126/82

That, my friends, was my blood pressure yesterday morning! How delightful is that? I had my 6 month checkup yesterday. Needless to say, I was all smiles. I wanted to hug the nurse when she told me that! In fact, when she left, I had to do a little dance all by myself in the exam room. I couldn't help it! My blood pressure is something I've been really looking forward to getting better. The only downer was that I didn't actually get to see my PCP, just the nurse practitioner. Dr. B has been my PCP for like 4-5 years and I just wanted to see her reaction. Nonetheless the practitioner was cool too, I've seen her a few times and I dig her as well. Everyone was really happy for me. My iron is up (12.1) my blood pressure damn near normal and my weight loss is steady. I'm happy.

The other cool thing is that I fit in the lobby chairs. They are those U-shaped chairs that have no give. I used to sit on the edge of the chair because my hips would not fit, but now I can slide all the way back.

Boy, I am certainly on a DS high. I am trying to not get too complacent. The last week or so I haven't been as vigilant as I should be. Time to refocus! Thank God lent is here so I can an extra reason to give up a thing or two.

Did I just do that?

What a week I've had. I made it through! The first few days or rather, I should say, nights were a little rough. My sleeping schedule was completely off so I didn't get much quality sleep the first few nights. By Thursday I decided to quit playing around and took a couple of Tylenol a few minutes before I went to bed and thankfully I slept like a rock. I did the same Friday night, but didn't have to last night. Most DSer's can attest to this, but I noticed something strange this week, typically I poop on a regular schedule, once or twice in the morning then maybe again sometime during the day. This whole week, since I've been getting up 1.5 - 2 hours earlier than normal, I haven't been pooping at all in the morning. It must be some kind of psychological thing because I don't poop until I get home, usually around 6-7 pm. What's really weird is that today, I went back to my usual poop time. I don't get it.

The new job is pretty good so far, it's a small company and there isn't a lot of "this is how we do things here" kind of stuff so I've had to be a lot more proactive than I initially anticipated, but it's all good. I like the fact that I can be creative and still do some of the hard core technical stuff. Me likes.

Food during the week has been a little erratic. I've been depending on shakes and bars a tad too much, I think. I bought a box of Atkins Granola bars....eh. They have a distinct "synthetic" aroma to them at first whiff, a little disconcerting, but they taste alright and they are a good size. I also got a box of some bars made by the South Beach Diet people. They taste much, much better however they are much smaller and have more carbs. I think I am done with the bars though and would rather have a shake.

I've had one big WOW this week. Yesterday, I was sitting on a low-sitting couch in BP's office going over some business stuff when suddenly I get the urge to cross my legs ... and I did ... I crossed my legs ... me ... just like that. Holy SHIT! She was blathering on about something but I didn't care, I crossed my freaking legs! Mind you, it probably didn't look at the great and wasn't all that comfortable, but I did it! I even took a picture with my camera phone. LOL.

I am definitely loving my DS right now! I'm down to 386.6 lbs, very close to my lowest weight in 10 years. Wow. It's getting a little freaking because I'll soon be down into weights I can't recall being. Trippy!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Five reasons why I am happy:

5. I ordered a kick ass new messenger bag and it arrived today and it's so darn cute.
4. My big brother called me today.
3. I love all my new clothes and I look cute for a change :)
2. Today is my 33rd birthday! Yea!
1. I'm another year old and there are 130 lbs less of me. Seriously, y'all, I could scream, I'm so happy! That is best birthday present EVER!!!!

Thank you God for loving me!

Time to go dance the jig!

Weeeee!

To help alleviate some of the abject panic that has overcome my business partner in the last couple of days, I've got a new toy, the Palm Treo 700wx. So pretty. Anyway, I thought BP was going to cry or something. I think she is genuinely concerned that this is a first step in me walking away from the company (her) and moving on with my life. This is not true. I've put a lot of blood, sweat and tears (literally) in the company and there is no way I'm walking away. What I am doing is giving myself a break from it all (her) and just re-entering the world of the living, as I like to call it.

I talked to two of my best friends about the whole situation and so far I've been given three predictions:

1. She will, at some point, make the claim that I am not doing as much work as I promised I would do (10-15 hrs a week).
2. Constantly call/email/IM me.
3. Have some kind of emotional breakdown designed to guilt/manipulate me into coming back.

