31 August 2007

Month 12

August was on many fronts a freaking disaster. I went up as high as 319.4 lbs and eventually am ending the month at 301.0 lbs, but since yesterday, for me, was the end month 12, I technically lost only 3.8 lbs. Sigh. What is to be learned here for me? It's simple ... stick to the flippin' plan! There's no way to sugarcoat it, I was derailed for much of the month, but was able to pull it together at the end. Part of it was frustration with the whole ulcer thing and just wanted to be "normal" and frankly I just got tired of the amount of effort I was putting toward everything that I eat/drink. When we were down in Savannah, last day there, Jamie bought us ice cream from this roadside shop. Intellectually I know I have problems with ice cream, I know this, but still, it tastes so darn good and so I had some. I paid dearly for it later, of course. I've sworn off ice cream and all kinds of stuff before, but I wonder if I have the wrong attitude about food.

Obviously, there are choices that I make in accordance to whatever goals I want to achieve, but is anything "bad" or is that my diet mentality speaking? I'm not sure, but for me, I feel better if I can categorize certain things as "evil". It makes it easier to avoid them. As I start Year Two, I have different challenges from Year One, most of the work is mental. I could potentially take it easy from here on out and be good, maybe dropping the 40-60 lbs I need to lose over the next year. That would put me at my doc's goal by this time next year. That would be a success, especially considering where I started. I could also probably get plastic surgery at that point and have a decent result, maybe end up around 225 or so. The problem with that is, what happens 3-5 years later when/if I regain? I will have to start dieting to lose the weight again and I hate dieting. My other option is to really push hard for the next 6-12 months to lose the 100-120 lbs (or more) that I want to lose and be done with it. I would love to get to the point where I can say, I don't need or want to lose any more weight. I'm not sure where that point is, but I'd rather have that opportunity than to not have it.

Talking to some of my family and friends, some are happy to see me where I am and think I could probably stop now, others think, maybe a few more pounds and I'd be good to go, so far, I'm reluctant to really divulge to them that I want to lose another 100 lbs. They can't wrap their heads around this. The only people who fully understand this are my fellow DSers. They feel me on this issue. I remember telling my sister that I wanted to wear a size 10 some day, she was like "Nooooo, that's too skinny!" and when I voiced my doubts about ever wearing a size 10 with my friends at support group, they were like "Girl please! You can totally do it!" Ugh.

I have to remember to just focus on the day-to-day. Looking too far in the future is just too problematic for me. I need to stop obsessing about this because it is just causing me unwanted anxiety. Me thinks it's because I'm close to breaking into the 200's ... freaking me out a little bit. One day at a time, Tia, one day at a time!

I do, however, think there was some good to gleaned from August. I certainly learned a good bit about my personal behaviors and attitudes about food and goal setting so all was not lost. I am hoping to be real about this whole process as I can. I don't want to have gone through all this only to be poorly prepared for the long-term post-op life.

Anywho, Monday is my 10K and I'm so nervous and excited. Truth be told, I am more amped up about this than I was about my one year surgiversary! I'm kinda concerned about getting an empty tank at some point. I'm thinking about getting a fanny pack of some sort so that I can carry a couple of protein bars with me. There will be water all along the way so I'm not too worried about that, I just need to drink often. Tomorrow they have like a family festival type thingy going on for the race so I will go pick up my number and maybe hang out there awhile and possibly get some tips. Who knows? I don't have any fancy race gear, but am wearing a pair of gym shorts and a favorite t-shirt plus my trusty tennis shoes. I followed advice and didn't purchase anything new that hadn't been broken in. I wish I had a smaller camera, so I could take a picture at the finish, maybe I will just have to purchase a disposable one. We'll see. I do plan to dance the jig though, THAT I won't neglect to do!

Labels: , , ,

30 August 2007

Year One

I have so many emotions running through me right now, as you can imagine. What a year! I feel really blessed and thankful and humble. You know me, I could easily blather on for pages, but I'm opting for a more easily digestible list format. :)


Before (more pictures)
Start Weight - 516.6 lbs
Shirts: 6X (men's), 42W/44W/6X (women's)
Pants: 64 (men's), 42W/44W/6X (women's)

Now
Now - 304.0 lbs (-212.6)
Shirts: XL (men's), 18W (women's)
Pants: 46 (men's), 26W (women's)

Loss of body weight: 41.15%
EWL% (surgeon's goal of 250 lbs): 79.75%
EWL% (personal goal of 199.8 lbs): 67.1%

Things I can do now that I couldn’t do before
Walk a mile or two or three or six.
Shop in real stores, not just online.
Cross my legs.
Fit in an airplane seat.
Fit in an airplane seat and not use an extender!
Fit in a booth.
Run.
Jump.
Buy $4 shirts and $10 jeans at Walmart/Target/Ross/etc.
Fit in my friend’s sportcar.
Fit in almost any chair.
Breathe easier.
Walk a flight a stairs without a second thought.
Wear a size XL t-shirt.
Adjust the steering wheel in my car.
Think optimistically about the future.

Unanticipated Things
Talking about poop so much.
Eating as much food as I do (relatively speaking) and still lose weight.
Feeling overwhelmed by clothes shopping.
Increased self-confidence and self-assurance.
Getting an ulcer.
Losing so much hair.
Discovering the color pink.
How much work it is getting in the proper nutrition/water & supplements.
How expensive post-op life is.
Inability to eat chicken with any consistency
Reduced appetite for sweets, increased appetite for savory foods.
The depth of the mind/body disconnect.
Discovering I am a stronger person than I ever thought.

Things I would have done differently
Exercised more.
Been more consistent.
Taken monthly measurements.

Hardest thing for me to learn
Patience.

Best Advice I can give to pre-ops
Be as compliant as you can for as long as you can. You will never regret it.
Assume nothing about the state of your health, get your labs done and verify.
Don’t underestimate the power of dehydration.
Don’t underestimate the power of protein malnutrition.

