Later!

Lots of running around today. I have a staff meeting at noon which means I have to be out of here around 11 AM in order to be there with enough time for prep. We are meeting one of our vendor reps, our favorite vendor in fact, and they are going to do a demo/walk-through of sorts of some new technology they've implemented. Then it's down to the nitty-gritty business related stuff and that'll take a couple of hours. After that, I am going to try to sneak in a nap, for some strange reason fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks, along with a headache, around nine o'clock last night so I took a couple of Tylenol's and went to bed. By 4:30 this morning, I was wide awake and have been working since then. After my nap, I have to train an employee on some new functionality I built (woo-hoo!) and hopefully roll it out late this afternoon. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can sneak in an hour of tennis before dinner, then I have a quick conference call with the company's shareholders and hopefully it won't take forever 'cause Lost will be on promptly at 9 PM.

One thing I don't think I have mentioned before about my company is that it is almost entirely comprised of women. We've had exactly 3 men work for us in the history of the business (and only one currently) which I think is kinda cool. It wasn't intentional, it just turned out that way. It's something I am proud of though, a technology company almost completely run by women. Many of our investors and advisers are men, but for the most part we are a mostly-female crew. We have our moments, for sure, but that has been the case for every company I've ever worked for.

I don't know if it because I got up earlier than normal today and thus had more time to clear the plumbing, but my final weight this morning was 259.2 lbs! Holy Mother! Pretty awesome! I think I must have been stalled or maybe I'm shedding pounds as I shed the stress of the last few weeks. At this point, I don't care, every lb loss is one lb closer to goal aka The Promised Land. Buh-bye 260's! Nice knowing ya!

Times like these remind me of a poem a friend sent to me once (in old Black Southern vernacular):

Good Lawd sends me troubles
And I gots to work 'em out
Then I luk around an see
Theres troubles all abouts
An when I se my troubles
I jes luk up an grin
To think of all the troubles
Dat I aint in!

Huh?

Support Group last night was great, of course. The legendary Dr. Dennis Smith was there and he spoke about the issues with medications, supplements and vitamins pre- and post-op. It was very informative and I was impressed with his knowledge about the complications and issues that arise when you have weight loss surgery and take a myriad of drugs. Good Stuff. Dr. Smith said he was impressed with the weight loss of our group, at the beginning of meeting, we all introduce ourselves, tell what kind of surgery we have, will be having or are considering and if we've lost weight, how much. It was great all around. I love my support group, it rocks. I can see myself going there for a good long while.

Weight this morning: 269.8 lbs. Not. Happy. Especially since I had a good eating day yesterday, I swear, I don't get it. I was all ready to come on here and rant and rave and bitch and moan about the injustice and unfairness of it all, about how if you take out the 16 lb water weight gain/loss, I've only lost 5 lbs in 2 months, on and on and on, but I had to go pee and out the corner of my eye, I see this pair of size 20 jeans that a friend had given me this past summer. So I go tinkle, all the while thinking of stuff to whine about, and then I go get these jeans and try them on, a few weeks ago, I could get them on, but could not fasten nor zip them up, today I could and about 90% of my anger/frustration dissipated. HOLY CRAP!!!! I WEAR A SIZE 20!!!! It blows my mind. Me? A size 20? What the hell?!?

I don't think I can take the drama... I certainly don't understand why the scale tells me one thing about how well I am doing and then stuff like this and people's comments tell me another. I must still be retaining a good bit of water or something else is going on so it's time to book appointments with my PCP, the hematologist and the girly-bits doc (Gynecologist) to make sure all is okay. I'm trying really hard to trust my DS, obviously something is working, but maybe something else is going on as well. Time to make sure all is well.

I did do something that I am quite proud of. At support group last night, I relinquished my two old scales that were with me during my 500+ lb days. Ta-ta! Buh-bye! They are now with new owners. Yep, I can't lie and say there wasn't a bit of sentimentality involved, but I just don't need them anymore and we all know, one scale is enough to drive me crazy, don't need three!

Par-tay!

