2002

In my neverending quest to not actually get any work done today, I took a trip down memory lane. For some odd reason, I went back to visit some of the old diet sites I used to frequent when I was struggling (in vain) to lose weight and keep it off. Frankly it was quite depressing. I happened upon a profile I had way back in freaking 2002. In it I write about feeling wonderful at having lost 42 lbs and weighing 398 lbs. This was in early November 2002, long story short over the next 3 years or so, I fail, start over, fail and start over again and again all the while gaining over 100 lbs. Dang. God only knows where I would be had I not been able to get the duodenal switch. God only knows.

I am so incredibly humbled. I don't ever want to have to live through that crap again. It is no fun. It's funny because I work at my health as much as I worked on my health back then, probably more. Anyone who says I took the easy way by having surgery is out of their mind. My health and weight loss has been an all consuming siege on my life. It's an all day, every day commitment and there is nothing easy about it, but oh God, it's worth it. In fact the consequences for not being on plan and not following my doctor's directives are far more dire than when I was just low-carbing. Technically I could have gone on a two week carb bender back in the day and immediately got back on track, the only damage maybe being a few pounds gain. I can't go two weeks without getting in my protein and water, hell I can't go two waking hours. I'd probably be in dire straits. Conversely, a cheat back then could easily derail all my efforts, all I get for a "cheat" nowadays is wicked gas and diarrhea, although as it turns out, it's enough to kill any thoughts I have of cheating. Needless to say, loosies are no fun.

I have no intentions of visiting those sites anymore. They just don't represent my reality and my life now. Things are so much different and so much better. The most important thing is that I don't have to be perfect. Many of my diets in the past required absolute perfection and I'm human, I couldn't do it. I had a tablespoon of mashed potatoes with my pork tenderloin last Saturday night. I could have never have done that when I was lowcarbing and if I did (1) I'd be wrought with guilt and (2) it would have given me the perfect excuse to binge at least for the rest of the day, if not week or month. Now, it's totally different. I have little to no desire to consume a lot of the types of things that were my downfall before. Where I would dream about sweets in the past, now it's all about protein. I kid you not. Nothing makes me happier than eating meat. Protein, I love it and when I do want a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, I have it and move the hell on (and pray I don't pay for it later).

I am just so thankful for the DS. I'm starting to really come to grips to the changes it has brought into my life. It's such a blessing to think that some of the things that I had hoped for in my life may actually come true.