buh-bye 330's!

I am really going to take Ann's advice and stop thinking about goals in such strict parameters -- losing X lbs by Y date. I don't think it helps and I don't think it's healthy, plus it totally bums me out when things go "wrong." I am going to try to focus on the numbers that really matter: grams of protein and ounces of water.

Since it is the end of the quarter, I have a ton of work to do for my company so I'll be spending the weekend indoors, but I do plan on making a trip to the bookstore for a little R&R tomorrow. I haven't been in awhile and it'll be nice to get out to a place I love going to.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Fer crying out loud!

TMI Warning: Since early afternoon Sunday, I've been plagued with wicked stomach problems. It makes me wonder if the issue I was dealing with before I left on my trip was never actually resolved and is still ongoing. From around 3pm Sunday to around 4am Monday, I had horrendous diarrhea and I hardly ever have it. I must have pooped 15-20 times during that time period. I have had a couple more instances, most notably Monday night where is was like explosive diarrhea. When I actually got home to Texas, I noticed my lower legs and ankles were swollen and they have remained that way ever since, the only relief I get is overnight when my legs are elevated, but within an hour, they are back to swelling again. They are tight and mildly uncomfortable. My innards/intestines are equally bothersome, they do not hurt, but I have this gross stuffed feeling. I hear and feel the slow rumbling inside. It feels like I am seriously bloated and/or constipated. I !@#$ing hate it. I weighed in this morning at 339.6...you can imagine how NOT happy I am about that! That's a good 10-15 lbs over where I should be Ugh, so very frustrating. I have to come up with some kind of regimen to combat the constipation because it is not fun...The scary thing is I almost feel like something is stuck at the top of my stomach, like 1/2 way between my bust line and my belly button. It doesn't hurt, but just feels like a brick is sitting there and I've felt it for awhile. I am going to do a plumbing clearing routine this weekend which entails suffering through a strong laxative which eats up an entire day, but I usually feel cleared up and weigh 4-7 lbs lighter. Gross, I know, I know, but what's a girl to do? I have to, HAVE TO, find a better way to manage my constipation issues better. This is getting ridiculous.

On a more positive side, I am sitting here lounging in a 2X t-shirt. It's a shirt I got from a company I worked for like 7 years ago and I couldn't fit so I gave it to my mom, apparently she kept it all this time and gave it back to me when I got home. Fits perfectly! I almost can't believe I am wearing it. I know that I am getting smaller, I just wish the scale would show it. Oh well, keep plugging ahead (and try not to panic)....

Pretty Darn Cool

Hey y'all I am back from my family reunion and it was fantastic! I am so freakin' exhausted, though. Lots of running around with the kiddies, late nights talking with the fam, early mornings of helping my dad barbecue or going to church services. I maybe got 20 hours of sleep since Wednesday night, but man it was fun. I'm too tired to go into too many details, but a couple of cool things, one, I totally fit in an airplane seat! I didn't need to raise the arm rests (a snug but not uncomfortable fit) AND I didn't need my seatbelt extender! It's not an understatement to say I was ecstatic when I just sat right down in my seat, no problem. Next step is having the tray down fully. Anyway, definitely one of the highlights of my trip.

Like many of you have said, my family was flabbergasted at seeing me! My mom could not believe it and I have to admit to busting out in tears when I saw her! I hadn't seen her in almost a year and a half and so much has happened since then. We along with my sister went clothes shopping and I got some really cool stuff at Ross and only spent like $50. I didn't want to go too crazy. All in all, I had a great time and I already miss everybody. I will be posting pictures soon, but right now I have got to get some sleep. I have to go to work in the morning!