19 May 2009

Getting close....

So, I'm closing in on three years. Amazing. It seems like such a long, long time ago. I can barely believe it. I'm bouncing around in the 240-250 range lately, which is alright. I am still prone to retain water like a mad woman when I don't get my protein in and I know exactly why the scale jumps up when it does. I still struggle with extremes. I often find myself oscillating between being hyper-vigilant and being very lax. Moderation, it seems, is quite elusive for me. It seems as though I just need to find the right balance and fully embrace who I am and what my needs are now AND fully release who I was, my old fears and concerns. I am a work in progress.

I have found, though, that I will NOT be one to take Flagyl on a maintenance level. I tried it for a couple of weeks, and honestly, it was so awesome. I could eat horribly and not have gas or poop problems.....but then, the nightmare began. I'm one of the lucky few who has a delicate gut, meaning I have to have a plethora of intestinal flora or I start having hives, joint pain, fatigue, etc. I had a wicked bout of hives and such severe joint pain in my left elbow, it seriously felt like I broke something. I had to wear a sling for a couple of days, I couldn't move it. Once I ditched the Flagyl and started some serious probiotics, it finally cleared up and I have been hive and pain free since. It took a good two weeks to get things back to normal, but I tell ya, I will never do that again!

Back to the whole moderation/balance thing. What I have been doing lately is staying away from carbs, Monday - Friday and indulging a bit on the weekends. The problem is that the indulging can get a little crazy and I tend to not get all my protein in. Talking to my sister about this she said that I shouldn't look at my weekends like that. It is very reminiscent of my pre-surgery life, where I looked forward to being a carb-induced fog for two days. She said I shouldn't have a deprivation mindset, instead of denying myself all week and gorging on the weekends, I should have that cookie if I want it, or a hamburger with bread, etc if I want it, that way, these little "treats" aren't such a big deal. I won't look at it like all or nothing. I think it makes sense, but it's a little scary to work myself through to that point. Instead of being protein first, I tend to be protein-only, all or nothing!

I am not actively trying to lose any more weight. I could buckle down and lose more, but I'm pretty content where I am. I'm not thrilled, but I'm not disappointed. I lost 285 lbs, that's a lot and what's funny, my excess skin is now started to bother me more and more. Sometimes I see myself and say "man, I have such huge thighs" but I know, most of that is skin. Same thing with my stomach. I honestly, don't have a lot of fat there, I have like a 36 in waist and it would be smaller without the skin. I know when it comes time to seriously start looking into it and working toward it, I will want to lose 25-30 more pounds before I get on the surgery table and that's cool, that makes sense, but I'm not going to be focusing on "weight loss", just maintenance & good health is fine for now.

One of the things that has kept me on a healthy track is that I play a lot of tennis, like 4-5 times a week for as little as an hour to 2.5 hours at a time. I get a good bit of exercise a week AND I also do 45 minutes of an exercise tape 2-4 times a week, especially on days I don't play. I make sure I get my exercise in. I freakin' love tennis, can't get enough of it. I've gotten pretty decent at it, taking lessons and working on things, learning as much as I can. It's so cool to be able to say I play a sport and the coolest thing by far is that my size is an advantage. Finally, being tall works to my benefit!!!

Anyway, I'm slowly working my way back to this blog. I have a couple of things I know I will want to work my way through, one of them being, I am considering therapy with a therapist who is familiar with the issues of post-weight loss surgery folk. I don't feel like I am in a tenuous situation or anything, but I do feel like I need to take some next steps to fully realize the things I want in my life. Right now I feel a little ill-equiped, so I look at it as a good thing!

Alrighty then, time to get to work..

Labels: , , ,


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home