Gratitude
Thank you God for loving me. Thank you for giving me the words and showing me the steps.
Thank you Dr. Marchesini for saving my life and giving me such hope.
Thank you to my parents for supporting me.
The rest of my family, especially my sisters, S. and T. for being my greatest cheerleaders.
Thank you to my best friend, Scott, for well, being my best friend.
Thank you to my business partner.
Thanks to B. & N. for going to Brazil with me and helping me post-op.
Thank you to Kim for just being an inspiration and for reminding me to raise my expectations and push myself.
Thank you to my local DS Support Group homies AND my Brazilian switch brothers & sisters! You guys rock!
Thanks to all the wonderful, smart, inspiration DS folks out there who are telling their stories and from whom I’ve gained so much knowledge, support and insight: Deluzy, Ezpy, Ann, Sharon, MaryBeth.
Thank you to DuodenalSwitch.com, ObesityHelp.com, Dr. Smith’s, Dr. Marchesini’s and the Duodenal Switch Yahoo Groups for the wealth of information and your vibrant communities.

Goals for Year 2
Eat my protein, drink my water, take my supplements, go to support group, exercise.

That's it, time to dance the jig.

Labels: , , ,

29 August 2007

Football

Thank the Lord above, football season is upon us. I am too freakin' happy. Saturday I venture out to my first Gamewatch which is a grand departure from my usual college football weekends. I am prone to watch (and act a fool) in private, but I am committing myself to going out there and socializing, it should be fun. Good times.

Labels:

28 August 2007

Yea!

Weight this morning: 306.0 lbs! Down 5.0 lbs since yesterday and 1.8 lbs for the month! Woo-hoo! I actually thrust my arms in excitement! Those 1.8 lbs have been a lot of work! I've "lost" almost 13.5 lbs since Friday, crazy, huh?

Labels:

27 August 2007

YMCA vs. Gold's Gym

After the 10K on Labor Day, I'm going to make the transition to working out regularly at a gym. There are quite a few places around where I live, the front runners being Gold's Gym and my local newly built YMCA. I am going to try to check out both places this week at some point. There is also an Anytime Fitness that is really close to my house, but it's more of a storefront and didn't look all that big from the outside. In the past, when I've done the gym thing, it was sort of aimless "just do something" kind of stuff. I did try the Body for Life 12 week program once, but that's the only structured thing I've done. I will probably get a personal trainer for a couple of sessions to get me started on a constructive path of some kind. I really want to increase my cardiovascular health, boost my metabolism and maintain/increase strength. I want to run up four flights of stairs and not pass out.

I also gotta do the tennis thing although that worries me a little bit. My business partner is a big time tennis player and I'm not sure I can run around like some of those folks. What I will probably end up doing is start taking lessons, take it slow, learn the game before I even think about playing on a team or anything. I should probably make an effort to watch a match or two beforehand to get a feel for it.

This morning I weighed in at an even 311.0 lbs, yesterday I weighed in at 316.0 lbs for a nice 5.0 lbs loss overnight, a mere 3.2 lbs over where I started the month. The water pills seem to be working okay. Constipation is still an issue and I don't think the diuretics are helping in that regard, but at least things are kinda moving along, I had 3 poops so far today. I probably need to make sure I am getting more than enough fat. TMI, I know, but oh well. I am getting in my water, a whole gallon, usually before 5:00 PM. I am trying to get in a good 20-24 oz between each major meal. I'm really not a fan of drinking during my meal, I know a lot of DSers do, but that is one hurdle I can't quite overcome just yet.

I am averaging around 1500-1600 cals and around 150g protein, with a spike every now and again to 1800 cals and 180+ grams of protein. I feel most comfortable eating at this level and assuming I keep on track and keep losing weight, this is where I will stay.

Labels: ,

26 August 2007

I was mistaken

Chicken is not my friend. I decided on chicken drumsticks for dinner and I got through the first one okay, then 5 minutes later it all came back up. Ugh. UNCLE. I give up.

Labels: ,

25 August 2007

Hydrochlorothiazide and other ramblings

That would be a diuretic. Dr. (not the good one) Smith prescribed it for me. I went out this afternoon and filled the prescription today as well as getting a refill for my Protonix and Lisinopril. I will take it for awhile to see what the deal is. It's definitely one of those things that I don't need to take if I don't need it. I also got a month's worth of my chewable multivitamin and some Zinc. As soon as my order from Vitalady gets in, I'll be good to go with my amped up Vitamin A & D and my new iron supps.

I bought myself a gallon jug several days ago and I make sure I fill it up every night and drink the whole thing every day. It's actually not as much water as I thought or rather it's not as hard to get it all in as I once thought. I have a 24 oz plastic tumbler and I fill that thing like 5 times throughout the day and I'm good. Piece of cake.

For whatever reason early this morning, I was up promptly at 3:30 AM with unexplained and unexpected killer gas. Good grief. Every 5 minutes or so I was up headed to the bathroom. I never, EVER trust a fart so most of it was precautionary measures, some of it productive. I'm not sure if it was a backlog or what, but by 2:00 PM I was dragging and had to take a nap... I had to force myself up around 4:30 so that I could get something to eat otherwise I would have been out for awhile. I'm still a little foggy headed and I'm hoping to stay awake til like 11:00 PM. I hate putting my sleep patterns out of whack.

Good news. Chicken is kind to me again. Yes! Persistence pays off! I made a tray of drumsticks the other day and froze most of them in two-packs for easy retrieval. Tomorrow I am either going to do another pot of chili or a pot roast. I haven't decided yet.

More good news. I am comfortably in an XL t-shirt AND I've dropped 1/2 a shoe size. Boggles the mind. I am hoping with the diuretic that the bloating will depart and I'll be a tad smaller. We'll see.

When I left the house this morning, the day seemed so beautiful and clear and bright, it was envigorating. After a long drought with poor air quality, the recent rain storms seem to have washed the whole area in a certain freshness (as well as drop the temperature like 10 degrees), it's almost spring-like. I lingered in the sun to get some natural Vitamin D. It was so nice to feel the warmth on my face and breathe some genuinely fresh air.

Gonna do a couple loads of laundry tonight I think (and see if a football game is on). Maybe I'll continue to tackle the 600+ pictures I have to get through.

Talked to my sister yesterday, our niece who is due in December is having a girl. Woo-hoo! I think in the past 10 years or so, the boy to girl ratio has been around 6:1. It's about time we had another little miss in the bunch.

Oh yeah, I weighed in at 318.6 lbs this morning. Down 0.8 lbs.

