Goal = confusion

Weight: 290.6 lbs. Total Loss: 226 lbs.

According to Dr. Marchesini's goal for me of 250 lbs, I have reached 85% EWL (226 lbs out of 266.6lbs). Technically that makes me a DS success story. That would also mean I'd need only to lose around 40 more lbs to consider myself at goal. I've said in the past, that I'd like to see 199.8 lbs. As time goes on, and I seem to get smaller and smaller much faster, I'm not so sure of that goal. I look at myself and wonder where exactly this 90 lbs is supposed to come from. I am still disproportionate, pear-shaped and have the bulk of the excess weight in my hips and thighs, I just don't know if I have 90 lbs worth. I don't know, it's a tad stressful because I'd like to know where the end is, I'd like to know when I'm done. I may just stick to Dr. M's goal for me, which I truly feel like I can meet by the end of the year or at least by the birthday in February.

There is a thread at DuodenalSwitch.com about whether or not we ever get over our food issues. I don't think I had an eating disorder per se, I do think I treated food like a source of comfort, but I also come from a culture where food is a pretty big part of it. My father is a typical southern guy from a typical southern food/soul food background. My mother is Creole and so Creole food was fairly prominent in our household. Add to that the fact that I grew up in a border town and Mexican food was also big in our diet. I ate a lot of good, delicious, totally bad for you food, but it was freakin' delicious and there was plenty of it. Now, I worry about the relationship to food that I have now. Now, it's all about the nunbers, protein and carbs, but once I reach goal, what then? Yes, it'll be about protein as an overall goal, but the other rules relax a great deal. I worry about that sometimes. The idea, I guess, is to find something, a plan/approach that is a no-brainer for the future, where I can indulge in the "bad" stuff every now and again, but not make those things a staple of my day to day life. That is going to be a challenge if there ever was one.

I had a weird bout of explosive poop late this morning. I've been off my acidophilus for a couple of days, I'm experimenting to see how much it is contributing to my constipation -- apparently a lot. Great afternoon reading, yes? Anyway, I may have to get back on it. I'm going out of town Thursday and I'd rather deal with constipation than diarrhea whilst I'm away from the safety of my house. The last trip I took I came home with some major stomach issues, this time around I'd like much better results.