Decaf, Sugar free, Lactose Free

That's the way I like my coffee. I was never much of a coffee drinker until this year and was drinking a lot of it at one point, especially caffeinated coffee. Right now, I am trying to limit myself to one or two cups a day and limit the amount of Splenda and creamer I use. I am using about 1/3 of the creamer I used to use and about 1/2 the Splenda. It's my one indulgence per day, mostly because I'm freezing and it warms my insides nicely. I could probably be consistently happy with one cup a day if I get myself one of those mug warmers or a good travel mug. I bought one travel mug and it's basically useless.

Weight this morning was 280.2 lbs, down 1.2 lbs. Slowly, but surely, just 80.4 lbs to go til goal. I'm still a tad annoyed that I have to lose those 16 lbs all over again, but it is certainly motivation for me to quit screwing around and not a lot of little things slip. One of these days I will post my weight loss spreadsheet and you'll be able to see just how truly obsessive about this I really am. One of things I do do is have a column where I can just jot down quick notes about the previous day so that I won't have to remember everything. There will be stuff like "very little poop" or "too much cheese" or "not enough water" or "too much salt, not enough protein" and when I've eaten poorly there'll be notes like "too many carbs, not enough water" or "ice cream … yum, but bad" or "too many pickles, not enough poop". Oy, sometimes I crack myself up. Anyway, it keeps me honest when I'd rather sometimes delude myself into thinking I'm doing better than I am. I noticed that I started to consistently slip up more in August when I was fretting about hitting my one year anniversary. One days when all is good, I don't leave notes, but in the last 3 1/2 months there are a ton, kinda makes my whining a little unwarranted. Sigh. I don't know how smart it is to look at 2008 as a fresh start, but that's how I am looking at it. I am somewhat proud of myself in that I haven't looked at the entire month of December as a munch-fest, but I do know that there are at least a few more parties and dinners left til the end of the year and I want to enjoy them, the goal is to NOT allow a few hours of excess turn into a few days. The longterm goal, afterall, is to be able sustain a healthy way of eating 90% of the time and to be able to have a "normal" meal every once in awhile and not slip into past pre-surgery behaviors.

In reality, I don't not like how I eat now, what does causes me anxiety about the way I eat is knowing that I still have a lot of weight to lose and therefore stressing about that naturally leads to stressing about what I eat. When I hit goal, I don't anticipate changing my diet a great deal. A big part of that is dealing with the cause and effect of certain foods, I'm a DS-er that needs to limit certain things if I don't want crazy poop and I do NOT want nonstop crazy poop especially since I have so many new social things planned for the year. I don't want to be the new girl with the crazy poop.

Anyway, I have on a size Large t-shirt right now and it's kinda roomy. What a trip! Don't ask me why, but I tried on a pair of size 18 shorts I acquired several weeks ago and I was able to button them -- couldn't breathe very well, but I was able to button them up and walk around, although I didn't dare try sitting down. How cool is that? I don't have any size 18 jeans, but I do have a size 20, I tried those on and couldn't zip them up. The last time I tried them on I couldn't get them past my hips. Crazy. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I am getting smaller even though the scale is playing with my emotions.