Unexpected

There is very little that I can recall -- whether consciously or not -- about growing up morbidly obese. It's not that not too much happened, but mostly I choose not to dwell on those memories, instead, opting to try to live in the now. There is one instance, however that I won't forget. I had just gotten on the school bus on the way to middle school and there weren't any seats left and immediately I felt an overwhelming of mixture of embarrassment, shame and dread which only doubled in intensity when I quickly realized that none of the boys dared to give up their seats for me and so, I, the fat girl, had to stand up the entire trip to school. Talk about soul-crunching. I was never the girl that boys held the door open for, or offered their chair to or any of that. Chivalry was not something I was familiar with. Fast forward to this afternoon and I get on the bus to go back to suburbia and I'm instantly transported back to my 14 year old self and again I see that every seat is taken. I look from the front of the bus to the back - half filled with men - and after a few seconds start taking off my back pack in order to steady myself for the ride when a nice man kindly offers his seat to me. I tell ya, I nearly burst into tears and I'm sooooo not the bursting into tears type. I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it now. Of all the wonderful and amazing and beautiful things that have happened to and for me the past two years, I might have to say that this ranks at the top. The only other time I have felt this way was when I was headed toward the finish line at the end of my first 10K. So, maybe I'm overreacting, this is the south so chivalry is allegedly abundant but oh my gosh, I have to tell you, my heart was filled, absolutely filled, when the man gave up his seat to me. Sometimes I still operate in fat girl (a.k.a. invisible girl) mode where I just assume that the way I've been treated before is the way I will be treated now, but apparently that may not be the case, needless to say that it is both a sad and a happy thing.

I don't know y'all, it was such an unexpected thing, I didn't expect to have that boost of awesomeness in my life today, but I'll gladly take it.