Labels: ,

Dr. Marchesini

August 25th will always be a special day for me. It was the day, a year ago, that I met the wonderful Dr. Joao Marchesini. I remember it well, I had arrived in Curitiba absolutely exhausted and was in little mood to do else besides sleep and maybe get some food. Durval told me that Dr. M wanted to see me that day instead of the following Monday and I was immediately anxious and nervous. Walking into his office all doubt and fear was almost instantly gone. He was everything that I had heard he was, warm, courteous, comforting and he answered all my questions and then some. I felt all the confidence in the world in him.

I love Dr. M. He salvaged my life and I owe him big. I don't know who may read this, possibly someone who is in desperate need for the Duodenal Switch but who is confronted with the reality that they must go out of country to get it done, well, I am someone who went out on a limb and trusted this man with my life and I'd do it again without hesitation. No question.

Thank you Dr. Marchesini for all you've done for me! Thank you God for leading me to him.

Labels:

24 August 2007

Supplements

Okay, got an email about what my supplement regimen is like. Here it is:

First thing in the morning:
1 Protonix 40mg (for excess stomach acid/ulcer)
1 Lisinopril 20mg (high blood pressure)

After 1st meal:
1 Potassium Chelate (99mg)
2 Citracal Calcium Citrate (400mg) w/ Vitamin D (400IU) each
1 Acidophilus (1 Billion CFU)
2 Vitamin D (5,000 IU each)
1 Vitamin A (25,000 IU)
2 Magnesium Citrate (400mg)
1 Vitamin B Complex
1 Centrum Chewables Multivitamins
1 Ferrous Fumerate (50mg)

Lunch:
2 Calcium Citrate Lozenges (400mg)

After Dinner:
1 Potassium Chelate (99mg)
2 Citracal Calcium Citrate (400mg) w/ Vitamin D (400IU) each
1 Acidophilus (1 Billion CFU)
2 Vitamin D (5,000 IU each)
1 Vitamin A (25,000 IU)
2 Magnesium Citrate (400mg)
1 Centrum Chewables Multivitamins
1 Ferrous Fumerate (50mg)

Before Bed:
2 Calcium Citrate Lozenges (400mg)

I probably need to sneak in another round of the Calcium Citrate Lozenges. I am also thinking about adding Zinc back in. But that's it in a nutshell.

Labels:

Forward motion...

Weight: 319.2 lbs. Sigh.

I am REALLY constipated. I am still trying to figure out my iron strategy. I've tried ferrous sulfate, but from my research, it's basically the worse kind of iron, it's the least effective and the most likely to cause stomach irritation and constipation. I was taking 325mg twice a day. I tried Ferrochel for awhile and that seemed to work okay, but I was just unsure of the dosage. I was taking the 18mg pill, twice a day. I am currently on something called Ferro-Sequels which is a much better iron, ferrous fumerate, 50mg twice a day. Seems to be alright, however it gives me constipation which is the culprit of my issues right now. I've ordered Cypress Iron (Polysaccharide Iron) which is supposed to be one of the best iron supplements out there, it's supposed to be easy on the system and allegedly has low incidents of constipation. I am hoping this supplement will be the one to keep my iron up and not clog me up.

I have about a week before my one year anniversary. I've been studying my weight loss records and lab results from the past year, specifically looking at my most recent results. What's interesting about them is that they show my levels after a few weeks of eating like a mad woman -- high calories, fat and protein. There were no abnormal results besides my HDL being low and my RDW being a tad high (always has been). What was interesting to me was that my Serum Albumin only went up from 3.9 to 4.1. Serum protein stayed exactly the same at 7.4. I think the only thing that I may need to do is make sure I get at least a gallon of water. I really, REALLY don't want to end the month up, so I am going to eat like I had been doing before to see if that will at least get me back to where I started the month at. I'd rather have 0.0 lbs loss for the month instead of gaining 10+ lbs. I'm going to do a cleansing tonight to get rid of all the poop and then we'll see what the rest of the month brings.

I have about a week and a half before my big 10K. I'm pretty excited about it and I think I am ready for it. I am nervous though, but I should be okay. I probably won't do any walking 3-4 days before the race just so that I can be in the best shape possible. I want to be recovered from any lingering fatigue. I believe there are 3 or 4 of us from my support group that will be in the race so I also need to figure out how to synch with them. I have to figure out how to get a picture taken at the finish line. :)

My weekend is up in the air. I may be spending it helping my friend (see previous post) make a quick exit from her current situation and help get her settled somewhere. I am hoping and praying she gives my friend the go ahead to let us help her. I guess I will find out at some point today.

Labels: ,

23 August 2007

Dang

I had a long conversation with a friend about a mutual friend of ours who is going through one hell of a time. This mutual friend is in a very destructive relationship with her husband. They have three kids and she finds herself in a situation where she is emotionally at her lowest point and is finding it difficult to do what she needs to do - save her herself and her kids and leave her asshole husband. I don't know the dude too well, but I have seen this jerk in action. He is a piece of work, a lazy no-job having piece of poop. He's an arrogant, illiterate, racist, sexist psychopath rat bastard who wants only to skateboard all day long and tell her what to do and how to do it while she is the sole bread winner. Asshole does not have a job AND he does zero housework or support the family in any way. I could understand if he was a stay at home dad and took care of the kids and home, y'know, got the kids ready for school, went grocery shopping, anything. This moron does NOTHING. My friend is just worn down and is struggling to muster the strength to leave him. She doesn't think she can do it, but my friend has assured her that all she has to do is give the sign and she'll have a swarm of supportive people there to help her get away. God this pisses me off to no end. I seriously want to kick his ass.

This whole thing reminds me of my best friend in high school, B. B was an awesome person, kind, considerate but she had an asshole boyfriend, P. He was an only child from a rich family who was overly indulged, she came from a modest background and had 5 or 6 younger siblings. He was such a jerk to her, frequently calling her names and degrading her. He was an emotional manipulator to the nth degree and put her through hell. It didn't take long for things to get physical. I first saw her bruises during a fire drill and I asked her about it, she said it was nothing and that he didn't mean it. Yeah, right. I didn't really the guy that much before then, but now he was really on my shit list. She assured me it wouldn't happen again, she wouldn't let it. No surprise, when more bruises mysteriously showed up a couple of weeks later, I knew I had to do something. I still don't know if it was the smartest thing I ever did, but one day after school in one of the side hallways of the bandroom, I pulled P aside and had a little talk with him. In short, I told him he better not hit her again or else. I probably never said two words to him before that day but I let him know in the most menacing and threatening persona I could muster. One of the few times being taller and bigger than most of my peers paid off. He never touched her again and I spent the rest of the year making sure whenever I saw him I gave him my most evilest eye. I'm convinced that there is an especially dark and miserable hole in hell reserved for people like that.