Weighed in this morning at 268.0 lbs, a loss of 2.0 lbs overnight. Finally broke the 270 barrier, woo-hoo! Buh-bye 270's!!! Happy happy, joy joy! Yesterday, I had a whopping 244 grams of protein, most of it coming from protein shakes which is a good and bad thing. Those shakes definitely give me crazy gas and I have no idea why, it just doesn't make much sense because I have tried plenty of shakes and not a one has ever given me gas like that. Y'know what does give me gas like that? Dairy. Milk, cream, not so much cheese, but liquid dairy products. Dairy also gives me diarrhea and right now I have the opposite problem. Anyway, the mix is whey based, but so are the other two brands that I drink (IDS & Nectar). It kind of sucks because, by far, it's the best tasting protein drink I've ever had, but the gas is a big no-no. I'm certainly not going to waste it, I will just reserve it for days when I know I'm not going to be around people. :) Today ain't one of those days! Luckily, the protein I ordered online should be coming in this afternoon.

Today is a good friend's birthday so we are taking her on the town tonight. Actually, she arranged the whole thing and I going to serve as the Designated Driver since I won't be drinking and will be responsible for making sure no one gets themselves arrested. Good times. I'm actually a little nervous about this because I just need to make sure I have a supply of water & protein snacks with me, the last thing I want is to get dehydrated or get too hungry and feel weak on a night like tonight. I'm also nervous because I am soooo not a club person, but I'm trying to be open minded about it and just have fun. Who knows, maybe I might meet "the one", my very own cute, intelligent, funny and tall drink of water.

Anyway, got a full day ahead of me. We have a big staff meeting with all our intown staff and are conferencing everyone else, that's going to eat about 2 hours of my day. Then we have a management meeting immediately afterwards THEN it's tennis time! Woo-hoo! After tennis, I come home to get some work done, then I will definitely need to take a nap before going out tonight. Busy, busy, busy!

Yes!

I finally feel better after taking DayQuil and having some throat lozenges on hand. I pretty much slept through the night bundled up, nice and toasty. I feel like I can breathe much better and am not producing snot at an alarming rate. Still have a bit of a cough, but certainly not as bad as before. Yea!

Weighed in this morning at 279.4 lbs. Woo-hoo! Buh-bye, 280's. Nice to know ya! This is a good milestone for one big reason. I checked my BMI this morning and my BMI has dropped from 71.1 all the way down to 39.0, I am technically no longer Morbidly Obese!!! Count me among the Severely Obese! Woo-hoo! How cool is that? Exciting stuff!

Shrimp & Chicken

The chicken that I ate so much of when I was home was Church's Chicken. Man that stuff was good! It was like the best tasting chicken ever. In reality, this is not the case, obviously, but it was absolutely delicious. The chicken I've been struggling with trying to deal with doesn't taste that moist and juicy and doesn't go down very easy. God only knows what they're doing to that chicken, maybe I don't really want to know, but it was good. I went online and checked the carbs & protein content, about 3g carbs for the legs and around 8g for the thighs. Not bad.

This morning I had shrimp which I sauteed with butter, garlic, salt & pepper. Yum! I tried eating eggs and I about hurled. I just can not do it which is troublesome because eggs have been a staple food for me for over a year. I take a bite and my gag reflex kicks in. I guess I have to give it some time to resolve itself.

Weight this morning: 288.8 lbs. Total loss: 227.8 lbs. Buh-bye 290's! I'm notching a 15.2 lb loss for month 13 which isn't entirely accurate because I am weighing in a couple of days late, but in the long run, it doesn't matter. I am making up the difference at the end of month 14 so it's all good.

I saw a friend yesterday who hadn't seen me in a little over 5 months. She freaked out. Good grief. I think I've lost around 60-70 lbs since she last saw me back in mid-April. She called me skinny. Whatever!

My sister gave me a lesson on how to walk. When I was struggling through the 10K a month ago, my waddle became incredibly noticeable to me. I had asked her to help me with my walk and with my posing. She commented to me a few weeks ago how I sometimes look like I'm taking a mug shot in some of my progress photos or rather that I have the exact same lame pose. I spent a good 1/2 hour with a book on my head walking back and forth on my other sister's back patio. Head up, shoulders back, stomach in, long strides, try to keep one foot in front of the other, confident smile. Not as easy as it sounds and definitely something to work on. My hips were killing me afterwards, I need to build those surrounding muscles and am going to try to pay attention to my stride throughout my day to day, especially on my walks. I walk like I weigh 500+ lbs. I don't want to walk like that anymore...hell, who does?

Claim it!

