More Ramblings

I'm punching holes in my belt right now. Yes, it has come to that (and yes this is me trying hard not to work). Last night I was asked twice when I was going to buy some new clothes. "Is it that bad?" I asked. "Yeah", they said. "Sigh..." I replied. When I went home in January of last year, a little less than a year ago, I wore this blue jean skirt and I had to use every bit of my strength and every abdominal muscle to keep that dang thing zipped up. I remember wearing a long shirt so that in thos instances when I just couldn't, I could unzip the skirt a little and breathe. I wore that same skirt Christmas Eve Eve and spent most of the night making sure it didn't fall all the way down to my knees. I keep saying this and I'm sure you're tired of hearing this, but the more I stare at myself naked in the mirror the more I am convinced I look exactly the same. I'm not sure what the heck is going on in my head.

For example, I've been rotating between two pairs of jeans whenever I have to go out do something. One pair I remember that I stopped wearing a few months before my DS because they were too tight. This particular pair were the ones I was wearing last night. Right now I am swimming in them. They do look ridiculous, I admit, but why do I feel like the jeans got bigger and not that I got smaller? Why do I now think that maybe they weren't too small back in June like I thought they were? It's crazy. The only areas of my body that look slightly different to me are my hands, my feet and everything from my shoulders and above. I now have a collarbone and my triple chin is all but gone. I dunno, but these thoughts preoccupy my brain more than they probably should. I think it's the fact that I'm close to being out of the 400's. I'll be hitting 399 soon. How wild is that? I started at 516 and now just over 4 months later I'll be in the 300's.

I feel like I wanna cry or call my mama or something. Call me crazy but having lived this life, I just didn't think it could happen for me. I get on here almost everyday and try to give an accurate accounting of what life has been like since I started this process, the good, the bad and the gassy. I keeping thinking that there might be someone out there who may come across this website and maybe find a little hope, a little insight and maybe a laugh or two. I also keep thinking that as I reach new levels of success, I need to document everything so that 6 months from now I can look back and be like "Holy shit, I remember what that was like! I was trippin!" or be like "My goodness, look how far I've come."

I've read Kim's entire blog (from the beginning) twice and am working my way through MaryBeth's. I did/do it because I want to see how these successful DSers got there. Both these women are virtually unrecognizable from their former selves and I know both of them worked hard. The best part for me to read is that they had many of the same doubts and insecurities that I find myself wrestling with, but they kept their eyes on the prize and kept at it. I know during the next year or so I'll be tackling Ezpy's, Deluzy's and Sharon's blogs as well. I can't think of a better resource than to be able to basically relive their every struggle and triumph throughout their weight loss. That's exactly the kind of info I love. I dig gory details (and it just confirms for me how kickass these women are).

Ok, I'm rambling yet again, but I just felt like I had to get it out there into the atmosphere. Anyway, in about an hour, I am going to bake some fish for a change. Enough already with the pot roast!

Update
I neglected to do a couple of woo-hoo's in the past week at saying buh-bye to the 420's and 410's. Woo-hoo!