I'm betting on #1 and #2, I'll be really pissed if #3 comes true. Anyway, tomorrow is the big day and I'm excited. I got my last few things taken care of, I even have my meals planned. I hope all goes well. I'll have to make a decision about my hair in the next couple of weeks. I don't necessarily want to cut it, but if I have to, I will.

The scale read 389.0 lbs this morning. I bought myself a full length mirror and spent a good hour looking at myself in various outfits, mostly clothes I've had and worn for years. I can't wait to see how I look tomorrow in all my new going-to-work gear. Should be interesting. Yeah well, my stomach feels like it's eating itself I'm so hungry!

The Numbers Meme

From ezpy and MaryBeth:

10 FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Green
Favorite Food: BBQ Pork Ribs
Favorite Month: September
Favorite Song: "Luxury: Cococure" by Maxwell
Favorite Movie: I can't think of one right now.
Favorite Sport: College football
Favorite Season: Football
Favorite Day of the week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Oreo Cookies & Creme
Favorite Time of Day: Evening

9 CURRENTS

Current Mood: Angst ridden
Current Taste: Fruit Punch
Current Clothes: Basketball shorts & t-shirt
Current Desktop: family photo
Current Toenail Color: none
Current Time: 11:06 AM
Current Surroundings: Messy office
Current Thoughts: It's cold and I don't want to do any more shopping. Should I really start that job or Monday or stay with my company.

8 FIRSTS

First Best Friend: Jason
First Kiss: Carlos
First Screen Name: I don't remember
First Pet: Max, the Doberman
First Piercing: Ears
First Crush: Edgar Reyes
First CD: Bon Jovi or Mary J. Blige or Michael Jackson, I can't remember which

7 LASTS

Last Coffee: Thursday from Starbucks (gross - I don't like coffee)
Last Drink: mid-August 2006
Last Car Ride: Yesterday
Last Kiss: I don't remember
Last Movie Seen: Dear Frankie
Last Phone Call: My business partner
Last CD Played: I don't buy CDs anymore, but if I remember correctly, Road to Perdition soundtrack

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: No
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: No.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: No.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No.

5 THINGS

Thing You're Wearing: Socks.
Thing You've Done Today: Woke up, pooped, ate breakfast, made two shopping lists, took a shower, called my BP.
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Space heater.
Thing You Can't Live Without: Camera.
Thing You Do When You're Bored: Take pictures, watch TV or surf the net.

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY

1. My bedroom
2. My bathroom
3. My office
4. The kitchen

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

1. My sister, S.
2. My sister, T.
3. My best friend, S.

2 CHOICES

1. Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: Hot

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

Be skinny

Buh-Bye 390's

I had this dream where I found myself at the moment when I was immediately cognizant of my ability to effortlessly cross my legs. Needless to say, I've never had a dream like that! Anyway, time to dance a small jig! I weighed in at 389.4 this morning, roughly 2 1/2 lbs since I last weighed two days ago. Woo-hoo! It's time to say buh-bye to the 390's. I missed my afternoon acidophilus yesterday and my poop this morning showed it. My stomach is a little queasy so I am going to give it another 1/2 hour or so before I eat something and start getting ready to go out!

Random

Lots of random little things today:

1. I just got home a couple of hours ago. I spent the night at BP's house. Her husband left for France to visit his daughter earlier in the day and she felt uncomfortable being by herself in that giant house of hers. We talked til close to midnight and it was nice to have a conversation with her without me wanting to throttle her.

2. It's cold here in Atlanta and I do NOT like it.

3. As usual, support group meeting was pretty good last night. The organizers have added two other meetings so last night's group was about 1/2 of what it normally is, but great nonetheless. I was pretty anxious for this meeting as I really wanted to talk to the nutritionist about my diet. As a quick sidenote, I love how there is a nutritionist always there! Anyway, I told her how much protein I was eating and she looked at me like I was crazy. She said I was eating way too much. I'm confused. She said I should be getting in around 90 grams. I'm not sure what to do. I think I will follow her advice for this upcoming week and see how it goes. Maybe it was the addition of the probiotics that was doing the trick for me. I guess we'll see. BTW, I won two tickets that night as well! Lucky me, I finally won something.

4. I start my job Monday and I haven't finished my shopping. This sucks for at least one reason. It means I have to go shopping tomorrow and the area where all the shops are is always crowded. Boooo! The other thing that sucks is the pants I just bought a freaking week ago are too big, I think I mentioned this, but I can't believe it!