Hopped on the scale this morning fully expecting a bounce back of a few pounds and much to my surprise the scale said (mine talks) 294.2 lbs. I'll take it! I can't really explain the weight loss except maybe it's catch up weight loss from last month. I know I've pooped a lot over the last couple of days. I had a suspicion it was poop related so that could be it, either way, I'm a happy camper. An interesting tidbit, two weeks ago I weighed 319.2 lbs which means I "lost" over 25 lbs in two weeks, most of that water obviously, but still crazy! Buh-by3 300's for sure!

Today's the first day that I feel really good post-race, where I don't have to decide whether or not I really want to get up and move. I've been massaging my muscles at night, I don't know if that is a good or bad thing, but it sure feels good. I haven't been on any long walks yet, just short ones to get rid of the stiffness, I will probably head out to the park this weekend to do a couple miles. Hopefully it won't kill me.

Progress is good

Today I am going to try to do something about all the clothes I can no longer wear because they are now taking up massive amounts of room in my closet. I was feeling a little chilly last night and I went in my closet and grabbed my absolute favorite shirt. It's a grey pullover I bought 6 or 7 years ago that I toss over whatever I am wearing as an extra layer of clothing. I love this thing, but when I put it on last night, oh my goodness, I was swimming in it. I was so bummed. I wore it for a good hour before it became just too big for me to feel comfortable in so I took it off knowing I will never wear it again. I can't be the only person to mourn items of clothing like that. I will be keeping it however along with one pair of jeans from my pre-surgery days to remind me of where I've come.

I tried a new protein bar yesterday, the South Beach Diet Meal Replacement Bar - Cinnamon Creme. Delicious. It was like a dessert. 220 calories, 19 grams of protein, 7 grams of fat and 26 grams of carbs of which 6 were fiber and something like 17g of sugar alcohol. Not the greatest carb numbers, but sugar alcohols are pretty benign right? Well...I did have some gas issues, but nothing major. I think I will probably buy one or two in the future if I ever crave something dessert-y, but I am not going to make them a part of my daily routine.

This morning I weighed in at 319.6 lbs, that's a 3 lb loss since yesterday, 5.6 for the month for a total loss of 197.0 lbs exactly. I am closing in on two big milestones, one the 200 lb loss mark and two, my one year anniversary. I am really looking forward to doing my one year before and after photos and just really enjoying the day.

I am trying really REALLY hard to not make any date specific weight loss goals, but it is so easy to fall into the mode. I am going to focus more on other numbers - protein/carbs/fat/calories/water -- they are a lot more tenable. Yesterday I had 2665 calories, 166g fat, 67g carbs and 228g of protein.

I'm off to go run some errands before I tackle my freakin' closet....ugh. Do I dare say buh-bye to the 320's??? We will see what tomorrow brings.

Month 10

Oh what a month it has been. As has been well documented here, I have been having a time of it this month, which in retrospect seems to be the direct opposite of month 9 where it seemed I could do no wrong. Month 10 was a struggle on several levels and I don't hesitate to say, one of my more difficult months, mostly for emotional reasons. I would like to think that going through these types of things that I learned something and I think I did. I learned I need to listen to my body more. I learned that crap in, even in small amounts, usually equals "crap" out in seemingly larger amounts. I learned that I need to trust the surgery and trust that it is working even when the scale doesn't show it. I should trust how I feel, how my clothes fit as signs of progress. Most importantly though, I learned I have some truly great friends out there, Kim, Ann and Deluzy, I have to send my heartfelt thanks for really supporting me and keeping me up. You are all amazing women and I am thankful that you are in my life. Y'all rock!!!

I had contemplated doing a whole pipe cleansing routine this weekend, but have decided not to. I have been taking fiber supplements and Colace every night and that seems to have regulated things a little bit and the scale has been moving at a good clip as of late. I started the month at 335.4 lbs. I hit 341.6 lbs on the 20th and as late as the 22nd, I weighed higher than what I started the month. This morning I weighed in at 325.2 lbs for a total loss for the month of 10.2 lbs for a grand total loss of 191.4 lbs. Honey, I will take it! Buh-bye 330's!

I am really going to take Ann's advice and stop thinking about goals in such strict parameters -- losing X lbs by Y date. I don't think it helps and I don't think it's healthy, plus it totally bums me out when things go "wrong." I am going to try to focus on the numbers that really matter: grams of protein and ounces of water.

