Shopping Around

I've been quietly talking to a few people out there in the industry who might be in need of my services. I need a break. I've been in entrepreneurial mode for the past two years and in startup mode for the past four years. It's been a every day, all day siege and I need a change. I did not come to this decision lightly, much of the anxiety of the past few weeks stems from the belief that I need to make some more changes in my life. I'm really proud of the work I've done in the past two years and our little company has grown and blossomed. We have 10 employees now and are doing well. Sometimes it just boggles the mind when I think about that first meeting I had with my business partner about starting the company and to see how far we've gotten. Right now, there is talk of expanding into other areas and although I am excited for all of it, I also miss some of the good things about not working for yourself. I miss working on projects for clients and working with other people with other talents. I miss going into work, going to lunch with friends, going out after work, all that stuff. I miss the money. Yes, our business does make a good chunk of change, the fact of the matter is, we have employees who have families to raise, most of whom are the sole breadwinners in their households. I don't feel right taking more money out of the company when they work hard too and have more responsibilities than me. We built our company on the ideal that we take care of everybody, not just the people at the "top".

Tomorrow I have a couple of sit-downs with two different people of interest about working on some upcoming short term projects, like 3-6 months long. The money is great, I'll be able to get out of the house, work on something different, meet some new people and hopefully pick up a few new skills. The downside is that going out there is a little scary. I don't know how people will react to me. I'm really unsure about it all. I mean, I don't look like how I did 5 months ago and I feel much more confident about myself, but there is still a great deal of insecurity. PLUS, say I do get one of the opportunities, they are going to be witnesses to me losing like a hundred pounds in a matter of months, will I have to explain myself. What about eating throughout the day or poop issues? All things I have to consider. Oy vey. Add the fact that I have nothing that fits and you see my dilemma.

Ultimately I think I will be fine and hopefully by the end of the week or beginning of next week someone will make me an offer, if not then it's not a big huge deal. It would be nice to replenish my financial reserves post-Brazil, but I am doing just fine otherwise. BP, by the way, is fine with this. She has some things going on in her life that might take her away from the business for awhile as well at some point this year so no worries on that end. I don't know, we'll see how it goes.