16 December 2007

Christmas Party #2

So the party last night was pretty cool, I can honestly say I had a decent time. Comparing this year's party with last year's I can easily see a difference. This year I actually had some fun and the food was pretty darn good. My cousin barbecued chicken and a couple of pork tenderloins. Oh my gosh, it was delicious! I brought some chicken and pork home with me, the only thing I did. There was also salmon (not that great), mac & cheese, green bean casserole, lasagna, salad, baked sweet potato casserole and some other stuff I can't remember. All I had was some salmon, chicken, pork and a couple tablespoons of mac & cheese. The mac & cheese was a little mediocre, but overall, I was satisfied. I brought two chocolate chip pies and had a small piece of that and two small Christmas cookies. That was pretty much it. I was actually surprised I didn't eat more, but today I have been starving since I woke up.

Speaking of, BP is out of town and today is my day to do the pet sitting. Since her daughter moved back home, there are a total of 4 cats and 2 dogs that need attention. I got here around 9 AM and let the dogs out, got them fresh water and food, then I fed the three adult cats and the one kitten. The kitten is a little clingy but otherwise okay. BP, as it turns out will be back this evening as they got word that the weather is turning for the worse and they are right. It's miserable right now, not northeast miserable, but miserable for Atlanta. Last night it rained for several hours which sucked because I had to drive all the way down to Stockbridge, GA which is about 50 miles away from me. It took me an hour and forty minutes to get there because of the rain and because it was freakin' dark and I had no idea where I was going. I hate that, it was like a perfect storm of anxiety for me. I hate going to unfamiliar places, at night, in bad weather...it's was nearly enough for me to turn my ass around and go home.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about goals and such for 2008 and the overriding theme for me is to overcome my fear and to really work on my internal thought processes. I have a tendency to engage in a lot of negative self talk and often some self-sabotage, and it's not always conscious. I really want to get past that or at least make some big strides to get past that, then I will be happy. I know a big part of it is incorporating some mantras in my daily life, affirmations, if you will. One mantra I have had with me for a few years, but often have forgotten to employ is "Choose Better". It's like my mom always says, it's all about the choices you make. It's not always about big choices, but for me it's day to day little things. I'm the type of person that can easily get caught up and lost in the big stuff, but I have found that the small choices, the ones that you make 100 times a day, those are the ones that have a greater impact on my life. Choosing the Duodenal Switch over the Roux-en-Y was a big choice, one that required a lot of thought and consideration, but choosing to eat a chicken leg over some chips, drinking another glass of water instead of a diet drink, choosing to take my Vitamin C instead of blowing it off, those choices are so important too because they help establish a pattern or blueprint for the rest of my life.

I was talking to one of my cousin's last night about weight loss surgery and was explaining to her that she needed to research the duodenal switch instead of the RNY and that led us to a greater conversation about manifestation and about what your thoughts and actions, attitudes and behaviors manifest in your life. In my heart I know I want to reach my goal of 199 and my ultimate goal of 175, but that isn't what my thoughts are, often I see myself thinking "I'll never get there" or "why is this so hard" or "could I be happy where I am at", etc. Sometimes I will recognize these thoughts and they often serve as motivation to get myself in gear, but I don't want to be motivated by negativity. I want to surround myself with good and positive things and be motivated and succeed based on those things. My cousin said to focus on what you want, and be specific and to be a good and positive force in the world and those things that you really want and that your heart truly desires will come to you. I truly believe that, the work I have to do is to work on my thought process and behaviors to make that happen.

I'm glad I'm working on all this self-improvement stuff now instead of waiting for January 1. My life doesn't start anew with the New Year, I just want to be able to set out some specific, well defined, tangible goals for 2008 that are a reflection of the self-improvements I want to make.

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Blogger Change for Good said...

I really like the thing about the small choices...it really is all about the 100 small choices we make each day.

Not wanting to "pry" too much, but I don't know where your fears come from, but...if they are a result of some hurtful relationships, I have several books that have been invaluable to me over the years. Let me know if you are interested. (Hope that isn't too prying or anything!)

Thank you for your motivation for me!!!

December 16, 2007 at 9:33 PM  
Blogger Aussieabroad said...

Santa... when I grow up I want to be just like Tia...

You are so "real" Tia that you are inspiring without even trying.

I love your insights about yourself... too often it mirrors what I'm going through and that just gives me hope.

May you reach all your dreams in 2008 my friend!

December 18, 2007 at 10:07 PM  

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