Crazy Thought Processes

Let me let you in on the crazy thought process I have employed most of life when confronted with something exciting and fun that I want to do.

1. Realization of interest: Just got an email that there is going to be a huge Barack Obama/Opray Winfrey rally in nearby SC. Totally cool! I think to myself "I am totally there!"

2. Information gathering: I know the who, so now to find out the what, when, where and why. This Sunday, University of SC, at 2:30PM. There are several groups of Georgian's making the road trip, cost is nothing, don't bring any bags, camera's should be fine. Everything checks out, technically I can make the trip.

3. Spread the word: I forward my sister the email about it, tell her that I'm totally there, I eventually call her, all excited, and of course, she says go do it! I do this to have a 2nd party validate my interest. I don't know why I do this.

4. The "f" word: Uh, oh, here comes doubt. I start thinking "should I go?" and "do I really want to go", "I shouldn't go". I start thinking about "fitting" again, in seats, on a bus, in a car, etc. Fear rears it's nasty head and I can't even put my finger on any specific thing as to why.

5. Epiphany: "Why is it again that I can't/shouldn't go?" I ask myself. I've realized that there is foolishness in being afraid and try to figure out why I had that reaction and whether or not I should actually go. Going is what I want to do, it's my initial gut reaction. Not going is a contrivance, no meat to it, just fear winning.

6. Decision-time: This is where I am at right now. There is no reason for me not to go. I can't think of one, but I have this uneasiness about going, even though I want to. In the past that would have been enough for me to not go and just live with the regret, but it's hard grasping the idea that I can decide to go and just go without all this other crap to deal with.

So, this is what I deal with when it comes to making decisions about going outside my circle of comfort. Crazy, ain't it?