Whine
Y'know it's kinda !@#$-ed up how your weight can truly mess with your head. It's sad that it often comes to this. You know what I hate more than the fact that the scale is not moving, I hate the way it makes me feel about myself. I'm sure there is a valid biological or physiological reason why the scale isn't moving downwards. Intellectually, I fully understand and comprehend and accept this. Emotionally, completely different story. I mean, take your pick, either I'm the first person in human history whose DS doesn't work for them or my surgery is !@#$-ed up or this is just as good as it gets. All these thoughts have been preoccupying my mind and it sucks. It sucks ass. Hey look at me! I'm the idiot who paid $15,000 to lose 50 lbs.
Ugh, this sucks and as I hop on the scale every morning and record my weight, I feel more and more like a failure. The weight should be coming off and it's not. What is it exactly that I am doing so wrong? It's a cruel thing, I tell ya. I keep thinking that maybe this isn't meant for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be thin and healthy, that no matter what I do, it's just not going to happen for me and that, my friends, is the most frightening thing of all. Something I really don't want to accept because it's a dark, dark place and I'm not sure there is a way out of that. So, what can I do? I just keep doing what I do hoping and praying that I either figure out what the problem is and fix it or that in due time, things will change.
It just sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. It doesn't help that practically everyone I see who knows I have had the surgery asks me how much weight I've lost at seemingly every opportunity. Tomorrow (thank God) my support group meets and we'll be talking about how to best stay on track with all the post-op requirements and believe you me, I will be a rapt attendee. I just don't look forward to anyone asking me how much weight I've lost. There are people who have had the surgery around the same time as I have and who weigh like 100-150 lbs less than me who have lost more weight than I have.
I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but still. It's depressing and yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine.
Ugh, this sucks and as I hop on the scale every morning and record my weight, I feel more and more like a failure. The weight should be coming off and it's not. What is it exactly that I am doing so wrong? It's a cruel thing, I tell ya. I keep thinking that maybe this isn't meant for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be thin and healthy, that no matter what I do, it's just not going to happen for me and that, my friends, is the most frightening thing of all. Something I really don't want to accept because it's a dark, dark place and I'm not sure there is a way out of that. So, what can I do? I just keep doing what I do hoping and praying that I either figure out what the problem is and fix it or that in due time, things will change.
It just sucks. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks. It doesn't help that practically everyone I see who knows I have had the surgery asks me how much weight I've lost at seemingly every opportunity. Tomorrow (thank God) my support group meets and we'll be talking about how to best stay on track with all the post-op requirements and believe you me, I will be a rapt attendee. I just don't look forward to anyone asking me how much weight I've lost. There are people who have had the surgery around the same time as I have and who weigh like 100-150 lbs less than me who have lost more weight than I have.
I know I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but still. It's depressing and yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine.
POSTED at
10/18/2006 04:48:00 PM
2 Comments:
Suggestion - don't weigh yourself for a week. Focus on your food and water and see if you can increase your activity even just a little.
You may be in a stall - it's your body holding on because it thinks it's starving. When it realizes that the food will keep coming consistently, it will let go. Keep the faith and don't let this drive you nuts.
Now - maybe I will remember these words of wisdom when it's my turn!
Ann
I am going to take your advice and step away from the scales for awhile. If nothing else, it'll keep me from starting my days off in a bad mood.
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