5. If my hair keeps falling out at it's current rate, I may have to go the short route, which isn't so bad since I had short hair for a good 3-4 years. I kinda miss it actually, makes grooming much easier.

6. Good God, my ass hurts! Time to go lay down.

Dang, it's cold

I guess winter is finally here because it is downright brutal today. 28 degrees and wind gusts up to 25 mph ... no thank you! I didn't sign up for this! I'm fixin' to make me a nice bowl of soup or something. I hate being cold. My weight continues to drop (thank God), I weighed in at 392.0. The edema is going down as well, yea! I swear I've dropped a dress size in a week!

Last week there was a post in Dr. Marchesini's Yahoo Group looking for someone to take over his website and updates. I volunteered as quickly as I could and it looks like I will be able to do it! Woo-hoo! I needed a new pet project and now I have one. The DS Lab Rat page was my first DS related one. Of course, at this point, I have grand visions of what it could be, but phase I, I am going to keep it fairly simple. It is an excellent opportunity for me to use it to learn some new skills. Awesome.

I haven't taken any pictures lately. It's been almost two months however my birthday is next week so I think I'll do it then. Yes, that would be good since I'll be all dressed up for work in my new clothes and all. I have no idea how much, if at all I've changed. I'll be sure to post them so maybe y'all can let me know.

Working Life

Weigh-in today: 394.8. Not bad, that's about 8+ lbs in a week, but I have I think around 10-15 more lbs to go til I get to where I should be. I still have quite a bit of swelling in my extremities. I suspect I still have some protein deficiency issues. I am averaging around 140-150 grams of protein right now and maybe 1600-1800 calories. The acidophilus kicks ass. No more running to the potty 8 times a day, especially in the morning. One thing I have noticed lately, since making the two changes (protein drinks & acidophilus) is that I feel much less sluggish.

Well, I think I mentioned this before, but I have two big doctor's appointments the next two weeks, the 19th and the 26th. The one on the 19th is with the hematologist as a checkup of sorts after existing a few months post iron infusion. I'm really curious to see what my iron levels will be like. The one on the 26th is for my 6 month labs and a general checkup with my PCP. I am requesting a full lab workup and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can get off the BP meds, I won't be disappointed if I don't, but I hope they can be reduced. I will definitely be talking to her about the edema and if my protein ends up coming in low, then I'll know with certainty what the problem is and I can work to fix it. I generally suck at recognizing slow declines in my energy and health. 20+ years of being anemic does that to a person.

Anyway, I've been avoiding carbs like the plague. I'm really worried about bathroom issues when I start working next week. The immediate environment is pretty tight and I don't want to be the stinky new girl. Yikes! The acidophilus seems to help, surprisingly. The other consideration is nutrition. Right now, I'm thinking that I can still do 6 meals a day:

Meal 1: Standard breakfast fare
Meal 2: Protein shake
Meal 3: Standard lunch fare
Meal 4: Protein shake
Meal 5: Standard dinner fare
Meal 6: Light, yet protein rich snack

I should be able to handle it all, preparation is key! Supplements should be pretty easy and water as well, I'll just sip, sip, sip all day. Unfortunately, the walking is going out the door. Unless I join a gym and start walking on a freaking treadmill, it ain't gonna happen. My best bet is walking at lunch, but it just won't be the same.

Bummer...

Alrighty Then

I went shopping y'all! All by myself, too! The goal was to get past the fear on my own. I left the house round 2:00 and knew I would need to get a couple of hours of clothes shopping under my belt as well as pickup a couple new Moleskines from Barnes & Noble and a video capture thingy for my computer at Best Buy. Anyway, I picked up the Moleskines first and headed over to Catherines. I immediately gravitated for a couple of jeans/pants racks. Right now jeans and pants are my biggest need. As I've lost weight, they've looked the worst on me. I tried on 4 or 5 pairs and settled on two, a pair of dark jeans and some all purpose khakis. Then I started on blouses, I tried maybe 10 or so and settled on 3. There wasn't that great of a selection, in fact it seems their website has more to offer. I went through the whole store and I may be back. Whew. Time flew by, but I feel like I accomplished a lot. I think I might need another pair of pants or two and a few more shirts, some undies, a bra or three and a couple pairs of shoes and then I will be done! I feel proud of myself so far. I did drop about 3-4 sizes, but I couldn't get past the need to get clothes that were a tad bit roomy as I felt way more comforable with a little wiggle room. I'm gonna give myself a break and try again sometime mid week.

