Par-tay + Lost

So I've been looking forward to this gathering thingy tonight for several days now and for some reason, last night and this morning I've been hit with a fair amount of trepidation about it. Those old feelings of fear are creeping back into my consciousness when socializing comes into play. I guess what makes me anxious is that I don't have those one or two "safe" people to tag along with when I usually go to these types of things. There could be zero people there that I know and those situations I tend to do poorly in...historically, anyway. I'm just not very good at those types of situations, but the weight loss does help. 265+ lbs ago, there would no way in hell I'd be going, no way, not even a consideration. Now, it is a consideration, it's just a mental thing at this point.

A cool thing about it is that it's an opportunity to look cute. I love looking cute, I'm hoping I can look cute tonight. It's not a formal affair, sort of a happy hour kind of thing, I'm guessing since it's like 6:30 PM on so I can't imagine many people dressing up for it, I assume most will be barely business casual which is typical for the industry. I will probably wear a nice pair of jeans and a nice blouse and some cute shoes (God help me). My hair will be done and I will have some nice jewelry. I haven't crossed the makeup threshold yet so there will be none of that. So I should look okay.

The only problem with tonight is that it's also the season finale for my current obsession, Lost. What were they thinking?!? Thank God for DVR's or else that joint would be empty!

I never had a chance to see my PCP this month so it's going to be a priority next week. When I was in Texas, I checked my blood pressure everyday with my dad's machine and it was consistently in the 95-105/55-75 range. I think that's pushing being too low so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Dr. B. will take me off the meds for good. I sometimes do get lightheaded when I stand up quickly so keep your fingers crossed that the meds are out the door!

I made a refill order with Vitalady for all my necessities earlier this week so I should fully back on track starting this weekend. I'm actually looking forward to starting fresh, if you will. Eating clean and drinking my water like I should always makes me just feel better, regardless of how friendly the scale is. I've been feeling a little sluggish lately so it'll be good to do things right.

Anywho, I've got a crap load of work to do before I can call it a day and breakfast is getting cold...

Strike a Pose!

I'm feeling the love y'all, thanks for feeling my pain! I took Zyrtec yesterday and it seems to be working wonders. The fog has lifted some, most of the cough is gone and a good bit of the sinus pressure as well. Only my left ear is clogged and I actually got a 1/2 way decent amount of sleep last night. All things considered, not too bad.

'Member those dresses I mentioned a few days ago, here are a couple of pictures of me (taken with my camera phone) in one of them:



Side view:



I almost don't identify with the person in these photos. It trips me out! Is that really me? Do I really look like that? My boobies are showing, what the hell?!? LOL! I will tell you though, these photos give me so much hope that "normal" is within my grasp! I can't honestly remember the last time I wore an actual dress. I've worn plenty of skirts w/ blouses, but an actual one-piece dress, I have no idea. Honestly, it's probably in the 15-20 year range...I wouldn't be surprised.

This also makes me question my ideas about goal weight and BMI. I'm such a poor judge of how the scale and physical reality mesh. I don't know for sure if I look like a 250 lb woman or not. I don't think I do. How much more weight should I lose? I would like to see onederland, hell, I'd like to be 10-20 lbs in onderland, but do I need to be to feel good about myself and wear clothes and shoes I want to wear. If I can wear a size 14 pants and weigh 200 lbs, would I be okay with that? I think I just might. I don't know we'll see,