Reality check....again.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and (over)analyzing my nutrition over the last 2-3 weeks and I think I have pinpointed my problem. Stop me if you've heard this one before -- not enough protein. Here's how I came to this conclusion. I started working the new job May 21. This is not a physical job, but my entire day includes two hilly walks and a few trips up and down a flight of stairs. Much more exercise than I had been getting at my previous job. I think this increased activity warranted an increase in protein, not a lot, but I should have paid attention to this fact. Second, I stopped being anal about (1) what I eat and (2) tracking it. I had been eating breakfast at work (eggs & sausage) with my usual snacks (protein bar) and lunch and dinner without really ensuring that the numbers are where they should be. I've been eyeballing it for weeks and I shouldn't. I think -- no, I know -- my protein has been slipping and other crap had been finding it's way in. Then I went on vacation and although I was eating a lot, I wasn't in familiar territory and wasn't nearly eating as often and so when I started to really think about what I was eating during those 5 days, I was maybe getting in 60 or 70 grams of protein although at the time I thought I was doing okay. Big mistake, tack on all the late nights, more activity and voila!

I've been screwing up and I think a lot of that was the anxiety I was feeling about going home and seeing my family and just being in this weird "middle" space of my weight loss. Seeing the scale move up really messed with my brain and it's scary to feel those old feelings of being a failure and thinking this is as good as it gets. I am back on track and sitting here, I still find myself afraid that I broke my DS and I won't lose any more weight. It scares me that I had strayed so far from the path, y'know, and I found myself rationalizing it. I don't like it and it's something I need to work on and probably will need to work on for a very long time.

You'd think after 9 1/2 months I would know better, maybe I am hard headed, I don't know, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that this isn't it for me and that doing what I know to do will get the scale moving in the right direction. I seriously was not going to write this post, but I think it's important for everyone to see my mistakes as well as my successes. I am really, REALLY looking forward to my support group meeting Thursday, I need to go and need the reinforcement from my DS peeps.