Since it is the end of the quarter, I have a ton of work to do for my company so I'll be spending the weekend indoors, but I do plan on making a trip to the bookstore for a little R&R tomorrow. I haven't been in awhile and it'll be nice to get out to a place I love going to.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Buh-Bye 340's

Big surprise on the scale this morning...339.0 lbs. Holy shit. Buh-bye 340's, just that quick. Yesterday, I weighed in at 343.2, so that's a 4.2 lb drop overnight...well, overnight and post several trips to the bathroom. Not to go into too much detail, but I definitely have a constipation problem. I was doing so well for awhile, but then it came back with a vengeance. I am eating pretty well, getting in plenty of protein, fat and keeping my carbs pretty low (20-50g per day). I've gotten into a rhythm however that might be shot to hell come Monday when I start my new job. Anyway, I've been getting in between 80-100 ounces of water a day and taking my vitamins. The only thing I think it might be is that I stopped taking Magnesium because I ran out and didn't bother to pick up another bottle. Funny how that works. It's just amazing how at times it seems like my body can be a well tuned machine and others, I have no idea what's going on.

I bought my plane ticket this morning to go home for my family reunion. I am so anxious about the whole thing. Just thinking about getting on a plane makes my stomach churn. I'll be totally honest, I am scared about fitting into a freaking airplane seat. It is the quintessentially most painful (figuratively and literally) nightmare for obese people. I dread it. Sigh. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the anticipation will be the worst part of it.

My mom is practically foaming at the mouth for me to come home. She is really, really anxious to take me clothes shopping. I think the experience will be cathartic as I hated shopping with my mother when I was younger, but my sister is going with us, actually she is my primary shopping companion, Mom is tagging along for part of the day, so I think I'll be fine. I just really want to see my family. Losing Monica & Kenny and my cousin Brenda just really screwed us up and going to Brazil and having this surgery, I just want to soak up all the love.

I am changing sizes at an alarming rate. This morning, for kicks, I tried on a pair of size 24 pants and I think I will be able to wear them in a couple of weeks. It's weird though because another pair of 24's I couldn't get past my hips. The size 30 pants I bought, what, like two weeks ago have saggy butt syndrome and yet again, I have to poke holes in my belt. This is all such a trip... My one year anniversary is fast approaching as is the 200-lb loss mark. I really didn't much of anything when I hit 100 lbs lost, I'm not sure that I'll do anything when this next milestone comes around.

Holy Crap!!!!

It's 6 AM and I just weighed in at 346.4 lbs! That's a total loss of 170.2 lbs. Woo-hoo!!!! Buh-bye 350's! So happy to see you go. I am now officially closer to 300 lbs than I am to 400 lbs! I stopped taking my acidophilus because it constipates me too much. I either need to get a less potent kind or just drop it completely. We'll see. Anyhoo....wow!

Buh-Bye 360's

I weighed in at 358.0 lbs this morning. I am out of the 360's. Buh-bye. This is probably common knowledge to many people, but it only recently just occurred to me, that every pound loss is more noticeable now then say 100 lbs ago. I lounge around in a few pairs of drawstring shorts and athletic pants. I tie them tight enough to stay on, but loose enough that I don't have to untie them to take them off. Lately, it seems I have to make adjustments far more frequently than I did in the past, maybe every two weeks or so. It's a good thing.

I wasn't so good over Easter. I had a couple Cadbury eggs and I wasn't getting enough protein in BUT I didn't have any cheese and the only thing that had gluten in it was the coating for some chicken strips I had for a couple of meals. I've also had a Diet Pepsi and a couple of Diet Cokes in the last week or so. Overall, not too much damage. Thank God the holidays are over. Deviations from my normal day-to-day routine cause me problems and that is an area I have to get better about.

Anyway, it's a rainy, chilly day here in Atlanta so accordingly I am going to veg the hell out -- after I run to the grocery store. I'm a little sore, but only in my shoulders from carrying the signs yesterday. I'm actually surprised because of all the walking I did.

Good things

For some reason I woke up out of a pretty good sleep at 4:30 this morning. I am feeling the effects of it now. I got up and decided to try to get an hour or so worth of work done. It's at the end of the quarter and so many of our vendors are updating their product offerings and pricing so it's prudent for us to have all these updates ready to go by the beginning of the quarter which just happens to be this Sunday. I was up for 30 mins or so before I realized I hadn't weighed so I undressed and hopped on the scale, honestly anticipating being up a couple of pounds, instead I was down almost 2. Today I weighed in at 369.6. Woo-hoo! Remember this from October of last year:

I think when I get down to 369 is when I can start really loving my DS because I will know it has taken me somewhere I know I could not have gone myself.