My weight this morning is 396.4 lbs. Making progress, for sure! I still feel like I'm retaining water and stuff so hopefully in the next few days, things will resolve themselves! Woo-hoo!

Glimmer of Hope

400.6 lbs. I feel like things are turning around! I won't dance a jig just yet, but I think I've solved my problem. I've done two things, one, got rid of the bad protein powder and bought some good stuff, and two, started taking acidophilus. It's crazy but my poop is now semi-formed instead of liquidy and that's within only a day and a half. After spending a ton of time reading and searching through all the Yahoo DS Groups, I stumbled upon some posts about the fact that most of us are given antibiotics after surgery and they tend to kill all bacteria, good and bad. I never gave much thought to restoring the good and it's possible that I have/had an overgrowth of bad which may have also given me problems. I don't know, pure speculation at this point. Like I said, I'm not celebrating just yet, but I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Fixing things.

The more and more I think about it, the more I think that my issues are probably a protein malnutrition one and that it's related to a bad batch of protein powder. It's the only thing that is different from my normal routine. I suspected protein malnutrition but it may turn out that I was right, but for a completely different reason. I went out to a couple of places to find my Nectar and they didn't carry it so I just ordered it online. It's Thursday, so at the earliest, I'll receive it Monday. I did stop by my local Kroger and picked up some Atkins shakes in a can to hold me over. They worked for me in the past so we'll see how the weekend goes. I am going to aim for 1600 calories and 120-160 grams of protein a day. That should be good.

I've been on this kick lately where I've been unhappy with the decor in my house. I bought my house over two years ago and sometimes it feels like I'm still living in an apartment. For some reason, I haven't fully unpacked and haven't fully decorated. I decided that one of my goals was to work on making my house a home so I went to Target! I bought these wonderful kitchen towels in warm red tones. Previously, everything in my house was blue and light green, but I'm now tending toward warmer colors. BP's house is very cozy like that. All the walls are painted beautiful colors and her furniture and decor is very homey. I aspire to do the same. One of the things I am most looking forward to with the new job is to afford some new furnishings. In the past two years, I've slowly worked on getting a few good pieces (as advised by my mom) but I still have some of the crap furniture from my first-job-out-of-college days. The only other major purchase I want to make is this:



If I have one true passion in life (besides friends, family, my health and my alma mater) it is photography. It is my favorite thing to do, without question, so I am anxious to make that purchase. Now that's the kind of shopping I can get into!

Anyway, if you want to bore yourself with my photography, here you go.

Gracias

I have to say thank you for all of y'all who've sent your support and congratulations after my post yesterday. I hate being whiny, but sometimes you just gotta get it out of your system. Anyway, as I was mixing my protein drink this morning, something occurred to me. It could be my protein shake that is causing my problems. For months, I drank Nectar Roadside Lemonade but when gifted a large container of All The Whey, I opted to start drinking it. This was in early/mid January. I didn't personally buy the stuff and have no idea how old it was (although it hasn't expired yet) nor how well it's been stored. At one point I was counting on 100 grams of protein a day from this batch and if it is indeed "bad" or degraded somehow then I have only been getting 1/3 - 1/2 of the protein I thought I was getting. Farfetched, I know, but it's worth a try.

I'm going to head out and pick up the old standby and see how it goes. My weight, by the way, this morning was 403.2.

Keeping my fingers crossed....

Hired!

I can't believe I actually did it, but I accepted an offer to work a contract position for 6 months. Good God Almighty! I honestly hadn't planned on accepting anything til this upcoming weekend, but it was one of those "I'll make you an offer you can't refuse" kind of things and I couldn't turn it down. The company is world reknown and a great place to work (got a couple of friends already there), the work sounds very interesting/challenging/fun and the money is freaking awesome. I should be starting in about a week and half and you know what that means. I have to go shopping for sure. Ugh.

So the weight has not been coming off. Yesterday I had this sharp pain in my left upper quadrant, just below my ribcage. Friggin' hurt, but only for a couple of hours. Could be a bile duct issue or possibly pancreatitis. From what I've read online, it's possibly due to the increased amounts of fat I have been eating. Understandable as I no longer have a gall bladder, a pain in the arse regardless. Today I feel fine and will certainly bring this up with my doc at my 6 month appt.