Shit like this makes me feel like a jerk whining about my weight when people I care about are going through a heckuva lot more than gaining 10 lbs of water weight. I feel like an idiot and I wanted to post this (even though I could not have) to remind myself that I don't have it so bad, in fact, I'm pretty blessed. Nothing like a glimpse into someone else's life to give you a little perspective.

Labels:

Miserable

I feel like crap, this is not going to be a good post...

Weighed in at 317.2 lbs this morning ... up almost 10 lbs for the month! WTF? Been averaging 1500 calories, around 130g of protein since Tuesday. Been drinking 130+ oz a water.

I think I broke my DS. I would cry, but I don't have the energy to right now.

Just call me Puffy. Woke up with a puffy face. Sinuses ache. Ears are on fire. Legs feel like they weigh a ton. I feel like everything I drink is sticking around.

I am freezing.

Going to see the doc tomorrow, unfortunately, my PCP is not available, have to deal with the useless Dr. (not the good one) Smith again.

Sigh.

Yes, I am whining.

Labels:

21 August 2007

Balanced Diet

Today is my first day implementing my new eating strategy. First meal of the day was a 26g protein shake. Then a couple hours later, I had two scrambled eggs and two slices of bacon. For lunch, I had 1/2 a sandwich wrap. I discovered them when we had them for lunch Saturday at Jamie's house. Yum. I made them with corned beef, turkey, lettuce 1/3 ounce of cheese, mustard and wraps from Toufayan. The wraps have 13g of protein and 15g of carbs (8 grams of fiber!) per wrap. I cut one in half 'cause I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat a whole one. It made the perfect portion. I also had a snack or pork rinds, so for the day so far, I am at around 750 calories and 90 or so grams of protein. I am going to have some watermelon later for a snack and for dinner, I will have some steak & green beans. Sounds decent, yes?

I took over 600 pictures in Savannah that I need to go through so that might either have to wait til the weekend or try to get that done in chunks throughout the week, but here is a good one in the meantime, this picture represents 620 lbs lost in a year!:

Pretty darn cool!

Labels:

20 August 2007

Ouch, my ass!!!

Boy am I exhausted. I drove from Savannah back to Atlanta early this morning and so have been up since 4 AM. Yawn! I had such a blast and can NOT wait to get back. I'm still trying to make sense of my lab results. Nothing stands out as bad, but there are some definite changes like I mentioned earlier. My BUN/Creatinine Ratio has gone from 14 in May to 21. My AST has gone from 22 to 33 and my ALT, 18 to 35. TSH from 1.614 to 2.229. Serum Albumin from 3.9 to 4.1. Again, nothing serious, I don't think, but some of the trends, I don't think I like.

After talking about it with someone this weekend who hasn't heard me drone on and on about my issues, she suggested I cut my protein down to 120 max and try to eat a more balanced diet -- incorporate fruits, vegetables, some whole grains. I think that makes the most sense. After eating 220+ grams of protein, my albumin only increased 0.2, plus it seems like my kidneys and liver are getting a workout without any added benefit. I'd rather be safe than sorry so my goal is to eat a more balanced yet still low carb diet -- 100-120g of protein, sub 50g of carbs and something like 100g of fat PLUS a gallon of water a day. I am going to pass my lab results to Dr. M and just confirm my plan with him.

I haven't weighed in 3 days, but my edema has gotten worse, especially after sitting in the car for 5+ hours -- twice -- during that time. We'll see what the morning shows and whether or not this month can be salvaged.

Labels: , ,

Quickie

Just popping in to let y'all know I had a GRAND time in Savannah, I love that city! I had a blast with all my Marchesini folk and I took tons of pictures as proof, I will get them posted at some point. Also finally got my lab results back...everything came out normal except for my HDL which was low, total cholesterol was 145 though. Albumin was up as was my AST and ALT, significantly so, but not enough for any red flags. Will dig a little more deeper when I get some time, but from what little digging I did do, I will need to drop the protein for sure.

More later...

Labels: ,

17 August 2007

I HEART support group!

As usual, support group was awesome. I love my support group, totally kick ass and such a necessity for me, I always get such an emotional and spiritual lift that it's become an integral part of this journey. I talked to the nutritionist about my issues as of late, specifically about the ulcer and protein requirements. She doesn't seem to think that I would need to do anything drastic. I was too afraid to tell her how many grams of protein I had been eating because last time she was close to reading me the riot act. My weight has been ridiculous this whole month, wavering between 309.2 all the way up to 314.6 lbs. Today I weighed in at 312.2 lbs. Sigh. Totally sucks, but I have to admit to not being very good or consistent about my diet and water. In fact, there have been days where I've flat out sucked which is honestly pretty rare for me, I'm typically pretty good and if I do indulge it's usually one thing and I'm done, but such has not been the case as of late, really since the beginning of the month. Ugh, I confess, I've been a poor DSer. Sometimes best intentions don't translate into best actions.

Having said all that, the last two days have been good. My only issues are trying to determine how much protein/calories I need to be getting...driving me crazy. I don't like having to eat 2800+ calories and 200-220 grams of protein, it sucks and it's hard and my gut tells me it's unnecessary. I am anxiously awaiting my lab results to tell me otherwise. I am still retaining water OR it could just be that I am finally well hydrated. Regardless, the next few days will be hard to stay on track seeing as how I hear there is a lot of good food in Savannah, but I am going to do it and hopefully by the time I get back, I will be on the track to losing weight again. I still have a good 60 to as many as 110-120 lbs to go and I want to be done by this time next year. I want to be normal, not "normal for someone who started off at 516 lbs" but normal "normal". I want to lose as much excess fat as possible. I want to surpass Dr. Marchesini's goal for me (250lbs). When I walk into my first plastic surgery consult, I want the doctor to say "well done, you've lost all the excess weight and you are in the best possible shape for plastic surgery." I need to like plaster my house with giant plaques that read "STAY THE COURSE" so that I won't be tempted to stray. Like I mentioned before, this is the hard section of this journey, the boring, tedious middle. Must find more ways to self-motivate!

