Ramblings and more ramblings

So I took my Walk of Frustration yesterday and it was invigorating. The weather was cool & crisp and very windy which compelled me to move a little faster than normal. I even jogged a little bit and my heart didn't explode so that's good. I have got to get some better running/walking shoes, but that would mean I would have to go shopping ... but not in a clothes store ... I can do that at Sports Authority or Foot Locker or something. Anyway, towards the end of my walk, I noticed someone had dropped their driver's license so I went and transversed the whole trail again to find the owner. I then walked over to the YMCA and unfortunately the person wasn't a member, but they offered to mail it to the lady for me. Very nice of them. This is the same YMCA that I had been contemplating joining. It was my first time in the facility (very nice & spacious) AND they have indoor swimming as I saw some ladies in the middle of a water aerobics class. I saw the basketball court but didn't catch a glimpse of the workout rooms or anything. Maybe tomorrow I will get the grand tour. I really want to work on getting stronger, having a strong core, all that jazz. All in all, I am glad I went. I certainly needed to clear my head and get some fresh air.

Thanks y'all for the good advise about my wayward employee. When BP gets back in town we will have that discussion for sure. This morning she didn't get to work til 10:45 AM, she is supposed to start at 9AM. The excuse this morning is that her computer wasn't working, yeah well, that was the excuse yesterday. I think she is hip to my increasing frustration because I saw her working last night. Good for her, but it doesn't make up for 2 1/2 years of screwing around.

I've been thinking about my food choices lately. I've probably mentioned that cheese is my favorite food, without question. I love the stuff. I especially love the stuff mixed in with other stuff. I love cheese enchiladas, cheese grits, cheese & eggs, grilled cheese, macaroni & cheese, quesadillas, cheese soup... I love it. Problem is, post-DS, cheese is not a friend of mine and it causes a significant amount of intestinal discomfort and most importantly, slows the weight loss down. I think this is because of several reasons, one, my lactose intolerance has been kicked up a notch post-DS. I don't dare consume much if any milk, cream, etc. I just can't do it. Lots of explosive gas. Two, it gives me constipation. I have visions of it congealing in my system and very slowly making it's way through. My poop is always firmer when I consume cheese and three, I have very poor portion control when it comes to cheese. I tell myself oh, I'm going to limit my intake to 2 slices a day. That NEVER works. Never, ever. I always consume more. The bad thing is technically, on a DS diet, cheese is good for you. Good source of protein and fat, thumbs up all around. BUT, for me, not so good. Sometimes when those old feelings of wanting cookies and ice cream and cake and all kinds of other carb-evilness seemingly threaten to overwhelm me, I opt for things that are DS-friendly, but not so much Tia-friendly. Y'know a quesadilla made with a couple slices of Pepperjack cheese on a low carb tortilla has got to better than a piece of pie, right??? That's what I did this weekend. I felt the carb monster rearing it's ugly head so instead I had quesadillas. Problem now is, crazy poop, which means ain't no way I'm getting on the scale for the next couple of days and God knows how much I do NOT like the scale to go up.

Same kind of thing with wheat-based products. I don't know what it is, but lots and lots of billowy gas, even when I eat a little bit. Yesterday I had 1/2 a Toufayan wrap with some deli turkey, salami and some mustard and less than an hour later, gas and more gas. Good grief! I love those wraps though and I highly recommend them for those of you who can tolerate them. They're a tad bit pricey, anywhere from $2.50-$3 for 5 of them, but they are good, pliable, they heat well and make good sandwich wraps (hot or cold), quesadillas and breakfast burritos! Also, I have really been enjoying Dry Roasted Sunflower Kernels lately. I am not much of a nut person, but these are great to nibble and snack on during the day. They have a decent amount of protein and fat and satisfy my desire for a salty-crunchy snack. Yum.

I am still keeping my eye on the prize (goal) although everyday it seems to be changing... one day I say I'd be happy at 250, another I want the gold medal - 175, but mostly I just want to be in the mystical, magical place called Onederland. Hitting 199.8 will be divine and then I can say I did it! I will still be overweight, but at least I can feel like I beat obesity. With plastic surgery further down the road, I'd like to exist happily under 200 lbs for the long term. The next big milestone for me is reaching 250 lbs which is Dr. M's goal. I hope to reach that sometime in January, but who knows, then it's 7 months to lose the last 50 lbs. There is a woman on OH who started off at 440 lbs and who is still losing well into her 3rd year. I am trying not to look at all this like a race, but sometimes it's hard not to.

I've accomplished many of the things on my mental "when I lose weight I want to do ..." There are still a few I haven't done. I still want to be able to get up off the floor without using a sturdy piece of furniture. I want to squat with ease. There is the amusement park thing, but that will have to wait til Spring. I also want to sit on the ground where your on your knees and you sit back on your feet, I want to do that, can't do that yet. I also want to be able to cross my legs and have them fit under a table when I am seated, right now, I can cross my legs whenever I want but my top knee usually bangs on the table. I'm not sure about that one though, that may be more of a function of my height than my weight. I want to be able to put shoes and socks on without resting my foot on the floor or having to cross my legs first. That would be cool. I'll get there.

I suspected that this part of the journey would be the more difficult for me and it's turning out to be true. No regrets, right? Don't want any shoulda, coulda, woulda's. I think I am going to start reading the WLS failure boards to remind me of the road I do NOT want to find myself on. I'd rather be a success story than a cautionary tale.