Packing

First, I want to say thank you to all the people that sent me notes, publicly and privately, I really appreciate the support. Your kind words warmed my heart.

Sigh. Can I tell you how much I hate packing. It's a pain when I go on normal trips, now it's especially stressful because I've never had to pack for such a long trip and everything I read on the message boards says to pack light. I am only packing one suitcase and carrying on one bag. This has truly been an exercise in space management. I have no intentions of trying to look to cute in Brazil, my main goal is clean and comfortable so it's pretty much t-shirts and sweat pants.

It's pushing 4 AM right now and there isn't any sleep in sight for me til I get on the flight to Miami, even though it's only 2 hours long, I plan to be knocked out. I plan to sleep during my layover in Miami and I plan to really be snoring on the flight to Sao Paulo.

Well, I just wanted to pop in and drop a line or two before I go. I'll try to keep this site updated as much as I can (I am taking my trusty laptop) and will try to include pictures as well.

Woo-hoo! I'm excited and scared, but anxious to be switched!

Mourning

Something horrible happened Thursday, my brother Kenny passed away. I don't even know what else to say. It's early Monday morning and instead of sleeping in my old bedroom at my parent's house, I'm sitting here writing this in Atlanta, trying to keep it together for the next few weeks. I talked to my parents and many of my family members and they all said I should continue on to Brazil and not come home. At first I thought it was the best thing, but right now, all I want to do is go home and be with my family. Kenny was 54 years old, morbidly obese, a diabetic and lived a sedentary lifestyle. All signs lead to a massive heart attack. Above anything else, his death is giving me the big huge giant wake-up calls of wake-up calls. Frankly, I just don't want to die like that. I really don't, so I must go to Brazil. I need to, no matter how hard it is right now.

This is all incredibly difficult and I am just really trying to stay strong and focused.

Anyway, I have no idea how many of you out there read this blog, but I'd really appreciate some prayers and good vibes sent this way. I think I need it and I know my family does.

Oh. My. God.

I leave in a week and I have so much to do! My best friend comes in two days, I have the dinner thing on Sunday. I have a lunch meeting today with the new kid we plan to hire so that he can handle most of my responsibilities while I am gone. My house is a wreck and all I want to do is crawl in my bed and sleep.

God help me.

Freaking Out

I want my mommy. There I said it because that's how I feel right now. It's less than two weeks before I hop on a plane and my emotions are starting to get a little bit out of control. I'm excited and happy to be finally getting this done, but the reality of it all is sinking in and it's just..... a lot to deal with.

I can't lie, I'm scared. I've never had surgery before and I'm just really afraid of the unknown. Intellectually I know I will be ok, emotionally, I'm not so sure. I mean I nearly freaked out when I had my wisdom tooth, one tooth mind you, pulled. In fact, I cried even. Oy vey.

Good news is that my best friend is flying in from Philly to hang out with me next weekend and I can't wait for him to come. He is one of my oldest friends and he'll be such a comfort to me for sure.

One thing I have been thinking about lately are the long flights to and from Brazil. Both are overnights so I am thinking given the current state of affairs that I will pack really light for my carry on bag, take a bottle of Tylenol PM and just go night-night. I had been considering a portable DVD player or an iPod, but I think it would just be best to pick up a $10 neck pillow and literally call it a night. Sounds like a plan to me.

Emotional

This weekend I found myself oddly emotional. I confessed to my older sister that I had a "I want my mommy" moment. What a strange thing. Ultimately what I was feeling was a sense of wanting to be close to my mom and dad, to be in a space where I feel completely comfortable and embraced. My parents have been super. I couldn't ask for anything more out and of them, their love and support gives me such strength and confidence that I am doing the right thing.

I have less than 2 1/2 weeks before I board that plane to Brazil and I've covered a lot of what I had needed to do. I have planned a small get together with my close friends, kinda like a kick off dinner for the new me. I dread being overly emotionaly and weepy, but I don't think I can reign all the emotions in. I'm really going to try to put my fear aside and once again, put it in God's hands. He hasn't failed me yet!

Progress

Ok, so I got my passport stuff in process and I got my plane tickets in the mail. I'm fixin' to email Dr. M my flight itinerary. Woo-hoo!!! When I talked to my sister this past weekend, she gave me a great idea. I was telling her about our last support group meeting where the speaker was a psychologist who gave us a glimpse into the dark side of WLS. She talked about some of her patients who struggle with alcoholism and promiscuous behavior, et al. (Side note: talk about scaring the crap out of folks!). Anyway, she also mentioned how some people go into debt because they get addicted to shopping and of all the things that the Dr. talked about, that is probably the one thing I am most likely to get caught up in. CLOTHES....lots and lots of clothes!!!!

My sister also agreed and said that a good thing I could do in order to limit my shopping is to save $1 or $2 for every pound I lose and that will be my clothes shopping budget. I'm lucky in that I don't have to dress up for work everyday so I don't have a great need to buy quality clothes every time I drop down a size or 4. My plan is to just hang on to clothes for as long as possible, basically until (1) I look totally ridiculous or (2) the clothes won't stay on with either a belt, safety pin or duct tape. The good thing is that we're soon entering the winter months and I can layer clothes through much of the fall and winter and will probably not have to worry about buying new clothes until like April/May. Anyway, I already have a savings account so I'll just keep track of the $$ there.

Yesterday, I came across an online photo album of I guess a meeting or convention of some kind of the DS Institute. Talk about cool! Most of the big names are there, Hess, Marchesini, Baltasar, Rabkin, Smith! It's cool to see that these folks know and network with each other and it gives me much more confidence in the surgery, in the doctors and in the future of WLS. If you have a chance, check these pictures out.