Anyway, I have to pick up a few things before I hit the road so off I go!

Labels: , ,

15 August 2007

Ugh....

I am going to be having a heckuva few days. My business partner and her husband are going to be a royal mess. He has a daughter with his crazy ex-wife and has had the child for the past several weeks. She is due back to her mom, in another country, Friday and they are both wrecks. The baby is unfortunately caught up in the middle of this hellish nightmare and the mother, as far as I can tell, is not making any of this easy. I don't pretend to think that this whole situation is easy on anybody, but I just don't understand why the mother is making all this so much worse, part of the problem has to deal with how her marriage fell apart and the role BP had in it all. Needless to say, I try to stay out of it, but I don't think the child, who is absolutely wonderful and an absolute delight, by the way, should suffer. BP and husband have spent most of the past couple of days in tears as they don't want the child to leave and go back to the mother as the mother has made it her mission in life to say horrible things about the child's father and BP to the child. What kind of person does that? When my mom's first husband left her, she never said a bad word against him figuring that the kids would find out on their own in due time what kind of man their father was and they did. She didn't need to say anything. It's just f-ed up. This weekend I am due in Savannah and it looks like they, sans baby, are going to drive down with me and they will spend a few days to themselves while I hang out with my Marchesini siblings, then we'll drive back to Atlanta. God, I just feel bad and I just know they are going to be messes so I just have to mentally prepare for being a good friend to them. Regardless of anything else, I know they love that kid and will miss her until she comes back to the country which could be God knows when. It's just sad all around.

Labels:

13 August 2007

McHellNo

Sigh. So I went to my doctor's appointment today and was disappointed. I really do not like Dr. (not Dennis) Smith and thankfully I don't have to deal with him on a regular basis. Ugh. What a tool and he was kinda gross! I won't get into the whole debacle but I could have just skipped the whole thing and just headed directly to the lab to get my blood drawn. That's the only thing I really cared about, hopefully the results will be in in a couple of days. On a positive note, my blood pressure was a perfect 120/80 and my heart rate was 50. Also, the lab tech practically had a coronary after seeing me, she didn't recognize me at first and was amazed at my progress. I tried hard not to blush too much. I've been going to them for at least like 5-6 years and they saw me often for a good while when I having issues with Lupus-like symptoms. Her reaction caught me off guard, but certainly made up for the crappy doctor's visit.

Labels:

12 August 2007

Curious...

So it turns out my appointment is this afternoon! I got a call from the Dr.'s office on my home voicemail which I never check and they said that the nurse practitioner that I was to meet with has left that office and I needed to reschedule with someone else. I called in this morning and said I could still come in today and that I would be meeting with a "Dr. Smith"...Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? There's no way that this is "the" Dr. Smith, Dr. Dennis Smith, one of the absolute best DS surgeons in the world! It's got to be some other Dr. Smith. I was too foggy headed to ask if it was The Dr. Dennis Smith, but I seriously doubt a man of that caliber would be doing pickup duties ... right??? Anyway, I guess I will find out soon enough. If it is, he's gonna get a ton of questions from me, but again, I doubt it. Whatever Dr. Smith shows up, I am going to go over my endoscopy results and get my labs drawn. I'll let you know how it goes, but I will be shocked if it is The Dr. Smith.

Anyway, God, I love this time of year, football season. I love football, especially college football. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I will be making it down to my alma mater for a game this year. Unless a few things unexpectedly fall into place, it doesn't look like it. Total bummer, but next year for sure. Starting late August through the end of the year, my Saturdays will be full. Typically I watch all games from the comfort of my house, but this year, I've made a commitment to watch games from my alma mater with my fellow intown alumni usually at some pub somewhere. I've been to one or two, but this year, I am going to them all -- must socialize.

My weight is still pretty level (310.8 lbs)which is aggravating, but I have been eating like crap -- old bad habits/sabotage. Luckily I realized what I was doing and put an end to it yesterday afternoon. It seems like whenever I get close to a milestone, in this case, my one year anniversary and getting close to twoterville, my brain stops functioning and I do dumb things. Yes, things I need to work on.

I have a couple of giant piles of clothes to sift through and then I am going to go through the process of getting rid of almost all of it. I am going to try to find the best place to give them away to, I know there are a lot of plus sized folks who could use them. I'm having a hard time getting rid of the stuff, a lot of those items have been with me for years and I guess it's just part of the process of me accepting the fact that I'll never wear those clothes again. I won't ever need to. Sometimes that is really hard to believe.

Labels: , ,

11 August 2007

What the..???

I think I mentioned before how when I do venture out to buy clothes, that I am loving the Walmarts, Targets, Ross' and TJMaxx's of the world. Gone are the days of buying $40 jeans and $30 shirts (that I had to buy online) now I can go in and pick up a pair of $10 jeans and a $5 shirt and be more than content. Last week, I went to Walmart to pick up some bras, well, while I was there I also picked up three pairs of jeans. Now, I buy men's jeans because (1) they are cut better for my frame and (2) I am tall and the lengths just work better for me. I bought two pairs of 48 waist pants and a pair of 46 thinking that I could wear the 48's for a few weeks and have the 46's handy for when those 48's get too big. I got home and for shits and giggles, I tried on the 46's and I could get them on, but I could not zipper them up. This was exactly one week ago. Today, again for shits and giggles, I try the 46's on and they freakin' fit! How cool is that?!?

So immediately, I pull out a pair of jeans that Kim gave me months ago. They are a size 24 pair of jean capris. When I first tried them on, I couldn't get them past my hips, but at least once a month, I would pull them out and try them on. Last time I tried, I could pull them all the way up, but was no where near buttoning or zipping them up, well today, today I writing this blog in those jeans and they are fully buttoned and zipped! A little snug in the thighs, but damnit they fit!!! Woo-hoo!!! If I am lucky and they loosen up a bit, I will be wearing them to my support group meeting next week, if not, I will take a picture.