Well, I did it! One major goal reached! I spent the next 1/2 hour number crunching. Assuming a goal weight of 200 lbs, I've lost about 46% of my excess weight, 147.0 lbs. This month alone, I lost 4.75% of my total body weight. Pretty cool. Buh-bye 370's.

Today I also ordered a camera. It's possible that I am happier about that. I settled on the Nikon D80. I can't friggin' wait. It should be here by Monday. You know what that means, I am definitely doing some full body progress photos. I am not sending my family any because I want them to be surprised come reunion so only y'all get the sneak peak...well, I think my sister reads this so I may have to hide from her ;).

So, I made it five whole days without cheese and lost 8.8 lbs in four days. Needless to say I won't be eating cheese products anytime soon. I don't anticipate this rate of loss to maintain, but I think it's pretty clear that I do much better when I keep things clean and simple. This upcoming month, I am going to keep doing what I have been doing and we'll see how things go.

All around a good day!

Rambling Thoughts

Yet another thing I don't quite understand but will continue to do is take acidophilus. I have no idea why, but if I don't take it at least twice a day, I'm guaranteed to have bathroom issues. AND if I take it early in the morning instead of right before I eat breakfast, then I don't have to poop at work at all. I'm still paranoid about that.

If there is one and only one thing I remotely miss about being heavier is the padding on my ass. My butt always hurts, especially in my chair in my home office. Sucks. I've tried 5 or 6 different things (cushions, pillow, etc.) and need to nail down a solution soon. It's totally distracting and kills a lot of the enthusiasm I have for working.

My hair continues to fall out. Believe you me, I am not happy about that. I'm hopeful that it will stop soon. I talked to my sister, S, at length about it. I think the addition of Zinc to my vitamin regimen helps a lot, I have also greatly simplified my daily grooming routine. I try to limit the damage with a curling iron, I use a light oil a few days a week and I wrap my hair every night. I used to relax my hair every 4-6 weeks, but I haven't relaxed my hair since like a few days before Christmas and I probably won't til maybe June. I may be dropping the curling iron all together and opt for a ceramic flat iron. I dunno, whatever works. The thinning is most noticeable at just above my temples, at the sides and in the front. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it and not freak out too much. I knew it was going to happen, but when you go through it, it's like panic in slow motion or something.

Anyway, last week I sucked big time in the water department. I got the food and supplement regime nailed, now I just need to get the water thing down. Unfortunately I have acquired a taste for coffee in the mornings. I have a couple of cups at work with some creamer and splenda. Yum. I also discovered Diet Pepsi Jazz - Caramel Cream (which is near blasphemy in Atlanta as this is Coke country). Good Lord, I love this stuff! I'm definitely a caramel girl and this is right up my alley. Unfortunately, I don't think the caffeine with the coffee and Diet Pepsi are doing me any good and I'm not drinking as much water as I should. Once I cut those down and starting drinking more water, surprise surprise, my weight jumped up a few pounds, but it's back down now. Today I weighed in at 379.2 lbs, fully hydrated! Buh-bye 380's! Woo-hoo!

I've been following the nutritionist's advice and have been averaging around 90-110 or so grams of protein a day. I've been aiming for 1500+ calories a day, but I'm falling short. Here a typical day:

B: Homemade breakfast sandwich, 1 egg, 2 slices of cheese, 1 slice cooked salami, 1 slice toasted & buttered Double Fiber Whole Wheat bread
S: Atkins bar or 2 oz of cheese cubes.
L: 1 oz turkey, 1 oz salami, 1 slice cheese, pickle slices on 1 slice D/F WW bread
S: 2 oz cheese cubes
D: Two chicken drumsticks eaten over an hour. If I am lazy then I'll repeat what I had for breakfast.

I don't eat more than one bar in a day otherwise I get gas. That's not too bad, I don't think. I'm seriously lacking in the veggy department, but that'll come in due time. I think once I have the water thing down, I'll work on cutting out some of the more processed foods & cheeses and try to go more natural.

