Give me the strength

I had a birthday party yesterday. Totally unexpected but 99% of it was pretty good. I went over to BP's house to talk business and was surprised by a B-day dinner. Why two weeks after the real date? Well, BP's husband, the chef, got back from overseas in the past week so she relegated planning the festivities to him. Sigh. I'm not really mad about it, the boy can cook! We had an excellent meal and this insane cake that I only took two bites of. I got a couple of good gifts and had a pretty good time, until of course, BP just had to make some snarky comment for no good reason as I was packing up my stuff to go. I swear. I readily admit that I probably overreacted and I know I have a very low tolerance for her shit and I probably am too quick to get pissed off, but goddamnit. I was pissed off the rest of the night through to the morning. Did I tell y'all about the melt/break down she had at the end of last year? Her sister just happened to be in town and witnessed the whole thing. I did not and apparently it was bad enough to prompt her sister to plead with me to not cause her any grief, blah blah blah blah. So not only am I supposed to take her shit, I can't even say anything about it. My solution? Stay the hell away unless absolutely necessary.

I alternate between seething contempt and great sympathy, it's messing with my mind. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so freakin' empathetic. I can see my sisters rolling their eyes at me. They are much more worldly and knowledgable women constantly. They don't understand why I still bother with this woman (besides the fact that we own a friggin business together). It's just how I am. I don't want to be more cold hearted (I'd like to be smarter about how to deal with her). One of these days, I'll talk about the book that changed my life, Conversations With God, but in short, one thing I learned is that what matters most is love and if my actions stem from love (and compassion and sympathy) then that is all that matters. It's difficult to be loving without regard for consequences and without regard to what other peoples intentions are. That's how I try to look at the situation with her and life in general. Anyway, I just figure there must be something here I am supposed to learn. She's in my life for a reason, maybe it's to teach me how not to be. BTW, I don't want to make her out to be a horrible person, because she has some great qualities, unfortunately her bad ones overshadow the good sometimes. She's come through for me a couple of times, it's just that when she starts earning brownie points with me, she does something that makes me to jab my pencil in her eye.

Anyway, I weighed in at 381.8 this morning. Woo-hoo! I've been eating really good lately, I haven't gotten over 120 or so grams of protein nor 50 grams of carbs. I like the balance. I got my shipment from vitacost.com today, I almost jumped for joy. Last month, trying to be frugal, I ordered these chewable calcium tablets. I don't want to over-exaggerate this, but these godforsaken things taste like a special mixture of chalk, glue and some kind of banned industrial solvent. I usually buy these tasty calcium tablets. Never again, I tell you, never. I learned my lesson. I'm sticking with what I like and what works.