I am so happy I am still losing weight even though the scale is being cruel and not moving too much. I think I need to start thinking about not weighing every single day. That'll be hard to do. I stopped weighing on two different scales and only weigh on one so that's a big step, but giving up my daily weigh-in might be too difficult especially since I think I need the motivation. This morning I weighed in at 309.0 lbs, still 2 lbs over my lowest of 307.0 exactly two weeks ago. I haven't been as compliant as I should be, especially with water and making sure I get a lot of protein in. I've been getting around 160 grams, but not the 200-220 that I was before, plus, I had a Breyer's Low Carb ice cream bar.... okay two bars in the last two days, man they're good because good grief, it's hot as hell here. Luckily, they didn't cause the natural disaster that I thought, just a good bit of gas, but no explosive diarrhea. Starting tomorrow I am going to get back on track big time so that I can close out the month and my year really strong. God only knows where I will end the month at, but as long as it's less than where I started off, I'm happy.

This weekend will be kinda boring, I have to get a lot of work done for my business since I will be in Savannah next weekend where I will be doing zero work, however I gotta run out and go grocery shopping and try to figure out some new stuff to eat.

Labels: , ,

10 August 2007

Reconnect

"Wow, Tia, you look good! Real Good!"

Men are interesting. Every guy friend of mine that hasn't seen me in awhile pretty much has the same reaction or comments, women are different. Women always bring up weight, guys never do. Anyway, lunch was great, perfect way to kill three hours on midday afternoon. Yes, I said three hours. We had a lot of catching up to do. It was fun and we have tentative plans for me to go over his house to have dinner with his wife and young daughter, haven't seen them in awhile either.

I have my one year doctor's appointment at some point this month, I can't remember when (guess I better figure that out) but I am looking forward to looking at some of my blood test results afterwards. I think my iron infusion has worn off and I may need another. I've been on the Protonix for about a week and I haven't had any issues like I had before however I've seen a return of fluid retention and I'm certainly not pooping as much. Ugh. I've been trying to do some research on the DS boards about any correlations between proton pump inhibitors (reduced stomach acid) and increased malabsorption. I could be totally nuts, but couldn't hurt to be better educated.

I'm soooo not in the mood to eat anything which is not a good thing. I never thought I would say this in my life, but I am tired of food and don't want to eat a thing. Yuck. Everything sounds/looks/tastes gross... well I should say, all the stuff I have been eating lately does. All I really want is cheese enchiladas and lots of them. I'm trying to figure out what is going on with me physically, but mostly emotionally. God's honest truth: I am having a heckuva time dealing with the compliments I have been getting which seem to be coming with increased frequency. I really think it's messing with my head more than I fully realize. In the past, I have had big problems finishing certain things. I can start a lot of things, but it's usually when I get to the point when the finish line is closer than the start I begin a shift in behavior, attitude and maybe even engage in a little self-sabotage. I could go drone on and on with a lot of psycho-babble, but I know exactly what it is, it's the f-word, fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of mediocrity. I don't like living in fear, fear is the most destructive force in the universe and I want no part of it.

In my life there were two or three things that I set my mind to, things I wanted to do and accomplish and actually did. Looking back, even though I did accomplish those things, I did have those moments of self sabotage that I know were rooted in fear. Through some very hard work on my part and thanks to a few good friends and mentors, I got past it and was able to succeed. I find myself in that exact same situation. It's homestretch time. I've got my last 60-90 lbs to go. What's really playing with my emotions is that this journey hasn't been a private one, a lot of people are witnessing my progress (and difficulties), some with a lot to say and others who are the opposite. I'll admit it, I'm a textbook introvert and add to that my mediocre social skills and that causes me a good bit of anxiety. I am so used to existing in my little world that it's jarring to be reminded that my bubble is a lot bigger than I think. HOWEVER. I do have to attribute much of the progress I've made in the past year of coming out of my shell to attending support group meeting and maintaining this blog. Removing those two things out of the equation, I don't know where I'd be. Meeting and sharing and interacting with the people I've met online and offline has been tremendous not only for my weight loss, but for me emotionally. It's been good for me even though sometimes I feel like I want to run and disappear. Many times I just have to allow myself to just let it all out and ramble on if I need to even when it makes little sense. All these changes are happening at light-speed and I can't always keep up with the consequences.

Anywho, I'm roadtrippin' it down to Savannah next weekend to meet with my fellow Dr. Marchesini patients for a little August reunion. I was going to fly, but have decided to drive down. I haven't been on a road trip in awhile and I think it'll be fun to make a little adventure of it, I'm gonna make a point to stop off at any interesting places I come across and take some pictures along the way. Jamie gave me some good advice about packing a cooler with water and protein snacks. It should be fun, I'm looking forward to it. I just hope the weather calms down a bit, it's ridiculously hot. We've got some kind of crazy heat wave going on and I know if it's insane here in Atlanta, it's got to be worse in Savannah. Yeah well, maybe I'll work on my tan! ;)

Labels: , ,

09 August 2007

Good Stuff

I did something funky to my hip early yesterday morning and it hurts even more. Ugh. All I did was pivot weird while I was turning a corner and felt a slight twinge of pain. It got worse over the course of the day so I was limping my poor self around. I still haven't fully recovered from the "jogging" I did a few days ago, quite a bit of soreness remains, but it's cool. I don't think I will be doing much jogging during the 10K to be honest, maybe the last 100 yards, make it look like I jogged all along. Heh.

Last night I was going through some product updates for my business and I noticed that lo and behold, we sell Ozium. I had no idea we sold the stuff. I did a quick search and we sell all kinds of it, different scents and sizes, good grief. I'm thinking of getting a case of it. I spent the next 15 minutes going through our products and I also saw we sell wipes and all kinds of other good stuff by the case. I don't know what my problem is, I never thought to even look at all the crap we sell to see if any of it might be useful to me. A lot of the time what we sell is in such huge quantities or is industrial strength type stuff that it is impractical for me to take advantage, but I can't imagine not being able to use this stuff on a regular basis.

Today is my lunch with my friend and last night I was on house sitting duties at BP's house. Luckily, I'm rotating with another person so for every night of no sleep at her house, I have a good night's sleep at my own house. Luckily, they get back tomorrow so enough of that crap for me.