About the progress photos. They always trip me out. My mind is still so far behind my body. I sent those pictures to my sister and my parents and they freaked out. Geez. They were all great reactions, but it's just weird because in my own body, I don't see what the big deal is, but when I see pictures of myself along this journey something in my brain is askew. I think it's because my brain is seeing myself (in my day to day life) in the same shape, my proportions are the same, just the dimensions, if you will, are different. For example, when I look at myself naked, to me, I look the same, because my brain is recognizing my shape as the same, but it does not register that I am much smaller. I measured my waist the other day and it's down 12 inches since I last measured in October! I'm shrinking, but I haven't yet gotten to the place where my shape has changed. When my shape truly changes, I think that is when really start to see it.

Yeah well, this Daylight Savings stuff has got me all messed up. I feel like I need a nap or something. The only good thing is that I will be able to start walking again. It won't be until after work, but it's better than nothing!

Buh-Bye 390's

I had this dream where I found myself at the moment when I was immediately cognizant of my ability to effortlessly cross my legs. Needless to say, I've never had a dream like that! Anyway, time to dance a small jig! I weighed in at 389.4 this morning, roughly 2 1/2 lbs since I last weighed two days ago. Woo-hoo! It's time to say buh-bye to the 390's. I missed my afternoon acidophilus yesterday and my poop this morning showed it. My stomach is a little queasy so I am going to give it another 1/2 hour or so before I eat something and start getting ready to go out!

Really really real

So I guess it's official. I weighed in this morning at 397.6 lbs for a total loss of 119 lbs and I am about a week from my 5 month anniversary. I had to eat 200+ grams of protein to kick start the weight loss. Pretty crazy stuff. I left the 500's in Brazil and now I can say, with confidence, buh-bye to the 400's. It's all a little weird and I don't think I've fully wrapped my head around it. It was probably 2001 or 2002 that I was last under 400 lbs. It's funny cause I remember starting off that year at around 425-430 lbs or so and it took me til mid-summer, I believe to get down to around 370. That's 60 lbs in 7 months or so. Then in 4-5 years, I gained a whopping 150+ lbs. Craziness. I sometimes dig out my journals from that time and it's pretty sad reading, a chronology of failure. I'm so very thankful those days are long gone. I never had a problem with working hard at my diet and health, but it was the repeated failures and feelings of "it's just never going to happen for me" that killed most hope. I'm having a hard time articulating all this, but it's a different world for me, it really is and I really like it.

I didn't do any shopping this weekend. Yesterday, I got bogged down in some work emergencies and today ... well ... it's cold and rainy and I'd rather just snuggle on the couch, turn on the fireplace and listen to some Corinne Bailey Rae. I am, however, going to recruit somebody to go shopping with me (at some point) as I am a fashion moron. Why? Here's something you may not know, I've worn mostly men's clothes for God only knows how long. About 95% of my wardrobe is men's clothes, except for underwear, bras, slips, etc., 5 or so blouses, 3-4 skirts and a business suit and that's it. Everything else is jeans, khakis, t-shirts, a couple of sweaters and sweatpants. One big reason is of course, my size at the time, the other is that fact that I am tall, almost 6 feet and I can't tell you the number of times I've had shirts from like Lane Bryant that didn't even come to my belly button or long sleeve shirts that only came 3/4 of the way down my arm. Add to that my irrational impatience with trying on clothes and there you have it. I really do want to get past this issue as I do want to look better with what I wear so I'll be dragging someone with me.

Anyway, the couch and my iPod beckon me....

And there was much rejoicing....

Drumroll, please.....399.8! Wow. I can't believe it! I'm tempted to mark this as the official day, but we'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. In the meantime, buh-bye 400's!
Time for the happy jig:

More Ramblings

I'm punching holes in my belt right now. Yes, it has come to that (and yes this is me trying hard not to work). Last night I was asked twice when I was going to buy some new clothes. "Is it that bad?" I asked. "Yeah", they said. "Sigh..." I replied. When I went home in January of last year, a little less than a year ago, I wore this blue jean skirt and I had to use every bit of my strength and every abdominal muscle to keep that dang thing zipped up. I remember wearing a long shirt so that in thos instances when I just couldn't, I could unzip the skirt a little and breathe. I wore that same skirt Christmas Eve Eve and spent most of the night making sure it didn't fall all the way down to my knees. I keep saying this and I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but the more I stare at myself naked in the mirror the more I am convinced I look exactly the same. I'm not sure what the heck is going on in my head.

