Reconnect

"Wow, Tia, you look good! Real Good!"

Men are interesting. Every guy friend of mine that hasn't seen me in awhile pretty much has the same reaction or comments, women are different. Women always bring up weight, guys never do. Anyway, lunch was great, perfect way to kill three hours on midday afternoon. Yes, I said three hours. We had a lot of catching up to do. It was fun and we have tentative plans for me to go over his house to have dinner with his wife and young daughter, haven't seen them in awhile either.

I have my one year doctor's appointment at some point this month, I can't remember when (guess I better figure that out) but I am looking forward to looking at some of my blood test results afterwards. I think my iron infusion has worn off and I may need another. I've been on the Protonix for about a week and I haven't had any issues like I had before however I've seen a return of fluid retention and I'm certainly not pooping as much. Ugh. I've been trying to do some research on the DS boards about any correlations between proton pump inhibitors (reduced stomach acid) and increased malabsorption. I could be totally nuts, but couldn't hurt to be better educated.

I'm soooo not in the mood to eat anything which is not a good thing. I never thought I would say this in my life, but I am tired of food and don't want to eat a thing. Yuck. Everything sounds/looks/tastes gross... well I should say, all the stuff I have been eating lately does. All I really want is cheese enchiladas and lots of them. I'm trying to figure out what is going on with me physically, but mostly emotionally. God's honest truth: I am having a heckuva time dealing with the compliments I have been getting which seem to be coming with increased frequency. I really think it's messing with my head more than I fully realize. In the past, I have had big problems finishing certain things. I can start a lot of things, but it's usually when I get to the point when the finish line is closer than the start I begin a shift in behavior, attitude and maybe even engage in a little self-sabotage. I could go drone on and on with a lot of psycho-babble, but I know exactly what it is, it's the f-word, fear. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of mediocrity. I don't like living in fear, fear is the most destructive force in the universe and I want no part of it.

In my life there were two or three things that I set my mind to, things I wanted to do and accomplish and actually did. Looking back, even though I did accomplish those things, I did have those moments of self sabotage that I know were rooted in fear. Through some very hard work on my part and thanks to a few good friends and mentors, I got past it and was able to succeed. I find myself in that exact same situation. It's homestretch time. I've got my last 60-90 lbs to go. What's really playing with my emotions is that this journey hasn't been a private one, a lot of people are witnessing my progress (and difficulties), some with a lot to say and others who are the opposite. I'll admit it, I'm a textbook introvert and add to that my mediocre social skills and that causes me a good bit of anxiety. I am so used to existing in my little world that it's jarring to be reminded that my bubble is a lot bigger than I think. HOWEVER. I do have to attribute much of the progress I've made in the past year of coming out of my shell to attending support group meeting and maintaining this blog. Removing those two things out of the equation, I don't know where I'd be. Meeting and sharing and interacting with the people I've met online and offline has been tremendous not only for my weight loss, but for me emotionally. It's been good for me even though sometimes I feel like I want to run and disappear. Many times I just have to allow myself to just let it all out and ramble on if I need to even when it makes little sense. All these changes are happening at light-speed and I can't always keep up with the consequences.

Anywho, I'm roadtrippin' it down to Savannah next weekend to meet with my fellow Dr. Marchesini patients for a little August reunion. I was going to fly, but have decided to drive down. I haven't been on a road trip in awhile and I think it'll be fun to make a little adventure of it, I'm gonna make a point to stop off at any interesting places I come across and take some pictures along the way. Jamie gave me some good advice about packing a cooler with water and protein snacks. It should be fun, I'm looking forward to it. I just hope the weather calms down a bit, it's ridiculously hot. We've got some kind of crazy heat wave going on and I know if it's insane here in Atlanta, it's got to be worse in Savannah. Yeah well, maybe I'll work on my tan! ;)