I've been taking a ton of pictures will all my camera and all it's associated toys. My mediocre to decent ratio is pretty dismal right now. I have to find a more structured way of going about learning to be a better photographer. What interests me now is portraits and people shots. For the longest time, the vast majority of my photos were of objects, landscapes, etc. I rarely shot people, it takes a certain amount of courage to consistently do that, especially with strangers. After shooting a couple of family reunions and kids parties, I realized I have the potential to be really good at it. That's what I love about photography, I can shoot a lot of crap, but every now and then all the planets align and I get a great photograph. It affords me the opportunity, even for a millisecond, to be perfect and that makes me happy.

I have no idea what my weight is this morning as I don't have my scale so it'll have to wait til tomorrow. Things have been a little off-kilter as of late. My weight is stalling for some reasons. I can't say I have been consistently eating 2600-2800 calories and over 200+ grams of protein, but it hasn't been that off and it hasn't been consistently off. My poop is back to being dark green and I'm back to having more solid poops, plus not pooping as much. I'm also back to retaining fluid in my lower extremities. I wonder if the Protonix is causing this change which is something I've silently worried about. I can't imagine having to eat more... that would suck big time. Maybe it's the additional exercise that's doing it, I'll add an additional shake to see how that goes.

Labels:

07 August 2007

My legs...my legs!!!

I am tired. I am on house sitting duties for my business partner this week and I am having a heckuva time trying to get good sleep at night. First off, hers is an big, giant older home which creeks and groans nonstop, then she has two dogs and a cat that require a good amount of attention. I'll admit it, I am not much of an animal person. I've never been around them that much so it's not that I don't like them, they just take some getting used to. One of her dogs, Fefe (pronounced phee-phee) is a total pain in the ass and I am not the only one who thinks so. BP doesn't really like the dog, neither does her husband, but for some reason they are reluctant to find a more suitable family for it. Ugh.

Everything hurts. I walked Saturday, Sunday, took yesterday off and then walked today. Good grief, the aches and pains. Jogging has done a number on me. I think my problem is weak lower body strength and I don't think it's something I can solve before the race. I may have to forgo any jogging until after the race. I think my overall endurance is good, but honestly, it's like I'm doing long-distance strength training when I try to incorporate some jogging. I think after the race, I'm going to hit the gym and work on strengthening my lower body, it's probably one of the reasons why I am such a pear shape right now.

I weighed in at 309.2 lbs this morning but this was after I got home and after two protein shakes so I'm not sure where I am at. Overall, I've been feeling okay lately. I am having some issues with feeling lightheaded when I stand up too quickly. I gotta call my PCP about that and see about possibly getting off the BP meds.

Thursday I am having lunch with my friend, Eric. I mentioned or at least referred to him before. He has no idea about the surgery and has zero idea that I look any different. Eric is a cool dude and lunch should be fun. I find myself trying to figure out what I am going to wear. Silly, huh? I want to look as different to my prior self as possible. Most of this is born out of my (lingering) belief that I don't look *that* different. It's obvious in pictures, but Eric will only have his memory as a reference and I just don't know what to think. I'm trippin', I know, but I can't help it. This is really one of my first steps back into my life and group of friends from 3, 4, 5 years ago. Should be interesting.

My ass is starting to hurt again. What gives?

Anyway, I was asked about my chili recipe and before I do so, I do have to say that it isn't chili in the traditional sense, technically it's a really meaty spaghetti sauce and one could top a small portion of Dreamfield's pasta and be good to go. Anyway, I don't have any precise measurements, but here it is in a nutshell:

1.25 lbs of ground beef, I usually use 85/15.
1.0 lbs italian sausage (usually hot)
1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped onions, I buy the frozen pre-chopped kind from Kroger (they also carry frozen sliced onions & bell peppers).
2 TB butter
1 regular jar of the lowest carb count spaghetti sauce I can find. Some have as high as 13g of sugar, but I've found a couple that have 8-9 grams. I'm keeping things as low carb as I can, but you don't have to.

Basically, I ground the beef and pork sausage, add the onions (any maybe some peppers) and sauce and let it stew for a while. I add my favorite seasonings like garlic, Adobo powder (good stuff) and black pepper. This usually makes like 8 or so servings for me. I divide each portion in a container and this is going to sound crazy, but I add a tablespoon or two of butter in each container. Why? Because I need the calories. As a DSer, I know we poo the fat right out, but it tastes freakin delicious and it helps me keep thing regular PLUS it gives me a much needed caloric boost. The fact of the matter is I could get in 200 grams of protein and only get in less than 900 calories a day. That ain't gonna cut it. I'd be starving. Anyway, that is what I do. The copious amounts of butter are optional and if you are wondering, my cholesterol is 127. BTW, you could also top with your favorite cheese, I don't because me and cheese are not friends.

I eat this almost everyday, usually mid afternoon. I make a big pot once a week and I'm good to go, in fact, I'm fixin' to make a pot tonight. My previous batch I used red enchilada sauce instead of spaghetti sauce...YUM!!! It was pretty darn good, plus the enchilada sauce doesn't have as much sugar, but it is spicier. It reminds me of home so much. I think it will satisfy my cravings for cheese enchiladas ... my favorite food on the planet. My next attempts will be toward trying to figure out a low-carb high protein jambalaya.

Labels: , ,

05 August 2007

Good to Go.

I officially registered for the The U.S. 10K Classic. I'm doing it. I don't care if I'm the last person and I have to crawl on my hands and knees dragging my near dead carcass the last few yards, I'm crossing the dang finish line, I will then get up and dance the jig. I promise you, mark my words, I will do a little dance when I finish. It's four weeks away and my goal is only to finish. Yesterday, although I did jog, it took me 43 minutes which was 5 minutes slower than when I just walked the two miles. For one, I was much more tired during mile 2 and was walking slower than normal. I was pooped, but I did finish the 2 miles with a jog to the finish. I plan on getting out there 5 times a week, we'll see how that goes.

The aches and pains are starting to reveal themselves. The outside of my right ankle kinda hurt this morning, but it's fine now, back and quad muscles ache. My knees feel good, I thought for awhile that they might not, but so far no problems. I know I will need to stretch before the next time I jog. I went and bought myself a couple of sports bras today. I've never bought one before and honestly, I thought there wasn't going to be much of a variety, but good grief, there had to be 40 or 50 kinds! In fact, there were hundreds of different bras. I'm not used to this. I used to buy my bras at Catherines and there were like, what, 20 varieties?!? A little overwhelming. Variety is overwhelming. Anyway, totally bought the wrong size so I have to take them back. Sigh. There's reasons why I don't like to shop.