For example, I've been rotating between two pairs of jeans whenever I have to go out do something. One pair I remember that I stopped wearing a few months before my DS because they were too tight. This particular pair were the ones I was wearing last night. Right now I am swimming in them. They do look ridiculous, I admit, but why do I feel like the jeans got bigger and not that I got smaller? Why do I now think that maybe they weren't too small back in June like I thought they were? It's crazy. The only areas of my body that look slightly different to me are my hands, my feet and everything from my shoulders and above. I now have a collarbone and my triple chin is all but gone. I dunno, but these thoughts preoccupy my brain more than they probably should. I think it's the fact that I'm close to being out of the 400's. I'll be hitting 399 soon. How wild is that? I started at 516 and now just over 4 months later I'll be in the 300's.

I feel like I wanna cry or call my mama or something. Call me crazy but having lived this life, I just didn't think it could happen for me. I get on here almost everyday and try to give an accurate accounting of what life has been like since I started this process, the good, the bad and the gassy. I keeping thinking that there might be someone out there who may come across this website and maybe find a little hope, a little insight and maybe a laugh or two. I also keep thinking that as I reach new levels of success, I need to document everything so that 6 months from now I can look back and be like "Holy shit, I remember what that was like! I was trippin!" or be like "My goodness, look how far I've come."

I've read Kim's entire blog (from the beginning) twice and am working my way through MaryBeth's. I did/do it because I want to see how these successful DSers got there. Both these women are virtually unrecognizable from their former selves and I know both of them worked hard. The best part for me to read is that they had many of the same doubts and insecurities that I find myself wrestling with, but they kept their eyes on the prize and kept at it. I know during the next year or so I'll be tackling Ezpy's, Deluzy's and Sharon's blogs as well. I can't think of a better resource than to be able to basically relive their every struggle and triumph throughout their weight loss. That's exactly the kind of info I love. I dig gory details (and it just confirms for me how kickass these women are).

Ok, I'm rambling yet again, but I just felt like I had to get it out there into the atmosphere. Anyway, in about an hour, I am going to bake some fish for a change. Enough already with the pot roast!

Update
I neglected to do a couple of woo-hoo's in the past week at saying buh-bye to the 420's and 410's. Woo-hoo!

Yea!

Buh-bye 420's. I weighed in at 419.2. Woo-hoo! It's funny, I spent 25 days in the 430's and only 7 days in the 420's. My weight loss has slowed down a bit since that stellar week I had where I lost like 10 lbs in seven days. That was catch-up weight loss from when I was retaining a ton of water. Anyway, my loss now is around 0.6 - 0.8 lbs a day. Fine by me. I should hit that 100 lb lost mark sometime over the weekend. Woo-hoo!!!

I have a little WOW realization I have to mention. Y'know how you get up from your desk thinking you're going to go do one thing and end up doing another thing totally forgetting about the first thing? Then as soon as you sit down you remember you didn't do that first thing. Well, four months ago, I would have just decided to dismiss the first thing because that would mean having to get up again. Well, now I've noticed that I don't do that anymore. I just get up and go do it. I didn't even notice I was doing that until yesterday. Pretty darn cool.

Buh-Bye

If you could peer through your computer and seen me this morning, you'd see me doing the happy jig. Yes, my friends, it's time to say buh-bye to the 430's. I weighed in this morning at 428.4 lbs. A-woo-hoo!!!! Yesterday, I had around 163 grams of protein and promptly lost almost 2.5 lbs by this morning. I still have some edema, but am hoping that it'll be resolved by the weekend. I didn't switch things up too much, just added a protein drink around 8:30 last night. I drank a full 46 grams instead of 23. Anyway, how freakin' cool is that?!?

Update 9:20 am
I just got back from my walk and I surprised myself. I mentioned yesterday how I increased my distance from around .8 miles to 1.15 miles, well today I increased it again. I walked 1.36 miles (3619 steps) in 37 minutes. I'm pretty darn happy and I wasn't dying like I thought I might. I definitely worked up a little sweat and my glasses were fogging up the last 10 minutes from me working it (and it being so dang cold this AM)! I am going to repeat the same walk for the rest of the week to see if I can get my time down. Next week I want to increase it to 1.50 miles. My dream is to one day, maybe in the spring, do a 5K walk or something. That would be cool.