Food-wise, I'm trying to keep things simple, so my ambitions of getting over 2000 calories today are shot to hell. No way that's going to happen. All this is quite frustrating. I'm a few days away from going an entire month without losing much of anything. Intellectually I know it's water weight (it better be - I don't think I can handle it if not), but emotionally, it's driving me nuts. January 7th, I weighed in at 405.2, today, 401.8. I keep losing and gaining the same !@#$-ing 5 lbs. I emailed Dr. Marchesini about all this and he said to cut out fatty foods, have my pre-albumin and creatinine checked at my next labs and that's what I will do. I'm just bummed out. I hate not knowing what's wrong and not knowing how to fix it. I tried increasing fat, decreasing fat, increasing my water, decreasing my water, exercising more, exercising less, eating more calories, eating the same thing consistently, I even went off a plan a few days thinking that maybe a radical change would cause some kind of shock to my system. Nothing worked. What I'm getting at without really getting at is that I am thisclose to really feeling like this is as good as it gets. What if my DS is broken? What if I broke my DS? I feel like such a baby typing all of this, but damnit, I can't help it. What if I stretched my stomach or something crazy like that. Then I have these thoughts about my common channel. What if it is working too effectively and I'm in starvation mode and I don't even know it. What if I have to eat crazy calories and I don't know it? You see how easily this can get ridiculous. Every now and then I catch myself saying "please God don't let this be as good as it gets". Pretty melodramatic, right?

Anyway, all I can do is work my plan and consult with the doc on the 26th, but if anybody has any ideas, I'm listenin'.

More of the same

I had a second interview with one of the companies yesterday, the one closest to my house, and I am expecting an offer any day now. I'm excited. On a completely unrelated note, I've been eating my butt off the last two days. I'm a little surprised because I did not expect eating more would make me hungry. I've been over 2300 for a couple of days now and am hoping by Friday I will have made some progress.

I went on my walk this morning and did the two miles in 43 minutes. I'm very happy about that. My hip doesn't hurt much at all anymore. Woo-hoo! I'm not sure what I will do once I start working a real job. I may have to start walking when I get home or find time during my lunch hour to do it. I'm not sure.

Bad news. I am totally losing my hair. It's weird because it's most noticeable at the front. Ugh. It's not too, too bad. I had been taking Biotin religiously and I guess I'll still keep taking it and I'm for sure gonna find something else to go along with it. I don't hardly wanna be bald!

Anyway, the scale still isn't moving. I'll give it til Friday.

10 Commandments

Even though I don't eat grits anymore, I thought this was funny:

The Ten Commandments of Grits.
1. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
2. Thou shalt not eat Yankee Grits made by Quakers.
3. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits for this is blasphemy.
4. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits.
5. Thou shalt only use Salt, Butter and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits.
6. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
7. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
8. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
9. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
10. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits neither.

Anyway, it looks I might be offered at least two positions. One is a fulltime one, the other is contract. The fulltime position is one at a cool little company 15 mins from my house. The work sounds exciting and the people seem cool. The pay isn't great, but it's not bad. The contract position is for a local bohemoth working on a well known project. The pay is kick ass and the actual work might not be the greatest, but it would look great on a resume. The commute sucks. It is all the way downtown meaning I could easily spend 2 hours a day commuting -- on a good day. The only other problem is that I'm not looking for a fulltime position. I would feel kinda guilty taking the fulltime gig knowing I'd be out of there in 6-12 months. I like the work involved with the fulltime job more, no doubt, but the money I could make with the contract job -- even after I put away money for taxes -- is hard to turn down. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I had a little breakdown in my eating Friday & Saturday. I got really frustrated with my non-weight loss so I ate all kinds of crap thinking that maybe this will help somehow. I didn't. So I've been trolling the boards all day trying to find some anecdotal information about what I should do calorie wise. I also emailed Dr. M. to see what he had to say. This week I am going to try to be really consistent and get over 2200 calories per day. Most of what I have read in the archives of the Yahoo DS group is that I should be getting at least this amount. I've been having some trouble wrapping my head around how exactly I am going to do this, but I think I've figured it out. I tried it for a couple of days last week by increasing my fat, but that just gave me all kinds of problems. I think I have a better idea of how to do it now. Geez. I just want to get this figured out because it's turning out to be a huge ordeal and I need to focus on other things in my life.

Sigh.