I visited with Ann (and Sarah) Friday at the hospital and I hear she is at the hotel. I will swing by sometime in the next day or so before she and her sister head back home. Ann is great an I am so happy for her. She's understandably has moments of "what the heck did I just do to myself" and boy I had plenty of those. The first several weeks are long as you start adjusting to your new innards and it can be rough, but I know both Ann and Sarah will do just fine.

Labels: , , ,

04 August 2007

Running is hard.

Curious thing for me to say, yes? Not anymore because I RAN!!!! A-woo-hoo!!! So we know about the 10K I had planned on walking on Labor Day so I went out this afternoon planning on walking 3 miles and try to do it in under an hour. About 1/4 of a mile in, I thought to myself, y'know, I should try running/jogging. I started to get nervous, can you believe it? I could feel my heart rate increase and I could feel it in my chest. I decided that when I got to the 1/2 mile mark, I would do a slow jog for about 25 yards or so. As soon as I hit the mark, I started to jog and I jogged for about 25-30 yards. When I stopped, I was a grinnin' fool. I walked another 1/3 of a mile to catch my breath and recover from the shock of it all and ran another 30 yards or so! In all, in the 2 mile course, I ran maybe 1/5-1/4 of a mile total. The 2nd mile was tougher than the first, but I did it! I am so freakin' happy, I could dance the jig, but God Almighty I'm pooped!

This is a huge, massive step for me. I can't even tell you the last time I ran because I can't even remember ... middle school maybe? I don't know, but I actually did it! I'm on a total high. Needless to say, no way in hell I could have done that a year ago. I did learn two things though, one, I need better shoes, two, is there such a thing as a sports girdle cuz, yeah, I need one? I thought about Spanx, but is that good for jogging? I have no clue. I seem to be okay, no dizzyness or urgency to poop so that's cool, but I'm wondering if there is something pre and post exercise that I should be doing, like protein shakes or something. I had a bottle of water with me the entire two miles and finished the whole 20 oz during it. I wonder if I need to up my calories/protein if I am going to be doing this consistently.

I stink and I'm gross and sweaty, but today is definitely a highlight. I can't wait to get out there tomorrow. :)

Labels: , ,

03 August 2007

What would I have done?

Ann's post about Star Jones got me thinking. My feelings about the whole subject are very similar to hers. I wish Star would have readily admitted what she had done instead of all the bobbing and weaving, but I understand the fear and I thank God above that I am a private citizen and every ounce of my privacy isn't fodder for the tabloids. Like Ann, if asked directly, I will answer the question, but I ain't volunteering jack. I have had a couple of situations in the past from people (mostly medical professionals) where I've had to explain the whole thing -- including going to Brazil -- and I don't want to have to do that for every single person that has known me before surgery unless it's someone that I think may get some benefit. Truth be told, I have mixed feelings about it. I am meeting a dear friend for lunch next week that I haven't seen in over two years. The last time he saw me, I looked very different. The pic on the left was taken four months after I last saw him and 11 months before I had my DS. The one on the right was taken last Sunday:

When I think about the people who currently know and the ones that don't, one of the ones that don't is another friend of mine who I have known since we were freshmen in college. He is the one getting married in Barbados. I wonder how he'll react to knowing that I went through all this and didn't tell him. He's a big fitness/work out buff and played varsity sports in college. Not that I think he would react negatively about it, but I think that maybe he would have suggest diet/exercise (roll eyes) as a solution.

I am not ashamed of my surgery because I have lived the truth behind it and I know how difficult this is and how hard I've worked but I don't feel like I have to share my story with everybody all the time. The other part of it is that in "real" life, I don't really like a lot of attention. I know I babble on and on here, but I am a really shy person so I'm not one to really talk about myself in the first place. The only exception to that is support group.

Anyway, my weight from the last few days:
7/28 - 307.0
7/29 - 307.8 - Endoscopy
7/30 - 307.8
7/31 - 311.4
8/1 - 314.2
8/2 - 312.6
8/3 - 312.0

Oh well, it may be residual effects from the poor eating on Sunday and the cheese I had a few days ago. After the last two months I've had, I ain't panicking just yet. Alrighty then, time to actually get the little work I do have, done.

Labels:

02 August 2007

Woo-hoo!

Well, I know what I am doing this weekend...taking lots and lots of pictures. I got the toys for my camera and I'm so giddy, I could dance the jig! I am "working" from home tomorrow so I will have time to do some runnin' around and snap some photos. I am also going to go see Anne in the hospital to see how she is doing. I talked to her sister this afternoon and she is finally out of ICU and in a normal room.

I haven't said this lately, but I love Dr. Marchesini. I emailed him today about all my latest travails and he got back to me in a couple of hours. He said that to have my albumin checked so I will to see if I still need to do the 200+ grams of protein a day. My albumin levels have been in the normal range since surgery through mid-May. I have no idea what it is now, but I'm going to contact my PCP and see if I can get the blood tests done. Truth be told, I'd rather stick to around 100-120 grams of protein a day if I can. It's just much easier to deal with. It also looks like I will be taking Protonix for a good long while -- just another pill to add to the regimen. Since I'm negative for H. Pylori then it's just a case of my body producing excess stomach acid and there isn't much I can do to fix that. Dr. M says to stay away from spicy foods and alcoholic beverages. The spicy foods might be a little hard, but I have no problem with completely excluding alcohol since I don't drink or like it anyway. No problem.

I'm curious as to whether the Protonix will affect my weight loss and how. I've noticed in the last few days sensations of edema in my lower legs even though I am still eating like a mad woman, but then again, I did have some cheese in my chili so it could be that crap working it's way out of my system. I don't know, I guess we'll see.

Labels: , ,

Ridiculously Cool

Drive By Post

Been kinda busy lately. More than usual. Got my results back from the endoscopy. Benign ulcer, negative for H. Pylori. Was told to keep taking the Protonix. Will do exactly that! Had cheese the last two days, no surprise that weight is up. Bummer. Oh well, back on track!

Labels: ,